Addison's Anatomy
by TheQueenofPassiveAggressiva
Summary: So, I had this thought... What if it was Addison who left New York and just happened to be the other girl in the bar? What would Seattle be like if they meet Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd first? I DO NOT OWN GREYS NOR DO I OWN ADDISON. It's loosely based off the show but I'm open to any suggestions for things you'd like to see. And please, please, please review if you'd like to see more.
1. Chapter One

**In Which we Meet Addison… a Nice Girl From Somewhere Else**

I open my eyes and I'm on the floor in an unfamiliar place. Looking at the slob on the pillow, it's then that my night comes back to me. I realize that I'm in the living room of the woman I met at the bar last night. I hear her walking past me so I reach out in front of me for what I initially thought was my bra but I was mistaken.

"This is, uh…" I say holding out her bra to her.

"Embarrassing on so many levels," she says as she starts to walk away so I spring up not really wanting this moment to end. I don't even know her name. I don't know if it was the alcohol, but I do know that last night, not just the sex, but just talking to her and being around her, was the greatest I've ever felt in awhile.

"Wait, don't go… How about a round three?"

"No, seriously, you have to go. I'm late, which is not something you want to be on your first day."

I look around the room and I see a bunch of unpacked boxes stacked up along the walls. I know she says she's late but I don't really want to go just yet so I can hold a conversation.

"Did you just move in or something?" I say as I look around the room for my panties. I brush my blonde hair behind my ear as I pick them up off the ground.

"No, yes… kind of," she says as she anxiously looks around the room. She tucks some of her hair behind her ear. 'I do that too', I smile as I think to myself.

"Oh? It's nice… a little dusty but nice… so, how did you kind of just move in?" I say stepping into my undies. I grab my bra and stick it into my oversized purse.

"I moved here from Boston two weeks ago. It was my mother's house… I'm selling it."

"Oh, I'm sorry." I slide into my dress and look around for my shoes.

"Sorry? Oh, no, she's not dead. She's… you know what? We don't have to do this," she does this weird hand gesture and it makes me laugh.

"Oh, we can do anything you want." I say with a smirk on my face as I step into my shoes.

"No, you know this, this whole pretend we care, exchange details thing."

I smile amused at her being so upfront. I really like this girl. I hope I get to see her again. I wish I knew her name but I feel like I should know so I can't ask.

"Look," she says grabbing my attention again, "I'm going to go get in the shower and when I get back, you'll be gone. So, um, it was nice to meet you, um…"

"Addison," I say reaching out my hand after realizing she didn't remember my name either. That makes me feel a lot better about not knowing hers.

"Right, Meredith," she says taking my hand in hers.

"Meredith?" I kiss her hand and step closer to her. She smiles hard as she blushes a little. It makes my stomach flutter. Butterflies? What? Am I sixteen?

"Yeah, mhmm," she tries to hide her face, I guess noticing herself blush.

"It was nice meeting you."

"Goodbye, Addison." She runs up the stairs and that's my queue to leave.

When I get home, I look in my bathroom mirror and I realize that the blonde hair really isn't me. I don't even know why I let myself dye my hair anyway. I just wanted a whole new experience in Seattle. I didn't want to be the same person from the New York. I didn't want to be the person who was neglected by her husband who was in love with his job more than he was with her. I'm sure he hasn't even noticed I left him. I bet he hasn't even noticed the divorce papers that I left on his desk in his office at home… The one place he spends time when does come home that is…

I left New York three days ago with change in mind so I bleached my hair. It's my first day at Seattle Grace Hospital and I want them to know the real me… which is not blonde hair. I'm a gorgeous, feisty, red-haired Forbes Montgomery and that I'll be. Goodbye, blonde Addison.

After I dye my hair, I wash it and shower. Usually I take baths but I have a lot to do before I go to work today. I blow dry my hair and curl it. I've decided that today I'll wear my black Gucci dress before I'll have to change into my pink scrubs. Besides, I have to leave a lasting impression on my first day. I hope this is nothing like Mt. Sanai. I mean, that's why I moved across the country. I want things to be different. I've only been in Seattle a couple of days and I have to say, it's off to a great start. I grab my lab coat, briefcase and keys before I head out towards my red Porsche. It's a nice day, which is rare for Seattle, so I let the top down. I put on my sunglasses and off into the streets of the city I go.

I pull up outside the hospital to see that Richard already has a spot for me. I smile to myself as I park and enter the hospital. I stop at the coffee cart for my daily juju; it's for good luck. It's moments later when I run into the Chief outside of his office.

"Richard, hey!" I smile and we hug. Without him, I probably wouldn't be who I am today, 'best in my field.' I was his student.

"It's good seeing you again, Addison. I'm glad you decided to join our team."

"Oh, that's only because you offered me double my pay, making me the highest paid surgeon on the west coast and my own state-of-the-art OB/GYN wing and NICU. I couldn't turn that down" I say with a slightly serious tone.

"Oh, Addie, I'm glad you're back. I've already got you your first patient; a mother with T.T.T.S." he starts as we walk past his office. He gives me a tour of the hospital and introduces me to my first patient.

About an hour into my day, I'm discussing a few patients with colleagues when I see her standing there in shock. 'Meredith,' I think to myself. What she does next startles me… she turns around and takes off back through the doors she came out of. I immediately began running after her.

"Meredith," I call out catching up to her, "can I talk to you for a second?" Before she can protest, I pull her into a stairwell.

"Dr. Montgomery."

"Dr. Montgomery? This morning it was Addison."

"Dr. Montgomery, let's pretend it didn't happen."

"What didn't happen? You sleeping with me last night or you kicking me out this morning?" I tease to ease the tension, "because both are memories I'd like to hold on to."

"No, no memories. We're not just the girls in the bar anymore. This can't happen… You know that right?"

"You took advantage of me, and now you want to forget about it?" I ask jokingly with my hands up in the air.

"I did not take advantage of you," she tries not to smile.

"I was drunk, vulnerable and good looking and you took advantage."

"Okay, I was the one who was drunk and you are not that good looking."

"Oh? Okay, well maybe not today," I continue on with a sly smile, "but last night, I was stunning. I had on my red dress and my hair was still blonde, and you took advantage."

"I did not take advantage but you were a stunning blonde… but you're even more gorgeous as a redhead."

"Ah ha, so I'm going to invite you to take advantage of me again… Say Friday night? Eight o'clock?"

She pauses but then shakes her head 'no', "You're an attending and I'm your intern." She looks at me again, "Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you've seen me naked?" She says with a frustrated sigh.

"I have seen you naked."

"Dr. Montgomery, this is inappropriate," and then she leaves me alone in the stairwell. I sigh as the door closes behind her.

The next time I see Meredith is outside my patient's room.

"I thought you were avoiding me," I say as tap my clipboard with my pen watching her as she figures out how to respond.

"Well I am your intern, Dr. Montgomery and we have a patient."

"Right, yes."

We walk into the patient's room and I introduce her to Dr. Grey. We start the initial check up just to see exactly where we are in this case. I want to make sure Meredith actually know what she's doing and I'm not keeping her from actually learning from being too easy on her because I like her so I'm going to hit her with some tough questions. "Define T.T.T.S."

"Twin-Twin Transfusion Syndrome - conjoined fetal twins."

"Connected by?" I ask continuing my check up.

"Blood vessels in the placenta?"

"Meaning?" I look up at her when I notice she doesn't speak up, "One twin gets too much blood, the other gets too little, endangering the lives of both." I pause what I'm doing when I see she still doesn't register, "I'd expect you to know that, Grey."

As I finish up, the patient says, "You told me that there wasn't much of a chance that anything could be done but-"

"T.T.T.S. is usually impossible to correct," I cut her off before she can get too worried, "unless you happen to be one of the handful of surgeons in the world who know how to separate fetal blood vessels. Which, luckily for you, I am. So we're going to get you into surgery tomorrow. If you have any questions at all, please ask Dr. Grey."

We both walk out of the patient's room and barely get out the door before Meredith speaks up again, "You know, I could've answered your question had you given me the chance."

"Chin up, Grey. I'm this hard on everyone, not just the ones I like." I wink, "Now, order an ultrasound for her and pre-op labs. Come find me when you have the results." I run off towards Richard's office. I need to sign a few more papers then I'll get the keys to my NICU and office.

About two hours after I've explored my NICU and office, I try mingling with my coworkers. We're talking about our interns and the tradition of the intern appy when someone calls my name.

"Dr. Montgomery." I turn around immediately knowing it was Meredith.

"Yes?"

"Labs confirm what looks like abnormalities on the ultrasound. I think you should come see for yourself."

"Okay, let's go." We walk silently to the patient's room and perform another ultrasound as Meredith points out her findings.

"See? Bilateral pleural effusion with evidence of Sub-Q Edema."

"In English, please?" the patient barks.

I can tell she's worried and frustrated so I speak calmly to her, "we've detected what looks like beginning heart failure in the twins. Don't be alarmed."

"Are my babies going to be okay?"

"I'm going to go ahead and take you into surgery now. We're not going to wait." I get up turning to Meredith who is just standing there, "Book an OR. Move!" she runs out the room while I get a team to prep her for surgery.

We're in the OR and I let Meredith scrub in so she's standing off to the side of the room at the monitoring her stats.

"We're going to go in laparoscopically. You're not going to feel a thing... and neither will the twins," I tell my patient. "Okay, let's get going," I address my team, "thin blade." I'm handed the scalpel and the surgery begins.

I could feel Meredith's eyes on me the entire forty minutes we've been in surgery so I turn around to catch her in the act. I smile over to her, "How you doing over there, Grey?"

"Good. I'm good," she says hurrying to look back over at the screen she's monitoring. I let her close when I finished.

About an hour after the surgery, I come off the OR floor to find Meredith sitting on the bench outside of the door. I stop at the Nurses' Station in front of her flipping through charts as I pretend I don't know she's staring at me. As I was about to finally speak up, she decides to first.

"That was amazing," she says as I look over at her and smile. She continues to speak, "You practice on cadavers… you observe… and you think you know what you're gonna feel like, standing over that table, but… that was such a high," she pauses, "I don't know why anybody does drugs."

"Yeah," is all I managed to say looking into her eyes; they're filled with so much passion and hope. It's then when I come to the conclusion that she'll be an excellent surgeon. It's in that moment that I realize I may feel more for Dr. Grey that I initially believed.

"Yeah," she says back with that smile on her face showing just how much of a high it really was.

"I should, uh, go do this." I lost my words staring at her. I honestly think I just fell in love.

"You should," she nods still with that sparkle in her eye and that curl on her lips.

"I'll see you around," I walk away after grabbing my charts off the counter.

"See you around… see you," I hear her call out. I peak behind myself at her once I turn the corner to find her still watching me. I have butterflies in my stomach. I stop to take a deep breath and attempt to gather myself.

"I think I'm in love with Meredith Grey."


	2. Chapter Two

**In Which Addison Has a Thing For Ferry Boats**

Another rainy day in Seattle… I can't say I wasn't warned. Richard told me to bring an umbrella before I left from New York. Luckily, I have two; one big one that I use when I'm actually out on the town and one smaller one that I use just for running to and from my car. It never rained like this in Manhattan. I mean, it rained but not for a whole week straight. The weather is one thing that I miss about New York. Well, and Mark, Derek's best friend, but that's a whole other story. Other than that, that just might be it… I don't miss the sleepless nights waiting up on my husband to come home from work. I don't miss crying myself to sleep night after night after sleeping alone. I don't miss only seeing him while we were both at work, which was rare, seeing that he was always too busy to even say hi to me when we'd pass each other in the hallway. I won't ever miss that. I'm so grateful for this fresh start here in Seattle, even if it is too freaking rainy.

Things were starting to sink back in Manhattan. Derek and I we're together eleven years. We were happy and in love then we started working... We grew farther and farther apart as we furthered our careers but it still doesn't explain neglect and the sleepless nights I spent up waiting for him… It still doesn't explain why he always sent his best friend other to our house to make up excuses for him... Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries... Things that husband and wife are supposed to spend together, I spent with his best friend. Can you believe that it's been a month since I've been here and Derek still has yet to call? Is it depressing that I had a feeling that he wouldn't notice if I was gone? He hasn't noticed that I stopped showing up for work at the hospital or a freaking practice that we share…a SHARED practice! We started it together. We run the place together and he hasn't notice that I left.

"Fucking jerk," I say under my breath frustrated with my predicament. It's time to get ready for my day anyway. I shower and dry off deciding that today I'm going to wear my hair straight. Looking at myself in the mirror right now, I can't believe that I ever went blonde... I'm a natural redhead. Blonde Addison seems so foreign to me.

I get dressed in one of my favorite pencil skirts and a white blouse before stepping into my favorite pair of Jimmy Choo's. I grab my coat and after looking at the time, I conclude I have time to stop for some breakfast at that bakery I just discovered the other day.

By the time I grab breakfast and make it to the hospital, it's nearly seven a.m. and the sun is starting to rise on the city. I rush inside and to my office so I can eat before rounds. I have four surgeries scheduled for today and that's not including what may come in through the emergency room. I have a busy schedule so before I get started, I go by the coffee cart for some juju; my own specially made batch of coffee. I take a few sips and I start to feel the heat rush through my body. It's time to start my day.

I come out of my second surgery of the day and it's two o'clock. It's as good of a time as any to eat lunch. My next surgery isn't until 3:30 and the last one is at 8 so I may have time to actually sit and enjoy my meal. I opted to eat in the Attendings' Lounge but in the end, I ended up back in my office. I haven't really made many friends here yet but I've grown more acquainted with Dr. Burke and Dr. Bailey but that doesn't mean I'm ready for lunch dates yet.

I finish up my lunch and I see that it's a couple of minutes to 3. I wonder if the prep team has already started prepping my patient for surgery so I decide to stop by her room to see if she has any questions before we start.

I press the elevator and of course, it doesn't come. What if this were an emergency? Can't really take a gurney up the stairs...

I'm texting on my phone until I hear familiar footsteps approaching. I look up to see that it's Meredith. It's my first time seeing her today. She stands in front of me silently as we both wait for the elevator to arrive. I decide to break the ice, "Seattle has ferryboats."

"Yes," she responds.

"I didn't know that," I continue to text, "I've been living here for like three weeks and I did not know they had ferryboats."

"Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides," she responds still not turning around to face me as the elevator dings notifying us of its arrival.

"Hence the ferryboats," I say putting my phone in my coat pocket, "Now I'm going to have to like it here. I wasn't planning on liking it here."

The elevator opens and everyone makes their way out. As Meredith and I walk into the elevator I speak up again, "I'm from New York. I'm genetically engineered to dislike everywhere except Manhattan."

Now, on the elevator, she's standing behind me. Since she hasn't spoken up yet, I continue to speak, "I have a thing for ferryboats."

The elevator closes and we go up a floor before Meredith finally speaks up, "I'm not going to go out with you."

"Did I ask you to go out with me?" I glance at her. She doesn't speak so I turn back around, "Do you want to go out with me?"

"I'm not dating you," she shakes her head, "and I'm definitely not sleeping with you again. You're my boss."

"I'm your boss's boss," I point out.

"You're my teacher… and my teacher's teacher… and you're my teacher."

"I'm your brother, I'm your son," I tease.

"You're sexually harassing me," she tosses back.

"I'm riding an elevator," I counter.

"Look," she says, "I'm drawing a line. The line is drawn. There's a big… line," she says flustered.

"So, this line," I turn around to face her, "is it imaginary or do I need to get you your own marker?"

She then smashes me up against the elevator wall and starts kissing me. I want to rip her clothes off right here but I restrain myself. The elevator dings and comes to a stop. Meredith then gathers her things and rushes off the elevator when it opens.

"We'll talk later?" I call out after her. I'm left looking flustered as people pile into the elevator. I just go on about my day with that elevator scene never leaving my mind.

Two surgeries later, it's nearly midnight and I'm sitting in my office eating my dinner that I was supposed to eat between my last two surgeries but my 3:30 went over a couple of hours. I'm scrolling down my Facebook timeline in the meanwhile and I comment now and then on a friend from New York's status. I almost forgot I had friends in New York… I was so consumed with my screwed up marriage that I forgot about my life in New York… minus Derek that is. So, I guess there are other things I'll miss about Manhattan but I plan on making a life here and it's not like I won't ever see my friends again. I can always visit.

I just finished eating my dinner when my pager goes off. It's the ER. I rush out of my office and down to the ER floor. There was a train crash and since we have the best trauma center in the city, mostly everyone got sent over here. I hear they are calling in the entire staff. I'm glad I'm not one of those people who literally just got home and have to come right back.

"Dr. Montgomery," a voice calls out which I soon discover belongs to none other than Dr. Bailey. She's one of my favorite people here, "We have a third trimester burn victim over here."

I rush over to the patient then I look to Dr. Bailey, "I'm going to need an intern."

"Stevens, go," she sends over a tall, blonde, perky woman. This must be the intern that everyone is calling 'Dr. Model.' I can see it. She's cute and pretty hot but I can't think about that right now. I have to see what I'm working with… I need to see if this new batch of interns have any talent. I'm looking for one that I deem worthy enough to pass my skill set down to… Not every doctor can handle Neonatal. It's one of the most difficult specialties.

"Have you had any contractions?" I ask the patient.

"No," she responds. I nod writing it down in her chart.

"Stevens, get us a room."

We're in the room and I'm flipping through the chart but I can feel the intern's eyes on me. I turn around to face her, "Dr. Stevens, did you need something?"

"No," she goes back to treating our patient's burns.

I continue going through the patient's chart when she yelps, "Ow!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Dr. Stevens says, "Am I doing this too-"

"Ow! Ow! Was that a…" the patient turns to me, "Did I have…"

"A contraction. It was definitely a contraction." I turn to my intern, "We need to book an OR." She takes off out of the room then I turn back to our patient, "Look, you are in no shape to push, and the baby is still in some distress. So, we're going to have to proceed with a C-section."

"Okay," she chokes up as if she's about to explode in tears, "okay but can we call a lawyer first?" I look at her confused as she continues on, "I don't have a will… and there's no father. In case something happens to me…"

"There's no cause for panic, Brooke. We have some time, okay?"

"Okay."

I was about to say something else when someone calls her, "Brooke?"

Another pregnant patient in a neck brace, "Jana? Thank God."

They hug and then another intern walks in after her. I've heard about this one. He's so horrible that they had to give him to another resident, "Dr. Karev?"

"Yeah, I couldn't stop her. She wanted to see her-"

"She was on the train?" I cut him off as my intern walks back up to the door.

"Yes, but-"

"Have you done an ultrasound? Cleared her c-spine?" he's standing here looking stupid and it starts to infuriate me. "Is there any reason you can think of that this patient should be wandering around the hospital unattended?"

"She's not unattended… I came up with her," he smirks.

"You can leave now," I dismiss him, "Dr. Karev." He turns around and kind of makes a face towards my intern. He's incompetent even for an intern… "Dr. Stevens, how about we get our new patient into a bed? Shall we?"

We managed to get Jana to sit down in a wheelchair because she refused to be anywhere but at Brooke's side. Apparently, they are each other's midwives... I'm teaching my intern, who I now know name is Izzie, how to perform an epidural. She has a gentle yet firm touch and grip that is essential for Neonatal. She could just be the intern that I'm looking. So far, she hasn't done anything to give me any doubt. "Right there… in between the vertebral spaces. Don't be shy about pressure."

"That's good. You're doing so good," Jana coaches her friend.

"Somebody call for a notary?" an older woman walks in.

"I asked for a lawyer," Brooke responded.

"I couldn't get one at this time of night, but the hospital has pretty standard forms. It just says that in the case of death or permanent vegetative state, that your child will remain in the custody of, and then we'll put her name in."

"Wait, what?" Jana says to Brooke." What are we? Who's dying here?" she then looks to me.

"There's some danger… with any surgery there's some danger but with the trauma of Brooke's burns, there's an additional risk of shock. She just wants to be certain."

"That's ridiculous," she says to me then looks at Brooke, "You're being ridiculous. You're going to be fine, do you hear me?

"I hear you," Brooke responds, "but we still have to sign the forms unless you want our son to end up with my mom." After that Jana immediately signs the forms then passes them to Brooke and me.

"How long have you two been together?" Izzie asks.

"Since third grade," Brooke responds.

"We're not lovers. We're best friends." Jana points out, "We just wanted our kids to have two parents… so we got a sperm donor."

"The same donor? So your babies are brother and sister?" I ask smiling. It's kind of twisted but it's sweet. I would've never thought about doing something like that.

"Oh, how cool is that?" the notary says.

"That's… wow," my intern speaks up.

"Wet," Jana says at the same time.

"What?" Izzie questions as Jana look to the ground.

"I'm wet. I think my water just broke."

I call an OB to come perform for Jana's delivery so we can get Brooke to surgery. The OR and its team are ready and finally so are we. The other doctor walks into the room soon after the prep team comes. I greet her and introduce her and her patient. "Jana, this is our OB resident, Dr. Hoffman. She's going to be taking care of you from here."

"You're doing great, Jana, Just keep breathing," Dr. Hoffman takes over as I walk back to Izzie, "I'm going to check your cervix now."

Izzie hands me the chart, "Brooke, we booked an OR but they're not going to hold it for long so we need to go now."

"Right now?" she asks and I nod, "but we're supposed to be together. We took classes."

"I'm sorry but we can't wait," I reply. It could take hours for Jana to give birth and we honestly, do not have that much time.

"That's okay. Brookie," Jana tells her, "You go have your C-section and enjoy those drugs. This is already not fun for my vagina." She says this while shifting in her bed.

"Dr. Stevens," I nod letting her know that we're ready.

"No," Brooke says, "If I have to go, she has to stay. Someone has to stay with Jana, please"

"Brooke, Dr. Stevens is a surgeon but I'm gonna find you some-"

"It's okay," Izzie speaks up, "I'll stay."

"Okay," I say after a pause. I grab the chart as my prep team comes in and starts getting Brooke ready for surgery.

The surgery was pretty quick. It was only a c-section but by the time I close and scrub out, it's nearly six a.m. I make my way up to the maternity floor to check on Jana since Brooke is still in recovery and I stop by the coffee cart. When I get up to the room, I find my intern still there updating Jana's cart and I smile handing her the coffee as she hands me the chart, "Good morning."

"How's Brooke?" she looks at the coffee quizzically. I guess usually it's the intern bringing the attending coffee but I like Dr. Stevens. She's not like the other interns here. I could definitely work with her.

"She's good."

"And the baby?"

"He came through too." I say flipping through the chart and walking out of the room as my intern follows. "You know, Dr. Stevens, you show a real gift with my specialty. It's rare that I find a doctor worthy enough to teach my craft so don't take this lightly. I've got a lot to teach, if you want to learn. But do know that it'll be tough. Neonatal is one of the hardest specialties to master and I'm not an easy teacher. So…"

"So?"

"I'll give you some time to think about it," I start to walk away.

"Dr. Montgomery," she calls out and I turn back around to her, "I don't need time. I'd be honored to learn from you."

Later that morning as I'm heading home, I run into none other than Meredith as we both wait for the elevator in silence again. My mind can't help but wonder off to yesterday morning's elevator escapade and I smile, "So, it's intense."

"What?" she questions.

"This thing I have for ferryboats, I mean."

She looks at me, laughs and rolls her eyes, "I'm so taking the stairs this time."

"No self-control," I call out after her as she walks away, "It's sad. Really." I laugh to myself as the elevator dings and opens up. Besides the rain, I think I'm really going to like it here. To Hell with Manhattan.


	3. Chapter Three

**In Which Addison Enjoys the Chase**

I am a double board certified OB/GYN and neonatal surgeon with a subspecialty in maternal-fetal medicine and I have completed a fellowship in medical genetics, specializing in cystic fibrosis. I am one of only eight people in the world who can perform OB/GYN, perinatology, and neonatal surgery on a world-class level. I am in charge of a world-class NICU and state-of-the-art OB/GYN wing and I am one of the highest paid surgeons in Northwestern United States. People consider me as "the Meryl Streep of Maternal-Fetal Medicine." So please, tell me why my soon-to-be ex-husband, who says he fell in love with me because of my brain, has yet to even call me. It's been nearly a month.

As I stand here looking at myself in the mirror, I realize my marriage really is over. Now I just can't wait for him to sign the papers and I can officially move on with my life. Even if he did want me back, I've fallen in love with someone else; someone I think actually wants me back. Although she's making it incredibly hard for me to get to her… but it's okay because I like the chase. I knew the moment I laid eyes on her, although I was too intoxicated to actually remember that night, she was it for me. It's something about Meredith Grey.

I pull up at the hospital and I have 45 minutes to spare. I decide to walk down the street to that coffee stand on the corner and see if I can get the barista to make my juju. The sun's out but I can't say it's hot out however it's pretty warm for Seattle. I still have to wear my trench coat due to the morning breeze but I have to admit it is a beautiful day. As I'm walking back towards the hospital and I spot Dr. Bailey standing on a street corner looking confused. I join her. "Mornin', Dr. Bailey."

"Shut up," she says holding up her hand as she continues thinking.

"You realize that I'm an attending and you're only a resident? That you work for me, right?"

"Ssh, I know, I've forgotten something," she shushes me again and I'm baffled, "Something is happening today. I know I should know what it is, but I can't…"

"Alright, nice talking with you Dr. Bailey."

"It's right in front of my face," she says not even hearing what I said.

I begin to walk forward to cross the road, when I hear Dr. Bailey gasp and grab me as several bike riders race past and two crash. "Whoa."

"Watch out. Watch out," she says as more bikers fly by and another crashes near us.

"Dead Baby Downhill Bike Race, how could I forget that?" She questions herself as the race seems to fly past us and we finally cross the street. I hope whatever this Dead Baby Bike Rice is, doesn't include actual dead babies… That sounds pretty horrid.

As Miranda and I walk into the hospital, we overhear the interns talking about what I can only assume is the race. "Fools on bikes killing themselves. Natural selection is what it is. Now get to work."

I hear Alex ask another intern if Dr. Bailey, whom they refer to as the Nazi, is off her medication. He must know just about as much as I know about this race. I'm new to Seattle so I have no clue what's going on. I stop at the Nurses' Station to pretend I'm going through charts as I listen in.

"You don't know about the race?" an intern starts. This one must be George… the one they're calling 007. I've only seen him in passing.

"The Dead Baby Bar," Meredith explains to a confused Alex, that intern who irks my nerve… So incompetent.

"Every year, they hold this underground bike race," says George again.

"Don't you wonder why someone would name a bar something so disgusting?" Izzie says and I honestly have to agree with that one.

"Keep your panties on, Nancy Drew," another intern speaks up. I'm assuming this is Cristina. I see her and Meredith together all the time. They must be good friends.

"The race is completely illegal and—" George chimes in before he's cut off.

"Crazy," Meredith exaggerates by using her hands, "a bunch of bike messengers racing against traffic trying to beat each other for free shots of tequila."

"All-out, no holds barred competition. Sounds like fun," says the incompetent Alex.

"Yeah, _you_ would think that," says Izzie. I really did pick the right intern for this job.

"The race, the race doesn't even have any rules. Except eye gouging. No eye gouging." George says as Izzie laughs.

"We're gonna be trapped in the pit band-aiding idiots when we could be up in the O.R." Cristina speaks up. She's so blood thirsty. I like her.

"What kind of people engage in a race that has, as its only rule, is that you can't rip out the eyeballs of another human being?" George asks.

"Men, Georgie, Men," Alex smirks in his response.

I don't know why that intern irritates me so much but I think I have enough information to know this has nothing to do with Neonatal so I don't have to worry. I start towards my office when I run into Dr. Burke and the Chief standing in front of the O.R Schedule board. The Chief starts up excitedly, "Excellent board – well timed, balanced, efficient... If all goes well, we'll have an early night."

"'Dead Baby' Bike Race Day started 20 minutes ago," Dr. Bailey says as she walks by. This seems to send Dr. Burke and Dr. Webber off.

"All right, people! 'Dead Baby' Bike Race Day!" Weber says as he gets paged to the OR. Dr. Bailey and Dr. Burke go rushing towards the ER to prepare. I follow along because this is completely new to me and I just want to see how this is going to play out. Miranda tells the interns that she needs someone to get up to the OR floor, the Chief needs a right hand. Everyone's hands shoot up and Dr. Bailey picks George.

"Okay people," Dr. Bailey speaks out to the rest of the interns, "the rules of trauma. Don't mingle with the E.R interns, they don't know their ass from their esophagus. Sew fast, discharge fast, take bodies up to the O.R. yesterday. And don't let me catch you fighting over patients. Got it? Come on, let's go."

Everyone disperses and I head up to my office to prepare for my day. I look at my schedule and I see that I have six babies that are due today. I have two C-sections and four natural births whose mommies are in labor right now. I wonder if my intern has delivered a baby before. I'm sure they must have in medical school but just in case, I go ahead now and ask Dr. Bailey to send Izzie up when she is free. I'm not sure how long that'll be seeing that the ER is packed with bikers. That race really is ridiculous… They're out there killing each other for free shots of Tequila.

I'm sitting in my office a few hours later after birthing two babies whose mothers just happened to become fully dilated literally minutes after the other was born. As soon as I delivered little Ashley, I actually had to run down the hall to birth baby Nicholas. But with two down and four to go, I decide to use my spare time to go down to the ER and much to my surprise, when I get there I see a patient take Meredith by the face and kiss her as he walks out of the hospital. I walk up to her when I see that he's gone. Meredith sees me and playfully rolls her eyes, "What do you want?"

"You make out with patients now?" I ask putting my hands on my hips.

She smirks, "What, are you jealous?"

"I don't get jealous." I lie through my teeth. It's why I left my husband anyway. I was jealous of all the time and commitment he put into his job and not me.

"We had sex – once," she clarifies as to say that I have no reason to be jealous.

"And we kissed in an elevator." I point out to her.

"And we kissed in an elevator – once," she clarifies again. She's the one who kissed me… I mean I did kiss her back but still, she started it.

"No seriously. C'mon, go out with me." I practically beg. I don't know what it is about this girl but I want to spend all of my time with her. I'd never put anything before her; not even surgery.

"No," she says smiling a little.

"You know, I almost died today. Yeah, I came like this close." I show her with my fingers, "How would you feel if I died and you didn't get a chance to go out with me?" I try.

"Get over yourself already," she rolls her eyes and begins to walk away.

"C'mon!" I follow as she turns around to face me.

"It's the chase, isn't it?"

"What?" her question threw me off guard.

"The thrill of the chase," she pauses then continues, "I've been wondering to myself, why are you so hell-bent on getting me to go out with you? You know you're my boss. You know it's against the rules. You know I keep saying no. It's the chase."

"Well it is fun, isn't it?" I respond quickly.

"You see! This is a game to you, but not to me. Because, unlike you, I still have something to prove." She takes off down the hallway and I continue on about my day. It's filled with vaginas, pregnant people and babies… Luckily for me, no dead babies riding a bike.

I'm coaching Izzie through a delivery which she does extremely well on. I found out that she learned how to do one in medical school but never actually performed one so this is her first. She did so well that I invited her to one of my C-sections later that I'd like to see her perform if not today, then tomorrow. Yes, I say this so casually because literally thousands of babies are born every day. We're bound to get another C-section tomorrow.

Later at lunch in the cafeteria, Meredith comes to me about a patient of hers. It's a harvest that she asked Dr. Burke to do but he won't do it. I find it quite amusing that she's even coming to me after running into her earlier today. "You're asking my advice?"

"Yes."

"Now, who's chasing?" I smirk.

"Not funny. This is important," she says holding the chart close to her.

"Okay," I think to myself before I speak. "You want to get around Burke? You gotta find a way to get the Chief involved."

I see Meredith thinking and I know she's up to something… so now, I guess I have some part in this too since I gave her the idea. She runs off towards what I assume is the Chief's office as she thanks me.

I come out of the OR exhausted. Dr. Stevens did an excellent job with the C-section. She's one of the most promising interns this year. I see a lot of myself in her and I'm glad I'm the one who gets to teach her. I had an excellent teacher, Dr. Vivian Carlsmith, a world-renowned OB/GYN and pioneer in maternal-fetal medicine. Vivian told me I was her smartest student and eventually I surpassed her skill which proves to you how great of a mentor she was. I want to be like that so I'm breeding my mentee from the start; intern year.

Since I've already showed her every aspect of the OB/GYN wing, I plan on introducing her to my favorite place in the hospital, the NICU. She's my favorite intern, besides Meredith whom I can't stop thinking about. I wonder how things turned out with her harvest patient so I go looking for her without even stopping by my office. I find her in the intern locker room and overhear her yelling at someone. When I hear someone get slammed up against the lockers is when I decide it's best to intervene. Meredith's yelling at the incompetent intern, Alex, and she has him pinned up against the lockers. I should've known it would be him to start trouble however this is interesting so I decide to watch.

"You have got to be kidding me! Okay. I have more important things to deal with than you. I have roommates, and girl problems, and family problems." Alex yawns acting like he is bored by her and it just makes her angrier. "You want to act like a little frat boy bitch? That's fine. You want to take credit for your saves, and everybody else's? That's fine, too. Just stay out of my face." Meredith then grabs Alex's chin so he looks at her directly, "And for the record, you smell like crap!" She turns to go back to her locker and now they both see me looking at them. I walk in a little and look over to Alex. I look at him as if to ask him what happened knowing Meredith may be too upset to speak.

"She attacked me," he says harshly and I see it infuriates Meredith more because now she rushes over to really attack him.

"Meredith, Meredith, Meredith!" I intervene by grabbing her arms before she reaches Alex and she lets me push her back. I turn back to Alex, "You know you might want to leave. Before I change my mind and let her beat you to a pulp with her tiny ineffectual fists."

Finally it's the end of the day and I swear, I don't want to see anymore pregnant people for at least another year. I go by my office to pack up and go home. I wonder if Meredith has left yet. I decide to stop by their locker room and she if she's inside. When I walk in, I see Meredith packing up her things so I walk in shutting the door behind me. I notice she's the only person in here so I start, "It's not the chase."

"What?" she says to me confused.

"You and me." I say looking into her beautiful green, grey-ish blue eyes. "It is not the thrill of the chase. It's not a game." I run my fingers across her knuckles, "It's...it's your tiny ineffectual fists." I run my hands through her hair, "And your hair."

"My hair?" she questions me as she steps a little closer.

"It smells good. And you're very, very bossy," I smile, "It keeps me in line."

She then leans forward and gently takes my cheeks in her hand as she kisses me softly on the lips. It's long and sweet then she looks back up at me. "I'm still not going out with you."

"You say that now," I laugh to myself as she grabs her things and walks out the locker room. I follow behind her and I was going to walk her to her car when Dr. Stevens walks past me, "Wait, Dr. Stevens. Walk with me."

She complies and walks with me to the elevator. She's telling me about her day but I'm not really listening. I'm focusing on what comes next. We go up the elevator and go one up from the OB floor.

"We're not going to OB wing?" she questions me.

"Just wait, Stevens," I say as the elevator opens up. We step out and walk down to the end of the hallway. I open the door to the NICU and I hear Izzie gasps, "This is my favorite place in the hospital and I wanted you to be properly introduced. You deserve it."

I watch her as she walks around taking in everything with awe. "It's my world-class NICU. This and the state-of-the-art OB/GYN wing could all be yours one day if you work hard enough."

"This is amazing," that's all that she could say. I smile to myself pleased that I've chosen the right person. "Could I stay in here for a little bit? Get used to the place?"

"I'll leave you to it," I start to walk out of the room while Izzie stays and familiarizes herself with the place, "Good night, Dr. Stevens."


	4. Chapter Four

**In Which Addison's Day Doesn't Stop**

"Hello," I say groggily as I wipe my eyes sitting up from my desk.

"When I meant leave Derek, I didn't mean leave the state! Red, where are you? I've been worried sick. Why haven't you been answering my calls?"

Trust me Mark, if I knew it were you before I answered I wouldn't have picked up the phone… I rub my eyes and look at the time, "Mark… It's 3 a.m. Can we do this another time?"

"No, Addison. You just up and left New York. I had to find out through Savvy about a week after you left. You quit your job at the hospital, you left the practice-"

"Does Derek know?" I cut him off.

"No, when I asked that jerk where you were that first week, he acted like you were at home. I went by your house for 10 days in a-fucking-row Addison! Where are you?"

"I'm fine, Mark."

"I know that, Red but where are you?"

"How do I know that when I tell you you won't go and tell Derek?"

"Because Derek is a douchebag for the way he's been treating you and as his and your best friend, I'm not allowing him to get anywhere near you to mistreat you any longer. I just need to know you're safe, Red."

"I'm safe, Mark. I'm in a good place and I like it here… surprisingly."

"Well, I don't like it. I want you to come home."

"I can't… Derek-"

"This isn't about Derek, Red. You know that. I miss you not him. This has nothing to do with him."

"Mark…"

"Come home, Red."

"I don't know… I'll think about it about, okay? I have a surgery in like an hour. I have to go."

"At least I know you're still practicing."

"Thanks for calling, Mark."

"No need to thank me. I was just worried about you. I miss you, Red. I just needed to hear your voice; just to make sure you were okay and more importantly, to bring you home to me."

"Oh, Mark…" I say sighing and twirling my ink pen on my desk.

"I'm serious, Addison."

"I know… but I have to go, okay?"

"Okay. Next time, just answer my calls… The first time."

"I promise."

"Okay."

"And Mark?"

"Yeah, Red?"

"I miss you too."

"Oh, you didn't have to tell me that. I already knew." I can hear him smirking through the phone.

"Goodbye, Mark," I faintly smile to myself.

"Addison."

I hang up the phone and I just flop back down on my desk. I honestly have no clue what I'm going to do now. I was so set in getting as far away from Derek as possible. Now Mark is calling me basically pleading for me to come back. I need a voice of reason; a friend to talk to. I just don't have anyone that close here in Seattle… "Richard," his name pops into my head and I head over to his office but I stop at the coffee cart first. I'm actually surprised to find the chief in his office seeing that it's nearly 3:30 in the morning. I let myself in. "Hey, Richard. Juju?" I offer up the extra cup and he gladly takes it.

"Thank you Addison. What are you doing here so late?"

"I could be asking you the same question," I smirk.

"You'll understand one day when you're Chief," he sips his coffee, "So what's up?"

"Look," I pause, "I want to sign my contract. I really do and I want to stay but I want to be able to do that without any doubts. I didn't think I had any when I first arrived but… I have ties in New York but I love it here in Seattle."

"You're having doubts?" he asks before he starts again. "Stay for me, Addison," he says with a more serious tone, "Stay for yourself."

"Richard, I-"

"Look," he cuts me off, "in Seattle, you could be front page news. With your reputation and the money I'll put into promoting you, Seattle Grace will become one of the foremost neonatal hospitals west of Manhattan."

I laugh but I stop suddenly realizing how serious he's being. After a pause I speak up, "You're serious?"

"I'm ready to put my money where my mouth is."

After my conversation with Richard, I grew more confident with my reasons on staying so I decided to not stress over it too much and get ready for my day. I take a quick shower and change into fresh undies then I got dressed in my scrubs. I don't even put on my lab coat because I know I'm just going to have to take it right back off.

I'm walking past the locker room on the surgical floor when I see Dr. Yang walk out and a screaming Meredith following not too closely behind.

"I am not screw-," I hear her say but then she stops short and turns to look at me, "You're here early."

We start walking down the hallway, "To be honest, I fell asleep here but turns out I have a C-section at five o'clock. I'll be out by 6. I thought maybe I could treat you to breakfast before your rounds."

"I've already eaten."

"Oh, what'd you have?"

"None of your business," she smirks.

"Are you a cereal person?" I grin, "Straight out of the box, I bet. That's why you won't tell me... or are you all fruit and fibery?" She laughs but she doesn't answer, "Pancakes? Waffles?"

"Fine, leftover grilled cheese. Curiosity satisfied?"

"Mere, that's pathetic. You can't start your day without a good breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day. Let me me take you out."

"Look, I'm not being seen with you in this hospital. Learn it, live it. It's unprofessional."

"We don't have to eat in the hospital," I say coming to a stop in front of the Nurse's station. "What are your plans for lunch?"

"You're going to be late to your C-section," she points at my watch.

I check it and see that it's nearly 4:45, "Ah, you're right. We'll talk later."

I'm eating breakfast alone in my office when I hear a knock on my door. "Come in," I say wiping my face. When I see it's Meredith, my face lights up and I smile, "Ah, so you are joining me for breakfast? I thought you didn't want to be seen with me in the hospital."

"You're right. I'm not here for breakfast. I'm here about a patient. He's pregnant."

"He?"

I follow Meredith downstairs to the patient's room. It turns out that Cristina and Izzie stole this patient from the psych floor. They were about to take him back when he took a pregnancy test and it was positive. That's when they came to get me. This has got to be a joke. There's no way a man can be pregnant.

When we arrive at the room, there's Dr, Bailey and three of her interns, a pregnant woman, I'm assuming is the wife, a nurse and two guys taking pictures. I start with the basics; introducing myself and I pull out my stethoscope to listen for a fetal heartbeat. I hear Dr. Bailey whisper to her interns, "Do not for a second think that I condone stealing patients but with that said, way to go."

"The first pregnancy test I took was a joke to make Tina laugh," the patient says as someone's pager goes off. All the doctors in the room check to see if is theirs but no one answers it.

"Well, we didn't think it would lead to you know, this."

"Mr. Herman, I can assure you, you are in no way pregnant." I say as I finish my assessment. I turn to leave and I make eye contact with Meredith.

"Phew," he responds, "That's a relief- to hear it, you know, officially, but, hey, why was that stick blue?"

"Well, that's what we're going to find out," Dr. Bailey states as I head out the room. Meredith walks out behind me.

"So what's going to happen to him?"

"I don't know. He's not my patient."

"Why not?" she says following me down the hallway.

"Well, he's not pregnant."

"Well what is he?" she asks genuinely concerned and eager to learn more.

"It could be a number of things," I say to her while looking into her eyes; eyes of wonder and curiosity, "most likely a tumor." I look at my watch, "It's too late for breakfast but maybe I can take you to lunch?" Before she can even answer, my pager goes off, "Ah, next time, Meredith."

It feels like a billion surgeries later because I've been in back-to-back-to-back surgeries since lunch. I come out of the OR exhausted and after scrubbing out I just flop down on the bench outside the OR wing. I feel as though I fell asleep because next thing I know, I look up to see Meredith standing over me talking. She smiled then reaches for my hand to help me stand up. "I was just about to check on my pregnant man. Wanna come with?"

We walk while casually talking as we head to her patient's room. Before we can even get there, we can see a crowd of people and a line outside his door. I look at Meredith questioningly and ask, "What's going on?"

Meredith starts pushing past people yelling, "What's going on in here? Everybody out! Out! Mr. Herman is a patient." She says this while shutting someone up as people start to leave, "A surgical patient, who is sick and embarrassed and tired of being stared at. You two," she says looking towards Dr. Yang and Dr. Stevens, "This isn't a zoo! Out! Out! Out! You all should be ashamed of yourselves. Especially you two."

She comes out behind everyone and shuts the door as everyone scrambles down the halls, "You are really something, Dr. Grey."

"You should get some sleep, Dr. Montgomery. That way next time you won't fall asleep in the OR."

The next morning I walk into the hospital with a smile thanks to a good night's rest and a fresh shower. I get two cups of Juju this morning and I make my way up to the locker room hoping to find Meredith. I hop on the elevator and about a thousand people get on after me. A couple is taking and one of them asks where billing is. "The basement", another person and I answered. I look up to see that that other person is Meredith at the front of the elevator. Humph, elevators seem to be our thing. Now I can't keep the thought of Meredith kissing me that time a few weeks ago out of my mind. The taste of her lips; I want that taste again. When the elevators comes to a stop on our floor, we both step off and I finally catch up to her to give her a cup of Juju.

"Grilled cheese again?"

"Cold pizza," she responds as we walk to the locker room.

"Oh come on, Mere, you have to let me take you to breakfast."

"Maybe," she says going into the locker room.

I smile to myself as I make my way up to my office. When I arrive, I find Dr. Stevens standing outside my door. "Good morning, Dr. Stevens. Juju?" I offer her the other cup in my hand, "Shouldn't you be at pre-rounds?"

"I already did them. I came in early; figured you'd want a head start to your busy day," she says following me into my office.

"Busy day?"

"Oh, um, you had a patient come in this morning... pregnant... with quints."

I'm sitting in Richard's office going through my contract and I think I'm finally ready to sign. I know I told Mark that I would think about it but honestly, there's no going back for me. New York has too many awful memories attached to it and it's time for me to move on. I want to start a life here. I'm making new friends and new memories. It was time for a change. I sign my contract and now it's official.

"Nice to have you on board," the notary says to me.

"Thank you, Patricia," I say handing her the signed contract as I get up out of my seat putting back on my lab coat.

"Ahem," she nods and exits the office.

"Your own service, state-of-the-art NICU and a salary that'll make you one of the highest paid surgeons in the northwest," Richard says to me as I walk up to his desk, "You better be worth it."

"Quintuplets, Richard," I smirk standing in front of his desk.

"That's a go?" he questions still sitting.

"The mother-to-be checked in this morning."

"Nothing, I like more than a high profile case."

"Well, don't go calling the press in yet," I smirk then I speak with a more serious tone, "it's an extremely high risk pregnancy. At least three of the babies are surgical; in fact, I'm gonna need to pull people from all departments."

"You're my star. Whatever you need," he says standing up and holding out his hand to me. I take it and shake with a proud smile.

"Dorie," I say entering the patient's room followed by my intern, "this is Dr. Stevens. She'll be working with us on this case."

"Oh, the more the merrier, apparently," Dorie jokes.

"How far along are you?" Izzie asks.

"32 weeks."

"And how long is a normal gestation period?" I ask my intern.

"40 weeks, but with twins, 36 weeks is considered full term. So with quints, 34 weeks is considered extremely successful."

"I plan on going 36 weeks," Dorie says to Izzie then looks at her tummy, "No one's leaving this uterus until I say so."

"The power of positive thinking, huh?" I joke.

"Well, that, bed rest and all the medical care you can give me."

"Uh, Adam's got a fever," the husband, Tom, says walking into the room, "which means soon they'll all have a fever. I don't think my mom's going to make it through lunch."

"We have four year old boys at home," the wife explains, "Adam, Oliver and Graham."

"Triplets?" Izzie says shocked and stutters, "You - you already have triplets?" She pauses and Dorie nods, "Oh, I guess when you take those fertility pills, you should really read the fine print."

"Dr. Stevens," I scold her.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she says genuinely, "I just, I meant it as a -."

"It's okay. I'm used to it. I just really wanted a girl."

"Yeah, we just didn't bank on five girls," the husband adds.

"But think of all the clothes and all that pink cuteness."

"Honey, that's your happy place, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," she says as they kiss.

I finish up my initial check up and I walk over to the chart to update it and I whisper to Izzie, "Try not to say 'everything' that pops into your brain." I hand her back the chart and walk out of the room.

I made copies of the chart to give to all the department heads that I needed to assist me in the OR today. When I walk up the stairs to the surgical floor, I find Dr. Burke, head of Cardio and Dr. Cam, head of Neuro, both at the Nurse's station. I drop the stack of charts on the counter before handing them both one, "Dorie Russell - She's giving birth to quints."

"Yes, Richard said we were on standby which is no problem really, cause it's not like I have a Neurosurgery department to run or anything." Dr. Cam says sarcastically.

"Aww," I pout really not giving a shit. He reminds me of Derek. Maybe that's why he stopped coming home. He's upset that I'm better in my field; even though he works the hardest, I'm naturally smarter. Maybe it hurts his manhood.

"Yes, apparently our departments are at her disposal." Dr. Burke adds in.

"Mmhm," Dr. Cam agrees as I roll my eyes.

"Do you have time to talk to the mom now? I want her to meet all the surgeons on her team."

"Yes, no problem," Dr. Cam says.

"I'll come by after I get out of the OR," Dr. Burke says heading towards the OR wing.

"Thank you, Dr. Burke. Dr. Cam," I say as Dr. Cam gets up to follow me to the patient's room where I find my intern. "Dorie, this is Dr. Cam. He's our Head of Neurosurgery."

"Hi, Dorie," he says.

"Dr. Cam wants to talk to you about baby C"

"Lucy," she corrects me as I step back to let Dr. Cam take over.

"Yes, Lucy has a condition called hydrocephalus. It is a buildup of cerebrospinal fluid on the brain."

"Okay, and that means..?" Dorie asks.

"Excess fluid builds up and it puts pressure on the baby's brain, which could result in brain damage…" he pauses, "Here's the goods news. We caught it early enough. We can take care of it quickly."

"How?"

"I'm going to install a shunt to drain the fluid. Barring any complications, you're looking at a full recovery."

"No brain damage?"

"No brain damage."

I see the relief wash over Dorie, "Okay, really… couldn't you have led with that?"

We all chuckle and then I get paged to the OR. "C-section. I have to go. I'll be back in a few."

I hurry off to the OR and the C-section went routinely. I thought I'd have time to grab food when I'm paged to Dorie's room. I didn't see Dr. Stevens when I arrived so I had her paged. A few moments later, I hear the footsteps belonging to my intern so I turn around and question her, "Where have you been?"

She's throwing her lab coat on over her scrubs breathing heavily. She better have ran here, "I, um, I… The nurse was here."

I don't have any time for excuses so I choose to ignore her… for all I know she could've been having sex in an on-call room. "I've loaded her up with magnesium. Start monitoring her toxicity."

Izzie grabs her chart and starts writing down the notes as the mother decides to speak up, "Oh, it's too soon. They can't come yet."

"Mom says Graham started puking," Tom says walking into the room. "What is it? What's going on?" He says finally noticing what's happening in the room.

"Dorie's having contractions," Izzie starts.

"The babies' vital signs are stable, but your placenta is lying low. We're going to have to keep a close eye on that. We want to keep them in there as long as possible," I finish.

"How are we keeping them in there if she's already having contractions?" Tom asks.

"It's all right, hon." Dorie starts, "They can stop them." She looks to me, "You're gonna Trendelenburg me, right?"

"Yes, I am," I say slightly proud that she knew that. "You've done your reading, Dorie."

"They did it with the triplets," she takes a deep breath as another contraction starts, "Gravity, remember, Tom? It worked fine then, and it'll be fine now."

"Hang in there, Tom. There's no time for second thoughts now," I add.

"We didn't think we'd survive the first week with the boys," Dorie says to her husband, "and we did, and we'll be the same with the girls. We're ready."

"Well, that's all we can do for now. Dr. Stevens, are you on call tonight?" I say updating the chart.

"Um, no."

"You are now," I say finishing up and handing her the chart. Hopefully I'll have time to grab something to eat. I walk down to the cafeteria and my genius self decides to stop for Juju before I grabbed food. When I do so, I run into Dr. Burke who's ready to talk to my patient. I comply and make a mental note to eat after. He, his intern and I walk upstairs to Dorie's room.

"Dorie? Tom?" I walk into the room followed by Dr. Burke and Dr. O'Malley, "Hey, Dorie, Tom, this is Dr. Burke. He's our Head of Cardiothoracic Surgery and Dr. O'Malley, who will be assisting him. Dr. Burke wanted to talk to you about Emily's heart surgery."

"Emily needs heart surgery?" Tom questions.

"Yes," Dr. Burke says as he steps up, "your daughter has a condition called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. The surgery will be extensive and the odds are that -"

"We don't believe in odds," Dorie cuts him off.

"Good, neither do I. But it is important that you both understand medically what's going on with your girls."

"After their born, there won't be much time to ask questions," I add in, "So…"

"Okay," Dorie says, "we're listening."

"What's wrong with Emily's heart?" Tom asks.

"The chambers on the left side are underdeveloped. In addition, the mitral valve, which connects these two chambers is abnormally narrow."

I get paged to the ER and I politely excuse myself as I run downstairs. It's Meredith who needs the consult. After a thorough check up, I decide to admit her patient. She steps out into the hallway with me, "So I heard you officially signed your contract. Congratulations."

"Thank you," I say with a smile. "It's official now. Maybe we can celebrate but you finally letting me take you to breakfast."

"Fine, maybe tomorrow. If you even have time between all of your babies."

"I'll bet on that." My pager goes off and I sigh, "I have to go."

"See you," she says as I hurry off down the hall and up to my floor.

When I reach my patient's room, I see Dr. Bailey with her intern standing outside, "Dr. Bailey, Dr. Yang." I say as they follow me into my patient's room. I pull up Dorie's ultrasound and I show Dr. Bailey exactly what I saw, "Here it is. Right there," I pause and print out a picture, "the omphalocele."

"Yeah, look at that," Dr. Bailey shows both of our interns.

"That's the scariest word yet," Dorie says sitting up.

"Oh, all it means is some of the baby's internal organs are growing in a sac outside its body," says Dr. Yang.

"Cristina!" Izzie scolds her. I'm glad she did before I could.

"All it means?" Dorie says sarcastically then starts to laugh. "'Her organs are growing outside her body.' That's all it means."

"It's going to be okay," Izzie comforts her as I put my hand on her shoulder. Dorie's grown hysterical.

"I'll remove the sac membrane containing her organs; make a small incision in the baby's abdomen and put them back inside," Dr. Bailey explains.

"Oh, Julie," Dorie starts to cry, "she's the quiet one. Dr. Bailey and Dr. Yang continue to talk to Dorie and I run out to grab food seeing that this could be my only chance. I haven't eaten all day. I don't want to end up passing out. I eat in my office so I can have a little time to myself. I'm nearly halfway through my sandwich when my pager goes off again, "It's Dorie." I close up my lunch and rush down to her room. I can hear her screaming before I even make it into her room. "What's going on?"

"There's fetal distress," my intern answers.

"My contractions are really hurting," Dorie adds, "and I think my water broke!"

The nurse rushes in to help and we lift up her sheet to find blood all over the bed. "Crap."

"Her placenta is tearing," Izzie says stealing the words out of my mouth.

"Okay, Dorie, we can't wait any longer. The babies have to come out now." I say going over to the phone to call the OR and let them know we're coming.

"It's okay," Izzie says to Dorie, "We're gonna take really good care of you. Just keep breathing."

We and a few nurses get Dorie prepped and ready for surgery, "Uh, Dorie, the OR is prepped and ready to go. Where's Tom?"

"He's at home with the boys."

"No," Izzie says, "I called Tom. He's on the way."

"Izzie, go ahead and page everyone on Dorie's team. The list is posted at the Nurse's station." Izzie gets up to leave but Dorie grabs her arm, "No! No!"

"Dorie, Dorie, you're fine," I say to her. "You're going to be fine."

"Nothing about this is fine! It's too early! They're too hurt!"

"Dorie," Izzie starts, "you've carried your girls this far. Now it's our turn. You have to trust us to bring them into the world."

"Tom's on his way?"

"Tom's on his way." I smile at Izzie as she nods and heads out the room. I picked a great intern. As we're heading up to the OR, Izzie returns and says, "Everyone answered their page except Dr. Karev."

The incompetent one… "Where is he? We need everyone!"

"I don't know. He was on-call last night. He might be asleep."

"Go find him!"

Moments later, I'm scrubbing into the OR. There's about forty people in my OR right now and we have no time to waste so I decide to just cut to the chase. It's silent. I look around the room and my eyes fall on Meredith who's smiling at me. I take a deep breath, "Ten-blade."

The first baby out is Emily, next is Julie, Lucy, Charlotte and finally here's Kate. I watch everyone file out of the room to their perspective ORs and I know that Charlotte and Kate are healthy enough to go straight to the NICU. It's time to close and I decide to let Izzie take over seeing that she's worked so hard on this case.

It's nearly 6 am when we come out of the OR. I decide to take a quick shower and grab some Juju. I text Meredith to see if she's busy and she texts back saying she has maybe an hour to spare. I take that as I sign to send her the address to where'd I'd like to take her to breakfast.

About twenty minutes later, I'm at the harbor with a table set and breakfast ready. I see Meredith walking up with a smile, "You know, when you said you found a breakfast spot with a view, I knew I should have taken you literally…"


	5. Chapter Five

**In Which Addison Teaches a Lesson**

It's the middle of pretty stressful day at Seattle Grace Hospital but hey, at least it isn't raining, not that I've had the chance to go outside and enjoy the day anyway. I've been inside having back-to-back surgeries with the quints. Speaking of, I'm on my way up to see them right now.

When I arrive at the quints' room, I find all of Dr. Bailey's interns each manding one of the quints. It's quite an adorable sight but when I see Meredith, I have to stop at the Nurses' station to gather myself. I'm looking in the camera on my phone to make sure I look okay but I can't help but to overhear the interns' conversation.

"I have the best quint. Lucy," George says to the rest of interns, "she just smiled at me."

"She's nine hours old, George." Izzie retorts.

"I'm saying there are five babies here, and clearly, mine is the advanced one," he counters back.

"Charlotte's smart," Meredith injects, "She's got wrinkles on her foreheadㅡ very serious."

"Okay, 'A', this is not a competition, and 'B', my quint kicks your quints' asses," Izzie points out, "Emily is strong. She won't let go of my finger."

"Hey, Julie has her organs on the outside of her body," Cristina adds, "and she's still alive, thank you."

The incompetent intern walks into to the room just to chime in, "Kate's the best one." He checks her monitor then looks over at my intern, "Izzie."

"Leave," she says simply. I wonder what happened between them.

"Can we please just talk?" he asks.

"You're too busy screwing nurses to talk. Just get out."

Whoa, I wasn't expecting her to say that. Were they a thing? How could I not have noticed? He looks at Kate's monitor again then he asks before he leaves out, "Can someone make sure that Kate's vitals remain stable?"

"I will," Meredith offers.

As soon as he's out the room Izzie speaks up again, "He is unbelievable. I'm so glad I never slept with him. Which is his loss. Because I'm really good in bed. Mind blowing. Mind-blowingly good in bed."

"Are you trying to seduce us?" Cristina jokes.

"And he sleeps with Olivia, instead of me," Izzie laughs, "Olivia?!"

"Hey, I slept with Olivia." George says defensively.

"Well, then you both have bad taste," Izzie retorts.

I think I've heard maybe a little too much. I came here to talk to Meredith but if I go in now it may look weird. I just have to wait for the right moment. I see Miranda coming down the hall to check on her interns so maybe I'll walk in with her but for now, I can't help but overhear their conversation.

"You know, you can't say that you weren't warned," George says to Izzie, "Alex has always been Alex."

"You dodged a bullet, Iz," Meredith adds, "You're better off without him."

"Why are you even surprised?" Cristina says, "You sleep with a snake, you get bit."

"Thanks, guys... for the support," Izzie says sarcastically. Poor girl, she's a lot like me when I was her age. I wish I could do something to help but it's not my place. We're not even friends although I'd like to be someday. She's just my intern.

Miranda walks into the room seconds later, "Who's on-call tonight?"

"I am," Izzie says. It seems as though she's been on-call every night since the quints arrived.

"All right, the rest of you go home, sleep." Dr. Bailey looks around the room, "All five quints are still alive. It's a good day."

Miranda walks out the room and the rest of the interns file out behind. I spot Meredith and I walk up beside her pulling her away from the rest of the group.

"Hey, what are your plans for tonight?"

"I don't believe I have anything planned, Dr. Montgomery," she smirks. Our first date went really well and the second date we went out we saw a movie. It was a scary movie… I shouldn't have let Meredith pick. I feel like I looked like a punk the entire time but it didn't seem to run her away.

"I was thinking maybe we could do another dinner and a movie date. This time at my house? I realized that I've been to your place but you've never been to mine."

She giggles and shakes her head, "Does being drunk there even count?"

"Of course, as long as you remember it," I wink but after a pause I bit my lip, "Maybe it can just be a movie night because honestly, I can't cook but we could order take-out."

"Make it pizza and I'll consider it."

"Fine, pizza it is."

"I'll see you at," she looks at her watch, "seven."

"I'll text you my address," I say as she walks away. Now I have to rush home and prepare.

By the time it's seven o'clock, I have three movie choices for Meredith, I couldn't just pick one, the light dim, dip, two bags of chips, wine and the pizza literally got here 5 minutes ago.

I hear the doorbell ring and I have to restrain myself from running to the door. I let Meredith inside and welcome her to my home.

"Your house is beautiful, Addison," she says coming into the house, "I didn't know you lived on the beach. I'd have to come here more often."

That made me blush… I'd love to have her here more often but now I'm at a lost for words. "Oh, um, thank you. Uh, pizza just got here. I hope you like chicken on your pizza. If not, I also got cheese."

"You could put just about anything on a pizza and I'll eat it," Meredith said taking off her coat and grabbing a slice. I smile hard because she looks beautiful just reaching for a pizza.

If I'm going to ask her to be my girlfriend, I'm going to have to tell her about Derek. I was about to start that conversation when she grabbed the wine and pizza and went over to the couch, "So what are we watching?"

Ah, I guess it can wait until another time.

The next morning I'm in the NICU with the Russell's checking Emily's vitals when Dr. Bailey and her interns come in for rounds, "Oh, good. Here you are. Mom and Dad are anxious for an update. Dr. Yang?"

"We've done the initial surgery on Julie's omphalocele. A primary closure was attempted, but there was pulmonary compromise, so we couldn't contin-"

"Yang, how about we do this in plain English?" Dr. Bailey finally cuts her off. I'm glad she did before I could speak up. Tom helps Dorie sit down into a wheelchair as Dr. Yang tries again.

"Oh, um, we operated on Julie's external sack of organs, and we pushed as much of the bowel as we could, and we think we can push in the rest with a second operation."

"She has to have a second operation?" Dorie asks.

"Yeah," Cristina says simply and Dr. Bailey looks to her, "Oh, well, not for a few days."

"Dr. O'Malley?" I move it along seeing that there are five babies we have to talk about.

"We put in Lucy's brain shunt yesterday, and she's doing very well. We just have to keep monitoring her to make sure that the spinal fluid doesn't back up."

"Stevens?" I move it onto the next intern.

"Dr. Burke used a catheter to open Emily's atrial septum last night. Today we're gonna go in and try to reconstruct the left chamber of her heart. We're very hopeful."

I nod smiling then move on to the next intern, my favorite intern, "Dr. Grey?"

"Charlotte's lungs were a little more underdeveloped than the rest of the quints. So we put a special mask on her to help her breathe, and we're monitoring her closely."

"And that just leaves Kate," I move it along to the incompetent one. I made sure to give him the healthiest because frankly I wouldn't trust him with a cat let alone a baby.

"She seems to be pretty healthy. No major issues have been identified but we're gonna keep her in the isolette until she makes it to four pounds."

I look at Dorie and she seems so out of it. Tom noticed it too because he squeezes her shoulder trying to be hopeful, "You hear that, honey? Kate's doing really well."

"I'll be in my room," Dorie says as she wheels herself away.

"Dr. Montgomery..." the husband looks panicked as he looks to me.

"Tom, she's just had five babies. Her hormones are all over the place. You've just got to give her some time. She'll come around," I say trying to be helpful as we walk out of the NICU. I look at my watch and see that it's just about time for my surgery with Dr. Burke. I head upstairs to the OR.

I'm already basically done scrubbing in by the time Dr. Burke and Dr. Stevens get into the scrub room. He's asking her questions about the surgery. I guess they're in the middle of something since I only hear Dr. Steven's answer.

"First step in the Norwood is the cardiopulmonary bypass."

Dr. Burke then asks, "With H.L.H.S., what else do you get besides hyperplasia of the ventricle?"

"Stenosis or atresia of the mitral and aortic valves," she answers quick.

"Why are we using the RV-PA conduit instead of the modified Blalock Taussig shunt?"

"It limits diastolic runoff."

"Well, you've done your homework."

"I was on-call last night. I study when I'm on-call."

He chuckles and so do I a little but then he speaks up again, "Well, no matter what the books say, I guarantee you, you have never seen a heart this small."

"Betcha I have," I hear her say under her breath as I slip into the OR after Dr. Burke. I'm sure this is about Dr. Karev.

We're about five minutes into the surgery when we stumbled upon some alarming news about Emily's aorta, "We didn't see this on the echo."

"You can never get an exact measurement," Dr. Burke replies.

"What?" Izzie says not knowing what's going on.

"The baby's aorta is narrower than we thought. The diameter is only a millimeter," Dr. Burke answers, "just not getting enough blood flow."

"Damn," I say to myself. There's no way Emily is going to survive this. I have to tell her parents.

"I wanted you to see this before I started closing up." Dr. Burke says to me. I started moving closer towards the table.

"You're closing up?" Dr. Stevens questions, "You didn't do anything."

"Dr. Stevens," I try to shut her up.

"No, we barely started," she says.

"Dr. Burke has done as much as he can do for now, so unless you know how to do a First Stage Norwood then he's gonna close this baby's chest," I say straight to the point. I hope I didn't come off too harsh but she really needs to control her emotional outbursts... especially in my OR. My pager goes off. It's a 911 to the NICU. I rush off just hoping that we're not losing another quint.

"What happened?" I say entering the NICU seeing Dorie sitting over near Julie and Meredith over at Charlotte's incubator.

"She had an apneic episode. She's still not breathing on her own."

She moves over so I can take over clearly a little freaked out over the baby and I check her breath sounds then I start making quick life-saving decisions, "Let's intubate and give her surfactant. Push .1 atropine and 3 milligrams of ketamine."

"Meds are in," the nurse says a few seconds later.

"Tube," I say as I get her ready to intubate. Meredith inserts the tube and I nod, "Okay. Place the CO2 detector."

"She was doing fine with the chest tube," Meredith says to me as we get the baby breathing again.

"That's the thing with R.D.S. cases," I put on my stethoscope and listen for Charlotte's breath sounds, "Just when you think the baby's getting better, they can slip right back." I listen for a few seconds, "Breath sounds equal." I nod putting up my stethoscope,"Good."

Meredith takes a breath and then looks to the mother seeing that she got up and left, "Mrs. Russell?"

Later that day, I find myself sitting across from the chief in his office. I've been working with Izzie a lot… I've seen first hand how attached she can be with her patients. It's not good for her in the long run and I want her to be the best surgeon she can be… Maybe it's because I see a lot of younger me in her but she is extremely talented as well. All this thinking keeps bringing me back to one memory...

"Remember what you did to me when I was an intern?"

"How could I forget? You didn't speak to me for almost a year." I still slick hate him for it but it did make me a better surgeon in the long run. He continues speaking, "But you learned."

"Yeah, well, I think I gotta do that to Izzie Stevens."

"Well, she's smart, hardworking. Gets a little too involved with her patients. A lot like you."

"I know," I say sadly standing up, "It took me a long time to recover from that, Richard."

"But it made you a better surgeon, Addison." I nod understanding what he's saying... "The question is, is she talented enough to make the lesson worth it?"

"She's the best I've seen in years. I was hoping that we couldㅡ"

"You're not here to make friends, Addison. You're here to make better surgeons, and being a teacher can be a lonely business."

I nod walking out of his office and up to Dorie's room to talk to her about Emily's condition before I head out for the evening. I hate to have to tell her that she's going to lose one of her baby girl's especially after everything she's been through. I glance over to window to see Meredith in the room with the quints. We're supposed to be going to dinner tonight but I don't even think I can after today. I think I just need a drink.

I have all of the plan set up with the nurses before I go talk to Izzie. I find her down in the lobby as I'm about to leave. I'm glad she's still in her scrubs, "Dr. Stevens."

"Dr. Montgomery, is there something you need?"

"Yes, Dr. Burke and I have reassessed. We think there's a chance with the Norwood if Emily can make it through the next ten hours," I say putting on my coat. "Would you look after her for the night?"

"I was on-call last night," she says and I just look at her, "but, I mean, yeah, of course."

"Good. I left a list of meds, and uh," I pause for a second. I hate that I even have to do this to her, "and you're familiar with pediatric life support?"

"Got myself certified as soon as I got in the program."

"Okay then," I say walking away.

"Is there anything else I should know to look out for?"

"No," I say simply turning around to face her, "That should do it."

"Should I notify Mrs. Russell about Emily'sㅡ"

"No. I've done that," I sigh then I turn on my hard demeanor, "Dr. Stevens, this baby is your responsibility. She better be alive when I get back in the morning."

"Okay," she says as I turn around to walk away. I already hate myself for doing it. I want to call it off right now but I have to think like a teacher in this moment. She needs it.

When I arrive home, the first thing I do is pour myself a glass of wine. I don't know if I can handle this. I can't help but feel how I felt when Richard did to me so many years ago. I decide to run myself a bubble bath. I'd normally call Meredith and just talk to her but she's working tonight.

After my bath, I pour myself one more glass before making myself comfortable in bed. I grab my reading glasses and my book off the nightstand. I read my book until I drift off to sleep.

I'm in the room with Mrs. Russell the next morning when I see Izzie standing outside the door. She looks like someone just ran over her dog. Poor girl. I decide it's time to tell her. I come outside and I pull her away from Dorie's window.

"It wasn't your fault," I start.

"You put me in charge. I fell asleep," she shakes her head, "I killed that baby."

"No, you didn't. She was going to die anyway. She had a restrictive atrial septum and virtually no aorta. As soon as Dr. Burke opened up her chest, we knew she didn't have a chance."

"I don't get it," she says hurt and confused. "You ordered me to stay the night..."

"Izzie," I try to talk but she continues on.

"Take care of her. I worked my ass off doing C.P.R. and pumping her full of every drug on the planet, and, I mean, God, do you have any idea how scared I was? It was all for nothing?"

"Hardly. If the situation ever comes up again, I know you'll be able to handle the pressure."

"You lied to me," she looks at me with so much hurt in her eyes.

"You have to learn distance, Stevens. You'll be a better doctor for it."

"A betterㅡ a better doctor?" she shakes her head at me and scuffs as she walks away. That was so hard for me to do. She was the one of the only people I truly liked at this hospital and she probably won't speak to me ever again.

I walk back towards Dorie's room when I see Meredith in the next room over with the quints. I stop at the Nurses' station and I smile watching her in there with the babies. Dr. Bailey walks in and up to Meredith, "I heard you worked a miracle last night."

"Charlotte came around so fast, I thought the equipment was malfunctioning," her smile is so huge that they reach her eyes. "Her stats are completely stable."

"She's gonna make it. Go home, Grey. You earned it," Dr. Bailey says walking out then she turns around, "and Grey, way to go."

Once she leaves, Meredith turns back to the babies in the incubator together, "You heard that guys. She said 'way to go'."


	6. Chapter Six

**In Which Addison Meets Someone Who is Different**

I woke up this morning next to a fully clothed Meredith. I invited her inside last night after we went out to eat and bowling… That was Meredith's idea. I'm the absolute worst at bowling. Luckily, I had liquor to help me play better however I still lost drastically… We took a cab back to my place seeing that we both were in no condition to drive. The driver was going to take Meredith home as well but we opted to just go back to my place. I don't recall what happened after that but we're both still clothed so it couldn't have been much.

Since Meredith is still asleep, I decide to try to whip up some breakfast. I end up making coffee, toast, eggs, grits and some burnt pancakes. I grab some fruit and orange juice out of the fridge and set it on the counter. I hear shuffling coming from my room then soon after, Meredith walks out with a huge smile on her face.

"I knew I smelled breakfast," she yawns and stretches. I swear it's the most adorable sight ever.

"Don't get too excited," I reply pouring juice into two empty glasses, "I burnt the pancakes. I was going to make some turkey bacon but I didn't want to burn it too."

"So you weren't lying when you said you couldn't cook?" she jokes then kisses me on the cheek before sitting down at the counter. "Plus, I like my pancakes well done anyway," she winks at me as I sit her drink and plate down in front of her. I poured the coffee into travel mugs for later then I sit down beside her at the counter.

"I have a waffle maker," I add, "I'll use that next time. It beeps when it's ready making it impossible for me to burn."

"Your pancakes are amazing, Addison," she says to me with her mouth full. "You don't give yourself enough credit."

"Oh, stop it," I shake my head, "You don't have to tell me my food is good to spare my feelings. I know I can't cook."

"I'm serious, Addie," she smiles, "breakfast just might be your forte. If you cooked every morning, I swear I'd eat breakfast everyday."

"Well, breakfast is the most important meal of the day," I joke while shaking my head laughing at her. I honestly could see myself with this girl for the rest of my life. I just have to tell her about Derek…

"Look Mere, there's something I've been meaning to tell you," I start as her pager goes off. She runs off to get it and sees it's a 911.

"Crap, I have to go," she takes another spoonful of her food and runs into my room to grab her shoes, coat and keys. She kisses me and grabs her travel mug before she dashed out of the house. The door closes quietly behind her and I'm left to finish my breakfast alone.

After I wash the dishes, I run myself a nice hot bubble bath while I pick out what I'm going to wear today. I don't have to be into work until this afternoon so I decided to spend my morning out on the town… Really explore the city. I've been living here weeks and I've never seen a part of Seattle that wasn't on my way to-and-from the hospital. I found the perfect outfit for what I had planned for today; my Tommy Hilfiger couplet dress. It's one of my favorites because it has the look of a skirt and blouse in one. I dress it up with a pair of my black Jimmy Choo's and my Micheal Kors watch. Today is a beautiful day so I might as well look stunning while enjoying it.

When I come out of my bath, I feel refreshed. I do my hair, make up then I get dressed and make my way out to the car. I start for downtown. I want to check out the Space Needle and I guess I should find myself a best of Seattle guide.

Three hours later, I managed to go to the top of the Space Needle, take a ferry across the water, go to the wildlife park, go to the museum and to the market. It's nearly twelve-thirty and I don't have to be at work until two. I decide to grab lunch for myself and Meredith then make my way to the hospital.

After actually seeing what the city had to offer, there's a bunch of places that I now want to take Meredith. They have a theatre, a zoo and an aquarium. I could even take her to the top of the Space Needle where they have a restaurant and a bar. Seattle is nothing like New York but it's very cute and quaint.

When I pull up to the hospital, it's only one-fifteen. I take this as my chance to go find Meredith. I run into her in the hallway on my way to their locker room.

"Hey," she smiles noticing me.

"Hey, I brought you lunch," I hand her the bag as Dr. Stevens walks pasts us in the hallway. I call out to her, "Good afternoon, Dr. Stevens."

She ignores me and continues walking away. It's been three weeks since the quints… I don't think she's ever going to forgive me. I look at Meredith sadly, "Do you think she'll ever talk to me again?"

"Yeah," she says as we start walking towards the cafeteria, "she'll get over it soon enough. You were just doing your job."

"Yeah, but she doesn't see it that way," I pout.

"She will… Trust me," she smiles and brushes my hair out of my face. "You're so cute when you pout."

I frown looking down at her, "I was not pouting so you would think I'm cute… I'm pouting that I lost one of my most promising interns." We're almost to the cafeteria and I ask sarcastically, "Now who's going to fill my shoes when I retire?"

Meredith giggles then shakes her head, "I promise everything will be fine and you'll be back to working with Izzie again soon."

"Yeah, yeah," I say as we stop in front of the cafeteria.

"I already told the gang I would sit with them but you're more than welcome to join us," she offers and does these puppy dog eyes that I can barely resist. I have to look away.

"Oh, no, it's okay. I was planning on eating in my office and doing some research. Plus, I have surgery at two-thirty," I smile softly at her as she pouts.

"Oh, sweetie… I'm sorry," I was about to cave in when Cristina walked over to us.

"Hey, are you coming to sit with us or are you having lunch with your lover?" she asks the two of us and we both blush.

"I'll be right in, Cristina," Meredith says and then looks to me, "Isn't there something you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Oh, it can wait until after work," I say softly.

"Okay," she lifts up on her toes to kiss me on the cheek then heads inside the cafeteria.

I make my way upstairs to my office and I make myself comfortable on the couch. I usually eat at my desk but I'm tired from running around Seattle all morning. I grab my book after sitting my lunch out on the table in front of me. I begin eating and prepping for my surgery that's in forty minutes.

It wasn't long until I got paged to the OR. I grab my lucky scrub cap and head to the surgery floor. I'm performing surgery on a baby still inside its mother's womb. We like to call this fetal surgery. The field itself is relatively new so the few surgeons that are practicing it are essentially inventing it. There's only eight people out there in the world who can perform fetal surgery on a world-class level and I, Addison Montgomery, am one of them.

I'm also one of those people who have to talk themselves up when they're nervous… Anyway, I'm scrubbing in and I see Dr. Bailey inside. I guess they couldn't find an intern who would work with me. They're upset about the baby incident with Dr. Stevens I assume. They are her friends… After I got gowned and gloved, I'm ready to start. I look at the time and I see it's exactly two-thirty. I take a breath and extend my hand out, "ten-blade."

The surgery was a breeze… Everything went exactly like it was supposed to. There weren't any mistakes or actually any room for them. I loved working with Dr. Bailey and to celebrate, the entire surgical team are going out for drinks later tonight at Joe's. I'm going to invite Meredith to come because it's not a celebration without someone you want to share it with.

I'm on my way back to my office and I'm texting Meredith about Joe's tonight when I run into the wall. I hear laughter and I look up to see Meredith waiting by my door.

"You see," she says, "that's why you don't text and walk. It's very dangerous."

"Oh, leave me alone," I say as the text finally sends and I hear her phone vibrate.

"Cute," she says following me into my office, "you were texting me when you ran into the wall."

I stare at her evilly which only makes her laugh harder. She reads the text and looks up at me, "I thought you wanted to talk tonight?"

"I did but then the surgery went so smoothly and the team wanted to celebrate," I say shrugging my shoulders. Meredith walks over to me and wraps her arms around me as she kisses me.

"Congratulations on your surgery," she smiles, "Thank you for wanting to celebrate with me. It means a lot."

"Oh, there are so many more things that I want to do with you," I say with a smirk.

"Save it for later, Dr. Montgomery," she says as she tugs on my lab coat. "Oh," she says stepping back, "I have something I need to tell you though."

"What is it?" I say sitting down at my desk. I take off my sneakers and put back on my heels.

"I wanted to tell you this before you heard it for yourself…" She shifts uneasily and it makes me nervous.

"Oh, just say it already. You're giving me anxiety."

"So… You have a nickname… People are calling you Satan… I've also heard Satan's Mistress," she says with a smirk.

I shake my head and I laugh, "This is because of the quint incident with Izzie isn't it?" I look up to see her nod and I smirk, "I save babies for God's sake. I'm not Satan."

"It's just a nickname… At least it's something hardcore… It means they respect you," she says with a smile.

"Fear and respect are not the same thing," I clarify.

"Oh, Addie, they know you're not Satan," she says sitting down on my desk, "I'm sure this will all blow over soon. I'll even talk to Izzie."

"No, you don't have to. I did this so I 'm going to have to fix things with her myself," I say. "Did you want to grab something to eat before we go out for drinks? It looks like I have some spare time."

"Sure," she shrugs, "I'm on break anyway."

"You think we have time to eat something outside of the hospital?" I ask grabbing my coat.

"I guess we'll just have to see," she says as I grab my purse and follow her out of my office.

We stop at the locker room so she could grab her coat then we made our way to the lobby and out the door. There's a couple of restaurants on the street but nothing that I really want so I let Meredith choose. Never let Meredith choose… especially if you're a health nut. Meredith cares nothing about healthy eating which is funny seeing that she's a doctor. We end up at a burger shack that's basically like in the parking lot next door to the hospital.

The one good thing about this shack is their vegan chili. I'm not a vegan… nowhere near but this chili is so damn good. I get them with chips and a salad. Of course, Meredith ordered a burger however, I did end up persuading her to get a turkey burger. It's a lot healthier.

We're about halfway through our meal when we both get paged. Meredith to the ER and I to a consult. Seeing that she got an emergency page, Meredith left money for the meal and ran off to the hospital while I got the food into to-go boxes. Luckily we're so close that she'd actually make it to the ER in good time or the patient could've died before she made it there.

I arrive to the patient's room I've been paged to and I see one of Bailey's interns. I smile and greet him as I enter the room, "Dr. O'Malley."

He nods and moves to introduce me to the patient and hands me her chart, "Hi. Um, Mr. and Mrs. Singleton, Rebecca, this is Dr. Montgomery."

"You don't think it's cancer, do you?" the mom immediately asks me. "Bex is too young for cancer, right?"

"Mrs. Singleton, I'm just getting up to speed. I'm sorry," I say to her then look to my intern, "Dr. O'Malley?"

"Rebecca's been admitted for-," he gets cut off.

"Could you stop calling me that?" the patient says.

"She prefers Bex," the dad chimes in referring to the teen, "not Rebecca."

Dr. O'Malley nods and continues, "Bex has been admitted for an ultrasound guided biopsy on an enlargement of a pelvic lymph node."

"Okay," I say closing the chart. "Bex, you mind if I check it out?"

"Okay, I'll just, um…" Mr. Singleton says pointing to the door then walking out the room. I'm mentally laughing to myself. Wierdo dad.

"It's a minor procedure, Bex, but we'll give you a local anesthetic to manage the pain." I say while I feel on her stomach trying to determine what's going on.

Dr. O'Malley notices that the girl is in pain and tries to distract her with questions, "What are you drawing?"

"Just a dumb comic," she replies.

I look down at what she's drawing and it looks amazing, "You're very talented"

"It's big, I know. It just appeared one day," the mom adds.

"I'll perform a biopsy tonight, and Dr. O'Malley will have to take some blood so he can run some tests and then we can start to get you some answers, okay?" I say to Bex and then to her mother, "Mrs. Singleton, there's no need to panic. I'll keep you posted every step of the way."

"Thank you," she says to me as I walk out of the room.

Half an hour later, Dr. O'Malley finds me by the Nurse's Station.

"Here are the labs for Bex Singleton," he says putting the results down on the counter in front of me.

"Anything?"

"Yeah, her hormone levels- estrogen, progesterone- are sky high," he says.

"Huh, that's- you did a history, right?" I question him, "Any mention of birth control pills?"

"No, but her parents were right there," he responds.

I close the chart and hand it back to him, "Talk to her again."

"But she hasn't hit puberty yet. Isn't it weird she'd be having sex?"

"The way these days are, Dr. O'Malley, it's not that unusual," I answer simply. "Talk to the patient," I say walking away. I look at the time and I see I have a couple of hours before I'm supposed to be at Joe's. I'm going to try to sneak in some more food so I head to my office. The moment I sit down my phone starts to ring… I look at it to see that it's Derek.

"Wow," I say to myself… I've been here for two months and he is just now calling. I'm so not answering his call.

Thirty minutes later I'm in the back in the patient's room doing the biopsy on Bex. I think her parents went to grab something to eat. I sent them away because their nerves were not only freaking themselves out but freaking out my patient too.

"You see that, Dr. O'Malley?"

He walks over to get a better view, "It looks like the tumor is compressing an ovary."

"Yeah, that's why I biopsied both ovaries."

"Is that bad?" Bex asks.

"It's really just a precaution, Bex." I finish and get up, "Want to apply pressure, Dr. O'Malley?"

"Mm-hmm," he answers taking over.

"I'm going to get this up to path," I say putting the biopsied tissue into containers and heading out, "You mind doing the dressings?"

"Sure," he answers.

"All right, Bex. We'll get you the results just as soon as possible," I leave out of the room.

After hearing back from pathology, I page Dr. O'Malley upstairs. He walks in a few minutes later, "You paged me?

"Yeah," I say still looking under the microscope. "Have a look at this. It's Bex's biopsy."

I move away from the microscope and let George step up to have a look.

"Biopsied ovary?" he asks.

"Not exactly," I answer. "Arrange a meeting with Bex's parents. Oh and find out who the on-call psychiatrist is and if they're available to join us."

George looks up at me worried, "Does she have cancer?"

"No, it's not an ovary," I pause, "it's a testis."

"A testis?" he says looking back into the microscope. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure."

He looks back into the microscope amazed, "Bex is a hermaphrodite?"

"Yes."

A few minutes later, George, Raj, the psych guy, and I are sitting at a table with Mrs. Singleton sitting across from us while Mr. Singleton is pacing around the room.

Mr. Singleton finally speaks up, "Let me get this straight. You're telling me that our daughter, my daughter, you're telling me my daughter might actually be a boy?"

"That, how is that possible?," the wife asks as Mr. Singleton sits down next to her. "I don't understand. I don't understand how-"

Mr. Singleton interrupts her, "Shouldn't this have been detected somehow?"

"Externally, Bex has female genitalia," I explain the best way I can. "She looks like a girl, but internally she has both female and male sex organs."

Mrs. Singleton asks clearly upset, "So what now? What are we supposed to do? I don't understand."

"Ok, the best news is that the lymph node tumor is benign. So physically Bex is going to be just fine but emotionally," I pause and look at Raj, "psychologically I strongly recommend therapy."

"She's already in therapy," the husband announces.

"I'm talking about therapy for all of you," I clarify. "This is not going to be easy for Bex to hear and it's, it's not going to be easy adjustment for you to make."

"My god. My poor girl," the wife exclaims.

"A big adjustment? What kind of adjustment?" the husband questions.

"Many inter-sex people begin to identify very strongly with one sex and it's not necessarily the sex they've been raised," the psychiatrists explains.

Mrs. Singleton says adamantly, "She's, she's a girl. She looks like a girl; she has always been a girl."

"It at least helps explain why she feels so different," George chimes in and the parents just stare at him.

"The point is," Raj speaks up again, "that biologically and emotionally speaking, she has a choice to make."

A few minutes after our meeting, I was paged to Bex's room. I run into George walking down the hallway to, I'm assuming, Bex's room as well. We meet Bex's parents standing outside of her door.

Mr. Singleton starts, "Ah excuse me, ah uh Mary and I were talking. Ah and ah we think Bex should stay-"

Mrs. Singleton interrupts, "She can't handle something like this. You saw the scars."

George looks amazed, "You're not going to tell her?" Mr. and Mrs. Singleton both shake their heads and he continues on, "But this could help her. You can't not tell her who she is."

"Dr. O'Malley," I stop him then say to the parents, "Uh we'll go ahead and proceed with scheduled surgery to remove the tumor and then you can talk to your daughter in your own time."

Mrs. Singleton speaks up, "Actually, we were thinking…" She pauses then gestures for her husband to continue.

"We thought since you're already going to be in there ... Uh we know fixed isn't the right word but-," he adds before he's interrupted by the wife.

"We were thinking that with the hormonal confusion, it might be easier on her to remove whatever boy parts she has."

"Keep her more of a girl," the husband states. George looks horrified and I'm baffled that they even have the nerve to ask me something like that.

"Just to be clear," I pause, "you're asking me to perform sexual reassignment surgery on your daughter?"

Mr. and Mrs. Singleton both answer, "Yes."

"Without her knowing?" George asks astounded.

"Well all she's said all her life is that she wants to be normal," the husband says. "She doesn't feel normal."

"Why can't we just put an end to her agony?" the wife adds.

"First of all removing her male sexual organs may not do that, in fact it could do just the opposite," I start.

"But her hormones-," Mrs. Singleton tries to counter but Dr. O'Malley cuts her off.

"Can be controlled with an oral medication," he says.

Mr. Singleton chimes in, "We just want the best for Bex."

"To do surgery and alter her body permanently is... well I just would never to do that on someone who isn't aware of the procedure and you're going to be hard-pressed to find a surgeon who will," I say walking away. I'm so done with this conversation.

"Bex will learn the truth someday," I hear my intern say. "How do you want her to find out?... Excuse me." He walks away.

The surgical team is about to come take Bex to surgery so I go to her room to make sure no one has anymore questions before I proceed. When I arrive at the room, I see her parents walking in and Dr. O'Malley already inside.

"Hey Bex," I smile at her.

Bex sits up and looks at her parents, "Mom. Dad. This is really freaking me out."

Mrs. Singleton starts, "Oh, no, everything is going to be fine, Bex."

"It's ok sweetie," her father adds.

"I'm having surgery to remove a tumor that's compressing my ovary, right George?" she asks but Dr. O'Malley stays silent.

"Dr. O'Malley," I say when I notice him about to answer. This isn't our place. I give him a slight shake of my head for him to stay quiet.

"George?" Bex asks again. George looks sick and remains silent. Bex tries again, "George?"

George caves and turns to look at me, "What am I just supposed to lie to her?"

"Ok, that's enough. Dr. O'Malley, please leave the room," I excuse him. George puts down the chart and starts heading out.

"No wait!" Bex stops him. "Tell me what's wrong with me. What is wrong with me?"

George just looks at the parents who give each other glances. Mr. Singleton starts up, "Bex…" he pauses looking to his wife for approval. She nods and he continues, "we learned that your tumor... it's not compressing an ovary."

"Then where is it?" Bex asks.

"It's on a testis," the mother finally says.

Bex looks confused, "Like a testicle?" Everyone is silent as she looks around the room, "I have testicles?"

I decide to speak up seeing that no one else would, "Yes one. Bex, this is a tremendous amount of information for you-"

Bex interrupts me half listening to what I said, "And I've had it my whole life?... Oh my god. Does this mean...does this mean I could be a boy?" I give George a disapproving look as do both the parents but I don't even think Bex noticed. She just whispers to herself, "Yes."

We all step into the hallway outside of Bex's room and it's clear that the parents are upset even before Mrs. Singleton starts yelling, "You engineered that conversation! You forced our hand."

"Well you were lying to her," George says simply.

"We were protecting her," her father clarifies.

"She's a 14-year old girl," the wife adds.

"Well maybe, maybe not," George corrects as both parents give him appalled looks.

His words send Mrs. Singleton off, "This isn't your life! This isn't your child! 14 years! 14 years we have raised a daughter, in one afternoon you expect us to what?! What is Bex is supposed to do? How is she supposed to go home and tell the other kids? What? You had no right!"

I move to interrupt the yelling but George gets there first by saying, "No, I know I'm off the case, right?"

He walks away while Mr. Singleton tries to calm his wife down. I decide to go ahead and take Bex up to surgery. I didn't become a surgeon for the drama.

After the surgery, I came back to Bex's room to check on her and I find her with Dr. O'Malley. She sitting up by herself and looks fairly happy. I see they're talking so I decide to watch on from the Nurse's Station.

"Heard my parents weren't too happy with you," I overhear Bex say.

George answers simply, "Nope."

Bex smiles, "Thanks for telling me... for making them tell me."

George nods then adds, "You know um there are people that you can talk to. I can if you'd like-"

"I know…" Bex interrupts. "George, do I have to be a boy now?"

"No. No."

"But I can if I want to," Bex states more than questions.

"Yeah you can, if you want," George says.

Bex thinks for a second before she speaks up again, "Hey, could you, would you bring me some scissors?"

Dr. O'Malley nods and goes to retrieve some scissors and a mirror. Bex is sitting in her bed holding a mirror and looking in it while George cuts her long hair off. I see Mr. and Mrs. Singleton walking down the hall. They enter the room and George stops upon seeing them. Mrs. Singleton walks in and holds out her hand to George. He hands her the pair of scissors and heads out as Mrs. Singleton continues cutting Bex's hair. George and I both watch from the doorway.

"You did well, Dr. O'Malley," I comment then Meredith walks up to me.

"You ready to go?" she asks me and I nod. We make our way downstairs to the lobby. I'm helping Meredith fix her coat. As we turn to leave, I see my soon to be ex-husband standing there at the enter way and my eyes grow wide. This seriously can't be happening… Not tonight.

I never got the chance to explain everything to Meredith and now everything we have could be ruined. I turn to her and I look at her sadly, "Meredith, I am so sorry."

Derek walks over to the two of us and says simply, "Addison."

"Derek, what are you doing here?" I question.

"Well, you'd know if you'd bothered to return any one of my phone calls." He then turns to Meredith, "Hi. I'm Derek Shepherd."

He holds out his hand for her to shake and she takes it still looking confused. That is until he adds this next part, "And you must be the woman who's been screwing my wife."


	7. Chapter Seven

**In Which Addison Receives an Example of What She Doesn't Want in The Future**

Let's take a moment to go back to how this all started… About eight months ago, my soon-to-be ex-husband slowly stopped coming home from work. It was rare at first. He would send his best friend over with excuses about why he couldn't make it home. It was always a surgery or something that has to do with work. After a while, he came home less and less… And I saw more and more of Mark... It seemed like he cared about his patients more than me and after months of carrying on like this, I started to believe it. I realized how insane everything got the moment I started growing feelings for his best friend. He was like my substitute husband anyway. He was always there when Derek wasn't.

And the more Derek started to resent me for becoming better in my field, the more I was pushed towards Mark. I tried to fight my feelings for him but one night, this past New Year, Derek didn't come home again… We got filthy drunk and well, things happened. I freaked out; filed for divorce and luckily, got a phone call from an old friend about a job offer. Next thing I know, I was on my way to Seattle. I swear that's when I started to fall in love all over again… but I could tell things would be different this time. The way I feel about Meredith is… I don't know how to put it in words but I never felt this strongly for someone before. Not Derek, not Mark… This is different… scary yet exciting. I was loving Seattle. I was starting to make friends, I had a love life… I was even getting back on a roll in my career… That is until Derek showed up.

After shaking Derek's hand, Meredith didn't say a word to me. She took off out of the hospital and didn't dare to look back. I called after her but she wouldn't speak to me. I didn't expect her to honestly. I turn back to Derek furious but I try to keep my composure as I speak, "Derek, WHAT are you doing here?"

"Your hair is different," he says to me.

"A lot of things are different," I counter.

"It's longer and darker. I like it. It's very Isabella Rossellini," he says.

I roll my eyes. He tries to run his fingers through my hair but I step back, "What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?," he asks me instead, "You just pick up and leave everything? Your house, your practice, your friends? You had a life in Manhattan."

"Had," I say emphasizing the word.

"And now you have a girlfriend in Seattle," he pauses then finishes, "She seems sweet."

"The ice you're on," I say trying to remain calm, "thin... If you came out here to win me back, forget about it."

"I did. I flew all the way across the country to reminisce over wedding photos, get drunk, fall into bed, and make you realize you can't live without me," he says sarcastically, "Relax Addison, I'm here for work. I'm helping with the standstill case you guys admitted yesterday and from Richard's briefing, I should be-"

I cut him off, "Richard knew you were coming out here?"

"He asked me to come. Didn't he tell you?"

"No, he didn't," I say with a smirk.

"Hmm," he smirks, "Surprise. The hair though-"

"Derek, I don't have time for this. Sign the divorce papers. Do your job. Then go back to New York," I say walking out of the hospital. I see Meredith's car still in the parking lot so I'm assuming she went to Joe's. I put my things into my car then I head across the street. When I enter I see Meredith over at the bar in her usual place. I was on my way to approach her when Dr. Bailey stepped into my view.

"Addison, I almost thought you weren't coming," she hands me a glass and gets all the doctors in the bar's attention. She starts making a toast to our successful surgery as I try to make my way closer to the bar. I see Meredith isn't participating in the toast. I know she's pissed but I just need a chance to explain and everything will be fine. She's bound to understand. She'll probably be upset that I didn't tell her before but there was never the right time and things were going so well… I should've told her sooner.

Surprisingly, I can hear her and the bartender talking as I try to get closer to her. The bartender pours her another shot as he speaks,"You look familiar. You been here before?"

"Once," she smirks taking her shot then says sarcastically, "That worked out really well."

"I know that look. It'll be one of two things," he says pouring her up another, "Either your boss is giving you hell or your boyfriend is. Which is it?"

"Both," she says downing the other shot then continuing,"My girlfriend is my boss, which was a problem. But not as big a problem as the fact that my girlfriend has a husband."

"Tell you what," the bartender says pouring her another, "this one, it's on the house."

I want to stop her from drowning all of her pain in alcohol and just talk to me but the moment I finally get the courage to go up to her, the other interns walk in… her friends.

"All hail the champ!" The bartender screams and everyone in the bar cheers as he continues, "So, my guy Alex finally got what was coming to him."

"George knocked him down in one punch," Cristina chimed in, "You should've seen it."

"I don't want to talk about it!" George yells as they both sit down on either side of Meredith. I've definitely lost my opportunity now.

"Brag, champ, brag. You've earned it," the bartender, Joe, says to him.

George shakes his head and just asks for a beer as Meredith takes over the conversation, "Let's play a game of whose life sucks the most. I'll win. I always win."

"No, you don't want to play with me." Cristina counters back.

"Oh, I do. I'll even go first. Addison's married," she says as George spits his beer out.

Cristina looks at him disgusted, "George, beer is dripping from your nostrils."

Meredith smirks, "Told you I'd win."

Cristina shakes her head, "No, you didn't win."

Meredith looks at her confused and speaks up again, "Did you hear me? I said Addison is married… as in pigheaded, adulterous, liar married. Nothing you could say could top that."

I take that as my queue to leave. I don't want to hear anything else Meredith has to say about me. It's funny because I get paged to the hospital the moment I decide to give up and go home… I roll my eyes defeated. It's not like I was going to be able to talk to Meredith right now anyway. She hates me at the moment. I make my way out of the bar with a couple of other doctors who were paged.

A few moments of small talk later and we're back in the halls of Seattle Grace. It looks as though everyone got paged back because about ten minutes later, I see Meredith and the other interns over at the Nurses' Station.

Dr. Stevens walks up to them and blatantly asks Meredith, "Why are you back here tonight, don't you have a date with McHottie or whatever you're calling her nowadays?"

"More like McMarried," George clarifies.

Izzie jumps back shocked, "McWhat?"

Meredith rolls her eyes and answers her question, "I came to check on that patient that came in yesterday before I go home for the night."

"You think he's gonna be ok?" George asks. I think this is the patient Derek was saying he flew in for.

"You think he's gonna need an operation?" Cristina asks as Derek walks up to them with his eyes on Meredith. I can feel the heat rushing up in me as he gets closer.

"Operation, yes. Ok, hard to tell. Basilar artery is blown up like a balloon. Subarachnoid bleeding. Aneurysm the size of a golf ball," he says having all the interns look at him dazed… except Meredith. She's not falling for Derek… even if he is charming.

"No way to clip something like that," George says after a while.

Cristina chimes in, "Not without magic fingers."

Derek laughs and suggests, "Or a standstill operation."

"You're doing a standstill," Cristina perks up and Meredith makes a disgusting face at her. I guess trying to get Cristina to realize that Derek is my husband but instead she turns to Meredith and says, "he's doing a standstill operation."

"I'd like to try. First I need some additional patient history, overnight labs, and a cerebral angio," he says trying to hand the chart to Meredith.

"I'm drunk," Meredith says simply. Derek leaves the chart on the counter and walks away. I decide to walk up to her. I need to talk to her. This can't wait any longer.

"Meredith," I call out to her. She sees me then walks away. I try to follow her but the other interns step in my way.

"Satan," Izzie softly barks at me in passing. I just leave. I don't have time for the other interns. There's only one on my mind right now and I'm determined to talk to her.

I see Meredith walking out the front door of the lobby into the rain as I basically run trying to catch up with her. I call out after her, "Meredith!"

"Go away!" she shouts back without even turning around.

"Just wait," I plead, "We should discuss this."

"Here's a thought," she says turning around, "No! Quit following me!"

"At least let me explain-"

She cuts me off, "Explain? You know when you should have explained? The night we met in the bar. Before any of the rest of it. Yeah, that would have been a good time to discuss it."

"Look, I know how you feel," I say without thinking. This is never a good thing to say in situations like this. They only make things worse and I know this for a fact when Meredith blows up on me.

"Do you? Somehow I doubt that. Because if you did, you would shut up, and you would turn around and go back inside, because you would realize that I am this close to getting in my car and running you down in the parking lot!" Meredith turns around and walks away through the rain. I see one of her intern friends run past me and up to her with an umbrella. I feel defeated once again but I'm not just going to give up. I have to make things right with her maybe just not tonight.

We were all paged to the hospital to talk about the standstill patient they would be operating on in the morning but that doesn't really have anything to do with me so I take this time to head out to my car. Hopefully, tomorrow, things would've died down a little and Meredith and I actually get a chance to speak. I know things won't just blow over overnight and that actual work is going to have to be done to repair what I broke in an instant but I'm willing to fight for what I had with her. It doesn't matter how new things were. I'm not losing Meredith… Especially not when we just got started.

I wake up the next morning with an agenda... My plans are to curse Richard out for bringing Derek to Seattle, to send Derek back on his merry way to New York and to try to have a normal conversation with Meredith.

After showering and getting ready for my day, I find myself at the hospital in front of the Chief's office where I see he and Derek chatting. My smile is turned upside down… I walk into the office to find them both laughing about something and they stop the moment I enter the room.

Derek straightened up his coat and stood up, "Well, I will be back in the morning to report for duty. And you, get some rest."

He leaves out of the office and I turn to Richard obviously pissed off. I demand to know what the hell is going on right now, "What is he doing here?"

Richard starts, "You and I both know he's the best in the field. Bringing Derek out was a business decision, nothing personal."

"Oh, well, what a relief. It's not personal," I say sarcastically then I look at him sternly, "It is personal to me."

"The working of my surgical unit don't have any-," he starts and then I cut him off.

"Don't include my husband!"

Richard yells back, "Don't include your private life! Like I said, there's no room for personal in being chief."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I say harshly already knowing where he's getting at.

"How long have you have been sleeping with an intern.?" he questions me but I'm sure he already knows the answer to this. I don't have time for him to act like a parent to me. I have a father in Connecticut. I don't need one in workplace as well. I don't have to for this.

"So, I guess part of being chief is personal," I say simply walking away.

Richard calls out after me, "Close the door on your way out."

I roll my eyes walking out of his office not bothering to close his door. I have something for him. Since he can call spouses, I think I may give his a call up. She's always badgering him about taking a break from the hospital and since we're making this a family affair then I might as well give her a call up.

When I look up, I noticed I walked down to the surgical floor. I find Derek talking to Dr. Burke over by the Nurses' Station and I make my way over with a smile.

"Sorry to interrupt, Dr. Burke," I say casually.

"You're never interrupting," Dr. Burke responds.

"She's always interrupting…" Derek says and I roll my eyes as he continues, "Anyway, I was just checking to see if Dr. Burke secured the intern-"

"Intern you requested?," Meredith finishes walking up, "He did."

I stand there stunned looking between Derek and Dr. Burke. I'm literally about to spazz on everyone. Dr. Burke smiles nervously and walks away. Meredith and Derek walk away and I'm left there flustered. I can not believe this is happening.

I decide to take the remainder of my day in my office. I spent this time updating my charts. Luckily, I didn't have any surgeries today and I only got paged to the ER twice for consults. I was successfully able to avoid just about everyone until Derek found me on my way back up to my office.

"That took a lot of nerve," I say in reference to him requesting Meredith. I didn't even have to explain before he spoke up.

"Oh come on, she came highly recommended," he says and I look at him unfazed.

"Right."

"So you don't recommend her?" he questions.

"No," I shake my head, "I did not say that."

"Just not for her medical skills," he smirks.

"Oh, would you shut up?" I say wanting to strangle him but I don't.

"Dr. Shepherd," I hear Meredith's voice and I turn around. Derek and I both answer. I can't help it. I was Dr. Shepherd for eleven years now. It wasn't until Seattle that I used my maiden name. Meredith continues speaking and I realize that she's talking to Derek."Labs confirm what look like abnormalities. I think you should come and see for yourself."

"Fine. Let's go," Derek says walking away with Meredith.

I call out after her, "Meredith. Meredith."

"Don't," she says simply turning back towards Derek and walking away.

I don't try to talk to her for the rest of the day. I had back-to-back surgeries anyway so it's not like I really had the time too… I just wish she would give me a chance to explain everything. Things wouldn't seem as bad as they are if she would just let me talk to her. I know I should've explained when we first met but that's not exactly a conversation starter… Plus, we were both drunk. That isn't fair.

I fight with myself in my head up until it's time for me to head home. When I arrive home, I pour myself up a glass of wine and I make my way out back to the porch. I decide to drink myself calm while watching the waves. I don't really know how to function well alone… Lately, Meredith has been here with me most nights. Maybe I'll get a cat.

I don't know how later but I hear a car door slam shut and footsteps come around the side of the house. I look over and I see Meredith. She doesn't look happy to see me at all. I'm just surprised she came over to begin with.

I smile a little and I put my glass down, "Meredith-"

"No," she shakes her head and stops short of the porch. She's not planning on moving any further. "You wanted to talk… So talk."

I gather up everything that I have been meaning to say in these past weeks and suddenly all the words are ready to flow right out of my mouth. I wish it was this easy before. I begin, "Meredith, I know this has been long overdue. I just, it never felt like the right time which is no excuse whatsoever. Derek and I have been married for eleven years now and our marriage has been going down the drain for almost a year now. It just took me months to realize that I was the only one still fighting for what we had. We both got successful in our fields and slowly over time, he just stopped showing up… For important things like holidays and birthdays… Even anniversaries… He'd always send his best friend home with excuses. It's even crazier because we worked together and I'd see him always indebted into his patients but not in our marriage. It hurt… at first but then I realized we were finished. I moved on… Filed for divorce and I left the papers on his desk at home… The one place he went when he came home… He didn't realize I left him until now, Meredith. That was nearly three months ago…"

"And what was I to you?" She looks at me with no emotion in her face. "Was I just the girl you screwed after being screwed over?"

"No, I was drowning and you, you were like coming up for fresh air," I say with fresh tears in my eyes, "You're my new beginning."

"That's, that's not enough," she says turning around and walking away.

I could feel my heart shattering into pieces all over again. I don't want to cry anymore. I make my way into the house and pour myself something way stronger than wine. I don't even think I make it to my bedroom.

The next morning I wake up on my couch. Looking at the clock I see that it's still early… I can't help but to walk up at five in the morning even without my alarm clock. It's happens after years of being a surgeon.

I shower, get dressed and dressed up then I make my way to work. Apparently, Meredith and I have perfect timing because she and her roommates, some of the other interns, pull into the parking lot of the hospital right after me. Seeing me, Meredith slams the door of her car and I watch George, Cristina and Izzie pile out slowly after her.

Meredith walks right past me so I follow behind her until she turns around yelling, "Stop."

"What?"

Meredith looks at me sideways then speaks up, "You're stalking me. Stop it."

"Did we not communicate last night?" I ask confused as to what really happened.

She answers simply, "Yes."

I question her again, "Did you hear what I was saying?"

Meredith turns around rolling her eyes and continues walking, "Your husband screwed you over and neglected you."

"And then from that point on he no longer existed to me anymore," I finish for her.

Meredith stops and smirks at me, "You had marital amnesia?"

"No," I sigh, "Come on I bared my soul to you last night."

"It's not enough," she says as she continues walking.

"How can that be not enough?" I ask following her again.

Meredith stops in her tracks and turns around to me, "When you waited almost three months to tell me and I had to find out by him showing up, all tall, handsome and dreamy and telling me himself, you pulled the plug. I'm a sink with an open drain. Anything that you say runs right out. There is no enough."

Meredith turns around and goes inside with George and Izzie follow behind her passing me.

I hear George say under his breath, "She probably could've picked a better metaphor."

"Give her a break. She's got a hangover," Izzie responds.

I roll my eyes following them into the hospital. I can't believe I use to be an intern. I was one of them. I know my class couldn't have been that bad. I take this time to make my way upstairs. When passing by the Chief's office, I see him and his wife, Adele arguing in his office and I smile to myself. My plan worked out. Since he could call my husband, I called his wife. I step inside meaning to say something when Derek enters right behind me.

"I thought I saw a fabulous looking woman walk by," Derek says to Adele and I roll my eyes.

"Derek! Yes see," she says as she walks up to him and they hug, "I told Richard, I knew you and Addison would get back together."

He smiles and corrects her, "Ah, actually, I'm here on a case."

"Derek and I are over, Adele," I add.

"It's not like we're divorced," he counters.

"Practically divorced," I clarify. All he has to do is sign the papers.

Adele looks at us and asks, "You've had counseling?"

"We had neglect," I clarify, "months of it. That was enough."

Adele nods, "Hmm."

"I'll call you later, ok?" Derek says to Adele as he leaves and she walks over to me.

"You should give him a chance, Addison."

"It's good to see you," I smile giving her a kiss on the cheek then I wink heading out, "Keep him in line."

I never got the chance to say what I had to say but I'm sure Richard will be calling me into his office later. I don't mind. I'm always ready for a fight. I'm a Forbes-Montgomery.

Meanwhile during the remainder of my day, I birthed two sweet little babies, Carmen and James, and I also corrected baby Josiah's congenital heart disease with the help of one of Meredith's intern friends, Cristina. She says she has her heart set on Cardio so I wanted to give her the chance to see what it's like operating on tiny hearts. I think I may have won her over in that category but her main focus is still Cardio. She's a very skilled surgeon but not really the type for Fetal medicine. I think Cardio-Thoracic suits her well.

I'm making my way back to my office after surgery and I press the button for the elevator. When it opens on my floor, it's empty. I pull out my phone to check the time when the elevator opens on the next floor down. Derek walks into the elevator dressed to go home and I sigh rolling my eyes.

"Just when the day was improving," I whisper under my breath but of course, loud enough for him to hear my annoyance.

Derek looks at me and asks, "You told Meredith what happened?"

I put the phone away and walk over to the other side of the elevator to push the button for my floor again. I turn around to him giving him a weird look, "I did. What did you tell her?"

The doors to the elevator shut and he looks at me with the dreamy look of his. He thinks I'm going to fall for it but I won't. He says finally, "That I lost control of my life for a second and forgot my duties of a husband."

I look at him disbelievingly and I can feel the heat rushing through me, "What? Wow. That's your side of this? That you lost control for a second? It's been months, Derek. You didn't even realize I left until nearly three months later!"

"I'm sorry, Addison. We got successful you and me. We got busy and we got lazy. We didn't even bother to fight any more. Now I'm sorry," he pleads and I turn around pushing my floor button again and again. I have got to get off of here.

"I'm more sorry than you can possibly imagine. But at least I'm talking to you about it," he continues.

When the doors open, I head out and Derek calls out imploringly, "Addison."

"I'm a sink with an open drain honey," I look at him sadly quoting what Meredith said to me. He stands there on the elevator looking confused and I just walk away. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want him to leave.

My plans when I get home are to run myself a nice hot bubble bath and pour myself a mimosa. It's the weekend so maybe tomorrow I'll treat myself to shopping and maybe pamper myself at the spa. I need to find a way to relax my nerves before I explode. I have a reputation to maintain, a relationship to fix and one to end. I have a long few days ahead of me...


	8. Chapter Eight

**In Which Addison Learns the Truth**

I woke up this morning feeling a little less confident that Meredith will talk to me than yesterday. It's only because it's already been a few days since we last spoke and with every waking morning, I slowly lose hope that'll I'll be able to fix what I broke before it even had a real chance to start.

Once I actually get out of bed, I make my way to the bathroom to take a quick shower since I bathed last night. After my shower, I straighten my hair and do my make up. I keep it light and natural then I get dressed in my favorite little black Gucci dress.

I make my way out of the house and with the little time I have to kill, I stop at the bakery that's a couple minutes from the hospital. I order my own special mix of coffee that the bartender's love making for me since I tip well. I know what it's like since I spent some time as a waitress in high school. I didn't need to work but I wanted to be independent from my parents. It's not like they were around much anyway but that's besides the point. The point is, we made our earnings off tips and I know a lot of people working these jobs aren't fortunate enough to live in a financially stable home. Most people are living check by check and it sucks so I do as much as I can to help.

After leaving the bakery, I make my way back out to my car and to the hospital. I pull into the parking lot minutes later and park making my way inside. I walk into the hospital and I head straight for the elevator. My surgery is in a half hour and I still need to get into my scrubs. The elevator opens and there stands Richard is this ridiculously pimped out fedora. He doesn't say anything to me when I walk on so I decide to speak first, "Good morning, Richard; like the hat."

"You called my wife," he responds simply.

I smirk, "You called my husband."

"You were sleeping with an intern," he says before I cut him off.

"Which is none of your business and for your information, I think I might just be in love with Meredith. This is not just some fling between us and I don't care if you approve or not. Derek and I are over."

The elevator opens on the next floor and in walks Derek. He tries to stifle a laugh and then looks to Richard, "Nice hat."

"Shut up," I say in Richard's defense.

"Satan speaks," he answers, "I heard that's what they call you around here."

"Actually I prefer to be called Ruler of All That is Evil but I will answer to Satan," I say in rebuttal and both men laugh. I roll my eyes and I turn to Richard, "What is he still doing here?"

"I asked him to stay. We have a neurosurgery attending out on vacation," he responds and I swear I can feel my blood boiling.

Derek turns to me saying, "Actually, I could use you on a consult. Will you meet me up there Addison?"

"I, uh, actually have a surgery but I can meet you after," I answer then the elevator opens up on my floor. I quickly rush off and to my office to put my things down. I head off to the OR and I see my team already has the room prepped but it's empty. I'm assuming they're prepping the patient and bringing her up to the OR so I use this time to breathe a little.

The infant has a birth defect that causes an opening in the skin and muscles covering the abdominal wall… also known as the belly. I plan to correct it with a gastroschisis repair where I'm going to place the organs back into the baby's belly and fix the defect, if possible.

The newborn is just now old enough to have the surgery but in the meantime, she had a plastic pouch attached to her called a silo that was used to return most of baby Nia's intestines and other organs back into her belly. I'm just going to finish what it started. The prep team comes in with the baby in tow and within in minutes we are prepared to start.

As the surgery begins, I take a careful look at the baby's intestine closely for signs of damage or other birth defects. I find a couple of unhealthy parts that I remove and begin sewing together the healthy edges.

Next, I take the organs that are outside the belly and carefully place them back into the belly. Lastly, I repair the opening in the abdominal wall and we begin to close.

I'm scrubbing out of my surgery when I hear my surgical team gossiping about Ellis Grey coming into the hospital. They say that she has Alzheimer's and that her daughter, Meredith Grey, has been keeping it a secret for her the entire time. I'm shocked to hear this news and I'm sure Meredith isn't handling this well but I'm also pretty sure I'm the last person she wants to talk to right now. She's made it clear the other day how she was no longer listening to anything I have to say.

We haven't spoken or really seen much of each other since we spoke that night at my house. I don't want to give up yet but she really hates me. I have to figure out how to get her to talk to me again. I walk out of the scrub room and head upstairs to the NICU where I'm meeting Derek on a consult. I never expected him to be in the here but I guess that's why he needs my help. I'm going over the baby's chart when Izzie walks in. I wave and she rolls her eyes at me. I look back over to Derek and ask, "Where's the mother?"

"Gone. She stuck around long enough to get the kid strung out and then took off. Nice, huh?" he smirks.

I sigh frustrated, "Derek?"

"Addison," he pauses, "I know it's a long shot. I know that."

"You told me you had a newborn with an invasive mash. You failed to mention that she's premature, underweight and addicted to narcotics," I walk over to her and I frown. I hate not being able to do more, "There's no way that she's going to survive spinal surgery."

"You don't know that," he replies.

I roll my eyes, "It's my job to know that."

"You don't know everything, Addison," he basically yells and I'm taken aback.

"Excuse me?" I question him.

"I'm sorry honey but you don't," he pauses, "You don't get to decide-"

I cut him off, "Wait, did you just call me honey?"

He tries to speak up again but I don't let him, "Don't call me honey."

"Fine," he pauses recollecting himself, "Look, if a patient has any chance of survival, which I think she does, then you have a responsibility-"

I cut him off again, "Don't talk to me about responsibility."

"You took an oath, Addison," he says to me harshly.

"Oh, don't you dare talk to me about oaths," I say in return.

"Addison, I messed up. People mess up," he pleads.

I roll my eyes at him, "You neglected me for months, Derek."

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm just gonna go. I'll go check on the labs," Izzie says leaving the room.

Derek looks at me sadly then looks at the baby. I shake my head, "Derek, don't do this."

"Addison… look, she's a fighter. Look how far she's come already," he leans over into the incubator to look at the baby.

"Don't get attached. Don't get involved. Just… don't make her life more painful than it already is," I say handing him back the chart.

"Addison, please. She has nobody. She needs someone to fight for her," he pleads.

"She's too far gone. You have to let her go. Let her go in peace," I say leaving the room.

I want to help the preemie, I do but like Derek said, she has no one. Why put her through a hard, painful and stressful life where she'll be bounced from foster home to foster home when we don't even know if she'll leave to see two years old. It's too much on such a young little girl already. I don't want to have to put her through anymore that what she's already going through.

I turn the corner making my way to my office. I sit down at my desk and I start going through some flies when Meredith walks into the room.

"Dr. Montgomery," she addresses me standing up against the wall. She doesn't move any further from the door.

"Meredith," I say slightly shocked because I'm surprised to see her. I immediately think of her mother. "I heard. Is it true?"

"Yeah. Secrets out."

I sigh, "Oh."

"Dr. Montgomery, I-" she starts but I cut her off.

"You don't have to call me Dr. Montgomery," I say to her.

Meredith replies adamantly, "Dr. Montgomery. I want in on a surgical case. I can't just do nothing all day. And you owe me this. And I never ask you for anything like this, so…"

"I have a preemie with a coarctation of the aorta. Surgery is in an hour. You'll scrub in," I say as she nods her head and leaves the room.

Two hours comes around and we're in the middle of our surgery when the Chief walks into the OR with his intern, Dr. O'Malley. I roll my eyes, "Chief, I'm a little busy here. Whatever it is we can talk about it later."

"Actually, I'm not here about you," he looks from me to Meredith.

"It's for my mother, isn't?" she asks.

"It's a simple procedure; needle biopsy," he says.

She nods then says, "You think she has cancer?"

"George needs your signature," he says simply.

Meredith looks to me then leaves out of the OR. Luckily I've already removed the narrowing segment in aorta and all I have to do now is sew together the two ends of it. Meredith returns moments later and we finish up the surgery in silence. I'm scrubbing out of the OR when Dr. Grey and Dr. Carson, my intern today, walk out to wash up as well.

"Can you do the follow up? I want to check on my mother," Meredith asks him.

"Yeah," he nods, "You know what's going on?"

I stop Meredith as she walks pass by holding her arm comfortingly and she backs out of my grasp looking upset.

"Don't," she says sharply.

"Sorry," I say holding up my hands in defeat.

"Don't be sorry. I'm so tired of it, you being sorry," she says furiously.

I start, "Dr.-"

Meredith cuts me off, "Don't do it."

I try again, "Dr. Grey-"

She sounds annoyed, "Dr. Grey, seriously? Are you concerned about Dr. Carson finding out about us? Is that what matters to you? Do you really think he cares?"

Meredith turns around to him who's trying hard not to come across as bemused. She speaks up loudly, "Dr. Carson, do you care that I was the intern stupid enough to screw the married attending?"

"No," replies while still scrubbing out.

Meredith looks back at me pointedly.

"It's okay," I say backing down and trying to leave the room.

"It's not okay," she yells.

I speak up softly, "Meredith just-"

"Don't," she cuts me off. "Stop talking to me like you're my girlfriend! Stop talking to me at all," she says leaving the room.

"Dude, that was rough," he says and I roll my eyes leaving the scrub room.

I head straight for my office where I decide to hide out for a little and recollect myself. Meredith is so confusing. We were talking earlier… at least that's what I thought when she asked to scrub in. I thought that was a huge step in the right direction and then all of a sudden, she flips out on me in the middle of the scrub room. I'm not sure what to do anymore or really if I should try but I don't want to give up yet… It just seems like she really hates me.

I sigh then I get up from my desk heading towards my mini fridge. It's pretty empty but I'm hungry and I could probably use some coffee. I make my way out of the office and downstairs to the cafeteria where I order a turkey sandwich and some juju.

I run into the Chief on my walk back up to my office. He's wearing a different hat than this morning. This one is a bowler's hat. I don't comment this time because it's obvious he's self-conscious of his hair. We begin walking down the hallway together.

"Derek informed me that he would be leaving in the morning," Richard says as we walk past his office.

"Great," I say as George walks in.

"What is it, O'Malley?" the Chief asks.

"Just letting you know that the labs on Dr. Grey's biopsy have been submitted and should be ready in about thirty minutes," he answers.

I see Dr. Stevens walk over to us and she tries to pull me aside, "Excuse me, Dr. Montgomery. We need you fast. Um… it's Cristina, one of our interns. She's," she pauses and I look briefly at Richard, "she's collapsed."

"Cristina's collapsed," the other intern questions.

I'm confused… I ask, "Why do you need me?"

Izzie sighs but doesn't say anything. Comprehension dawns on Richard and I realizing she must be pregnant. George looks at us and I guess he realizes too because he exclaims, "Cristina's pregnant?"

"Shut up, George," Izzie says then looks to me, "Please come."

I follow Izzie to Cristina's room. I start performing an ultrasound on Cristina while she lays barely conscious on a hospital bed. Dr. Bailey is standing behind her bed stroking her hair.

"Have you notified the father?" I ask and Cristina doesn't answer. She just sort of breathes a little funny. I look over to Dr. Bailey who looks back to Cristina.

"Cristina?" she asks her trying to get something out of her, "Cristina? Uh, Cristina? Cristina? Is there anyone we can call?"

Cristina just continues slightly gasping and slowly drifts unconscious. Dr. Bailey looks to me, "Oh, we're losing her."

I point to the screen displaying Cristina's uterus showing Dr. Bailey and Dr. Stevens what I've found, "Oh man, do you see that? It's an extra uterine pregnancy in the tube there. She's bleeding out."

I have Dr. Stevens call up to the OR floor and secure us a room. The prep team has Cristina prepped and ready in the OR within a few minutes. I'm going to try my hardest to save her fallopian tube but it doesn't look so hopeful. I start performing surgery and Dr. Bailey is still here at Cristina's head stroking her hair. Dr. Stevens is observing me as I work. This is the first time since the Quint incident that we've been in the same room without her ignoring me and/or leaving.

"She's going to be okay, right?" Izzie asks me.

"How attached was she to this pregnancy?" I ask her avoiding her question because I truly don't know.

"I don't know. She's a pretty private person," she replies.

"She's lost a lot of blood but I've got it from here," I say continuing surgery. "Dr. Bailey, you must have a surgery or two of your own today."

"I'm fine right here," she replies.

A few minutes later, I see Dr. Bailey get up and go over to the door. I look up to see what she's doing and I see Meredith on the other side of the door.

"Need something?" Dr. Bailey asks her.

"I'm coming in," Meredith replies simply.

"No you're not," Miranda replies.

"I am," she says, "I'm her friend."

"Exactly," Dr. Bailey explains, "She's lying on the operating table, naked, exposed. She's sedated but she's probably scared out of her mind right now. Now, right now, she's not a doctor. She's not your friend. She's a patient and she deserves to have all the privacy I can give her. You're not going in there."

I look over at Izzie and I see that she's also listening in on their conversation.

Meredith sighs, "We went jogging this morning. I made her go jogging. There's no way that could of?"

"No," Dr. Bailey cuts her off, "It started out this way. Nothing caused it to happen."

"You have to let me in there," Meredith pleads.

"You can try. I'd have to take you down," Dr. Bailey says and says jokingly, "Hey, I might be short but you're pretty tiny. I could do it."

"Right now. Just in this moment," Meredith pauses, "I hate you."

"Hmm, yeah well I can take it," Dr. Bailey says as Meredith turns and walks away. She closes the door and joins us back over at the table.

After the surgery, I make my way back up to the NICU. I find Derek's preemie over in the incubator and I walk over to her smiling. I reach my finger in and she grabs onto it tightly. She has a really good grip. Derek walks in and I look up at him standing up.

"Look at that, BP is stabilizing," he says pointing at the monitor.

"She's stronger since this morning," I say taking her chart and going to sit down in a rocking chair over in the corner of the room, "There's no reason in the world why she should be stronger since this morning."

"She's really beautiful isn't she?" he asks staring at the little girl.

I look up at him and smile genuinely at him for the first time in forever, "I'll tell you what… If she makes it through the night, if she has a little bit more strength then I'll operate."

We smile at each other then Derek walks over towards me, "You know, the way I see it, we could deal with us in one of three ways… Option one: I could apologize. You could forgive me and come home and we could move on with our lives like adults. Or, option two: I could apologize. You could forgive, come home but, you can still bring it up to use against me whenever we argue."

"Are you trying to be funny?" I ask unamused.

"I can have a sense of humor," he says leaning in to kiss me but I get up and move away.

"What's the third option?" I ask as I walk back over to the preemie.

"I don't know what the third option is," he says shrugging and walking up to me again. He runs his hand through my hair and speaks up again, "I just know that I still love you."

I feel like I literally fled the hospital after that. I ran to my office and I grabbed my things before making my way to the lobby then out through the huge glass doors. When I walk outside, I see Meredith sitting on a bench outside of the hospital. I can't see her face but only her back.

I step a little closer and question, "Meredith?"

"Oh," she says softly.

I hear that she's crying in her voice, "Meredith."

"Don't," she sobs, "Please, please just don't say anything."

"Okay," I comply.

I still stand here though. I wasn't planning on giving up just like that. Luckily, Meredith gets up and makes her way around the bench to where she's standing right in front of me. I look at her concerned and she tries to smile but it doesn't work.

"I'm just exhausted. My mother is exhausting. What happened to Cristina and you; hating you is the most exhausting," she says this then she takes my faces and kisses me long but softly then finishes, "I don't want to do it anymore."

She walks back into the hospital and I'm left standing there stunned. Just when I thought that Meredith would never talk to me again, she goes and does this. She's so confusing.


	9. Chapter Nine

**In Which Addison Receives a Second Chance**

It's lunchtime at Seattle Grace Hospital. This morning was a hectic one… We came in and found that the preemie survived the night so I had to live up to my word and operate on her this morning with Derek. The sad part about all of this is that I was right… I didn't want to be right but the little one didn't survive the surgery… I told him that she wasn't strong enough but this is the one time that I really didn't want to be right.

We haven't spoken all day since. I'm assuming he is getting his things in order to leave seeing that he doesn't have any other patients in this hospital. Anyway, I'm walking towards the elevators when I hear screaming coming from a patient's room, "Get out! Get out! Get out!"

"Mom!" someone screams.

"She's a child and I won't have her on my team," the first voice demands.

Soon after I see Meredith run out of the room and she walks up to me. She doesn't speak so I decide to speak up first, "You skipping rounds?"

Meredith looks at me then back to the elevator, "Avoiding mother."

"Meredith…" I say after a few moments of silence.

She doesn't let me finish, "You've got a husband."

I nod, "Yes."

Meredith continues, "You're life is complicated."

"Yes."

Meredith shakes her head, "I don't need complicated. I have complicated all on my own."

I sigh, "Yes."

Meredith yells, "Stop saying yes."

I smile a little and Meredith sees this and frowns, "You think this is funny?"

"Look Meredith, I didn't expect to potentially meet the love of my life at the bar my first night in Seattle. I know that's no excuse to not tell you I was married but it was my first step in becoming myself again and I fell in love… Then the day I was going to tell you, he showed up but Derek and I are over. I know it. He knows it. He's signing the papers and going home. He doesn't have any more patients in this hospital. There's no reason for him to be here," she just looks skeptically at me with her arms crossed as we stand near the elevators on the surgical floor.

I wasn't expecting to have this conversation today but Meredith stopped me on my way out to lunch to talk about last night. She explained that when she said she's tired of hating me, she meant it. She wanted to actually give our relationship a go but only if I was fully in it which meant, Derek had to go.

"No reason?" Meredith questions.

I move my hand in to stroke her cheek, "None whatsoever."

Speaking of the Devil, he walks past us towards the elevator dressed like he's leaving for the day. I roll my eyes as he smirks and I know he's about to say something stupid.

"Well now, isn't this cozy? Can I join in or are you not into threesomes?" he asks with this grin on his face.

"I have to go," Meredith says as she walks away.

"Meredith…" I call after her but she continues to walk away so I follow Derek into the elevator and when it closes we're the only two left. I turn to him with my arms crossed, "How come you haven't got on your broomstick and gone back to New York, where you belong? "

"Stop being so petty… Plus it's not until this evening. I was hoping we had some time to talk," he says in a surprisingly serious tone.

"Well, I'm on lunch right now so I guess we can talk over some food," I shrug as the elevator opens up on the ground floor.

We make our way outside into the parking lot and he suggests that we got something to eat that's in walking distance. On our walk to the restaurant, I think of my conversation with Dr. Bailey from last night at Joe's...

" _Meredith kissed me… I almost thought I had lost my chance with her," I said sitting down next to her at the bar and putting up two fingers asking for two shots._

 _Miranda looked from me to the bartender in front of us, "Joe, do I look friendly to you?"_

 _Joe laughs then says sarcastically as he puts my shots down in front of me, "Oh, you're a tiny little kitten of joy and love."_

 _Dr. Bailey makes a face and then sips her drink. Without looking at me she says, "Satan, go sit by someone who cares."_

" _This coming from the Nazi," I sigh but I don't move. I down both of the shots in front of me then I sigh, "Everything's gonna be fine. Derek will go back to New York. Meredith and I'll start over, everything's gonna be fine. Right?"_

 _Dr. Bailey shakes her head and laughs, "You so damn stupid."_

Derek opens the door to the restaurant bringing me out of my thoughts. He leads me to the outside seating and we don't have to look over the menu twice before we order our food. The waiter leaves and comes back with our drinks letting us know our food will be out any moment as he leaves again.

I start mixing my tea with lemon when Derek speaks up, "You know, you are going forgive me eventually, right? I mean you can't just ... I mean there was a time when you thought of me as your best friend?"

"There was a time where I thought you were the love of my life. Things change," I counter.

Derek sighs then reaches into his bags and pulls out papers out of her bag. He hands them to me. I look down at the papers, "Divorce papers."

He nods speaking up, "My lawyer said they're ok. I haven't signed them yet. The ball's in your court. If you sign, I'll sign. I'll sign and be on the 1st plane out of here."

"I'll sign them immediately. I want you out of here as soon as possible," I say searching for a pen in my purse.

Derek looks upset and reaches out towards me, "Addison, have you ever thought that, even after the months of neglect, that I still might be the love of your life?"

I look at him sadly and I frown, "I'm sorry, Derek."

The waiter wasn't playing when he said our food would be out soon. This is the fastest service I've had yet in Seattle. We thank him for our food then we eat our lunch in silence. Once we finish our food and the waiter clears the table, I pull back out the divorce papers. I honestly didn't think it would be this easy to let go of the last eleven years of my life… but the last few I can remember were quite painful. They were filled with the one thing I hate the most: neglect. I had enough of it from growing up with my parents and I don't need the rest of my life to look that way. I have to end this now.

I finally find a pen in my purse. Pulling it out, I scan over the papers only for a second since I had them written up and have read them countless times before I left them on his desk not so many months ago. I come to the last page where I'm supposed to sign my name. I sigh looking up at Derek. I try to remember the happy times we had but it's so hard to remember the beginning when you're at the end.

I sign my name on the line then I hand Derek back the folder, "I'm sorry, Derek. We had a not too bad run but I have a new life here. I've moved on..."

"With that girl intern?" he scoffs then rolls his eyes.

"With or without her, Derek… We're over. We have been for a few months now. I've accepted it and now it's time for you to," I say simply getting up from the table. "And for your information, I love Meredith. I haven't even known her long but I fell for her the moment I laid eyes on her… and that's way more than what I can say about you."

I'm walking away at this point and I don't look back. I don't even realize that I had started crying until a tear dropped on my hand. I've been Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd for a third of my existence. Eleven years of my life, gone… just like that… I don't regret it. I just have to get used to being me again… Addison Montgomery drop the Shepherd. I have to remember who I was many moons ago before I met Dr. McDreamy, yes, he's already gotten a nickname from the one week that he was here at the hospital.

It's just funny because I thought I would feel different… All I feel is overwhelmed. Maybe it hasn't fully hit me… I walk into the hospital and a second later, I'm being paged by Dr. Bailey for a consult. I make my way up to the radiology viewing room where I find Meredith and Dr. Bailey are looking over x-rays put up on the x-ray board.

I walk into the room and up to the x-rays greeting both of them as I enter, "Doctors."

Dr. Bailey acknowledges me, "Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd."

"Actually, it's just Montgomery now," I see Meredith look at me surprised and I clear my throat continuing, "How old is he?"

"He's 26," Dr. Bailey responds.

"Survivor, huh?"

"And then some," she continues, "My patient for at least 5 years. I'm not gonna lose him now."

"You planning a laparotomy?" I question.

"Yeah, but his lungs," she hesitates.

"Hmm," I think back to a previous surgery I had that's similar to this, "You know, I think I could help you with this. I've seen one case like this before in a 9 year old. We ended up having to do a total pancreatectomy."

"I'd be honored to take any help you can give me-"

Meredith finally speaks up cutting off Dr. Bailey, "You're a neonatal specialist. What… uh… this isn't your area."

Dr. Bailey looks at Meredith annoyed and shakes her head at her causing Meredith to speak up again nervously, "I'm just saying that…"

I decide to intervene, "I did 2 years genetic research in cystic fibrosis. I've pretty much seen it all, Dr. Grey."

"Oh," she says simply then her pager goes off.

Meredith leaves to answer her page while Dr. Bailey and I continue to go over our plan for Jeremiah that is until I get paged to the ER. I'm walking passed Ellis's room when I hear Meredith yelling. Apparently, they lost her mother… Who loses a patient? I shake my head at Dr. O'Malley, the intern on the case and I keep moving. As I'm passing by the CT viewing room, I hear what sounds like Meredith's mother coming from inside.

"It's definitely a bullet. One that tracked clear through his head. Now are you people just going to sit here or you gonna get him into surgery? Here's the missile track. As you can see it doesn't even cross the midline," the voice grows louder as I approach the room.

When I walk up to the door I see Dr. Karev and CT Tech looking at each other bewildered as Ellis, in dark navy blue scrubs that the attendings wear, is pointing to the CT scans explaining what she's said to them. The CT Tech walks over to me and we both stand at the door looking on until the intern on her case arrives.

"She's over there," I hear the CT guy say to George who walks up behind us.

"He's lucky. This guy may be even better talking to," Ellis continues to speak as CT guy and I walk in with George following behind us with a wheelchair, "He'll need debridement of the entrance wound and repair the dura, but we won't need to remove the bullet."

"That's an excellent diagnosis, Dr. Grey. I'm Dr. Montgomery, your consult," I say interrupting her. She turns to me then smiles.

"Dr. Grey, they need you upstairs," George says then Ellis gets up.

She looks to me and questions, "You'll book the OR and staff?"

"I'm on it," Alex answers for me as Ellis gets into the wheelchair. I look at him disapprovingly and he just shrugs. George comes up to the screen with the CT scan.

"Unbelievable," he says as Richard comes to the room as well.

"O'Malley," the chief demands, "Can you not handle this, doctor?"

George walks back to Ellis muttering, "I can handle a lot of things. Wheelchairs. Come on, Dr. Grey."

He pulls the wheelchair out of the doorway and we exit the room going our separate ways.

After my consult in the ER, I make my way back up to Jeremiah's room where Dr. Bailey, Meredith and I start to explain the surgery to him.

"We won't know for sure until we go in there, but it looks like that I'm going to have to take out your pancreas and re-route your intestines," I say to him.

He looks to Dr. Bailey, "Did you tell her that my lungs don't do well with anesthesia?"

"Don't I always have your back?" she teases.

"Your kidney function is decreasing rapidly and I'm afraid you're gonna go into multi-system organ failure if we don't operate," I say bringing back the serious mood.

"If I say no?" Jeremiah questions.

Dr. Bailey speaks up, "There's no guarantees, Jeremiah. You know that. It's gonna be a long, hard surgery and put a lot of stress on your body."

Jeremiah smiles, "Yeah, but I'm me."

Dr. Bailey smiles back and I make mental note of that because Dr. Bailey never smiles, "But you're you."

Jeremiah now looks to me, "So if we don't operate, I die. And if… we do operate, I may die."

I try to see another way around it but there is none, "Basically, yes."

"Well, I like those odds. And 26 years with this disease is awesome. And that's the reality. So if I get lucky… great. And if I don't…" he looks at Dr. Bailey and takes her hand in his, "it's been sweet."

"It's gonna stay sweet,"she throws his hand back and he shrugs smiling.

We hear yelling in the hallway so Meredith and I step out curiously. I see a couple, three police officers and the wife being put into handcuffs. Meredith walks over to the Nurse's station pretending to look over a chart as she listens in. I come up behind her pretending to look through some files of my own.

"Well, nothing like a domestic dispute to liven up a pre-op, huh?" I joke and Meredith just gives me a knowing look. We both walk back over to Jeremiah's room where Dr. Bailey is.

Jeremiah's looking over the forms, "Where do I sign?"

"Here, for consent. And here for DNR and no extraordinary measures," Dr. Bailey points out as Jeremiah signs.

"Good. Ok, lift up for me," Jeremiah lifts up in obvious pain as Dr. Bailey uses her stethoscope to listen to his heart beat.

"You should probably call my parents," he says to Miranda.

She shakes her head, "Call them yourself when you walk out of here."

We're in the OR now and we're just about done with Jeremiah's surgery. I look up at the monitors then back down into the field, "I need more traction. Dr. Grey?"

"Here give me some suction there," Dr. Bailey says as Meredith gives suction.

"Now Grey, retract the duodenum. Good," Dr. Bailey says then looks to another doctor, "How's he doing?"

Dr. DeSheers responds, "Harder to ventilate and no urine output since we started."

This isn't good. I shake my head, "He's shutting down."

"Did you increase his peak pressures?" Dr. Bailey asks.

"Any higher, I blow his lungs," the doctor says as the monitor beeps, "Bradycardia. Pushing 1 of atropine."

Dr. DeSheers injects atropine and there's no change.

"Try ventilating him manually, see if he starts coming back up," I suggest as the doctor starts pushing on a bag).

Dr. Bailey looks up at me, "Did we miss any bleeders?"

I shake my head 'no' after checking again, "The surgical field is clear."

"Agonal rhythm," Meredith announces as the monitor starts beeping faster.

"Any pulse with that?" Dr. Bailey asks.

"No carotid," Dr. DeSheers responds.

"Okay starting CPR," Dr. Bailey says as she hands over her suction pipe and starts performing CPR, "Push one of EPI."

"No extraordinary measures, Dr. Bailey," I try to remind her, "He's DNR."

"No this is just good medicine," she responds as the others stop what they're doing.

Ten minutes pass and Dr. Bailey is still performing CPR.

"Come on! Come on, don't give up. Come on," she shouts, mostly to herself, as she continues CPR.

"You're getting tired. Let me take over, Dr. Bailey," Meredith says as Dr. Bailey moves away and pulls her to where she was standing. Meredith starts performing CPR.

"Dr. Bailey, his intestines are cyanotic. There is no blood circulating," I say trying to talk some sense into her. She's completely lost it.

"It's been shunted to his brain where he needs it," she says to me then looks at Meredith, "You call those compressions?"

She moves Meredith out of the way and resumes CPR. Meredith and I make eye contact. I don't really know what to do anymore.

"Fight it. Come on," Dr. Bailey shouts as she continues CPR. I just shake my head and look around the room to see everyone staring at Miranda terrified. She looks up and shouts, "Why isn't anyone moving? Whose recording?"

"It's been ten minutes since we've had a perfusing rhythm," I answer while trying to stop her but she shrugs me off. The monitor flat lines and I speak up again, "It's your call, Dr. Bailey."

She still continues CPR and counts aloud, "1,2,3,4… 1,2,3,4… 1…"

She suddenly stops. The only sound left is the monitor flat lined.

"Asystole," Dr. Bailey says pulling of her mask and looking at the clock, "Time of death: 19:26."

She walks out of the O.R trying not to cry. I look over to the scrub room to see Dr. Bailey furiously cleaning her hands. She stops when she sees some of the doctors covering up Jeremiah's body. I decide to join her in the scrub room. When I walk in, Dr. Bailey resumes washing her hands. I start scrubbing out and as Meredith walks in, Dr. Bailey is leaving the room.

I sigh finishing up and say, mostly to myself, "It's hard to accept the end when you're too close."

I walk out of the room leaving Meredith to scrub out alone. On my walk to my office, I see Dr. Bailey standing off to the side of the mezzanine alone and she pulls out her cellphone. I wanted to talk to her so I decided to be nosy until she finishes so I watch on from the nearest nurse's station.

"Hi. Mrs. Tate? It's Miranda," she nods as her voice breaks, "Miranda Bailey. I'm calling about Jeremiah. I'm so sorry."

She starts crying. I can't continue to watch this. I turn away shaking my head and I declare this day a horrible day. I just want to go home to my bed. I make my way up to my office to grab my things and within the next hour, I'm sitting at home on my couch with glass of liquor in my hand. I can't say this is my first glass of the night but I can't tell you how many I've had either.

I hear my doorbell ring which is quite odd because I wasn't expecting any visitors. I make my way to the door and I open it to reveal Meredith who's staring at me questionably. Is it that obvious that I've been drinking?

"Look," I say defensively, "I was married for 11 years. Derek is my family… That is 11 Thanksgivings, 11 birthdays and 11 Christmases. And in one day, I sign a piece of paper and end my family? A person doesn't do that. Not without a little hesitation. I'm entitled to at least a moment to understand the magnitude to what it means to cut somebody out of my life. I'm entitled to a least one moment…" I trail off when I realize that Meredith isn't arguing me.

She simply nods her head and walks inside closing the door behind us.


	10. Chapter Ten

**In Which Addison Crosses the Line**

Last night after Meredith came over, we drank a little more and watched old Disney classics. I told her about this clinical trial for Alzheimer's that I thought she might be interested in trying to get her mother into. We talked about that some then I mostly ranted to Meredith about my life with Derek and I even told her that I started growing feelings for his best friend. I didn't tell her that those feelings aren't exactly gone but I did tell her that I slept with him once and Derek still doesn't know. It's too late though. The papers are signed and now I'm a free woman. I mean, yes, the divorce has to be finalized which could take a while but I am back to being Addison Forbes Montgomery and that's who I need to focus on right now. I need to learn how to better take care of myself. Maybe I could start by eating better and working out…

I'm thinking about all this while I'm in the OR performing surgery on a patient of mine. Meredith came in with me this morning and is standing up in the gallery keeping me company. We were talking earlier but now she's just watching. I'm supposed to be taking her blood after this. She needs it for her mother's clinical trial. I look up at the gallery as Cristina enters. I see she and Meredith are talking but I don't know what about. They finish up their conversation right around the time I finish up the surgery and I go to scrub out.

Meredith joins me in the hallway after and we walk down to the ER to find a trauma room where I can draw her blood. Meredith sits on the bed and stretches her arm out on the table and I begin.

"Thank you for doing this," she clarifies, "With the needles and the blood. They won't accept her without a full family history."

"I'm happy to get your mom into the clinical trial. Even with the needles and blood," I say as I finish and stand up. It's silent for a moment as her vivid green eyes gazes deep into my soul. Okay, maybe I'm being a little dramatic but her eyes are gorgeous. I break the moment first, "All done. How's that feel?"

"Feels good," she replies as my pager goes off.

I smile to her and we exchange a quick kiss, "I got to go."

I take off towards the surgical floor where I find Izzie standing out in the hallway, "I was paged?"

"It's Dr. Bailey. They took her downstairs to your OB wing," she says nonchalantly and I look at her confused. It's like she read my mind because she basically answers my question, "She's nearly seven months. She didn't tell anyone and no one noticed."

"Wow," I say simply. I thought Dr. Bailey was pregnant at a point of time but she never confirmed it and I never asked so I just let the idea go completely.

I make my way to the OB wing and I find Dr. Bailey in an exam room. She tells me that she thinks she's having false labor and I decide to start with an ultrasound. If I knew she was pregnant, I probably would've told her to go on bed rest a long time ago. Being a surgeon here is way too stressful on the baby.

"There he is," I point out her baby on the monitor, "Heartbeat's strong. Since there's no dilation or effacement, looks like nothing more than Braxton Hicks."

Dr. Bailey sits up, "Except I know the mild concerned tone. I've used it myself from time to time."

I nod and speak up, "Sometimes false labor is the body's way of telling you to slow down."

"I'm a surgeon," she replies simply.

"I understand the realities of your job but you need to understand the realities of your pregnancy and take it easy," I say sternly then ask, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Uh, yeah for starters you can help me get up off this table," she says to me as Izzie knocks on the door and walks in.

"Dr. Bailey," Izzie looks up from her chart, "The GI lab has a couple of questions about Miss. Miyazaki's esophagram."

"Well let's go," Dr. Bailey says getting up and walking out of the room.

"Dr. Stevens," I call out and Izzie stops and turns around, "Keep an eye on her today. Watch out for any painful contractions. More than 5 in an hour. Anything that could indicate preterm labor." Izzie shakes her head 'no' and I frown wanting to punch her but I restrain myself. "The favor is not for me Stevens, you know that." Izzie complies, nods and walks off.

Later in the day, not surprisingly, I get paged about Dr. Bailey again. She went into preterm labor and I stopped the contractions then sent her home. Dr. Bailey's interns and I are walking down the hallway with Dr. Bailey while her nurse is pushing her in wheelchair on the way to go home.

"Bed rest at home until the baby comes," I say then I joke, "You do know what bed rest is don't you Miranda?"

"Yeah hell," she says while being wheeled backwards into an elevator.

"Hell with TV and books," Izzie says as she hands Dr. Bailey a present, "Here, it's from all of us."

Dr. Bailey stares at us all evilly and her interns all smile at her from outside the elevator. The elevator doors begin to close, but Dr. Bailey stops it with her foot.

"I may be 47 months pregnant. I may be on bed rest. I may not be able to see my own feet but I am Dr. Bailey. I hear everything. I know everything. I'm watching each and every one of you. And I will return," she says to her interns then let's the doors close when she finishes.

I try to to stifle a laugh as her interns disperse. Meredith walks over to me and holds onto my hand then we begin walking down the hallway.

"You know, I heard the nurses' were going on strike tomorrow," she says to me and I stare back at her in shock.

"What?"

"Yeah, apparently they notified the chief last week. They don't like how they have to work more and get paid less because of the new hospital budget," she says and shrugs as her pager goes off, "Damn it. I have to go."

She kisses me on the cheek then runs off in the other direction from which we came. I continue walking down the hall and I find Richard wiping the OR board clean. I see Dr. Burke standing near the stairs watching him and I walk up to Dr. Burke.

I wonder if he's heard the rumor about the nurses so I look over to him questionably, "Strike?"

"Strike," he answers simply.

Richard turns around then says, "You are all a bunch of arrogant surgeons."

He walks off while Dr. Burke and I exchange confusing looks. I just shrug and he nods then we part ways.

Sure enough the next day, the entrance at Seattle Grace Hospital was filled with a large group of nurses holding large signs while chanting 'Fair hours, fair wages!'. They've formed a picket line in front of the hospital where I found myself stuck. I don't want to cross it but I have tiny humans that I have to take care of. Dr. O'Malley and Dr. Stevens walk up to the line as well.

George sighs and shakes his head, "Can't. Can't, can't cross the picket line. I can't."

"I don't like it either, George, but what choice do we have? Ok, you took an oath to heal. You're a healer," Izzie looks at him then looks at me. I look back at her and she looks back to George.

"Dad's a truck driver. Mom's a teacher. The evening news shows me crossing the picket line… they'll outlive me just to pee on my grave," George says then Izzie and I both give him a weird look.

Dr. Yang also walks up to us and says, "Has there been any blood yet? Heard they brought in scab nurses."

"I think the nurses know that we are on their side," Izzie ponders out loud.

One of the nurses yells, "Don't cross the line!"

"Don't they?" Izzie says believing it a little less.

Cristina shrugs, "Well we're doctors. We have sick patients inside. We have surgeries."

"Ok… Then you go first," Izzie replies.

"Screw it," she says heading through the line as food is thrown at her. We watch while she attempts to fend it off. She makes into the hospital then turns around laughing at the nurses, "Yeah doing my job! Doing my job! Ha-ha!"

"They threw food at her!" Izzie says and George nods, "That is just wrong! Fine I'm going in!"

George and I watch as Izzie makes her way in also has food thrown at her. She uses her huge purse to fend off the fruit. In the mass of nurses she walks past Olivia who screams at her, "Change your own bed pan, Stevens!"

"Yeah, enjoy your syphilis Olivia," she makes it to the front doors and squeals as one last orange is thrown at her. She turns around and yells out, "George, are you coming?"

"No, I'm good here," he says just standing at the end of the picket line watching.

He looks at me and I just shake my head at him. I make my walk into the hospital standing tall and proud to be an 'arrogant surgeon' as Richard put it last night. I take the food like a man and just protected my face as I walked through.

When I get inside, I can literally feel that the balance is off. People are all over the place, patients, staff galore… I spot Dr. Burke at the nurses' station and I make my way over to him. When I see Patricia walking down the hall with one of the temp nurses, I start complaining to him about the whole situation.

"And I can't say this enough charts are organized by room number. I know you're temp nurses but there's no excuse for sloppiness," Patricia says as the nurse nods and walks into an adjoining room. Patricia walks over to where are Preston and I are standing going over our own charts meanwhile still complaining and interrupts us before walking off, "You know why I stopped being a nurse? Doctors. Doctors who don't know how to pitch in."

"Right," Dr. Burke says sarcastically as Richard walks by and we both run up to him.

I comment, "This place is going to hell."

"We need to find a way to compromise," Dr. Burke adds before he walks off.

I nod agreeing and add, "We need the real nurses back."

"We need an additional 40 nurses to relieve the overtime that they're striking about. That's 2 million dollars a year we don't have," Richard finally speaks up.

"Have you checked under the couch? I always find spare change under the cushions," it's a joke but it's true. I usually find lots of change under the cushions. I look over at Richard and he's giving me a sour look, "Ok, I'm silencing myself."

Richard goes back to his office and I walk down the hall looking for Dr. Bailey's interns. I need Dr. Stevens for a consult. When I find them, I see that they're with a new resident, Dr. Sydney Heron, until Miranda gets back. She's a bit too much for me… I watch as all the other interns scatter and Izzie is left there with Dr. Heron. She looks uncomfortable… I walk up to Izzie and I smile, "Hey Dr. Stevens."

Izzie answers eagerly, "Yeah."

"Could use you on a consult," I start but I don't even get a chance to finish before she answers.

"Ok. I'm on it. Absolutely," she drops what she's doing and grabs my file. She follows me to our patient's room and I have to say that was surprisingly easy.

We're in the exam room now and I'm letting Izzie perform the ultrasound. She's just a teenaged girl still in highschool being raised by a single mother. At least her mother is here supporting her.

"Is that too much?" Cheyenne asks me about the picture on the screen.

I shake my head, "It's a lot of extra amniotic fluid, Cheyenne, but your baby looks strong."

"Does that mean we can go? I mean appreciate you seeing us, I really do but this is a long drive for us and I can't afford to miss another shift," her mother asks.

I frown and look to Cheyenne, "Unfortunately, Ms. Wood, the mass on the baby's neck is what's causing the build up in fluid. It's also obstructing her airway and the spine."

"Mom," Cheyenne says nervously as she looks over to her mother.

Ms. Wood comforts her, "It's alright. Just listen."

I nod and continue, "We're going to do a procedure called an exit surgery. Basically we do a C-section and only half deliver the baby."

"Half deliver?" Cheyenne questions.

I nod, "That's right. We pull the head and the arms out but we don't cut the umbilical cord."

"Why?" the girl asks and my intern speaks up.

"The tumor won't let air get to the baby's lungs. So we need the umbilical cord to keep her alive during the operation. It's kinda cool if you think about it. You'll be like your baby's life support machine," Izzie smiles trying to lessen her nerves.

I decide to continue on, "And then after the surgery if all goes well, we cut the umbilical cord and you'll be the mother of a healthy baby girl. How does that sound?"

Cheyenne looks relieved but her mother just shakes her head and says, "That sounds expensive."

"Well, your doctor at the clinic is a former student of mine, so it's covered," I smile then turn to Izzie, "I'm gonna go head up and take this to the lab."

She nods and I leave the room. I make my way upstairs to drop off the lab work then I decide to go find someone from neuro for a consult. Good thing Derek is gone because I refuse to work with him again. He was so vexed about the baby that we last worked on together and even started calling me Satan. I wouldn't be able to take it. I don't like working with Dr. Cam. He's too ignorant for me. Luckily, I run into Dr. Saroyan. She's obviously the better surgeon although Dr. Cam is head of the department. They should definitely start making changes around here.

We're back in Cheyenne's room where we're going over the procedure and making sure that she fully understands the process before we get the surgery scheduled. Dr. Saroyan talked through her procedure with mom and daughter and we're coming to a close.

Dr. Saroyan nods and speaks up, "Cheyenne, the prognosis is very good. So what we want to try to do is go in and get as much of the tumor out as possible during your surgery."

"So my baby will be fine?" Cheyenne asks for reassurance.

Dr. Saroyan nods, "Yes."

"You may be able to take your baby home by the end of the week," I add.

Cheyenne's face lit up at that notion, "That soon?"

"Absolutely. She'll be all yours," I smile.

Cheyenne nods, "Oh. Ok."

"Ok. Now, if you and your mother have any questions Dr. Stevens will page me. All right?" Dr. Saroyan finishes and both the girl and her mom nods. Dr. Saroyan nods to Izzie and both of us leave the room.

"Thanks for the consult," I say as we part ways in the hallway.

She shakes her head, "No problem."

"I'll have the surgery scheduled for first thing tomorrow morning," I say and I add "Maybe we could grab lunch after?"

"Sure, sounds like a plan," she says walking away.

Hours later, on my way out, I stop to check in on Cheyenne when I see Izzie has already beaten me to it. It looks like they're deep in conversation and I decide to listen in while I wait to step in.

Izzie pauses in the middle of her statement then speaks up again, "I grew up in Chehalis too."

"Serious?" the young girl says.

Izzie nods, "Serious. Um, Forest Park."

Cheyenne smiles, "The trailer…" Izzie speaks up at the same time, "park behind the church."

Izzie continues, "Yeah. On Route 6. Yeah."

"My friend Shelley lives up there," the girl adds.

Izzie smiles softly, "Yeah? My mom still lives there."

"No way," the girl says.

"Yeah huh," Izzie pauses and they both smile before she speaks up again, "Can you keep a secret?" Cheyenne nods as Izzie reaches into her pocket, pulls out something and hands it the girl. "This is my daughter," Izzie says sitting down next to her, "In the picture she's 6 but she's 11 now. She lived in Santa Barbara but they moved. I don't know where. But I know her name is Hannah and she likes pigs."

"Pigs?" the young girl chuckles.

Izzie smiles, "Yep, she collects them; like figurines and stuffed animals, you know. I think it's because her mom probably read her 'Charlotte's Web'."

"I thought you were her mom," the girl questions.

I notice tears welling up in Izzie's eyes, "I'm her mother but I'm not her mom… Look, um, I know that where we come from this kind of thing doesn't get talked about but I wanted you to know that there's more than one way to be a good mother. I wanted, I wanted better for her than I could do at sixteen."

"I love my baby," Cheyenne says with a strain in her voice.

Izzie nods, "Of course you do… But you're reading her Shakespeare." Cheyenne starts crying softly and Izzie reaches over to comfort her, "When you're working 12 hour shifts at the diner like our mom's, you won't be coming home and reading her Shakespeare." Izzie smiles down at Cheyenne's stomach as I reach up and wipe my face not realizing that I had started crying. I decide not to go in tonight. I'll just check in first thing in the morning.

I walk away from the room and back towards the elevators. I take it all the way down to the lobby then I make my way towards the exit. I'm almost out the door when someone walks up behind me and takes my hand. I look over to see Meredith smiling up at me and I force a smile.

"Hey," she says softly then turns me around towards her, "What's going on?"

"Nothing," I smile, "it's just a patient and I'm a little emotional right now…"

"Understandable," she says then kisses my cheek softly, "I haven't seen you all day. It looks like we kept missing each other."

"Yeah, it's been a pretty busy day… and I see you all worked with Dr. Heron today," I laugh when I see her roll her eyes.

She sighs, "Please don't get me started on Dr. Heron. She's just too happy for me. No one can be that cheery all the time. She is worse than Izzie."

The mention of her name makes my eyes well up again… I shake it off as she walks me to my car, "Do you have any plans for tonight?"

"Well, a couple of the interns were coming over. We were going to get drunk and watch some of my mother's old tapes," she smiles, "but you're more than welcome to come over."

"I would love to but… don't you think the interns would be a little weirded out if their boss showed up?" I ask.

She shrugs, "I guess when you put it that way…"

"There's always tomorrow," I smile and she nods. Once we make it to my car, I look over to her and sigh, "Well, I guess this is goodnight."

Meredith stands up on her tippy toes and kisses me deep, long, slowly on the lips. She pulls away after a minute and looks up to me, "Goodnight, Addison."

She turns to walk away but I pull her back for another kiss.

"Goodnight, Meredith," this time she really leaves. I get into my car and drive off into the night.

It's sunrise in Seattle. It's a new day yet the nurses are still chanting down at the picket line. I take the elevator to the surgical floor and when I step off, I hear screaming. I walk over the nurses' station and I see George staring off in the distance.

"You crossed the picket line?" I ponder.

"No, I'm not actually here," he says still staring in what I realize is the direction of Izzie and our patient, Cheyenne's, mother, Ms. Woods. I turn my attention towards them when the yelling picks up again.

"She's a kid you know? She's scared enough without you putting ideas in her head," the mother yells at my intern, "How do you tell a scared kid to give her baby away?"

"I didn't tell her. I didn't advise her. I didn't pressure her. I just," Izzie pause to find the right words, "talked to her."

"You're not a shrink!," the mother yells, "You're not her mother. She's my kid and you crossed the line."

"I'm sorry," Izzie says.

"No you're not sorry. You're superior," the mother starts yelling again, "So what you're a big shot doctor and you get to judge us? You get to tell my kid how to live her life?"

I feel like I should intervene… Izzie is obviously fed up. You can see it in her movements when she speaks, "Cheyenne is smart. She's smart and she's thoughtful and she can have more. She can have more than a trailer park and a graveyard shift at a truck stop diner. Don't you want that for her?" Izzie pause and Ms. Wood just glares at her, "I mean if you can get past the fact that I'm superior and that I'm judging you and that I'm telling you what's best for your family. If you can just get past all of that, isn't it possible that I'm also right?"

Izzie doesn't even give the mother a chance to speak again before walking away. The mother angrily grunts then I guess goes back to her daughter's room. I decide to not get in that and turn back to George, "So you're not really here?"

"The nurses sent me in with notes," he says and I smirk. Even when protesting, they just can't stay away.

We're in the OR now. Dr. Saroyan and I are just about done performing the surgery on Cheyenne's baby. Once we're finished, I have Izzie cut the umbilical cord and I take the baby out. I hand Izzie the baby who takes the her to the side and rests her down a lined table. I see her smile at the baby and I know all is well then we proceed to close.

I'm walking down the hallway of the surgical floor right after scrubbing out. I'm about to go to my office when I see Meredith basically run out of a patient's room almost in tears and looking like she's having difficult breathing. She rushes into the nearest linen closet and I hurry to follow. When I walk in, I find Meredith sitting on the ground hyperventilating. I sit down next to her and I take her in my arms.

"I don't. I can't. I can't. I don't want. I don't. I can't. I don't. I don't want my mother to die alone," she cries.

I need to help her out of this panic attack so I hold her closer and whisper, "Slow down. Just slow down. Shh. Slow deep breaths now. Slow deep breaths." Meredith just continues to cry. She's still having difficulty breathing and I look up to see a paper bag. I stand up and reach above Meredith's head pulling down a white paper bag. Handing it to her, I speak up again in a calm quiet voice, "Here. Take it easy. Slow down. Slow down."

As Meredith breathes into the bag, she takes one of my hands in her own and holds onto it tightly. I can see her breathing slowing down and her body start to relax. Eventually she stops crying and rests her head against my shoulder. I take my free arm and wrap it back around her then I rest my head against hers. We stay here for a moment until Meredith pulls away the bag and sits up.

"I'm okay," she finally speaks up.

I smile at her while wiping a tear away and brushing the hair away from her face, "You're okay."

"Thank you," she looks up at me.

"You don't need to thank me. This is what I'm here for," I say and we stare into each other's eyes for a long time. Meredith breaks the moment by kissing me. When she pulls away, she gets up and walks out leaving me sitting in the closet by myself.

Lunch with Dr. Saroyan was fun… I learned a lot about her like, her first name is Stacie. She's from New York and she was a cop for eleven years before deciding to become a Neurosurgeon. The only thing about her is that she's a strict rule follower but that quality might make her head of Neuro one day. I hope that day is soon and they get rid of Dr. Cam… I think Stacie and I could be friends somewhere down the line. I say down the line because right now, I'm not focused on making friends, I'm focused on breaking ground here at Seattle Grace. I want to do things that have never been done before and live up to the Chief's expectation of putting this hospital on the map. Well of course not literally since it's already on a map… but anyway…

Later in the evening, I find myself on the catwalk with a cup of Juju looking out towards the picket line. I'm surprised that they're still out there. That takes strength, endurance and patience which I don't have much of… I commend them for that.

I hear footsteps approaching and I look over to see Meredith. I smile and she smiles weakly back then stands beside me looking out into the crowd. She doesn't say anything but she reaches for my coffee and I let her take it.

She sips it then looks over to me, "I caught the Chief visiting my mother at the nursing home this morning… He admitted to visiting her two to three times a week. He asked me if I wanted him to stop. I didn't know how to answer that so I kind of just ran away…"

I look over at her to see the seriousness on her face and I can't help but laugh.

"Hey," she says defensively and gives me back my coffee. After a moment she speaks up again this time so quietly that I barely hear her, "I think they had a fling…"

I look over to see her face and she looks so serious. "You know, you could be right," I say nodding as I think back to when I first met Richard… Now that I've thought about it some more, it was probably true… She doesn't respond this time and we both turn back to the crowd outside. I notice the line started to deform and the nurses start cheering. We spot Richard out there talking with them, "It seems as though, he finally gave in to their demands."

When Meredith doesn't respond, I look over to make sure she's still here. She looks up at me and smiles, "I just realized something… As much as we've gone out, I've never been the one to take you on a date."

"Is that so?" I say as I move closer into her.

She smiles back up at me and tugs on my lab coat a little. She bites her lip, "Dr. Montgomery, would you like to go out with me tonight? Let's say six o'clock?"


	11. Chapter Eleven

**In Which Addison Waits Until it Passes**

Over this past week, Meredith and I have tried to go on at least five dates but every one of them ended up at the hospital… Let me explain… Meredith and I would be out eating a nice dinner, playing mini golf, at a movie, it didn't matter… Someone always ended up getting hurt and needing a doctor's assistance… And who else but us would just happen to be there? The point of what I'm saying is, we've given up on going out. Our dates now consist of watching movies on the couch at each other's houses which, honestly, I enjoy even more.

Speaking of, I just left Meredith's a couple of hours ago actually. It was two a.m. when I left after accidentally falling asleep there… again… I have to be at the hospital at five and I haven't even showered yet plus I have a really bad feeling about today. I don't know what it is but it just doesn't feel right… That doesn't matter though… a feeling isn't an excuse to miss work.

Stepping out of the shower and getting dressed, I hear my phone ringing. I see it's Izzie when I get up to the screen. I glance over at the clock and I see that it's only four a.m. She shouldn't be at the hospital just yet so this shouldn't be about a patient… unless she got there early…

"Hello," I answer.

She speaks up nervously, "Hi, um, Dr. Montgomery-"

"Izzie, I told you, I'm not your boss outside of the hospital. Call me Addison," I cut her off.

She clears her throat, "Uh, sorry, Addison."

"Yeah?" I question trying to move this conversation along.

She finally starts, "Could you come over? It's Meredith."

Izzie didn't have to say anymore… I basically fly out to my car and I'm standing in the middle of Meredith's bedroom within minutes where I find Meredith still in bed refusing to move. Apparently, Izzie's been trying all morning and didn't know who else to call. I'm glad she called me but I probably should've finished listening to what she had to say, instead I got worried and anxious then rushed all the way over here because I thought something was wrong.

I look from Izzie to Meredith concerned and I try with the sweetest voice I have, "Meredith, baby, what's wrong?"

"I'm just not going," she says from under the covers.

She's so freaking adorable hiding under the sheets. I can't help but smile when I respond, "You have to go to work, sweetie. You're an intern. Saving lives is not optional."

"Yes it is. I'm staying home," she says not moving a bit.

Izzie looks at me and smirks "You're supposed to be helping."

"Really?" I say in response and she just shakes her head at me.

Izzie walks over to Meredith, sits down on the bed beside her then removes the covers off of her face, "Uh, Mer? Maybe, um, there'll be a horrible accident nearby the hospital. Cut a bunch of people open. Sternotomies, Craniotomies. That'd be fun, right?"

"I don't care about surgeries," she says while grabbing the pillow next to her and pulling it over her head.

I plead, "Mere…"

"No, I'm not leaving this bed," she demands.

I sigh then Izzie shrugs leaving us both in the room alone. I kick off my shoes and I climb into bed with Meredith spooning her from the side then I cuddle into her hair. After a few minutes of silence Meredith finally speaks up, "I have a feeling."

My heart stops for a second. It can't be the same feeling I had this morning. I speak up coming across more nervous then I attended, "You have a feeling?"

Meredith doesn't seem to notice my tone as she moves the pillow from off her face and sits up a little, "Yes."

"Okay… what kind of feeling?" I say trying to get her to continue.

Meredith shrugs and shakes her head. I give her a pleading look and she finally speaks up, "Like I might die."

I raise an eyebrow at her not sure how to approach this. I don't want to make her any more nervous by telling her that I had a bad feeling about today.

"Addison! Come on," she crosses her arms frowning at me.

She thinks I'm making fun of her when I'm really just trying to calm myself down. It's just a coincidence… the both of us having a bad feeling about today. There can't be anything else to it. That doesn't happen. It was probably the wine last night. Once I get myself together I nod and smile softly at her, "Baby, I'm sure you're going to be just fine. Plus you have me to protect you now."

"Yeah, you are right about that," she smiles and turns back around to cuddle into my front.

I bury my face into her neck and she lets out a soft moan as I catch myself thinking I could lay here forever. After a few minutes of pure bliss, I find myself speaking up again, "You know, I get those sometimes too."

"Yeah?" she says softly.

I nod into her hair, "Yeah."

She backs impossibly closer to me and wraps my arm tighter around her, "And?"

"If you wait long enough, it passes," I say. It's true. Usually that's what happens but I've never had another person have a bad feeling about the same day before. This is new.

Meredith catches me lost in my thoughts, "Promise?"

"I promise," I say as sure as I can.

She nods, "Okay. I guess I can get ready for work now."

Meredith gets up, undresses and goes into the bathroom leaving me alone to my thoughts… Which is bad because I'm worried. Something isn't right about today. I know that for a fact once Meredith and I parted ways at the hospital and I find the Chief looking uneasy standing in front of the O.R. board. I notice the board doesn't have many surgeries scheduled today. I know how anxious that makes him. I walk over to approach Richard but Dr. Burke beats me to him.

"Quiet board," the younger doctor speaks up first.

Richard states not moving his eyes from the board, "I know."

"That's a bad sign," he responds.

The Chief yells, "I know that. Don't you think I know that?"

"That's a quiet board," I say walking up to them pretending to not have heard their conversation. I'm surprised at how easy and calm my tone is when I'm actually freaking out… Richard groans loudly. I smirk looking at Dr. Burke, "Is he in a bad mood?"

"Quiet board," he answers nodding at the O.R. board.

I nod turning back to the board, "Right, he hate's a quiet board."

"I can hear you talking about me," Richard says from my far right.

Dr. Burke chuckles, "We're just saying."

"Quiet board means trouble. A quiet board is death! A quiet board bodes bad news!" He turns around to face us before he walks off, "And stop looking at me like that!"

I didn't even realize I was looking at him like he was crazy. It's just that this is the third time today that someone's had a bad feeling. Today isn't going to be a good day. I have to find Meredith. I promised her she'd be fine.

Dr. Burke starts to walk away and bids me goodbye, "Dr. Montgomery."

"Dr. Burke?" I question and he stops facing me before I speak again, "You and I, we've known each other for a while now, right?"

"Yes," he nods.

I continue, "We've done several successful surgeries together."

"Yes," he says looking confused as to where this is leading.

I've learned one thing from working in a hospital and that is that not every day is guaranteed to you… I want to actually start getting to know people here, setting some foundation, before it's too late. And with the vibes of today, it feels as though I better start now, "Your girlfriend is my girlfriend's best friend."

"Yes," he smirks.

I smile, "You think we could call each other by our first names?"

He stares at me for a bit then shrugs, "Sure."

"Okay," I smile.

He nods at me before walking away, "Addison"

"Preston," I nod back before making my way down to the pit where I'm expecting to find Meredith. However, instead I see all of Dr. Bailey's interns except her. They all putting on their yellow gowns getting ready for incoming cases.

I hear Cristina complaining to Izzie, "I haven't been in the O.R. in two days. I'm getting some O.R. time. We haven't had a decent resident this week."

"Oh the last two weren't that bad," Izzie responds.

Alex then speaks up, "Doesn't matter which resident we get. They suck."

"They all sucked," George adds. I almost forgot that Dr. Bailey was out on leave… These interns were spoiled with the best of the best… No one could fill Dr. Bailey's shoes.

Izzie nods, "Yeah."

They all start making their way to the double doors where the patients come in and that's when I finally spot Meredith. She's standing a few feet behind them still putting on her yellow gown.

"I miss Dr. Bailey," George says as the door closes.

It feels as though the whole room went deathly silent and everyone disappeared except me and Meredith… And she looks like she's going to be sick. She turns to me standing over at the empty nurses' station and I can't help but ask, "You all right?"

"I still have a feeling," she says from across the room.

I want to tell her that everything is going to be okay but I can't and I think she knows that because she just nods slightly then walks out after the other interns. All of the sound in the hospital gradually returns to me as I'm left standing here looking pensive. I, just, I don't know how to protect her when I don't even know what's going to happen.

Luckily, I get called into a consult to relieve me of my thoughts. As long as I keep busy, I won't have time to panic. I'm checking the patient's cervix when I'm paged and I have the resident I'm working with answer it. When she calls back, I find out that it's George. He says Dr. Bailey is here, her contractions are ten minutes apart and her water broke all over his shoes. I can't help but laugh at that. I find out what room she's in, finishes up and meet him there.

"What are you doing?" Richard's voice booms from the hallway.

"Chief," I hear George say. I sent him out of the room while I exam Miranda's cervix. When I look up, I see Richard and George standing outside the room. The door isn't closed all the way so we can hear their conversation but I don't think they realize this, "Bailey's in there."

"Bailey's back?" Richard shouts excitedly. I see him look in the window smiling but his smile quickly changes to a mortified look. I can't help but laugh as he turns back to George, "O'Malley!"

I can basically hear George bouncing up and down as he speaks, "She's in labor. Dr. Montgomery is examining her cervix."

"I can see that, quite clearly!" Richard says as George moves back to look through the door. "O'Malley, stop looking!" He demands and George moves away from the door again.

"Pretty amazing right? The miracle of life," George says and I look up to see Miranda looking annoyed. I laugh a little to myself.

Richard speaks up again, "Our Bailey. Becoming a mother. Feels good. Having Bailey back at the hospital. The balance is being restored."

"That's all I'm saying, sir," George agrees.

"Hey guys. Would you ah get this to Dr. Montgomery for me, please?" I hear Preston say, "What's going on?"

George speaks up still excited, "Bailey's in there."

"Oh Bailey's back? That's excellent," he says making his way to the door to peer in and I watch as he quickly loses his smile, "And her cervix is being examined by Addison which is ah, which is a visual image I'll never get out of my head. Thanks for the warning."

I laugh wrapping up my exam and heading out to get some coffee. As I walk out, I smile "Well… Hmm, the gathering of men outside the delivery room. How mid-century of you."

Dr. Burke's pager goes off and after checking it he says, "Say hi to Bailey for me."

"Mmhm," I say as Preston walks off and I make my way to the nursing station as George and Richard follows.

Richard looks to me, "How's she doing?"

"Taking it like a woman," I say and they both exchange smiles, "six centimeters dilated, fifty percent effaced and refusing all pain meds which I think is stupid but I'm not in labor so…"

I walk over to the nearest coffee cart when the doors to Dr. Bailey's room suddenly opens and she walks out. I can hear her yelling from down the hall, "What are you people doing out here?"

"Are you alright? Can I get you anything?" the Chief asks nervously.

I can practically hear the look on Miranda's face as she speaks up again, "A boy the size of a 10 pound bowling ball is working his way out of my body. Can you get me something for that? Can you get me a new vagina?"

"Oh, well…" Richard tries.

However, the feisty woman cuts him off, "I didn't think so. Look everybody, I appreciate the concern but I'm fine. It's just childbirth. All I need is my husband who should've been here by now."

George holds out a pad and a pen, "Write down his number. I'll call him. I'll track him down."

Dr. Bailey takes the pad and pen, writes down her husband's number then she gives it back to George, "All right. Now go away. Give me some privacy. I don't want to see any of you again until after the baby is born. Which if does like I told him to and stays on schedule, should be in about 4 and a half hours."

I laugh to myself but honestly, if anybody's baby would come out on a set time, it would be Dr. Bailey's. She makes her way back into her room leaving both of them standing there smiling, "I mean it!"

She closes the door and George turns to look at Richard as he grins, "Bailey's back."

"She's back sir," George agrees and they walk off in separate directions.

I'm up in my office working on charts when George bursts in telling me that Dr. Cam has Miranda's husband up in surgery. I drop everything I'm doing and run upstairs to the scrub room where I find Dr. Burke and Dr. Cam scrubbing in.

"Dr. Burke."

"Dr. Cam," I hear them exchange greetings as I walk inside.

Dr. Cam looks to me, "Hello, Dr. Montgomery."

"Hey. You've got Dr. Bailey's husband on the table?" I ask.

Preston interrupts, "Bailey's husband is going into surgery?"

Dr. Cam nods, "Got into a car accident trying to get to the hospital before the birth."

"What do we tell Bailey?" I rock on my feet. This isn't good. Hopefully this is what my bad feeling was about this morning; this I think I can handle.

Dr. Cam shrugs, "Nothing. Let's just wait until I get in there and see how bad the damage is. Have something concrete to tell her."

"Yeah, no use upsetting her until we know. Okay, keep me posted," I move to leave but first I greet Dr. Burke, "Hey, Preston."

"Good seeing you Addison," he says and I see Dr. Cam look amazed as I head out, "What?"

"She gets to call you by your first name and I don't," Dr. Cam badgers him.

Preston shrugs, "I like her."

"And you don't like me?" he questions.

"No," he walks off leaving Dr. Cam looking after him as I leave the room trying to stifle a laugh.

I make my way back down to Dr. Bailey's room. I'm trying to help her do some exercises to lessen the pain of her contractions since she wouldn't take any meds.

"Okay, okay, okay," Dr. Bailey exclaims as the contraction passes, "Ah!"

George enters the room, "Eight minutes apart."

"There is no shame in an epidural, Miranda," I help her make her way back to the bed.

She shakes her head 'no', "Epidural increases the possibility of a C-section."

George places a suitcase with Dr. Bailey's clothes on the bed and I step around him, "It also decreases pain. Miranda, this is a big baby. It's your first baby and I'm telling you it is not gonna be a short or an easy labor."

"Mmm, I can handle a little pain. No problem," she says as George opens the door to leave but stops and watches from the doorway. Dr. Bailey decides she wants to sit on the couch in her room so I help her up as she continues to speak, "Women all over the world do this at home."

"Mmm hmm," I agree.

She continues as we both sit down on the couch, "With nothing more than a pair of scissors and a bucket of hot water."

"Well women all over the world also die giving birth at home every single day," George says as we both give him the 'I can't believe you just said that' look, "I did not just say that."

I just shake my head but Miranda speaks up, "You're supposed to be making yourself useful and finding my husband."

George looks at me confused, "What? I…"

"He's, ah, not here," I quickly cut him off before he tells her any more. She looks at me disbelievingly and George just shrugs.

Dr. Bailey exclaims, "Oh now he should be here by now!"

"Okay we're going to go find him. Right, Dr. O'Malley?" I try to get him to go along with it.

"Right," he nods and quickly leaves. My pager beeps and I literally had to do a double take when saw it.

My thoughts didn't even get a chance to comprehend it when Miranda looks to me, "What?"

"Oh nothing. I'll… I'll be right back," I say leaving the room. I get on the nearest elevator and head downstairs to the ER to find RIchard. On the next floor down, it stops and George, breathing heavily, gets on. The other people in the elevator looks like they're going home.

George pulls me out of my thoughts, "I don't like having to lie to Dr. Bailey."

I'm not even sure what he just said because I'm panicking, "Now's not the time, Dr. O'Malley."

"She'd want to know about her husband," he says as his pager goes off. The doors begin to close, "Code Black? What's a 'Code Black'?"

"Wait! Hold it! Whoa," Izzie says running to the doors. She stops them from closing and enters the elevator, "Dr. Montgomery, Dr. Cam wanted me to let you know that Tucker's bleed is more extensive than he originally thought. It's gonna be a few more hours before he has anything concrete to tell Dr. Bailey."

"Thanks, Stevens," I say not really hearing what she said.

The doors shut and George moves to speak to Izzie, "What's a 'Code Black'?"

"A what?" She moves to look at his pager but her own goes off so she checks it instead, "'Code Black'? Code Red, Code Blue, Code White. I've never had a 'Code Black' before." She looks to me, "Dr. Montgomery?"

Just, just go back to your locker room and wait for your resident to give you instructions," I wave them off too panicked to be of any assistance.

Izzie now concerned says, "We don't have a resident."

George questions, "What's going on?"

"Is it something bad?" Izzie says as the elevator dings and the doors open to reveal chaos on the floor with nurses, doctors and many police officers running around.

I pause taking a look around the ER, "Yeah, it's something bad."

I find Richard standing on the stairs next to the nurses' station. He's called a meeting with all the attendings and residents. I walk up to the group with George and Izzie on my heels as Richard continues, "We're having pre-op patients transferred to Mercy West and all trauma re-routed to Seattle Presbyterian. There is no danger to the north, south and west wings of this hospital. Just the east surgical wing. That said anyone who wants to leave can leave. No one stays unless they volunteer to stay, understood?" The group nods and so does he, "Okay."

The group starts to disperse and Richard starts walking off. I approach him with George and Izzie still listening in but a few feet behind us, "Richard, it's a Code Black? Really?"

"Yes, I've shut down the O.R.'s," he says still walking.

I nod then question, "Wait, to trauma?"

"To everything," he says.

I try to stop him from walking, "Wait a minute to everything, everything?"

He stops and turns around to face me, "As of ten minutes ago all the operating rooms at Seattle Grace were completely evacuated with the exception of Dr. Burke's team."

Izzie adds, "And Dr. Cam's team."

"What?" This obviously throws him off guard as he walks up to Izzie, "What do you mean Dr. Cam's team?"

"They're still in O.R. two," she says like it's nothing.

Nurse Debbie comes up to us, "Bomb squad just arrived."

"Excuse me," Richard leaves and walks off with the nurse.

I look around the ER hoping to see Meredith but I can find. I speak up mostly to myself, "Where's Meredith?"

"She's on Dr. Burke's team…" Izzie says looking at me confused.

My heart literally drops to the floor as I run off. I want to go up to the O.R. and get her out of there but I know they won't let me. I can't even breathe let alone run through the hallways. I get paged to Dr. Bailey's room which I try to focus on and not the fact that Meredith is up in surgery with a bomb.

When I arrive to Miranda's room, she's standing up trying to pass off another contraction, "Trying to get gravity to do me a favor. I'm 9 centimeters dilated. I need that last centimeter."

"Good. That's ah ... good," I say a little too distracted.

I avoid looking at Dr. Bailey and I think she notices this because she questions me, "Dr. Montgomery, where exactly is my husband?"

I turn around to Miranda with fresh tears in my eyes. I start, "He's… He's in surgery…"

I tell Dr. Bailey everything that I know. I tell her about how her husband got into an accident on the way here; that he is having brain surgery. I even tell her about the bomb patient that's being operated on in the O.R. beside him and she literally flips out on me. I leave the room making my way upstairs to my office so I can cry alone.

About thirty minutes later, George bursts in out of breath, "What's going on?"

"Uh, something happened in O.R. 3," he says.

That's the one Meredith is in. I don't know if I even want to ask but I do anyway, "What?"

"I don't know. All I know is that Hannah the paramedic, she's missing," he says calmly. Hannah's the one who had her hand on the bomb. I remember seeing them come in the ER. She was riding on the gurney with her hand in the patient's abdomen to try and stop the bleeding.

We hear footsteps and look up to see Richard walk past the office by the open door that George is standing in. He decides to go after him and I follow. "Chief, what's happened?"

"Quiet board. A quiet board is what's happened," he walks away and so does George but I follow after Richard.

We're back in the ER that's busy with people circling around. I'm trying to talk to Richard at the nurses' station but he flipped out as soon as I told him Miranda refused to have her baby without her husband. I try to settle his nerves even though that's hard to do with mine all over the place, "Calm down."

"Calm down? I have an evacuated O.R. A bomb in a body cavy. A missing paramedic! An intern with her hand on the explosive! Two world class surgeons in harm's way!" he yells obviously upset as George walks up behind us, "A man on a table who may bleed out at any moment unless we move the bomb from his chest! And my favorite resident in labor who you're now telling me refuses to push! Really, calm down? You really want to say to me calm down?"

"Okay don't calm down!" I say rolling my eyes.

George speaks up for me, "Dr. Bailey is scared, sir. It's a day to be scared."

"She won't let me examine her but from what I can tell her contractions are 40 seconds apart and she's refusing to push. The baby could go into distress and if she doesn't come out of this and soon, then I'm gonna need an O.R. to do an emergency C-section," I say a little more confident.

Richard shakes his head. "I can't give you an O.R., Addie! I don't have an O.R. to give. Can't you convince her to push? Bailey's rational."

"She's not Bailey right now! She's a woman in labor whose husband is in surgery next to a bomb," I basically yell.

He yells back, "And your girlfriend or whatever she is to you, HAS HER HAND ON A FREAKING BOMB!"

I feel my heart literally stop. For a moment, I can't even breathe. I shake it off trying to recollect myself, "This is about Bailey. I need an O.R."

"I don't know what to tell you," he says to me and I'm about to lose it.

"Look Richard, we have about an hour to change Bailey's mind and then I'm going to need you to get me an O.R. Build me an O.R.! Find me a helicopter to fly me to any O.R. in the city! Otherwise instead of having a baby, she'll be losing one!" I say waking off.

I find myself sitting on an empty gurney in the middle of an empty hallway trying my best not to cry. Bizzy would be so disappointed right now. _We're Forbes women. We don't cry; especially not in public,_ she would say. I tried to pull myself together. I did… but that was until I found out that Meredith has her freaking hand on a bomb.

I didn't even see him coming but next thing I know, George is sitting next to me and he asks, "What are we gonna do? I mean about Dr. Bailey. Can, can we drug her?"

I hope he sees how crazy I'm looking at him, "Against her will?"

"No. Well… yes," I roll my eyes as he continues to speak, "Can't we force her to push? If, ah, we declare her temporarily insane."

I let out a noise of frustration, "Ah. You want me to declare Miranda Bailey, Miranda Bailey incompetent? Do you think that will help? Do you think that will make her more inclined, more comfortable giving birth?"

George shrugs, "I don't know that's why…"

I don't even let him finish, "Do you think I'm not doing everything I can to help her? I mean, do you think I'm just out here because I, don't know, feel a little lazy, just need a little me time?"

"I'm just asking," he says.

I yell, "Stop asking! Because no matter what you ask the answer is I don't know. I'm doing everything thing I can; everything I can! Miranda Bailey's husband is in mortal danger; actual mortal danger! And there's not a lot I can say to comfort her right now because there's not a lot that anybody can say to comfort me! I'm doing my best! Dr. Bailey is doing her best! And I need you to do your best! And I need it to better than standing here asking me the world's most stupidest question! I don't know, O'Malley!"

George nods slightly looking a little upset as he gets up and leaves. I sigh and bury my face in my hands. I'm trying so hard not to lose it. All I can think about is how Meredith could turn into pink mist. That's what the bomb squad calls you when you blow up. Pink mist… I read that somewhere. Bomb goes off and… anyone in range explodes into a billion pieces. You're liquid. There's nothing left. Just flecks of human flesh and blood. Pink mist… One minute you're a person, the next… you're bloody rain. Meredith, she can't… I promised that she would be okay; that I'd keep her safe.

I can't think about this anymore. I have to keep working. I have to believe she'll be fine and the bomb squad does their job. I need to do my job and get Miranda to deliver this baby. I get up and make my way to Dr. Bailey's room where she's still lying in bed refusing to move. George is standing at the door watching.

"Okay, Dr. Bailey let's go," I say assertively. I try to get her to sit up but she just pushes me away crying. "Dr. Bailey, I need you to turn on your back. I need you to push."

"Leave me alone," she cries.

"Miranda," I plead. I turn to a nurse that is also in here, "I can't let her go any longer. I'm gonna go tell Richard that he has to get us an O.R., okay?"

She nods and I move to leave through the door as George moves forward, "Dr. Bailey, I'm surprised at you. I really thought… this is not how I thought you would do this."

I stop at the door turning around to him. "Dr. O'Malley, I don't think that…"

George, ignoring me, moves to Miranda's bedside, "I truly… I expected more."

"George," I, now, demand.

George takes a damp cloth and wipes it against Dr. Bailey's arm. I move back into the room and watch as George leans down to talk to her. "You're Dr. Bailey. You don't hide from a fight. You don't give up. You strive for greatness. You, Dr. Bailey, you are a doer. And… I know your husband is not here and I know that there are a lot of things going on here that we have no control over. But this…" he takes his hand and lifts up her chin for her to look at him directly, "this… we can do. Okay?" Miranda half nods still crying and George smiles, "Okay."

I take that as a queue to start preparing Miranda for birth while George helps her sit up. He gets on the bed and sits behind her for support and he smiles, "Let's have this baby."

"Augh!" Dr. Bailey yells.

George is behind her also yelling, "Push!"

I'm smiling at the sight. He did well today. I speak up, "A little bit more. I can see the top of the head."

"I need to stop; need to stop," Miranda says falling back against George.

"Okay that was good," he silently pulls his hand back and makes a pained expression as if she's broken his fingers. I laugh as he continues, "That was very good. That was- Okay." He helps her sit upright again, "Are you ready?"

"Ready?" I also ask.

Dr. Bailey nods, "Okay."

"Push," George guides her.

She pushes, "Oh god! Augh!"

"Good. Stop," I say quickly as I see the top of her baby's head.

Miranda looks at me, "Stop?"

"Stop," I confirm.

George looks up at the mirror hanging against the wall so that he and Miranda can see the actual birth. "Oh! Dr. Bailey I can see the top of his head!" he exclaims and I grin as he continues, "He's got a lot of hair. Oh, he's cute."

"O'Malley?" Miranda says getting his attention.

George looks at her, "Yeah?"

"Stop looking at my va-jay-jay!" she yells and I laugh.

George looks away instantly, "Yes ma'am."

Once I get the baby in the right position in my hands, I ask Miranda to push one last time. She's obviously squeezing the life out of George's hand by the expression on his face. I finish the delivery and I congratulate Dr. Bailey on her new baby boy before I get paged away by Richard. It's gotta be something important. I ask George to take the baby up to the NICU to be washed and examined before I leave.

I walk up to a whole group of interns, doctors and nurses gathered around Richard. It looks as though they're waiting to see who's coming out the elevator. After a minute, the doors open revealing Dr. Burke and Dr. Cam standing in there.

They walk up to the group and as they reach it, I'm assuming the wife of the bomb patient runs up to Preston, "Dr. Burke. Is my husband um… alive?"

"Yes," he says simply.

The wife asks nervously, "Is he… gonna stay alive?"

He points over to some young girl, who I'm assuming is Hannah the Paramedic, "Thanks to that young lady over there he is."

The wife crying happily shakes Dr. Burke's hand thanking him then walks up to Hannah thanking her to with a tight hug. Richard nods at Preston and Preston walks off. The group seems to have dispersed and I have yet to see Meredith. I'm walking around searching anxiously as Richard walks up to me.

"Where is she?" I don't even stop looking to give him a chance to answer, "Where, where is she?"

"Locker room," he says and I run off.

Entering the locker room, I hear the showers running and walk up peering my head through the door. I see Izzie and Cristina helping a shell shocked Meredith still in her scrubs and gown into the shower. She's still caked in blood and debris. I take off my coat opening the door and stepping inside as they remove her scrubs cap and gown. I help Cristina and Izzie guide her under the shower head as I begin washing her hair.

We never speak a word.

I drive Meredith home and I let her into the house. I wasn't sure if she wanted me to say but when I was about to walk away she grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs. She laid down in the bed and I climb in after her spooning her while she stares silently out the window in the rain. She finally turns around to face me and I smile.

Meredith speaks softly, "Hey."

I stare at her relieved to just hear her voice, "Hey. You almost died today."

"Yeah. I almost died today," she says. I look at her for a bit just in she says more but she doesn't. I sigh closing her eyes. I'm so tired of this day. Meredith speaks up again and I open my eyes, "I can't… I can't remember if I ever told you that I loved you… All I could think about was, I'm going to die today and I can't remember if I ever told you I loved you. Which is pathetic, but I… want to be able to remember that. And I can't Addison. I can't remember."

I nod smiling closing her eyes again to think as Meredith starts to turn around but I stop her, "It was a Thursday morning, three days ago. You were wearing that ratty little Dartmouth t-shirt you look so good in. The one with the hole in the back of the neck." I chuckle a little, "You'd just washed your hair and you smelled like some kind of flower… I was running late for surgery. You said you were gonna see me later and you leaned into me, you put your hand on my chest and you kissed me. Soft. It was quick, kinda like a habit… then you told me you loved me. I don't even think you realized you said it. It was so casual like you know, like we'd say it every day for the rest of our lives. You just went back to reading the newspaper and I went off to work."

Meredith nods then turns to roll back over and settle back into the cuddle. After a few moments of silence, I hear her speak up again, "Lavender."

"Hmm?" I ask not really knowing what she's referring to.

Meredith speaks up a little louder, "My hair smelled like lavender from my conditioner."

"Lavender," I say nodding into Meredith's hair. It does smell lavender, "Huh."

We drift into a comfortable silence until I realized something, "Meredith?"

Meredith says almost asleep, "Hum?"

"I realized that I never said it back…" Meredith turns around to face me and I smile, "I love you, Meredith Grey."

"I love you too," she says while tears well up in her eyes.

I wipe them away with the palm of my hand, "I'm glad you didn't die today."


	12. Chapter Twelve

**In Which Addison Receives a Blast From the Past**

"Good morning, Bear," I muffle out sleepily with, I'm pretty sure, a wide awake Meredith laying on top of me but I don't dare to open my eyes to find out.

She giggles, "You called me Bear… My name is Mer but I like Bear."

"Mmm," I smile opening up my eyes a little. I was right… She's staring me in the eyes with a huge smile on her face.

I sit up some giving her a soft short kiss before she rolls back over to my side. She sits up on her arms looking at me, "Are you still coming with me to the nursing home?"

"Uh huh," I smile as she pulls me out of bed towards the shower.

Every morning before work, Meredith leaves to go visit her mother at the nursing home. This morning, I decide to change things up a bit and go with her. I've met Ellis before… not only that time I came to visit her at the nursing home but I've met her two or three times when I was younger. She and my parents were friends. I'd see her when she was over on the east side but it was rare… They mostly hung out when they were at medical conferences.

I never even knew Ellis had a daughter until much later in life then a couple months after, I met her, we fell in love and now we're here… at Roseridge Home for Extended Care. Ellis is sitting down on a plush chair in the family room while Meredith is helping herself to some coffee.

Ellis sighs, "I'm exhausted."

"Me, too," Meredith says as she places two cups of coffee and some food on the table in front of us.

Ellis ignores this and continues talking, "I was going at it all night in the on-call room. What's your excuse?"

"What?" I let slip. I didn't mean to.

Meredith turns around to face Ellis shocked, "Mom!"

"I tell ya that man makes me purr like a kitten," Ellis smirks to herself.

Meredith exclaims, "Mom!"

"When he isn't making me growl like a tiger," Ellis continues and I try to stifle a laugh.

Meredith cover her ears, "Stop!"

"And my husband wonders why I'm not interested in him anymore," Ellis chuckles to herself, "If he had any balls at all he would leave on his own. No. He plays stupid. He's waiting for me to kick him out. I come home with a hickey on my shoulder…"

I look at Meredith and she looks back at me with pleading eyes. I shake my head chuckling and she pouts. Ellis doesn't seem to notice because she continues on.

"A hickey!," Ellis points to her shoulder then chuckles, "For god's sake like I'm a sex-crazed teenager. Which let's face it these days I am. And what does Thatcher do? Pretends he doesn't see it."

Meredith just looks at me stunned at the information and I just shake my head. I don't know what to say. Honestly, I rather pretend like I never heard a thing.

We leave about an hour later and we pull up to the hospital with still a few moments to spare before rounds. We stop for coffee on our walk to the intern locker room. I always drop her off before I head up to my office. Walking inside, I see all the interns getting ready. I see Dr. O'Malley standing at the other side of the room watching us or maybe just Meredith get ready. I don't know how I feel about this. But it's okay because the moment he finally walks over, Cristina comes in pushing past him.

"You know, he's acting like I committed a crime. Like my apartment is full of stolen goods," Cristina says. I remember she and Meredith talking to each other on the phone on the way here; something about her and Dr. Burke. I watch Dr. O'Malley walk away and I kind of feel badly for him. Cristina just continues ranting, "He's acting like I kept my apartment to hide stolen goods so I can do illegal transactions for money."

"Are you sure he's just not acting like you lied about moving in?" Meredith adds and now I remember what that phone call was about. Cristina "fake" moved in to Dr. Burke's apartment.

Cristina makes the most sour face, "Ok, what's wrong with you?"

"My mommy's a filthy whore," Meredith pouts as she closes her locker and Cristina just shrugs as we all walk out the locker room.

Walking down the hallway, we run into Dr. Bailey, little Tuck and the rest of her interns. I hear Dr. Stevens in this god awful baby voice say, "Good morning Dr. Bailey. Hi, big boy!"

It's kind of sweet but Dr. Bailey just nods and moves on, "Are the OR's up and running?"

"Ah yeah fully functional, except there's some smoke damage to the corridor," Cristina answers.

Miranda nods then looks at Meredith, "How 'bout you? You fully functional?"

"I'm fine," she nods.

To spare her from having to say more I add on, "How's your husband?"

"Take him home tomorrow," she says as the baby makes the cutest sound and Miranda turns to him smiling as she says in a baby voice, "Yes we are. Yeah. Yeah."

"Oh, you're cute. I know you are," Izzie joins in in a baby voice as well which causes Miranda to look at her sideways.

"Okay, this is not a tea party! Go work! Save some lives!" she shouts as all the interns run off, "Now!"

We both chuckle walking down the hallway in the opposite direction. Little Tuck giggles and the sound makes me want to have a baby even more.

"Oh, can I hold him?" I ask and Miranda hands him over to me.

It warms my heart. I'd keep him forever but I get paged and I have to give him back. I'm paged to the ER's nursing station so I make my way downstairs. I come down the hallway and just reaching the corridor I see Meredith typing at a computer with none other than Mark Sloan standing over her.

"Subtle has never been my strong suit. So… do you ever go out with co-workers?" he says and I frown. I can't believe he's flirting with my woman.

Meredith looks at him shocked but slightly amused, "Are you hitting on me? In a hospital?"

"Would that be wrong?" he says moving closer.

This can't go on any longer… I can't help but interrupt, "Meredith… I mean, Dr. Sloan… May I speak with you for a moment?"

"Sure," he walks over to me and I pull him aside in the hallway.

I look at him crazily, "Mark, what the hell are you doing here? And what happened to your face?"

"I just came to visit you. I've been here all morning… but then I got pulled into this case," he shrugs.

I just shake my head, "I'm going to get someone to look at that wound but then you need to go home. There's nothing here for you Mark."

"Hey, you're here," he smiles.

I roll my eyes, "I have a girlfriend."

"Hey, I don't mind sharing with her," he shrugs.

I walk away shaking my head and Meredith looks at me stunned, "What the hell was that?"

"That was Mark," I sigh running my hands through my hair, "Could you do me a favor and check on his face? I have to check on a patient."

"Yeah, sure," she nods and I kiss her before going back up to the NICU.

There was a mother who gave birth to two beautiful baby girls last night but we almost lost Mom on the table. Luckily, we we're able to save her and I just wanted to make sure she was doing alright this morning. I know Izzie checked on her earlier but I just think it's nice to drop in plus I could use a walk to relieve some stress.

What the in the actual Hell is Mark doing here? I really hope he didn't come all this way to try to win me back because it really isn't happening. We were over the minute I caught him cheating with yet another nurse… Plus I'm happy. I'm with someone who gets me and loves me for who I am which is all I ever asked for.

When I come back downstairs, I see Meredith about to give Mark sutures on the wound he received from helping someone… Apparently, a psych patient hit him in the face… at least that's what the Seattle Grace Gossip Mill has to say about it. I walk up to the doorway and I'm about to speak but I hear they're already talking.

Mark smiles up at her, "You're Addison's lusty intern, right? Heard about you all the way back in New York. You're famous."

"Hmm, well I heard about you all the way here in Seattle so I guess we have a lot in common," she retorts.

Mark chuckles, "My 400 dollar an hour shrink says that because behind this rugged and confident exterior, I'm self destructive and self loathing to an almost pathological degree."

"Hey, we do have a lot in common," she smiles back as she places a towel on his shoulder ready to do his sutures.

He looks at her crazed, "What do you think you're doing?"

"You need stitches," she says simply.

"I know. Hold the mirror," he says grabbing the surgical tools. Meredith gives him a look as she takes the mirror from him and stands in front of him so he can stitch it up himself.

I decide to intervene, "Is he giving you a hard time?"

"Actually, I was just about to ask her for a threesome…" he replies.

I shake my head walking over and talking the mirror out of her hand then placing it in his, "He can do it himself. Come one let's go.

I escort Meredith and myself out as we overhear the other interns staring at Mark through the window. George questions, "Why is he suturing his own face?"

"To turn me on," Cristina adds.

Alex corrects her, "Cause he's Mark Sloan. He's like the go-to plastic surgeon on the East Coast."

"That's the guy Addison was sleeping with?" George says shocked and I roll my eyes at that.

Izzie smirks, "You can't really blame her, can you?"

"No, not really," Cristina adds smirking.

We walk up to them and Meredith leans onto the counter, "Mark wants an x-ray to check for fractures and I think it's a bad idea if I take him."

"Why?" George looks at her then to everyone else who's chuckling, "Why?"

"I'm on it," Alex rushes off.

George still continues, "Why is it a bad idea?"

"McSexy?" Cristina offers up ignoring Dr. O'Malley.

Meredith shakes her head, "No."

Izzie smirks, "McYummy."

"No," Meredith and Cristina both shut down… I realize now that they're nicknaming him just like they did Derek when he came… He was McDreamy.

Meredith offers up, "McSteamy."

"Oh there it is," Cristina agrees and I just roll my eyes while Izzie nods then chuckles.

They're all eyeing Mark through the trauma room window except George who walks off, "Uh, just, ah, choking back some McVomit."

"Do you, uh, want to find an on-call room?" I whisper into Meredith's ear and she grabs my hand.

We walk away slowly at first but by the time we reach the on-call room we're basically running. I start kissing her… soft, long kisses turning into impatient, short ones… We're literally ripping each other's clothes when my pager goes off.

"Ugh," I moan out… I'm out of breath and trying to get back dressed; it's not really a good combination.

Meredith grabs me by the face and kisses me long and hard before she pulls away walking out on the on-call room. She give me the 'see you later' look and I feel my body shiver. I make my way down to the pit where I met Izzie and George standing outside of a doorway. They explained to me that a young woman, Pamela Calva, came into the ER with injuries sustained from a car crash due to spontaneous orgasms.

This catches me off-guard as I stop in my tracks looking at them, "Spontaneous orgasms? Are you sure?"

"Oh yes," Izzie smiles at me.

George nods frantically, "Kinda hard to miss."

"Okay," I nod as I walk up to the patient, "Miss Calva, I'm Doctor Montgomery."

"It's Pamela. Since we're gonna be talking about you know… may as well get familiar," she says with a shrug.

I nod agreeing, "Okay, Pamela can you tell me how long this has been happening to you?"

"For a few months I guess," she shrugs again.

I try for more information, "How often?"

"About 7 or 8 times a day," she gives me.

Izzie asks a little too excited, "Everyday?"

"Eh, Dr. Stevens," I say trying to get her to tone it down.

She shakes her head embarrassed, "I'm sorry. Everyday?"

"Yes," Pamela nods, "Everyday."

"And you haven't seen a doctor about this before?" I ask her.

George adds smiling, "It's not exactly something you want to cure is it?"

I look at him shocked, "Dr. O'Malley!"

"Sorry," he says and lowers his tone, "Is it?"

I watch Izzie grin and I shake my head… These interns have no filter.

Pamela sits up some, "I went to my doctor. He sent me to a shrink."

"And he didn't do any tests?" I question.

A voice calls out sounding like it's getting closer, "Pammy? Are you back here?"

"Oh god no," Pamela says looking through the window, "You called my father?!"

"He's your emergency contact person," George looks around confused.

Her father walks into the room, "Pammy, what happened? You were in an accident?"

"I caused the accident, Dad," Pamela says embarrassed.

Her father looks at her slightly embarrassed as well, "You had one of your…"

"Episodes. Yeah. Oh no. Dang it," she says grabbing a pillow to muffle her orgasm.

Mr. Calva tries to talk over it, "She's a junior at UW. She's a math major. Last 3 semesters she made the honor roll. High up in the honor roll."

I look in between the both of them uncomfortably, "Mr. Calva we're gonna run some tests and we're gonna… we're gonna figure out what's causing your daughter's…"

"Episodes," Pamela finishes for me.

I nod my head, "That's right. Episodes. Ok."

"Izzie and I could do the lab work, Dr. Montgomery," George says to me.

I check my watch noticing that I have lunch with Dr. Saroyan in ten minutes. I look back up to them and I know that Izzie could at least handle this so I leave it to the both of them. I meet Dr. Saroyan, well she told me to call her Stacie, in the cafeteria. Our lunch, however, is cut short when she's paged to her patient's room. Since I didn't really have anything to do at the moment, I walk with her to her patient's room.

When we arrive we see Mark in there with Jake, his parents and overhear Mrs. Burton asking Mark, "How, how is that possible?"

"It's precision work. It won't be easy but…" Mark answers and I look over to Stacie who looks furious that Mark is even in there.

She interrupts him, "Dr. Sloan, can I help you with something?"

"He says he can fix my face. He says he can make me look like normal," her patient looks over to her.

Dr. Saroyan gives Mark a very angry heated look that Mark just stares right back down. I take this as my queue to walk away. I really don't want to be in this… However, I find myself standing in the hallway outside of the Chief's office where I am watching Stacie and Mark discussing the case… I guess it's more of an argument than a discussion at this point.

I didn't even notice that some of Bailey's interns were also watching until I hear Cristina shout, "Oh shut up. I'm trying to read lips. Saroyan's gesturing! Big gesturing!"

George walks up to them, "What do you got?"

"Saroyan, Sloan battling it out," Alex answers.

Cristina grabs their attention again, "Oh it's getting good!"

I walk closer to the door where I can actually hear them. Stacie shouts angrily, "That is not the point!"

"The point is that the kid wants his face fixed!" Mark shouts back.

Stacie yells crossing her arms, "The point is you wanna get published!"

"Well, yeah and I'm guessing your Chief of Surgery does too. You know how the press love a good before and after shot, Richard," he says this looking over to him.

"It's Dr. Webber to you," he says annoyed as Stacie looks smug and Richard turns to her, "Dr. Saroyan out of friendship to you I would very much like to say no to this… jackass. But as Chief…"

"Please don't say it," she pleads shaking her head.

Richard turns to Mark, "Dr. Sloan if you can get the parents to sign a consent form…"

"Round one goes to the jackass," he says looking over at Stacie.

I shake my head walking past the interns to head back downstairs where I overhear them talking about my patient with spontaneous orgasms. I smirk to myself as I make my way to her room. It's funny because I actually beat them downstairs…

I can hear Cristina out in the hallway shouting, "Which one? Which one?"

"Twelve o'clock," George says.

It's surprisingly perfect time because Pamela shouts grabbing her pillow, "Oh no! Oh no, it's happening!"

They walk closer as Pamela starts having an orgasm and I see they are clearly amused. I step outside quickly closing the door to give her some privacy. I clear my throat. "Doctors. Is there something you need?"

"No. No," George says.

Alex shakes his head and so does Cristina as she answers, "No."

"Well in that case move on," I say as they around heading back out the way they came.

I hear Cristina say under her breath, "I don't get what McDreamy and McSteamy see in her."

"She's McHot," Alex says loudly.

George nods jumpin up and down, "McYeah she is."

I walk away shaking my head. I'm walking down a hallway when Meredith comes up to me. She smiles sadly and wraps her arms around me. I look down at her frowning, "Baby, what's wrong?"

"You know a couple of weeks ago when we joked about the Chief having an affair with my mother?" she questions but not really because she continues, "Well, I think they might be true."

"Oh my," is all I get to say before she's paged.

She looks at me sadly, "Sorry, I gotta go."

"It's okay, we'll talk later," I kiss her goodbye and she runs off.

I continue on my walk up to my office when Mark comes up in the opposite direction of the hallway. He stops when he sees me and I turn to walk away but Mark chases after me, "Oh come on, you're not even a little bit happy to see me?"

"Go home!" I say turning around to him, "Whatever it is you came here to do, just drop it and leave."

"Hey we all made mistakes, Addison," he says stepping closer to me, "All 3 of us…"

"Mark…" I try to interrupt.

He continues ignoring me, "but somehow, somehow I lost my best friend and the woman I loved."

"Please don't say that," I feel badly about the whole situation to begin with. I can't feel sorry for Mark too.

"He doesn't know how we felt…" he says and I look away, "He doesn't know you stayed with me after you left him? Before you came here? "

"Why are you here?" I ask again for the third time today.

Mark steps closer, "For one reason; to bring you home. I miss you, Addison."

"I'm in love with someone else, Mark," I say simply.

Mark looks at me slightly angry, "With that intern? She's an intern… Why would even want to stick around for that?"

"Wow," I say insulted. I just shake my head at him as I walk away.

I find Meredith, about thirty minutes later, sitting in an office behind the nurses' station where it looks as though she's putting the tapes into envelopes. I walk over to her curious and slightly amused. I joke, "You've given up surgery to go into clerical work?"

"I'm fulfilling a patient's dying wish to send hate mail to everyone he's ever met," she smirks back up to me.

I sigh sitting down next to her, "Ah… Right now I understand the impulse."

"Me too…" she says continuing then looks over to me, "Do you think things would have been different if you'd had kids?"

"Do I think he would've actually been around more?" I question and after taking this into consideration I just shake my head," I don't know."

She just nods and we stare at each for a little bit… I'm trying to soak up every moment of relaxation right now because I've found myself on edge today.

"Alright, Jake's ready to roll," Mark wants in interrupting and I just roll my eyes, "I'm sorry did I interrupt something?"

"No, it's fine," Meredith says as we both get up and leave through different doors.

I meet up with her outside the room and I walk with her to an on-call room. I can see that she's clearly exhausted but I'm not sure if it's just with work or if it's the chaos dealing with her mother today. I sit down on a bed and she stretches out across my lap. I smile stroking her hair as she drifts off to sleep however, before she could actually fall asleep she gets paged.

After she runs off, I decide to go up to the gallery to sit in on Dr. Saroyan and Dr. Sloan's surgery. I see that they both have one of Bailey's interns, Dr. Yang and Dr. Karev. I imagine Karev is trying to get in good with Dr. Sloan from that comment earlier. I try to find somewhere to sit but there are a bunch of doctors watching including the Chief, Dr. Bailey and her son.

I watch as Dr. Bailey whispers to the little guy, "Now, Dr. Saroyan is opening the skull cap. That's what she's doing. Yes she is."

I can't help but smile… I wasn't paying attention but all of sudden Jake's heart monitor starts beeping rapidly and Dr. Saroyan calls out, "Oh, son of a bitch. Alright I need another unit of blood!"

"Oh no that's too much blood," Dr. Bailey says watching on.

We hear Dr. Saroyan's voice coming out of the speakers in the gallery, "Put in the pressure and fusia."

"No carotid. We've got V-FIB," Alex Karev states as they all start scrambling and yelling different orders as Jake flat lines. Mark grabs the paddles… Up here in the gallery Miranda shakes her head sadly and leaves. That's when Meredith calls me asking if I could take her somewhere so I rush down to the lobby to meet her.

She doesn't tell me where we are going. She just tells me directions and about ten minutes later, we pull up outside a house. Meredith gets out leaving me in the car as she rings the doorbell. She rings the bell again after about a minute then soon after a, 50 year old or so, man walks up to the door. He peers through the glass looking stunned as he opens up the door.

Meredith doesn't say anything at first but then she shouts, "She had an affair."

"Ye… Yes," I see the man nod; the man I'm now assuming is Thatcher Grey. He looks different with age.

Meredith yells out as though she's in tears, "Why didn't you stay and fight for us?"

"I did. I tried," he says stepping outside and closing the door.

Meredith shakes her head, "Why didn't you try harder? You just left."

"Meredith," he says unsurely as Meredith wipes her face, "Is there anything you need? Anything at all?"

"No… I don't need anything from you," she says turning around walking back to the car.

We drive back to the hospital in silence and Meredith decides to go across the street to the bar to wait for me while I'm in surgery. It should be quick like two hours tops but I can't seem to part ways from her. I hug her and I don't let go until I absolutely have to… meaning until I'm late for surgery.

The surgery went by quickly as I said it would and I changed back into my clothes then made my way over to the bar where I find, once again, Mark and Meredith together at the bar. I don't even want to deal with Mark right now after he blatantly disrespected my relationship. As I move closer to them, I overhear them talking.

"I just saw my father for the first time in 20 years," Meredith shrugs.

Mark sips his scotch, "How'd that go?"

"Could've gone better," she says then there's a long pause before she speaks up again, "What are you still doing here?"

"I'm hoping Addison shows up," he says nervously.

She looks at him surprised, "You're still in love with her?"

"I'm sorry, Meredith. I just have to try you know," he says and she gives him a fake smile.

I take this as the perfect opportunity to make myself known by walking up and extending my hand to Meredith, "You ready to go, baby?"

"Yeah," Meredith nods and takes my hand. I just look sadly at Mark as we walk away… I do feel sorry for him… I do… I just… I'm in love with Meredith Grey.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**In Which Addison Learns the Truth about Family**

"Good morning," a voice belonging to none other than my MerBear says to me.

I look up from my cell phone and I smile giving her a kiss, "You going into surgery or coming out?"

"Coming out," she says to me before my pager beeps again.

I frown, "I gotta run, I got a transfer in from Mercy West. Will you wait for me to go home?"

"Yeah," she smiles going onto the elevator as I run down the hallway.

Dr. O'Malley is in my patient's room along with her mother, I'm assuming, when I enter. He smiles up to me, "Molly Thompson, 22 years old, 32 weeks pregnant. Transferred here from Mercy West when an ultrasound diagnosed the baby with congenital diaphragmatic hernia."

"Hello, Molly. I'm Dr. Addison Montgomery," I say after nodding to George.

Molly chuckles nervously, "You're supposed to be the best."

"And not to put any pressure on you, or anything, but this is my baby carrying my grandchild so I really hope that you are… The best, I mean," the older woman says.

Molly looks at her apprehensively, "Mom, you're kind of threatening the doctor. Don't threaten the doctor. It doesn't help."

"Sorry. My husband tells me I have to try not to be such a mother lion because Molly's a grown woman and has her own life and everything, but… roar," she replies.

I just laugh to myself, "It's ok. I can take it. I am the best."

"You can fix this, though?" Molly looks to me with pleading eyes, "Right?"

"We'll insert a scope into your uterus and then inflate a little balloon in the baby's airway, which should help stimulate the lungs to grow. It's not going to be easy on either of you… but I do have a strong record with this surgery," I say with a smile before signaling George to follow me out of the room, "Make sure you get her to the MRI and get me the results as soon as you can."

"I will," he nods then goes back into the room.

When I walk out, I find Meredith at the Nurses' Station and I smile, "Hey, Bear. I don't think I'll be ready to leave for another couple of hours."

"Yeah, I figured… I was thinking about catching a nap in one of the on-call rooms," she says wrapping her arms around me.

Izzie walks over to us already gossiping before she even gets over, "Cristina told me that George had a date with Ortho chick… games night. She didn't even take him home afterwards. She hinted that she wanted to and then she said she couldn't. That's weird, right?"

"I don't know," Meredith shrugs. I don't know why Izzie is so concerned anyway. I thought she and Alex were a thing, "I guess."

"Think Ortho chick is hiding something? She could be hiding something," Izzie says just as Dr. Torres walks up.

"Stevens. Hold this," she throws a tool at Izzie, "George mentioned you're not big on ortho. Grey? Take the osteotome and the mallet," she hands tools to Meredith as well, "Follow me."

They follow Dr. Torres through the hall but before they completely disappear Meredith turns looking at me with pleading eyes and I just smile shaking my head. I decide to go see if Molly's already been taken up for her MRI scans and there is a man standing near the door of Molly's room.

"Sir? Can I help you find something?" I walk up to him.

The man shifts on his feet nervously, "Uh… is there a Dr. Meredith Grey working today?"

"Yes," I say simply not sure if I should've said that.

The man's eyes light up for a second then he's nervous again, "She's here in the hospital, right now?"

"I can have someone page her for you, if you want me to," I say cautiously. He looks familiar… He almost looks like Meredith.

"No. No. Thanks," he says about to walk off.

I stop him finally realizing how I know him, "Wait! Excuse me, sir. Are you… what's your name?"

"Thatcher," he says.

I'm shocked. I remember seeing his silhouette that night when Meredith had me take her to his place, "You're…"

"Grey," he shifts on his feet again, "Yeah."

"You're Meredith's father," I say kind of dumbfounded.

Thatcher nods, "Yeah."

"Are you sure you don't want me to page her for you?" I ask again. I don't even know if Meredith wants to see him.

He shakes his head, "No. I'm sorry. It's complicated."

Molly's mother comes out of the room and calls over to us, "Thatcher, honey? We're right here."

"Oh. Oh. There you are, Susan," he replies and that's when I realize just how complicated things are.

Susan walks over to us and smiles, "Did you tell him? I roared a little… couldn't help it."

"Oh. Oh, well, I knew you would. Uh…" he looks to me.

I shake my head to get that dumb look off my face so I can shake his hand, "I'm sorry, I'm Dr. Montgomery. I'm, uh…"

"Uh, well, excuse us. Uh… check on our daughter," he says walking away.

I'm literally about to have a mental freak out when I pass George in the hall, "Do you have Molly's MRI results?"

"No, I haven't. Not yet," he says but he looks conflicted.

I don't mean to but I snap, "What the hell have you been doing then?"

"I was just going…" he manages to get out before I cut him off.

I roll my eyes, "When I assign you to a case of mine I expect you to give it your full and undivided attention. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't take you off this case."

"Molly Thompson's maiden name is Grey. Her father is Thatcher Grey. Thatcher Grey is also Meredith's father. Which means that, Molly and Meredith are sisters, but I don't think Meredith even knows Molly exists. That…," he pauses, "I don't care. I don't, except I'm on this case and apparently God hates me."

"Ok," I say simply realizing he's just as torn as I am at the moment.

George nods then runs off, "Ok, thanks."

I have to find Meredith. I have to tell her. I look at my watch and I see it's time that she meets up for lunch with her friends so I head to the cafeteria. While walking up, I hear Cristina start about who's going to be the one to break the news and I try to cut her off.

I call out, "Mer…"

"The weird thing is," she acknowledges me but she looks so dazed, "I thought I just saw my father."

"Ok. That's good," Izzie says, "That's so good."

"Hmm, did you meet your sister too?" Cristina says taking a bit out of her sandwich.

Meredith turns to look at me and looks like all the blood has been drained out of her face, "I was just coming to tell you."

* * *

"So I'm gonna do the surgery with a small scope. It will be minimally invasive. And then you should be able to do the rest of your recovery from home," I say to Molly as I explain the procedure to her. I look over to see Meredith walk by peeking in… She walked up to the room with me after lunch but has been too afraid to enter…

Molly smiles up at me, "Thank you. Yeah, Ok."

"Uh…" I start seeing Meredith in the hall again and I nod to her to enter, "Uh, Molly, this is Dr… uh… This is Meredith. She's going to be… continuing your prep work and taking your vitals, ok?"

"Ok," she nods as I step away and Meredith walks up to her side.

Meredith starts prepping to take her vitals and I pretend to go over her chart when really I'm just listening in. Meredith finally speaks up, "Hi."

"Hey," Molly answers nonchalantly.

Meredith moves a little closer with her tools, "Uh, do you mind if I, um…?"

"No, it's fine."

"Ok."

"I'm getting used to being poked and prodded," Molly shrugs.

Meredith pauses looking for something to say, "That's, uh, a pretty ring."

"Oh, thanks. It was my grandma's and then my mom's… You think I'm too young to be married," Molly says looking up at her finally.

Meredith shakes her head, "No, I…"

"That's ok," Molly cuts her off, "Everybody thinks I'm too young. If I saw me, I'd think I was too young."

"Um," Meredith asks after a pause, "how… how old are you?"

"Twenty-two. Eric's twenty-three. And he's in the army and he was getting shipped out. And… I just love him so much, you know? Anyway, I proposed," Molly chuckles to herself.

Meredith nods then asks, "Oh. And your, uh, parents? They approve?"

"Oh. Oh, my parents are amazing. You know how dads can be. Mine's pretty overprotective. But… you know, at my wedding, when he gave me away, my dad cried, which was… I had never seen my dad cry before. But I think it was also kind of weird for him 'cause I'm his little girl. You know, I'm the youngest, and my sister's like nowhere near ready for marriage. But… it was good crying. Like… he was proud of me, you know? I'm sorry. I'm just nervous, so I'm talking," she finally stops talking.

Meredith shakes her head as she finishes up with her vitals, "No, that's ok. So you have a sister?"

"Yeah, Lexie. She's in medical school. Harvard. She's the smart one. You should see how my dad is about her. He's like crazy proud," I can clearly see this bothered Meredith. Her whole demeanor has changed.

It's silent for a moment but when she does speaks up, it's just to exit, "Well, I'm going to go."

"Meredith?" Molly stops her.

Meredith turns on her feet, "Hmm?"

"Do you think my baby's going to be ok?"

"Oh. Well, I hope so."

"Me too."

"Ok," is Meredith last word before she leaves.

Before I follow, I excuse myself from the room. I watch her storm off into a room, slamming the door behind her. I walk in after to see that Dr. Torres and Dr. Stevens are in here too. Meredith screams, "I need some bones to break."

"What?" Dr. Torres questions her.

Meredith repeats quickly, "Some bones to break; something to smash… Can you help me with that, please?"

"Um… you can clean up this cast crap if you want," she shrugs and Meredith starts pounding on the cast with a hammer. Dr. Torres turns to me, "Is she freaking out?"

"No. Uh-uh. She's fine," I say slightly sarcastic.

Meredith is still pounding away on the cast and Izzie smiles turning to Dr. Torres,"See she's great. So, George… he's really, really your type, huh?"

"You don't see him. Either of you. You don't see him. He's just… He's just George to you. He's… He's just O'Malley. Your roommate," Dr. Torres starts going off on Izzie and Meredith who isn't really listening just pounding on the cast. I step out of the way a little…

Izzie throws her hands up in defense, "You don't have to get all up-"

"He makes my world stop. George O'Malley is sweet and kind, and smart and strong. And he makes my world stop. So you shut up about him," she cuts Izzie off then turns to Meredith before leaving, "Don't forget to clean it up… when you're done smashing."

"Holy crap! George is her McDreamy," Izzie shouts.

I even have to comment on that one, "Oh."

Izzie leaves out of the room and I step a little closer to Meredith. I wish there was something that I could actually do to make her feel better. I wish she would stop pounding on the cast. I step up a little closer, "Meredith… Meredith! Meredith, stop!"

She stops in her tracks and just looks at me. I pull her into a hug. I didn't know what else to do. We stand there in the embrace for what feels like forever before we pull apart and I help her clean up.

Once we're finished, Meredith and I walk out of the room and down the hall. I tense up a little as we past Susan Grey but I shortly realized that Meredith doesn't know who she is. I almost thought I could get away with not having to explain this to her right now but with my luck, Susan gets up and approaches us.

"I saw a picture once from a long time ago, you look just like her," she starts and Meredith looks at her confused as she continues, "Your mother. You look a lot like my girls… especially Molly. You were talking to her?"

"I didn't say anything about anything," Meredith replies, I guess catching on to the fact that this woman is married to her father.

Susan shakes her head, "Oh, she knows about you… or she knows that her father was married before and had another daughter… has another daughter."

"No, had is right," Meredith corrects her.

The woman looks at her with sad eyes, "Your father thinks about you. He thinks about you a lot. He just… your mother… your mother… she broke him."

"Excuse me. I… I have to work," we both walk off in silence over to my office where Meredith freaks out a little more.

She turns to me with the saddest look on her face, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, love," I say hugging her again, "It's okay to not be okay. I'm sorry that this day sucks."

"I'm sorry too," she says then she gets paged running out. I walk out a little after and head downstairs trying to find something to do to keep my mind busy.

I'm walking through the halls when I see Meredith duck into a nearby room then Thatcher walks up to me. I realize that he is why Meredith is hiding. Thatcher smiles at me, "Oh, hey. Dr. Montgomery."

"Hi," I say simply.

He looks around before looking back at me, "I was looking for you. You're… Before when I was asking about Meredith, you know her. You're her friend?"

"I, uh, we're close friends…" I say knowing she probably doesn't want her father to know anything about her. I continue on jokily, "Practically live together."

"Oh, wow. You know her really well," he says.

I shrug, "I know her pretty well."

" Um, she… she came to see me a couple of weeks ago. And…" he trails off.

I try to help him continue, "A couple of weeks ago?"

"Yeah. I… I didn't know what to say to her. She looks so much… so much like her mother. Ellis was cold. I mean, I was a coward. I was… I… I left. But her mother would never let me know her and… now I don't know how to know her," he looks down at his feet, "Uh…"

"Well, Meredith is anything but cold," I help him out a bit, "She smiles… not that often, but when she does, uh… you know, because she's been going through a lot… but… it's… it's like you feel warm. She's kind. I mean, she can be a little selfish. She can be… she's flawed, but she's kind. She cares about people. And, uh, she cares about… about her patients. I think she's going to be a brilliant surgeon. You know, around here, she's known as the one to beat. So, I… I mean, I guess she has that in common with her mom, but… I think the rest of her… I think, uh, I think the rest of that she gets from you."

"Hmm," he says a little more confidently, "Do… do you know… where she is?"

"I think she left already. But I could tell her you were here, if you want me to?" I say with a small smile.

Thatcher nods, "Yeah. Ok. Thank you."

"Ok," I nod.

He nods again, "Ok."

"Ok, bye," I end this because if I didn't it would've kept on.

Thatcher nods again, "Yeah."

We both walk off different directions. Meredith peeks out from her hiding spot and I envelope her in a hug. She smiles up at me, "Thank you, Addison."

"I have to go into Molly's surgery now. Are you coming?" I ask cautiously.

She shakes her head, "Nah, go ahead without me."

"Okay," I nod beginning to walk away, "come to my place after?"

"Sure thing," she smiles as we part ways.

I walk up to the OR floor, scrub in and walk into the OR to get prepped then I'm ready to start. I take a deep breath and I put up my hand, "Ten-blade."

The surgery was a breeze… When I finish, I look up to the gallery to see Meredith sitting up there and it makes me smile a bit; at least she's trying… She meets me in the scrub room. As I finish scrubbing out, I wrap my arm around her smiling.

"You ready to go?" I ask.

She nods handing me my coat and purse, "And I already got your things."

* * *

The next morning, we're at my house and I'm making breakfast while Meredith sits at the island. I wonder what's going on in her mind. She told me that she didn't want to talk about Thatcher or even Ellis for that matter and I'm little concerned for her. I just want to make sure she's okay.

I watch as she watches me cook and I smile at her causing her to speak up, "So, uh, I don't cook."

"Nobody asked you to cook," I say flipping a pancake onto her plate. I can't cook either so I'm glad I didn't burn this pancake.

Meredith replies in defense, "I know, I'm just saying that, you know, I don't cook, so you don't have to cook. I don't expect you to cook for me."

"Ok. You. Sit there. Sit down," I pause pouring some more pancake mix into the pan and handing her some orange juice, "I want you to drink this and try really hard to act like you aren't scary and damaged."

"I'm not scary and damaged," she says in self-defense.

I chuckle, "Yeah, you are."

"No," she shakes her head, "I'm not scary nor damaged."

"Mm-hmm," I pause, "All right. Why don't you tell me more about your family?"

"Ok, me not wanting to talk about my family does not make me scary or damaged," she says in response.

I smirk, "Ok. Tell me about the last guy you slept with."

"Addie…" she pleads…

I walk around the kitchen putting the rest of her food on her plate before putting it down on the counter before her, "Just proving my point."

* * *

I'm walking around my floor and I notice that Dr. Karev isn't up here rounding on my patients. It's hard to find good help nowadays… Izzie has gone a little mental about a patient she's taking care of and now I'm stuck with Alex Karev because he made this ridiculous comment about my specialty and I attend to make him suffer for it. He's now, as he calls it, Captain of the Vagina Squad.

I walk into the CT viewing room where I find Dr. Bailey and most of her interns… I wonder where Meredith is… but she isn't my victim. I smirk, "Dr. Karev, there you are. You're supposed to be up on OB/GYN rounding on my patients."

"Oh, yeah, I got paged. 911… pregnant mom… car accident… very serious," he says sarcastically.

This only infuriates me more. I smirk, "Pity. I've got three surgeries on the board. I was gonna ask you to scrub in, but I guess you should stay by that pregnant lady's side all day. You see to it, Dr. Bailey?"

"Karev, go find your patient," Miranda orders then looks to Izzie, "Stevens, scrub in on Noah's patella fracture."

"Satan just walks in here and pulls me off surgery?" Alex asks Dr. Bailey.

As I walk away, I hear her reply, "You burn Satan, she burns back. Go."

I run into Meredith on my way back to my office. She seems okay but I know for a fact that she is faking it. She was so torn yesterday and today she has nothing to say? That doesn't just happen. I was intending to talk more but I get paged to the OR.

When I go to scrub in, I'm informed that a family got hit by an SUV. We're operating on their pregnant, twenty-two year old daughter. When they brought her in, they didn't notice the extent of her injuries, which are catastrophic, because her shock concealed them… but once she relaxed, her body stopped producing adrenaline and she had to be rushed into surgery. Dr. Bailey, Dr. Burke, Dr. Saroyan and the Chief are all in here… She needs a splenectomy and lung resection. I'm here just to make sure that nothing happens to the baby.

When I walk into the OR, I have my intern sit down at the baby monitor with me as we watch the others perform. Alex gets up to look closer and I frown, "Karev, sit down."

"I can't see," he says sitting down next to me.

I roll my eyes standing up, "The only thing I want you to do is sit at that fetal monitor and watch that baby's heartbeat."

"So now I'm a babysitter?" he asks and I ignore him.

Richard calls out, "Addison, we're ready for you."

"Uterus is protected," I say looking at the scans then I turn to Alex, "Baby's heartbeat?"

"146," he responds.

I nod, "Ok, baby's safe. You can proceed with the mother."

"Lungs are damaged pretty badly," Dr. Bailey announces.

Someone calls out, "Pressure just bottomed out."

"Let's transfuse," Richard says.

Everyone starts moving around him. Dr. Bailey speaks up, "Four quadrant packing. Come on, people, get me some lap pads."

"Cross clamp the aorta," Richard instructs.

"Clamp," Dr. Burke clamps it then looks up, "Got it."

"There's too much bleeding, she'll never last," Richard looks around the room, "Saroyan?"

"Damage control," she answers.

Richard nods then looks to me, "Addison?"

"If you want the baby to live, damage control," I say… I hate damage control.

Richard nods again then looks to Preston, "Burke?"

"Damage control," he agrees.

Richard looks around the room then announces, "Everyone knows the rules. We're gonna move as rapidly as possible. Don't worry about finishing repairs. For now we're on crisis management people, just get it done. Once she reaches the triangle, we stop. No exceptions."

"Why's he talking about triangle?" Karev asks. When no one answers, he asks again, "What triangle?"

"Blood stops clotting, her muscles produce acid and her organs get cold," Cristina, the other intern in the room finally answers.

Alex seems to be finally getting it now, "You're talking about the triangle of death?"

It's quiet for a moment while we rush to get everything done. Someone finally calls out, "Systolic's 82, folks. Not getting any better."

"How's the spleen, Chief?" Dr. Bailey asks.

Richard shakes his head, "Unsalvageable, I'm afraid."

"Karev!" I shout waiting for an answer.

Alex shakes his head, "Frequent decels and loss of variability."

"The baby's fading," I announce.

Another doctor adds, "PH is down 7.1. Core temp 93 degrees."

"Ok, we've reached the triangle, people. Hands out," Richard proclaims.

Dr. Bailey pulls her hands out, "Still oozing."

"We're not trying for perfection people," Richard says as Preston pulls out.

Dr. Saroyan continues, "Just give me a second."

"Hands out! Damn it, stop! Everybody stop!" Richard shouts.

Everyone pulls out except Cristina until Dr. Burke intervenes, "Cristina, let it go."

"Slow. Erratic… but it's a heartbeat," Dr. Bailey declares.

I watch the monitors for a second before reporting, "Baby's holding steady."

"Bring out the plastic," Dr. Burke orders.

Cristina questions, "Plastic? We're not going to close?"

"No," Dr. Bailey answers, "We're going to keep her open, cover her with plastic, and get her to the ICU."

"And then what?" Dr. Karev asks.

Richard answers this time, "And then we're gonna see if she survives."

* * *

Dr. Bailey, our interns and I are in Melanie's, the patient, ICU room. Dr. Bailey is trying to explain to her parents what we've done but I'm not sure if it's actually making sense to them. She tries again, "We've given her medications to help her blood clot and to help counteract the acid buildup. We're slowly raising her body temperature with warming blankets, warmed IV fluids, and blood products."

"How long is she going to have to be like that?" Jim, the father asks, "You know, with… open like that?"

"We want her to regain as much strength as possible before we operate again… but at the same time, we want to repair the damage as soon as possible… so it's a balancing act," I try to explain.

Millie, the mother, speaks up, "I'm sorry. I don't quite know what you mean."

"Melanie will die if we don't get her back to surgery soon enough and Melanie will die if we take her back to surgery too soon," Dr. Bailey says as simple as possible.

Millie nods slowly, "A balancing act."

"A balancing act," I conclude.

Dr. Bailey and I walk out of the room and Cristina follows, "Uh, Yang, call me if she starts actively bleeding."

"Ok," she nods as Dr. Karev walks out past her.

I stop him. "Karev, where are you going?"

"What? She's in ICU. There's nothing I can do," he shrugs.

I roll my eyes, "You can sit there with her and watch that fetal monitor."

"You can't be serious," he scoffs, "She's circling the drain."

"You know how long a baby can survive inside its dead mother," I ask rhetorically, "Four to five minutes. Minutes not seconds, Karev. Look at Melanie. Look at her. Now look around. You see all the doctors and nurses, even her parents… Their sole job is to take care of Melanie. My job is to care of that baby. Now, I've got a surgery scheduled, so when I step foot on that elevator and leave, you are going to be the only person on this entire floor responsible for that baby. Do not let me down, Karev."

* * *

I'm almost finished with my surgery when I get a page from another OR. I can't answer it now because I'm literally inside of a patient like my arm is in her uterus. Minutes later, Dr. Karev bursts into my OR and says from behind his mask, "Melanie's crashing."

"It's right there," I say referring to what my arm is touching inside a patient's body.

This obviously irks his nerves because he yells, "You hear me? She's crashing!"

"I'm elbow deep in a patient's uterus, Karev," I say with a huff, "What do you want me to do? Leave this woman and her child to die."

"I'm doing my job," he rebuts.

I roll my eyes, "And I'm doing mine… Do what you can, I'll be there as soon as I'm done. Ok, people, let's speed it up."

Alex leaves and a few minutes later, I'm scrubbing out as fast as I can and running into the next OR but I'm too late. I hear Richard announce, "Time of death, 19:48."

"Chief?" I look over at him distraught then I look over to see Alex with the baby and thank God it cries. The baby is okay.

I go back to my office to get ready to go home and I stop by the NICU on the way out. Noah, the husband, is in the NICU with his baby. I find Alex looking into the room when I walk up.

"Good work, Karev," I say to him actually meaning it for once.

Alex shrugs, "Yeah. Kid's alive. Without a mother."

"Addie, you ready?" Meredith walks up with her coat on.

I smile softly wrapping my arm around hers, "Let's go home."

* * *

We're back at my house and I get changed into my pajamas then get started on a quick dinner. I do all this meanwhile Meredith has been standing off to the side hovering since we left the hospital. I sigh then I look over to her, "You're driving me crazy with the hovering."

"This could be a mistake. This. Us," she says slowly approaching me, "You're a really nice person and… well… you… you don't want to get involved with me. If you really knew me…"

"Scary," I say cutting her off.

She cries out, "Addison…"

"And damaged. See? I told you," I smirk putting the pasta into the water to boil.

Meredith sighs, "If you really knew me? If you really knew my family? If I told you the guys that I've slept with lately? The scary and damaged me may actually be more than you can handle."

"I was born into a perfect family… well according to everyone else, I was living the dream; being born into a wealthy family with perfect parents… parents who were never around. When they were, it was for events so they could keep up their image as a perfect family… In reality, my parents never spoke to each other… Just argued… By the age of eight, I was mixing drinks for my father; shake up the gin, lemon juice, sugar syrup, sugar and egg white in a cocktail shaker with a little ice and strain into a highball glass half-filled with ice cubes. Don't forget to top it up with soda water… Just how he likes it. By the age of ten, I was forced to deny my father's affair… with not only his secretary but three of our maids, four of my nannies, Jolene, my French tutor, and the chef. I had to pretend I was going on playdates with my father while he was really just having sex in his office. I hated my father for this forever until recently my mother tried to make things better by telling me it was her who cheated first, with a woman, but chose to stay married because she already had a family… She told me that my brother and I were the reason she didn't run off with the love of her life and finally be happy… Isn't that something? Anyway, I'm thinking that my luck is beginning to change because I've met you. And you laugh at my jokes although they're not funny at all, you eat my cooking which I'm sure is terrible, and you look at me like I'm the most amazing woman in the world… I never said I wasn't scary and damaged too," I finish and Meredith just kisses me.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**In Which Addison's Shit Hits The Fan**

I wake up to a half-clothed Meredith Grey on the couch with a melted bucket of ice cream. It looks as though we fell asleep over a movie last night that we weren't even watching. We stayed up talking about our childhoods mostly. I've learned that we have a lot in common… like the fact that both of our families are WASPs (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant), which basically means a rich, snooty family who didn't communicate, stressed about the way the looked to other people and only went to church on Christmas. It also turns out that Ellis, along with my parents, is also a cheater and we were both allowed to do whatever we wanted growing up as long as it didn't embarrass the family name which also meant showing no emotions in public whatsoever.

She even told me about her father… how he left when she was five and that time I took her over to his house was the first time she saw him in twenty years. After overhearing him talk to me at the hospital the other day, she hadn't realized that he actually tried to be apart of her life but her mother wouldn't have it. She's also come to the conclusion that her mother and the Chief really were having an affair. She said that there's no doubt about it… she found her mother's diary.

I get up to whip up something quick in the kitchen. To my luck, Meredith doesn't wake up until I'm actually finished. She walks into the kitchen kissing me on the lips before sitting down at the counter. I place a mug in front of her before pouring fresh coffee into her cup. We don't have much time to get before her pager goes off.

"Crap," she frowns in the middle of eating her eggs, "I'm so taking this to-go."

She starts getting dressed, grabbing her coat, bag and plate before kissing me goodbye. She calls out, "I'll see you at the hospital."

"Okay," I smile to myself.

I finish up my breakfast then I hop in the shower. I'm dressed and in the car on my way to the hospital in no time. My phone rings and I realize it's in my purse. I'm trying to focus on the road while also scrambling through my purse.

"Hello?" I say almost dropping my phone trying to answer it.

There's a pause but then a voice speaks up, "Hello, Red"

"What do you want Mark?" I say rolling my eyes. I really should've looked at the caller ID before answering.

"Oh, come on. Don't act like you aren't happy to hear from me."

"Mark, I thought you went back to New York."

"I did…" he trails off.

I sigh, "Then what is it that you want?"

"I want you, Addison. Look, I've been thinking…," he pauses, "We have something… and you just left… right in the middle of our relationship…"

"We didn't have a relationship, Mark. We slept together…"

"Weekly… Sometimes twice a week…" he adds.

I stop at a red light. I hate Seattle traffic. I've barely moved an inch, "That doesn't mean we were a couple. Plus, you gave me the idea of leaving…"

"Derek for me; not us for Seattle… Addison, what we have… it isn't over. We're not finished."

"It is for me."

"Come on, Red, you can't act like you don't have feelings for me."

"Those feelings are long gone, Mark," I say finally making the light when it turns green, "I'm with Meredith"

"Oh, yeah. That intern."

"Stop that, Mark. I love her."

"But I love you, Addison."

"I love you too, Mark but not in the same way I love Meredith. I love you like a really good friend." There's a long pause and I sigh, "I'm sorry, Mark."

"I just don't understand."

"I moved to Seattle to start fresh. If I would've stayed with you after I left Derek, he would've found out about us and you would no longer have a best friend. And I would be labeled as a cheater. I would've been the talk of the hospital… And don't act like we were exclusive, Mark. I was one of the many women you're sleeping with," I finish pulling into the hospital parking lot.

He scoffs, "Red, I would've left them for you."

"Mark, I can't do this right now," I pull into my space parking the car, "I have to go to work."

"Fine, but this conversation isn't over."

"Goodbye, Mark."

"Red."

I walk into the hospital a little on edge… Frankly, I'm annoyed with how Mark could just disregard my feelings… how can he act like Meredith and I aren't serious. We're actually dating and not screwing around. That's all that Mark and I were… just sex; nothing more… I mean, there was a time I thought for a second that I actually had feelings for him but then I remembered he was just a manwhore by finding out about yet another nurse he slept with.

God… Sex… "I need sex… Hot sex…" I say under my breath walking up to some of Dr. Bailey's interns, "I need an intern. Now."

"I'm with Bailey," Meredith say kissing me on the cheek and walking away.

I look to Cristina and she shrugs, "I'm with Burke."

"Karev," I say rolling my eyes. Although he's not that bad of a doctor, I still hate working with him.

He shakes his head, "I don't do vagina; not as a doctor anyway."

"Oh. Back talk. You know what? You just bought yourself a case," I say handing him the chart, "Go get the labs."

My patient has six kids and is working on kid number seven so you can image the zoo that is happening in her room as I enter. I smile nodding at Mr. and Mrs. Ward, "Hello, Wards."

"Hi," all the kids scream.

I smile turning back to Rose, "We're just waiting on your labs. How you feeling?"

"I'm feeling large," she says rubbing her belly, "Large and cow-like."

"Cow?" one of her little girls speak up.

Rose shakes her head laughing a little, "Mommy is a cow who needs a quiet talk with the doctor."

"Hey, guys," Mr. Ward chimes in, "Who wants ice cream?"

"Me! Me!" the kids all scream.

Mr. Ward and the kids leave as Dr. Karev walks into the room, "CBC and CHEM-7 look fine."

"Rose?" I ask when I notice her eyes close.

I was a little nervous for a second but she sits back up fine, "I'm sorry. I'm so tired."

"Oh, Rose, well, you know, six kids, 38 weeks pregnant. A saint would be tired," I say with a slight smile.

Rose shakes her head, "Well… I'm no saint. This baby, Joseph… Dr. Montgomery, I need him to be my last. And I really seem to be the most fertile woman on the planet."

"Well," I nod, "if you're interested in alternative forms of birth control…"

"No," she says cutting me off, "What I mean is… today, during the C-section, I need you to tie my tubes and I need you to do it without my husband ever knowing."

"Rose, you're an adult. He's your husband, not your legal guardian. Telling him would be entirely up to you," I say.

She pleads, "No, if you charged my insurance he would see it. Any bill you send, he would see it. I've been saving for this and I can pay you privately."

"So you're saying you want me to do the surgery and leave no record of it?" I question.

Alex butts in the conversation, "Mrs. Ward, if you're being abused, there are people you can talk to."

"Oh, Chris is…" she starts, "He's the opposite of abusive."

He speaks up again after a short pause, "So, if we pull up your medical records we're not gonna find a bunch of old broken bones or…"

"If you pull up my medical records, you'll find three natural childbirths, three C-sections, two hospital stays for exhaustion, and one for dehydration because I was so busy chasing my kids around I forgot to take a sip of water for three days. I think God understands what I'm going through. And I think God will forgive me. But Chris…" she pauses, "For him, religion isn't like a buffet table where you get to choose what you want to take and leave the rest. And the Pope says no to birth control, so… I need your help."

"You don't need our help. Your husband's not abusing you. You don't get to lie to him and blame it on the Pope," he says.

I pull him outside of Rose's room before chastising him, "Dr. Karev."

"No offense, but I have no interest in obstetrics or gynecology, Dr. Montgomery," he says with a roll of his eyes, "So if you want to throw me off the case, feel free."

"Dr. Karev, I may be a board certified OB/GYN but I also have fellowships in maternal-fetal medicine and medical genetics and I'm one of the foremost neonatal surgeons in this country. When you can top that, you can mouth off. Until then, you will do your job and you will do it right, which at this point in time means you keep your mouth shut unless I give you permission to open it. Understood?" I say and when he doesn't respond I repeat, "Understood?"

"Oh, are you giving me permission now?" he retorts.

To avoid slapping him, I just have him follow me back in the room. I try a different approach on the woman, "Rose… Seven kids… it's a lot. Are you sure that Chris isn't feeling the same way?"

"When we were first married, we were so broke that I went on the pill, for a while. And Chris stopped taking Communion," she pauses, "When he does that, he thinks he's…"

"Thinks he's going to hell," Dr. Karev adds in then pauses, "He thinks you're both going to hell."

"The reason we haven't had a baby in four years is because we abstained for three. Now can you imagine not being able to make love to your husband?" she asks me.

This caught me off guard, "Um… the, uh… pill…"

"I can't hide the pill. He would find out," she says.

Dr. Karev butts in again, "If he found out, what? I mean, he won't divorce you. He doesn't believe in that."

"Do you see the way he's looking at me, right now?" she says in reference to my incompetent intern.

I look from him back to her, "Dr. Karev was just leaving."

"No, no, no. Just… just look at him for a minute," she says and I turn to face him, "That look he has on his face, that's how my husband would look at me if he knew about any of this. And I can't have my husband look at me like that. And I can't have any more babies."

I just nod and I walk out of the room as the prep team walks in. I don't know what to do… I mean, it isn't wrong… like it isn't a bad thing and it's what she wants. We're supposed to do by the patient right? I only have a little time to make a decision because they're taking her up to surgery after they finish prepping her. I have to make this call and really, I think I'm okay with it. It's her body; this is what she wants and she's my patient. I'm obligated only to her.

I go into to the surgery with a clear mind… After delivering baby Joseph and handing him off, I turn to my intern, "How's the sponge count, Dr. Karev?"

"They're all accounted for, but I see a bleeder here," he says.

I nod seeing it, "It's small. Get the Bovie and cauterize it."

"I got it," he says grabbing the Bovie and cauterizing the tear.

I give a nod of approval, "That's good. Uh, there's a little bleeding near the tube here. Can you hand me the Bovie, Dr. Karev?"

"I don't see any abnormal bleeding," he says looking over the patient.

I look at him slightly shocked, "Are you the surgeon here?"

"No."

"Then give me the Bovie," I pause with my hand out waiting, "Give me the Bovie, Dr. Karev."

He finally hands it to me and I make a mental note to talk to the Chief when we get out of here. No one undermines me in my OR… no one. I refuse to have some young intern who thinks he is hot shit parading around this hospital. I refuse to work like this. He needs a serious attitude check.

* * *

After little Joseph got all cleaned up, weighed and had his initial check up, Dr. Karev and I deliver him to his mother. I push the incubator all the way to them and once we're there, I pick him up handing him over to his mom.

"Hey there, Joseph. Welcome to the world," I look from him to her, "Rose, before we bring your family in to see you, I wanted to let you know that there was a complication with your surgery. We had some unexpected bleeding that caused damage to both fallopian tubes."

"So you're saying…?" she looks up at me with some much hope in her eyes.

I nod, "You won't be able to have any more children."

"Thank you, Dr. Montgomery," she smiles genuinely.

I shake my head, "As I said, it was… a complication."

"I understand," she nods as my intern and I leave the room.

We barely make it out into the hallway before Dr. Karev bursts, "A complication? That's what you're calling it?"

"That's what it was," I say with a slight shrug.

He shakes his head, "Really? Cause in that case, it's one of the most bizarre obstetric complications in history."

"She is our patient. Our obligation is to her and her only," I say to him as he walks off.

I can't deal with his attitude much longer. So after I stopped for a snack, I go to find Richard. He's at the main nurse's station in the ER when I finally run into him. I walk up to where he is standing before I say, "Richard, we have to talk about Alex Karev. I know he's talented, but his attitude, in my opinion, has reached an unacceptable low."

"Addison. You've got a bigger problem today than Alex Karev," he says moving me in the direction of a room with blinds open. I see Mr. Ward talking to some man in a suit, "Mr. Ward has been speaking with our attorney regarding his wife's surgery. Now I read your chart. I read the nurse's notes. Now, can you explain to me what kind of complication from a C-section leads to the severing of both fallopian tubes?"

I sigh running my hand through my hair. I try to explain to Richard what happened but by the end of it, he just looks at me and says 'fix this'. I make a U-Turn heading back towards Rose's room. I notice her family isn't back yet when I enter the room. I still don't really know what to say but I have to fix this, "How're you feeling?"

"A little sore," she says.

I nod with a smile, "Oh, that's to be expected."

"I'm sorry I told Chris about the complication. I just…" she pauses, "I just thought he should know that Joseph would be our last. So he could savor it. I didn't know he was going to do this."

"Rose, I need you to tell him that you asked me to tie your tubes," I say sitting down on the edge of her bed.

She shakes her head, "For you, it's just insurance. And you don't even have to pay. For me, it's my marriage. It's my family."

"It's my career, Rose. It's my reputation," I say

She looks down and then back up to me, "You're the best. People come from all over the country to see you. That won't change. I can't tell him. Dr. Montgomery… I'm so sorry because I am so grateful to you. But I can't tell him."

This just angers me. I know she's adamant about this and she isn't going to change her mind. I'm so upset right now that I don't even notice that I passed Dr. Karev in the hallway… until he speaks up.

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions," he says.

That when I realize he's the one who told the husband the details about the 'complication.' I'm furious now. I can feel the heat rising in my body as I turn around to him, "Dr. Karev. You did such a good job today that I'm going to talk to Dr. Bailey and have you assigned to my service."

"What?" he says turning to face me, "For how long?"

"For as long as I want. Your ass is mine until I say otherwise. Congratulations," I say with a devious smile before turning on my heels making my way to my office. I grab my things and I head for home. I can't believe this crazy day… My nerves are shot.

I'm only at my house for a few minutes before I hear a knock. I go to answer it and it's Meredith. I let her inside while I begin to rant going towards the fridge, "You would not believe the day I had. I went out of my way to give a patient exactly what she wants, only to have it explode in my face. I mean, lawsuit, threats, Richard's pissed. Don't even get me started about Alex Karev."

"Get in the shower," she says simply.

Did she even hear anything I just said? I stand up from where I was looking in the refrigerator, "What?"

"Get in the shower with me," she says again.

I shake my head, "Bear, it's a very small shower."

"You want to have hot sex?" She says and I turn around to her realizing she is naked.

I start taking my clothes off quickly, "Thank you."


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**In Which Addison's Nerve is Struck**

"White male. GSW to the left shoulder," a paramedic say as Meredith and I walk into the hospital through the Ambulance Bay, "Multiple walking wounded. Five injured coming in behind us."

We get the 911 page after we already walked through the ER. We run into the other interns in the hallway along with a bunch of patients on gurneys. Meredith asks what we both we thinking, "Why are they all in the hallway?"

"Overflow from the ER," Cristina answers simply.

Izzie chims in, "A paramedic told us an employee went postal; shot up a restaurant."

"I heard he got away," George adds.

I speak up this time, "Really?"

"Grey! I need some assistance over here," someone shouts from the ER.

Meredith stands on her tippy-toes to give me a kiss, "Sorry, gotta go."

"I'll talk to you later," I smile before heading upstairs to my office.

I don't get very far before I'm paged from the Neurology department. I head over to Neuro to find that I was paged by Dr. Cam… I still don't like him. He's way too stuck up… for even me. Just because I don't like him, doesn't mean I'm not cordial and professional around him. He asks me to check on his 19 year old pregnant patient's womb. She has a gunshot wound to the head and he just wants to make sure the baby is well enough to handle the surgery. After my initial workup, I leave the room to find Dr. Cam who's in the Scrub room prepping for surgery.

"Kendra's fetus is 12 weeks along. It seems healthy," I pause waiting for him to respond. After no response, I speak up again, "Did you hear me, Dr. Cam?"

"I heard you," he says rudely not even looking up at me.

I'm offended. I use words that I don't normally use, "Dude, what the fuck is your problem?"

"You're my problem, Dr. Montgomery. You just waltz in here from New York like you own the place. You actually think that one day the Chief will pass down his position to you but you're wrong. You're a woman, doctor. You should stay in a woman's place. We don't have time for wannabe overachievers," he says as finishes scrubbing out.

Luckily, before I'm able to speak, Dr. O'Malley walks into the room, "Kendra's parents are here."

"Let them know the situation, have them sign the consent forms, then scrub in," he says to him.

George nods, "Yes, Dr. Cam."

"Thank you," he says to George before he leaves out of the room to go to Kendra's parents. I take this is my opportunity to blow off a lot of steam.

"Look, I mean, it's okay that you feel inferior to women because you are. Even Richard knows that. When there are high-profile Neuro cases, he doesn't page you… he pages Dr. Saroyan. So, I suggest you take what I'm saying in and maybe one day learn to better yourself before you find yourself out of a job. Oh, and don't get your hopes up about being Chief. You were never in the running," I say feeling a lot better now that I got those words off my chest. I turn on my heels and stride out of the Scrub room.

On my stride back to my office, I walk past a conference room that just so happens to be occupied by Meredith. I walk in to see her sitting alone with a pile of charts in front of her and she smiles up at me. I smile back, "Hey."

"Hey," she reaches up for me.

I sit down in her lap and collapse my body into hers as I lay my head on her shoulder, "Have you seen Dr. Karev?"

"Uh… hours ago," she says reaching over me to continue working on her charts.

I just nod, "Ok."

"Addison, you're really going to torture him forever? He says you're ruining vaginas for him," she laughs, "He calls you the gyno-beast."

I want to laugh… I do but for some reason I can't get over what Dr. Cam said to me a few minutes ago. I sit up and look at Meredith then I say mostly to myself, "He's a misogynist."

"Who?" Meredith looks up at me.

I shake my head standing up from her lap, "Dr. Cam. He asked me to come down for a consult then flipped out on me about how I am a woman and I need to stay in a woman's place."

"Addison…" she starts.

I wave it off knowing what I'm going to do next, "No, no. Thanks. I'm… I'm okay. Thanks. I'm great."

"Addison, what are you going to do?" she asks.

I just shake my head and I walk out of the conference room then upstairs to my office. I'm in a middle of writing an angry letter to the Chief about the way one of his surgeons are acting when that surgeon in question just happens to knock on my door. When I acknowledge him, he walks into my office.

He shifts on his feet, "Hey, you got a minute?"

"You ready to apologize?" I ask not looking up from the papers stacked on my desk.

He clears his throat, "Uh, my patient, Kendra Thomas. She's brain dead. Her parents want to keep her alive to have the baby."

"So, you want me to talk to the parents?" I question still working on my letter.

Dr. Cam speaks up again, "Well, I tried already, but I figured, you know, you're neonatal, you might have a better shot at it than I do."

"Ok," I agree.

Dr. Cam acts as if he doesn't hear me, "It's just that you could give the a much more detailed picture…"

"I said I'd do it," I shut him up by cutting him off.

I watch Dr. Cam walk out of my office and I sit waiting for the anger of just seeing his face to fade before getting up making my way to Kendra's room. When I walk in, I find her parents in the room basically coddling a corpse, Dr. Cam in the corner looking extremely awkward and his intern, Dr. O'Malley, on the other side of the room.

"Mr. and Mrs. Thomas, Dr. Cam asked me to talk to you about your daughter and her pregnancy," I say walking into the room.

Mr. Thomas waves me away, "We've made up our mind. She's having the baby."

"I know Kendra meant the world to you and I know the terrible grief you must be going through right now, but from a medical standpoint, this is a very bad idea," I say.

Mr. Thomas just shakes his head, "Well, if we'd wanted your opinion, miss, we'd ask for it."

"It's just… we love our daughter. Please try to understand," Mrs. Thomas finally speaks up.

I nod, "I do understand. I do. You think if you love her enough or love her baby enough that it will keep her close to you. But she's already gone and if you go forward with this, you're risking… I mean, if Kendra, were to contract an infection, she could pass it on to the fetus and it could cause brain damageㄧ"

"We're taking our chances," Mr. Thomas says adamantly.

Mrs. Thomas asks, "Now… they keep organ donors alive after they're… gone. Why not Kendra?"

"Organ donors aren't kept alive for six months. Your daughter is brain dead. She can't regulate body temperature, hormone output. These things are very important for a fetus," I explain.

Mr. Thomas asks, "You guys can regulate that stuff, right?"

"We could try," I say, "Iㄧ"

"Well then try, damn it! What the hell's the problem here?" Mr. Thomas snaps.

This only sets the water boiling up inside of me off, "The problem, as I see it, is you want to use your daughter's corpse as an incubator. That's the problem."

"Ok, I'm sorry," Dr. Cam jumps in, "Would you excuse us?"

"That's the problem," I say to them and to Dr. Cam as he tries to pull me out of the room. I remove his hands off me and escort myself out of the room, "What? Dr. Cam what are you doing?"

"They just lost their daughter," he says.

I look at him like he's stupid, "I know. That was my point, Dr. Cam. They need to face that. She's not coming back."

"A little sensitivity would be nice here, ok? They love their daughter. They don't want to let go," he says walking away.

I shake my head following him, "What they're doing is not about love, Dr. Cam. It's… it's…"

"Just calm down, please," he says quietly.

I'm taken aback, "What? What? You're not going to yell at me? Call me names?"

"What do you want from me, Dr. Montgomery?" he says turning around to face me.

" I want a freaking apology! I want you to grow the fuck up and lose that damn God complex! You are not the best neurosurgeon in the world let alone in this hospital! Listen, Dr. Cam, I understand that you feel inferior to me and you should. I'm a world-class neonatal surgeon with double board certifications in both Obstetrics and Gynaecology and Maternal and Fetal Medicine. On top of being a medical genetics fellow, I am one of only eight people in the world who can perform Maternal and Fetal Medicine on a world-class level. There are thousands of Neurosurgeons who perform on a world-class level and oh, you're not even one of them… Moving along, I get paid more than double your salary; probably more than triple. I am smarter than you and a hell of a lot more capable. That's why Richard personally asked me to come out here from New York. So, I suggest you take that God complex along with that big head of yours and throw it out of the window. Then maybe you can learn to respect women instead of being a misogynistic asshole and know your place at the bottom of the surgical food chain," I finish and Dr. Cam nods his head towards the floor below us.

I look over to see Meredith, Cristina, Chief Webber among others who have just witnessed the whole scene. Dr. Cam walks away and I, slightly embarrassed, shakes it off striding away towards my office. Before I could reach the safety of my office, I see none other than Richard Webber coming right towards me.

I start, "I know what you're going to say, Richard, but if you knew that day that I hadㄧ"

"Everybody in this hospital has those days, Addison. And no one makes a scene in front of their peers. Get it together. Addison," he says then walks away.

I'm so freaking pissed. I need someone to rant to. Maybe I'll run into Meredith or Callie or Miranda. I go looking for someone to blow off steam with. The first person I run into is Dr. Bailey who is scrubbing her hands at a sink in the ER.

"I swear I've had it up to here with Dr. Cam's misogynistic ass," I start to rant but I stop suddenly when I hear gunshots go off.

Miranda looks at me, "What was that?"

"Were those gunshots?" I question as we both run off outside to where the sound came from.

There's a guy laid out in a pile of blood. I recognize him as one of the guys from the shooting earlier. I check his pulse but there is none. He's dead. I look up to see Bailey kneeled over another gunshot victim.

Miranda shouts, "Oh! Dr. Burke. I need some help!"

I run over to her motioning the paramedics to follow with a gurney. Miranda is performing CPR on Preston while we help him onto a gurney then I run in to find room for him all the while running into the Chief.

"Burke's been shot," I say to him.

As fate would have it, Cristina comes running up to us, "Chief! How bad is it? It looks bad. Um, I'm here. I can help. If there's anything surgical, I can help."

"Why don't you go run Trauma Two, Dr. Yang?" Richard offers up.

Cristina's eyes go wide, "I get to run Trauma Two all by myself?"

"Yes, but find me if you need help," he says then adds, "And get consults."

"I'm on it," Cristina runs off to Trauma Two while Richard and I walk over to the entrance where Dr. Bailey is wheeling Dr. Burke inside.

Richard turns to me, "How bad is it?"

"Uh, GSW to the right shoulder," I say being reminded of all the blood at the scene, "He's lost a lot of blood."

"All right. Get him to Trauma One and keep the blinds closed. Yang's on the floor," Richard announces as we all head to the trauma room.

Dr. Burke starts struggling to get off the gurney. It's getting tough to hold him down. Dr. Bailey steps up into his view speaking softly, "Hey, wait."

"I'm fine," Dr. Burke insists still trying to get up.

I walk up to Miranda trying to help keep him still while Richard tries talking him back down, "You need to lay down. You've lost a lot of blood."

"I'm fine. Let go. I'm fine," Dr. Burke tries to loosen our grip on him, "I have a patient that I have to go check on."

"No, no. No, you are the patient. Lay down!" I say using all the strength I have.

Dr. Burke, however, just starts laughing as he flops down onto the bed, "Dr. Montgomery, when did you get here?"

"Page Saroyan," Richard says after a second of all of us looking kind of worried.

It feels like an eternity later when Dr. Saroyan finally comes into the room. It's okay though because we finally got Dr. Burke to lay down. Bad news is that Dr. Yang walks into the room seconds after Dr. Saroyan.

It's silent in the room as she just stares at him. I don't like the tension in here. Thankfully, Cristina finally speaks up, "You're shot?"

"Cristina?" Dr. Burke sits up a little finally noticing her presence.

Richard steps in, "Get back to your station, Yang."

"He's shot?" she looks from Dr. Burke to the Chief.

Dr. Bailey answers for him, "Yang, we got it. It's ok."

"That guy shot you," she says to Burke but mostly to herself as she angrily storms out of the room.

After a short silence Dr. Bailey speaks up, "Ok, no, no exit wound."

"Entry upper right shoulder," Dr. Saroyan takes over, "Could be lodged in the spine. Ok, let's roll him over."

"Easy," Richard instructs as we all step in to help.

"Watch the arm!" Dr. Saroyan yells at an intern as she gets a better look at the wound.

"Easy," Richard says again as we lower him.

Dr. Saroyan smiles looking into Preston's eyes, "Hey, Dr. Burke?"

"Hmm?" he answers completely out of it.

Dr. Saroyan goes ahead and continues, "The bullet is in dangerous property here, ok? We need to check your hand function."

"I want you to try and squeeze my fingers, ok?" Richard says as Cristina bursts into the room again.

She pushes past everyone to get a closer look, "They moved my guy upstairs. How is he?"

"I need you to wait outside," Dr. Bailey instructs her.

She shakes her head, "I'm not gonna wait outside. Burke?"

"Can we have a moment?" Dr. Burke asks the Chief.

Richard hesitates but gives in, "Only a moment. I don't want to waste any time, ok?"

On that note, we all step outside. My pager goes off. It's a 911 from Adele, the Chief's wife. It also says not to let him know that she's here. I wonder what that's about. I excuse myself and make my way over to Trauma Six.

Almost to the room, Adele pulls up the curtain spotting me walking up and she shouts, "Addison! Thank you for meeting us."

"You wanna tell me what's so important I'm keeping it secret from my Chief of Surgery?" I say looking from Adele to the young girl on the hospital bed in full prom attire.

Adele nods towards the girl, "I was chaperoning a prom for my niece. We had a little bit of a situation."

I grab the chart off the end of the bed, "Camille Travis, 17, lost consciousness during sexual intercourse?"

"Oh, keep it down," Adele shushes me closing the curtain after us.

Camille laughs a little at Adele, "It's okay, Aunt Adele, I'm fine."

"When your Uncle Richard finds out you were cashing in your V-card, none of us will be fine," she says slight jokingly but I know how serious she's being.

In the middle of my exam, two girls and a boy enter also in their prom attire. The brunette girl speaks first, "Camille?"

"Mrs. Webber!" the other one says.

The brunette one asks, "My God! Is she ok?"

"She has to be ok, right?" the other one asks before I even get a chance to speak up.

They just go back and forth, "No one ever died from having sex, right?"

"You're not going to tell my parents, right? I mean, I even used a condom and everything," the boy says finally.

I just shake my head as Adele escorts them out of the room. I can still hear them. They're just on the other side of the curtain, "You girls should go back to the prom."

"Are you gonna call Camille's parents?"

"Not until I have to. You know her mom. She gets a little hysterical…" Adele trails off before speaking up again. This time a little more hectic, " Brian, disappear."

"What?" he says to Adele. Both of the girls come back into the room.

Adele's pitch gets a little higher, "Disappear! Go! Disappear! Richard. Richard."

"Adele," he says simply.

"Hmm."

"Um, what? Are you here to see Preston?"

"Preston? No," Adele says now worried about Preston too, "What happened to Preston?"

"Preston was shot."

"Preston was shot?"

"Yeah," he pauses, "Camille. What happened to Camille?"

"Richard…" Adele pauses as I look over my shoulder to see a slight opening in the curtain. Oops, so much for keeping this from Richard, "she fainted while… when… she was… she… was having sex with her boyfriend."

He's clearly hysterical. It doesn't seem as though he heard that last part, "Why didn't you call me?"

"She's 17, sweetheart. She'll be 18 in a few months. Most girls lose it way before…"

Richard cuts her off, "Uh-huh! Do you think I want to hear that? Do you think I wanna picture my baby niece… "losing it"?"

"Richard, Richard, take deep breaths," Adele tries to calm him down.

I walk out of Camille's room and up to them when I'm finished with my initial exam, "Well, the bleeding has stopped, but her pelvic exam does concern me. I'd like to do an ultrasound."

"Three years ago, Camille was diagnosed with ovarian cancer," Richard speaks up, "They only removed one ovary to try and preserve fertility, but her checkups have been clean since then."

"Ok. Well, let's not worry until we have to," I say as Brian walks by.

Richard spots him, "You! You wait right there! I want to talk to you!"

Adele motions for him to run and Brian starts to run away. Richard goes after him, "I said wait. Stop! I said stop!"

"Richard, take deep breaths! Richard!" Adele yells after them running off too.

I just laugh going back into Camille's room going over her chart and notes from her previous doctor visits. The girls, who I now know names are Natalie and Claire, are in here with Camille and they're talking about prom.

Natalie goes ahead and talks about the elephant in the room, "So… was it totally romantic?"

"Yeah, before… the pain and the paramedics and everything?" Claire finishes.

Camille blushes looking from me to her friends, "Ok, so… you know that feeling when you look into someone's eyes and you're totally comfortable and you aren't self-conscious and everything is just… is, like, perfect?"

"Camille, have you had any symptoms, um…" I say interrupting, "any abdominal pain? Nausea? Anything?"

"No, she's been fine," Claire answers for her.

Camille looks down nervously and I look at her sadly, "You haven't been fine, have you?"

"No, not for, like, a month or so," she admits.

Natalie looks at Camille surprised, "You've been feeling sick for a month?"

"I wanted to go to prom. I, I…" she pauses, "I didn't want to be the girl with cancer, again."

"You're not," Claire says to her then looks to me, "She's not, right?"

"Uh… I need to run a few more tests. Do you girls mind waiting in the waiting room for me? I'll come find you as soon as we bring Camille back down," I say although I'm pretty sure her cancer is back but I don't want to worry anyone until it's confirmed.

They comply and head out of the room and I call a nurse in to take Camille upstairs to get a few more tests ran. I sit in the room for a bit trying to compose myself and run through everything in my head again. When I walk out, I find Adele sitting on a bench near the Nurses' Station.

"Hey," I say sighing sitting down next to her.

Adele looks up at me, "Oh. I was just trying to remember the night I lost my virginity. And I can't. I remember who it was with and I remember I was 18, but… I can't remember any of the details."

"I can remember all of the details," I shrug, "Kind of wish I couldn't."

"That bad?" Adele asks.

I shake my head, "No, just not good. Good came later. And then really good came."

"That little girl in there's just getting started. She hasn't even seen what good is yet. Please. Addison. Tell me she's going to have a chance to see what the good stuff is," I don't say anything but I don't really have a good poker face. Adele just looks at me and she already knows what the answer is, "Oh."

"I'm so sorry, Adele," I say frowning.

I hug her then I head upstairs to my office where I hide for a little. The intern with Camille's test results knocks on my door and I invite him in. He leaves me with the results before heading back out and leaving my door open. I sigh going through her papers until I'm confirmed that her cancer really is back. I close the folder running my hand through my hair as I try to figure out how I'm going to break this to Richard and Adele. Speaking of the devil, Richard's walking by my office. I run out to join him as he walks down a four set of stairs out onto the hall and into the waiting room, which is full of teenagers dressed in their prom attire.

"Woah," I say mostly to myself.

Richard clears his throat, "Girls."

"Um, I called Jillian," Claire speaks up first.

Natalie adds, "And I called Tessa."

"And then they called Simon and Bianca and Deborah," Claire keeps it up.

Richard cuts them off, "Girls…"

They won't let him win. Natalie pleads, "It's her prom, Dr. Webber. She can't miss her whole prom! So… we, like, brought it to her."

"Kids! Kids! Listen up. Look, I know you wanted to see Camille. Why don't you come back tomorrow? During the day; in smaller groups," he says then tries again a little quieter, "Look, I'm sorry, girls. I can't have a bunch of teenagers running in the hallways. People are sick. People are d…"

"Dying?" Claire finishes for him, "Yeah, we know."

I can't take this anymore. I excuse myself making my way out the room and down the hall. I can't imagine losing my little girl to ovarian cancer at seventeen. Freaking seventeen… her life is just getting ready to get started. To take my mind away from this, I decide to go check on Dr. Burke. I hope he has a better outcome. When I arrive at his room, I see he's awake and Dr. Saroyan in there with him. I decide to slip in quietly while they're talking.

"How're you doing?" Dr. Saroyan asks him.

He lifts up his hand, "I'm developing numbness in my… fourth and fifth fingers."

"And there's a pseudoaneurysm in the subclavian artery," she adds. "You know the drill. Wait a few days, maybe the aneurysm won't grow."

"Yeah, if… if it stays this size, there's too much damage," he says mostly to himself.

Dr. Saroyan nods, "We'll just go in there and we'll fix it. Relieve the compression on the nerves."

"But the operation could cause damage to the nerves."

"Yes."

"And I could… lose function of the entire arm."

"Yes," she says again.

Preston looks start at her, "You can do this? You're good enough to do this?"

"I think so," she nods.

Preston squints, "But you're not sure."

"But I'm not sure."

"So… what do I do?"

"It's not like you to ask those kind of questions."

"It's not like you not to have the answers."

I can't take this anymore; this back and forth; the bad outcomes; the not knowing of answers, I bolt out of the room so fast that I literally run into Adele and Richard in the hallway. Adele is screaming at him.

"How dare you send those kids away?" I really don't want to be around for this but I can't seem to walk away.

Richard tries to calm her down, "Adele. Please. You're emotional. Ok?"

"I just told my sister her baby's cancer is back. You're damn right, I'm emotional. If you don't want to bend your precious rules for Camille, fine. Don't do it for her. Do it for me. Do it for your wife who never asks you for anything; who says nothing about your long hours; who looks the other way while you have an affair with another woman; who sobered you up when that woman left you; who stayed with you when everyone, everyone said I would be better off alone. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you, you're going to make this up to Camille. You're gonna prioritize the needs of your family above those of your other patients. Or… you're going to find a new place to sleep," she finishes and I walk away scared to be around them at this point.

Adele knew about the affair. There really is no denying her mother and Richard's affair now. I have to tell Meredith this new piece of information. I leave down the hall in search of Meredith. I haven't seen her all day. After looking for ten minutes, I stop by a couple of Nurses' Stations asking for her but no one seems to know where she is. I even paged her but I still haven't got an answer. Luckily, I run into Dr. Bailey coming out of Dr. Burke's room. She's gotta know where her interns are.

Walking next to her I ask, "Have you seen Meredith?"

"Walk with me," she says simply. I follow her as she grabs Olivia, the nurse, and we head upstairs to the CICU.

We stop walking outside of Denny Duquette's room. This is the patient that Dr. Stevens is so obsessed with that she can't focus on any of her work. When we walk into the room, we find the patient flatlining with Izzie standing over him pumping his heart as it starts beating again. All of Miranda's interns are in here except Alex. I'm so stuck on what's happening in front of me that the whereabouts of Alex Karev don't even concern me right now.

"Oh my god," I say quietly as I realize what's going down in here.

"You fools better have a good explanation for this. Step away from the patient," Miranda orders as everyone steps back except Izzie, "Step away from the patient."

"I can't. I have to pump his heart.," Izzie replies hectically.

That's when I notice the cut LVAD wire. Miranda notices too then says, "Olivia, take over for Dr. Stevens. Izzie, you're done here. I need you to leave the room."

"Izzie…" Olivia threads carefully knowing that Izzie has completely lost it at the point.

Izzie spazzes, "No! Do not touch me!"

God, I blame myself for not noticing that Izzie was losing it. I mean, I slowly witnessed her fall in love with this man and I did nothing to stop it. I should've done something. Now she may lose her license to practice. She was such a promising doctor. Now looking at her, I don't really know who she is. This is partially my fault. She was under my wing. I should've been paying more attention.

"Olivia, stay with Dr. Stevens. Help her if she'll let you. You three. Outside. Now!" Miranda steps out into the hall with the rest of the interns and I join them because I'm too in shock to do anything else, "Where was rational thought? Where was cognitive thinking? First do no harm? The morals, the ethics? Where was sanity when you three decided to help that girl?"

"We didn't…" Meredith starts but Bailey cuts her off.

"No, no. No speaking. Nobody speaks. I do not want to have to testify against any of you in a court of law; not one word. She cut his LVAD wire," George clears his throat and Miranda eyes him, "Look, I said no speaking!"

"I didn't say anything!" George defends himself.

Mirana yells as she tries to think, "Then no moving! Cristina, Burke is asking for you. Go!" Cristina runs off and Miranda turns to the other two interns, "I'm assuming you ran labs…? I'm asking a question. Answer me!"

"You said no speak…"

" I know what I said," Miranda cuts Meredith off.

Meredith just answers the question, "Yes."

"O'Malley, get me the lab results. Do not pass go. Do not even talk to another living soul. Get the labs! Get back here!" he nods running off and Miranda turns to Meredith, "You come with me."

We all walk back into the room and Miranda walks over to the bed, "How you feeling Denny?"

"Really, really good," he smiles, "Like an athlete or a superhero. Or some other kind of really healthy person."

"You're funny," Izzie says nervously as she continues to pump, "You're a funny guy."

"Izzie. No speaking," Meredith reminds her.

Denny looks at Dr. Bailey, "I cut my own LVAD wires, you know? I went rogue. All by myself."

"Shush. You're weak enough as it is. Please don't waste energy on lying," Miranda says looking at his monitor.

Cristina walks back into the room and Izzie speaks up again, "Dr. Bailey?"

"I did indeed say no speaking," Miranda rolls her eyes at her.

Izzie flips out, "I don't care! He's gonna get the heart right? You're gonna sign the charts and talk to the transplant coordinator?"

We all just look at her like she's crazy as George enters the room. All eyes move to him now as he hands over the labs to Miranda, "Here are the labs."

"See? See, his BUN and creatinine are increasing. He clearly has pulmonary edema. He deserves to move up to 1-A status on the transplant list. UNOS will give him the heart. You just have to call," Izzie keeps on. I can't believe she's actually lost it… I feel so bad for her right now. I don't know if she'll be able to come back from this.

Dr. Bailey looks up from the labs and scoffs at her, "Isobel Stevens, I take my medical advice from doctors. You are a visitor."

"What?" Izzie questions.

Dr. Bailey makes it clear for her, "As of now, you are a visitor in this hospital. You will not be a doctor in this hospital again until I decide you are. Olivia, take over the heart pump."

"He gets the heart though, right?" she says and now it's official. She is crazy.

I shake my head at her. I couldn't hold my tongue for much longer, "Izzie, please, just shut up… for your own sake."

Olivia takes over and Dr. Bailey makes all the interns get out of the room and go sit against the wall on the other side of the floor. I follow her already knowing she's going to Richard. We find him standing at a Nurses' Station. Miranda stops short and I turn around to look at her.

"Uh, let me do the talking," she says and I just nod. I didn't want to be the one to tell this to the Chief anyway, "Sir? Uh, I need to ask you a hypothetical question."

"Can we do this another time?" Richard tries to brush her off.

Miranda just keeps talking, "Uh, if someone on the staff deliberately unhooked a transplant candidate from his LVAD in an attempt to worsen his condition and get him moved up on the donor list…? Hypothetically, sir."

"I think you need to tell me exactly what's going on here, Dr. Bailey," he closes the chart he was focused on giving us his full attention.

Miranda shakes her head, "Believe me, sir, you want this to stay a hypothetical. Because I'm thinking if something like that did happen, you'd be duty bound to report it and the hospital would be in danger of losing its accreditation as a transplant site."

"So hypothetically?" he says finally realizing what's going on here.

Miranda continues, "Hypothetically, if the patient got worse, would it be unethical for him to receive the heart even though, medically, his worsened condition now puts him at the top of the donor list? Hypothetically?"

"How bad is he?" he asks.

Miranda answers, "In the few hours it would take a new LVAD to be delivered, he'll be dead."

"Our responsibility is to the patient. If, medically, he's at the top of the list, then he should get the heart. Hypothetically," he finishes.

Miranda nods and we start to walk away, "Thank you, sir."

"But practically?" he says stopping us in our tracks, "Whoever removed the patient from the LVAD, I expect to be given names and there will be severe, severe consequences."

"Yes, sir," she nods.

Dr. Bailey looks to me and it's like I read her mind. I nod back to her and we go off seperate ways. I'm assuming she's calling UNOS and I'm going back to the CICU to have them prep Denny for surgery.

* * *

About an hour later, I'm sitting in the viewing room watching Preston's surgery when one of the doctors ask me to go get Cristina. I nod running off towards the OR board where Miranda has the interns sitting up against the wall. I can hear them complaining from down the hall.

"Bailey's treating us like we're children. We're not children. We shouldn't have to sit out here like we're on a time out, or something," Dr. O'Malley exclaims.

Meredith sighs, "It is a time out. What we did is way in need of a time out."

"You realize we could get kicked out of the program for this?" Cristina makes known.

Izzie shakes her head, "Not we. I did this. I did this. And you're probably right. Maybe I should run. But I'd rather be running towards somebody than running away."

"Yang?" I say clearing my throat making my presence known, "Saroyan's asking for you."

"Uh, for Burke's surgery?" she questions.

I nod, "Yes. Hurry up."

"Uh… IㄧI can't. I'm… I'm in a time out," she stutters.

I shake my head, "Time out's over. Right now."

"Yes, ma'am," she says standing up nervously.

I try to calm her, "Yang, he needs you."

She just nods and walks off while I'm left here just staring at them. Meredith is staring back at me and I want to ask what the hell happened but I can't… not now at least. It's silent for a minute while we just stare at each other. That is, until Izzie speaks up again.

"He said marry me, right? He did? That really happened?" she questions. I'm glad she's finally questioning her judgement but it's a little too late now don't you think?

George nods, "It really happened."

"It really did," Meredith answers her but still stares at me.

Izzie stands up walking off, "Screw this. I'm checking on Denny."

Now all that's left sitting is George and Meredith. Their time out doesn't really seem to matter anymore so I motion for Meredith to follow me before walking away. I keep walking until I find an empty on-call room. I slip inside and a few seconds later Meredith follows suit.

Once she closes the door behind her, I turn around to face her, "Explain. Now."

"Okay, so, George paged me 911 to Denny's room. I arrived there seconds before Cristina. It's chaos… George is shouting how… how Izzie cut his LVAD wires. She said she was trying to save him… she said to call Dr. Burke… that he would know what to do. Then Cristina tells us Dr. Burke got shot and everything gets even more chaotic because then she realizes that Dr. Burke isn't coming to fix this. They suggested telling but… I told them it was a bad idea. If we told, Denny wouldn't get the heart and Izzie would get kicked out of the program. I had to calm everyone down so we wouldn't actually kill him. Everyone was looking to me for a plan; a plan that I didn't have. I came up with the idea of confirming Denny's condition ourselves; to get the blood work; to do the echo; call UNOS and maybe no one even had to know what Izzie did. I found out that Alex was with Dr. Burke and was still over at Mercy West so I called him and had him stall while we got everything together on our end… He starts crashing and going into SVT. I grab the adenosine and it starts working the moment after you, Dr. Bailey and Olivia come into the room," she finishes taking a deep breath, "Please don't say anything. We made a vow to stick together on this. No one's snitching… We're a team. I told you because I trust you."

"Trust me, I don't even want anyone to know that I even walked in the room. I was never there, alright?" I sigh. Seeing that she's shaking, I take her in my arms, "Oh, Meredith. Well, I'm glad you were there. You saved his life and possible saved Izzie's from being charged with murder. You did good. Alright?"

She just nods and I stay there holding onto her for another moment before we agree on her going back to 'time out' before Dr. Bailey finds out that she's missing. We already have one intern gone rogue. We don't need another.

We go our separate ways, her to 'timeout' and I go back up to the viewing room to watch Denny's surgery this time and I see Izzie sitting in the corner… I don't say anything to her. Honestly, I try not to even look her way but just focus on the surgery. I spot Dr. Karev down in the OR and I make a mental note to dog him out for trying to skip out on my service today. I'm going to let him know that I'm adding more to his sentence. It looks like they're finishing up.

Alex Karev compliments the visiting cardiac surgeon, "It's beautiful work, Dr. Hahn."

"The hard part is still to come. All right, let's start taking him off bypass. See if this heart will beat on it's own," Dr. Hahn stops working for a second.

Miranda answers, "Nothing."

"All right come on, Denny. Beat for me," the Mercy West surgeon basically pleads.

Dr. Bailey grabs the paddles, "No response. Charge to 20."

"Clear," she removes her hands. Once shocked, she goes back to massaging the heart, "Come on. Come on. Come on."


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**In Which Addison Keeps her Cool**

"Dr. Hahn…"

"Wait for it."

"Dr. Hahn? He…"

"Just wait!" she shuts Miranda up as all of a sudden the heart starts beating. She smiles to herself, "And that's how we raise the dead in Erica Land."

"Good job, Denny," Miranda whispers to his unconscious body on the table. I look over to see Izzie but she is gone.

I walk out the viewing room and I see her in the gallery crying. I don't stop… I walk out of the OR and I see Meredith and George still sitting under the OR board. I just stare at her and she stares back at me. It's like we're having our own silent conversation.

I get a page from the Chief. It's about Camille… I'm assuming her parents are here. I wish there was more I could do for her. She's still so young. I wish I could give her the rest of her life. Walking downstairs to her room, I watch as a woman walks into Camille's room with Adele. Richard is standing in the hallway outside her room watching on.

I decide to approach him with caution. I sigh, "Hey. Camille's parents here?"

"Yes. There aren't any options?" he turns looking at me.

I frown, "I could do a hysterectomy and ovariectomy, and pick out the remaining ovaries. I mean, we could try chemo, maybe radiation, but the cancer's spread. To her liver, her lungs, her bowel. Even if we were aggressive…"

"No."

"I hate this. I never get used to telling someone their kid's going to drop dead before she's 18," I pause realizing what I said and I turn to him, "Oh, damn it. I'm sorry. I didn't… I'm not usually this insensitive, Richard, I just… it's just been one of those days. I'm sorry."

"It's ok."

"I'm gonna go…" I start walking towards Camille's room before turning back to him, "I mean, do you want to go in?"

"Oh, no, you go. They'd rather hear it from the treating physician," he waves me off and sort of points backwards with no real destination, "I got work to get back to. Deal with this Denny Duquette situation…"

"Okay," I half smile turning around and entering the room. Richard stands in the hall and watches as I start to deliver the bad news. He continues until Adele looks up and sees, closing the door to the room.

After delivering the terrible news, I find myself standing outside the conference room. All of Bailey's interns are in there so I'm assuming this is about the Denny Duquette situation. The door is open so I and a few other nurses are watching on from the hallway. It's silent for second until the Chief speaks up.

"Who cut the LVAD wires?" he says getting straight to the point.

Izzie speaks up first, "I cut the LVAD wire."

"Actually," Meredith cuts in, "I cut the LVAD wire."

"No. I did it. I'm the one who cut the wire," George says.

It's quiet for a moment until George nudges Cristina. She rolls her eyes sighing then says, "Fine. I cut the LVAD wire."

"I didn't do anything. I'm totally innocent," Alex says fast.

Meredith hits him, "Alex!"

"I wasn't even here. He knows I wasn't here. You think he doesn't know that? The guy's not mentally challenged," Alex says rolling his eyes.

George yells, "That's not the point. What about loyalty?"

"We made a an agreement," Cristina surprisingly says.

They all begin arguing and Richard yells, "People! I know who did this. So, you might as well come clean. I know."

"With all due respect, sir, if you knew, you wouldn't be asking us," George says.

Izzie starts, "I did whatー"

Meredith cuts her off, "You have your suspicions, but you don't actually know."

"Not for sure," Cristina adds.

George finishes, "And you can't do anything to any of us without proof, sir."

"Well, one of you compromised a patient's life. One of you stole an organ. One of you jeopardized the integrity of this hospital and of UNOS. Now, you tell me, and you tell me right now!" Richard pauses for a moment and gives them time to speak. No one does so he shrugs, "Alright, fine. No surgeries."

"Sir?" Cristina questions.

Richard cuts her off, "You heard what I said. No surgeries. No one scrubs in, no one watches from the gallery, no one so much as goes near the OR floor. Until someone confesses, the five of you will share a single patient: Camille Travis. Whatever she wants, the five of you will provide it! Whatever she wants. Now, get the hell out of my sight!"

They all run out and George looks amazed, "Wow, he didn't say we were fired."

"He might as well have," Cristina sighs, "No surgeries?"

"That wasn't bad. We got off easy," Meredith shrugs.

Cristina looks at her crazed, "Yeah, for now. You think this is over?"

"I could really use a good coma right now," George sighs and then nods, "A nice, long coma."

"You know, there's only been three careers I've ever wanted," Cristina pauses, "Ruler of my own planet, Wonder Woman, or a surgeon. And I don't see any invisible planes or extra countries lying around."

"I will go back and tell him," Izzie interrupts, "I will tell him it was me."

"And get kicked out of the program?" Meredith exclaims, "You will keep your mouth shut. We all will keep our mouths shut."

"This is crap. I'm turning her in."

"Alex," Meredith hits him.

He looks back at her with a shrug, "What? You were the one who said we had to stand by Izzie. But now I get stuck catering some V.I.P. chick patient? I don't think so."

"Alex, I am sorry and I really do appreciate what you did for Denny," Izzie pleads.

He rolls his eyes, "Oh, shut up. Look, the only reason I lied to Burke is because I wanted in on that transplant surgery. I don't care about Denny and I hope you get thrown out on your ass."

"Hey! We stick together. You know, we all did this. Nobody's a victim. We… we stick together," Cristina says then she looks a little taken aback. Meredith and Izzie give her strange looks then she sighs, "Damn it."

"Thank you," Izzie says to her.

This is the first time I've ever seen Cristina look so sincere, "You're welcome."

"We can handle this. Camille Travis is a kid with cancer," George says, "So, we give her whatever she wants for a couple days. How hard can that be?"

"Harder than you might think," Miranda walks up to them with Camille's friends, "This is Claire and Natalie. Camille Travis' friends."

"Her very best friends in the whole wide world," Claire says.

Miranda smiles at the interns mischievously, "Girls, who exactly is Camille Travis?"

"Like, the Chief of Surgery's niece," Natalie answers.

Miranda poses another question, "And girls, what does the Chief of Surgery's niece want, exactly?"

"Like, a prom," Natalie answers again.

Claire adds, "No. Like, the best prom ever."

I laugh to myself and when I look back up, I notice Meredith staring at me. She smiles softly at me and I smile back to her before I get paged to the ER for a consult. I wave goodbye and she pouts then I pout as I walk away from her.

When I'm done, I'm come out and I see Richard and Bailey at a nurse's station going at it. That is until Richard turns around yelling loudly, "Everybody goes to the prom! Everybody!"

I watch Miranda roll her eye and when she notices me I laugh. She walks over to me with a smirk on her face, "At least if I have to go to this stupid prom, everyone has to go."

"Not to bother you, butー" George interrupts. When we turn around to him, it's all of her interns.

Miranda looks at them like they are stupid and I stifle a laugh, "What? One of you better spit out the problem right now!"

"The problem is the colors and the balloons and the 'Under the Sea,' 'No, it's Titanic,' 'Hey, let's go with Tears in Heaven,' 'No, it's too morbid,' 'It should be pink,' 'It should be red,' 'It should be a freaking rainbow,'" Alex retorts.

Meredith smiles adorably at me, "What he's saying is that we're very, very hopeful that one of you speak teenage girl."

I nod and we all walk back in the conference room where Claire and Natalie are waiting. They start tossing their ideas at me and I shrug them all off, "Silver and white. It's mystical and magical, without being over the top. Ever see fashion week in New York? Lots of silver and white runways and backdrops. That's because no matter what color the clothes are, they pop."

"They pop?" Natalie questions.

I nod, "They pop."

"Sounds good," Claire looks to Natalie.

Natalie nods, "Yeah."

"O'Malley and Karev, get 500 balloons in silver and white and 100 in black. Shiny black, not the matte. Yang, stick with Camille, keep her happy, keep her spirits up. Make sure she has her shoes, dress and makeup on standby. Grey, get with Patricia. Make sure we can rope off the second-floor nurses' station and the waiting area. And get some catering menus. Got it?" Miranda starts shouting orders and the interns look at her pleadingly, "Oh, no, no. You don't get to look at me like that. No, you compromised my medical license. You nearly killed a patient, lied to the Chief of Surgery, and made me, your resident look bad. We're gonna do this prom and we're doing it right. Move!"

They all disburse.

* * *

Later, I am standing in front of the OR board and Meredith walks up to me, "Hey."

"Hey," I smile back at her.

She stands by my side and looks at the board, "How's Preston?"

"He's recovering nicely," I just say.

Meredith is silent for a moment, "Addison…"

"What?" I say turning to look at her.

Meredith smiles, "Will you go to the prom with me?"

We just smile at each other.

Richard comes out conference room and he calls all of Dr. Bailey's interns. Unfortunately, that means Meredith. She looks at me with that pout of hers as she makes her way into the conference room after the others.

A few others and I watch on from the hallway, where the Chief is grilling each of the interns one by one while he has the others sitting outside the door. Alex is the first one in, "I went to college on a wrestling scholarship. I played baseball, some basketball, but you know we'll go with football…"

"What the hell does football have to do with who cut the LVAD wires?" Richard interrupts.

Alex sighs, "Let's say you were drafter to a team that wasn't your first pick. You know, you don't like the players. You hate the way they play the game. You even think the quarterback is full of crap. Now the quarterback's a pain in the ass that you don't owe a damn thing to, but… it's your team. You don't quit. You don't talk to the press. You don't bitch to the coach. You just… you just go out there every Sunday and you make the blocks and you take the hits and you play to win. You show up and you suit up and you play. Because it's your freaking team."

"Just get out," Richard kicks him out and calls out, "Yang."

Cristina walks in and sits down. No one says anything at first… then Richard speaks up, "I know your type. You're a surgical junkie."

"Yes, sir."

"I'm just saying, it's not going to be easy for you to be away from the OR that long."

"No, sir."

"And if you want to get back to the OR, you're gonna tell me what I want to know. Aren't ya?"

"You're right," Cristina pauses, "It's not easy for me to be away from the OR. It's not easy for me to sit in front of you, or any other authority figure for that matter and not be able to give you the exact answer you want to hear. I'm the one with the answers. I've always been the one with the answers. But right now, sir, I don't have any."

"Dr. Yang…"

"How do you keep your edge, sir? Because I watch you. And you've been doing this a long time. You're clean and your focused. You are the job. Nothing gets to you. And the thing is, sir. I was like that. Until I got here. Until I actually started doing this job and now everything is… is fuzzy."

"That's besides the point."

"No, see, sir, this is the point. Because I can't tell you. What happened in that room...I can't tell you. And before, I could have. No guilt, no loyalties, no problem. Before… before I wouldn't have even been in that room. I wouldn't have gotten involved. I would have never frozen in surgery. And I would have told him what I thought he should do. I had an edge, sir. I had an edge and I've lost it. And I need it. I need it back," There are tears in her voice but I can't see her face yet it's still slightly unnerving, "So if you could just tell me how you keep yours and how not to be affected, I know I could be a great surgeon. So, if you could just give me the answers, I would really appreciate it."

"You're excused, Dr. Yang."

"But…"

"You're excused."

"I'll tell you who cut the LVAD wires, sir, if you could just please…"

"No, you won't. I don't want to know," Richard says, "not from you. Yeah, I have the answers, but I can't tell them to you. I'm not going to be responsible for you becoming less human."

Cristina walks out of the office and Richard calls in his next victim, "Stevens."

"I'm a pretty girl," she says after a few moments of silence.

Richard looks at her funny, "What?"

"I'm not being arrogant. It's just… it's just kind of a fact. For a long time, I made a career from my looks, so I get it. I'm a pretty girl. And not in a "from-a-certain-angle" way. In an obvious way," she pauses, "It's the blonde thing. And the big boobs thing. Big boobs are key to "obvious" pretty, if you know what I'm saying."

"Dr. Stevens…"

"It's how men see me. I'm not a smart girl or an interesting girl. I'm a pretty girl. The blonds and the boobs, it confuse guys into thinking that I'm someone else. And I'm used to it. I'm used to them walking away when they realize…" she pauses, "but then Denny goes and asks me to marry him."

"Is that why you cut the wires?"

"He doesn't make me feel like I'm a pretty girl. He makes me feel like… like me. I think he might know me. And so, if I did cut the LVAD wire, and I'm not saying that I did, but if I did… then no. I don't feel guilty. And I know that I should. And I would if it were anybody else. But I can't feel anything but happy," she says coming to an end I assume.

The Chief switches Izzie out for George and they sit in silence for a long time until George speaks up, "Are you gonna… say anything or…? I'm not gonna break. I'm starting to get a little freaked out, but I'm not gonna break. It's not because I don't care. Cause I do care what you think about me. I do… care. I just can't tell you what you want to hear. Which seems to be a theme in my life right now. Just cause you can't say something doesn't mean you don't want to. You can want to very much. You can be with a person and be happy with them, and not love them. And you can love someone and not want to be with them. You don't need to… love someone… to want them. But it's frustrating. You know, when you brain tells you what you want and what you actually want don't match up, it's exhausting. And… well, it's complicated. But that's life. And life… sucks."

"Get out," Richard yells and lastly, calls in Meredith. He speaks up first, "I've known you for a long time. I know your mother and father. And I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you did not cut those LVAD wires. Meredith, I need you to tell me who did it."

"I've been going over this and over this in my mind trying to piece this together… It was you. You were the reason my parents broke up. And it wasn't just an affair. She really loved you. It wasn't just this cheap thing where she didn't tell you she was married. It wasn't all a lie. She left her husband for you… but you stayed with your wife because it was the right thing to do. Maybe safe, but she was the right person for you to be with. And let's face it, my mother?... Nothing wrong with being safe. Being with the good guy because you're good… and we are talking about forever here… You've never regretted your decision. You've never looked back… Right?" she questions him.

I'm taken aback. I'm speechless and apparently, Richard is too. He doesn't respond. He just excuses himself and leaves the room.

* * *

I walk into the wing they have blocked off for the hospital prom. The room is full of people dancing and having a good time. I scan through the crowd but I don't see Meredith anywhere. Instead I find Miranda and Cristina standing over by the table with the drinks. I walk over to the table and I pour my a glass. _Too bad Mark isn't here to spike the punch,_ I think to myself as I sip my drink.

Miranda sighs, "Oh, I'm too tired for this."

"Where's your husband, Dr. Bailey?" Cristina asks.

She starts to stretch before she turns to Cristina, "Uh, at home with the baby… Thought that you would at least get to get out of this."

"Why?"

"Well, with Burke upstairs. What happened to him, I'm sure the Chief would have let you out," Miranda says nonchalantly.

Cristina looks off into nowhere, "Yeah…"

"Oh, God. I really wish there was liquor in this," I say changing the conversation. I look to Cristina, "Hey."

"Hey."

"You seen Meredith?"

"I don't think she's here yet," she says as the door to the room opens and in walks Meredith.

I swear the whole world stopped just to let her walk into the room. She's wearing a long sparkly black dress and she looks amazing. I walk up to her with a drink already poured and a smile on my face.

"Meredith," I pause taking in the sight in front of me, "You look absolutely stunning."

"You don't clean up too bad yourself," she jokes.

I hand her the punch and then I whisper in her ear, "It's non-alcoholic but I know where Bailey keeps her secret stash."

"Say no more," she says to me taking my hand and leading me out of the doors she just came into.

She follows me through the hospital and up to the attending's lounge. Once we're inside, I go to the cabinet on the far end and after searching all the way through to the back. I pull out Miranda's bottle of sprite.

"I love that she keeps it in a sprite bottle," Meredith comments as I open it up.

Pouring the liquor into our cups, I smile at her, "Don't tell Miranda I told you. In fact, mention this to no one."

We down our glasses and I ask Meredith if she would like a shot or two. I texted Miranda letting her know that I'd refill her sprite bottle and I thank her for introducing it to me last week. After a couple of shots, Meredith and I make our way back to the prom while tripping over each other and giggling the whole time. We walk inside and memories of my prom night rush back into my head. I can't help but laugh at the memory.

"This whole thing brings back very traumatic memories of being a band geek with braces and the lisp," I say looking over to Meredith, "Spending the whole evening with Skippy Gold talking about Star Wars."

"Hmm," she pauses, "I hated Star Wars."

"Hmm. Thank God," I say looking around, "This is terrible… I didn't like teenage girls when I was a teenage girl."

"I wore a lot of black," Meredith says out of nowhere.

I giggle looking at her, "Oh!"

"Hmm. I had the whole angry pink hair thing going on. I wouldn't have been caught dead at a prom…" she trails off as I try to imagine what she would look like with pink hair dressed in black, "It was bad. So, you want to, um, dance?"

"Love to," I say as we walk to the dance floor. I see Richard, Claire and Natalie watching Camille and her boyfriend, Brian dance. A few seconds later, Richard walks up and taps Brian on the shoulder. Brian scampers off looking scared and I giggle turning back to Meredith. She's so amazing. I smile at her, "You're a lot hotter than my last prom date."

"Is that a compliment?" she stares up at me.

I blush, "Maybe."

"It feels like a compliment."

"Well, then it is," I declare.

Meredith smirks and it sends butterflies through my stomach, "Well, keep it up. You might get lucky."

"Well, now, how lucky are we talking? Are we talking kind of lucky? Or are we talking really, seriously lucky?" I joke.

Dr. Torres runs over to us interrupting, "Oh, the nurse told me to come find you. You have to come now. It's Izzie."

Meredith looks at me concerned and we follow Callie out of the doors and we are soon joined by Cristina and George. We follow Callie upstairs to Denny Duquette's room and we see Olivia, the nurse, standing outside.

George speaks up first, "What happened?"

"I didn't know what to do," Olivia pauses, "I didn't think you guys would want me to go to the Chief but…"

"Where is she?" Cristina cuts her off.

Olivia sighs pointing, "She's in there with him."

We all enter the room and that's when it hits me. Denny Duquette is dead and Izzie… She's in here just lying on the bed with his cold dead body. I can't… No one speaks… The air in the room… it's like there is none.

Cristina bravely speaks up first, "Izzie…"

"I think it was a stroke," Izzie cuts her off, "He was prone to blood clots. A clot could have formed on his sutures and traveled to his brain. It only takes a second."

She doesn't even sound like she's all here. Meredith steps up a little, "Iz…"

"Dr. Hahn did a beautiful job on the surgery… but I don't know why I didn't think of blood clots," Izzie holds onto him tightly as she starts to cry again, "He died all alone. He was alone."

"There was nothing you could have done," George tries.

Izzie shakes her head, "I changed my dress three times. I wanted to look nice. I would have been here sooner… but I couldn't figure out which dress to wear."

"Izzie," George tries again, "We shouldn't be in here."

"Iz, there are things that they need…" Meredith starts but pauses, "they need to move him."

"Take him to the morgue," she says almost mechanically.

Cristina steps forward, "You can't stay here. I know you want to."

"Can you please…" Izzie cries out, "please just get out? I want to be alone with Denny."

"Izzie, that's not Denny," Alex says walking into the room.

Izzie shakes her head, "Shut up."

"Iz, that's not Denny," Alex says once more walking up to her bedside, "The minute his heart stopped beating, he stopped being Denny. Now, I know you love him, but he also loved you. And a guy that loves you like that, he doesn't want you to do this to yourself. Because it's not Denny. Not anymore."

"An hour ago he was proposing. And now… And now he's going to the morgue. Isn't that ridiculous?" she gets out before she starts sobbing, "Isn't that the most ridiculous piece of crap you've ever heard?"

"Come on," Alex says picks her up and carries her to a chair. He holds her in his arms and just sits there rocking her.

I can't do this… I'm too drunk for this and I can't… I can't stand here and watch her in pain like this. I turn around walking out of the room. I rather go be at this dreadful prom and forget about all of this. Maybe even go back to Bailey's stash.

I'm standing alone at the punch table when Richard and Miranda walk up to me. Richard grabs my attention, "Addison."

"Yes".

"Uh, have you seen Bailey's interns? Grey? Yang? I'm looking for Izzie Stevens in particular."

"Uh…" I trail off not knowing what to say.

Miranda interrupts hinting towards the door, "Chief."

When we look up, we see Izzie walking in followed by George, Alex and Meredith. She walks up to us with the rest of them lingering in the background, "It was me. I cut his LVAD wire. I did it. No one helped me. And now… I thought I was a surgeon, but… I can't. I thought I was a surgeon, but I'm not. So I quit."

"Izzie," Miranda calls out after her as she turns to leave with Alex and George trailing behind her.

I sigh and say mostly to myself, "I guess that… puts an end to the evening."

"Yeah, I guess it does," Richard says walking away.

I walk up to a clearly distraught Meredith and just hug her, "Come on. Let's go home."

* * *

If anyone is interested in **role playing** , check out this role play group: sgmwhmeetsshawc on tumblr. If you audition, put your _favorite story of mine_ in the **passcode** section and the admins will look at your application first.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**In Which Addison Has Had Enough**

"Izzie! Izzie come on!" we hear Alex scream through the bathroom door. He's in there with her now while the rest of us just hover in the hallway. After Denny's death, she left the hospital, came straight here and laid down on the bathroom floor. She hasn't moved since… didn't even change out of her prom dress. We've all taken our turns going into the bathroom trying to convince her to get up from the floor but all our attempts have failed… Soon after, even Alex comes to join us in the hallway.

George turns around to us concerned, "Okay, she's been in there for two days. We have to do something."

"Yeah," I nod.

Alex sighs, "Yeah."

'Yeah," Cristina frowns joining everyone as we look at Meredith.

She just nods, "Yeah… Why are you all looking at me?"

"Well this is familiar territory to you," Cristina speaks up first.

Meredith shakes her head, "There is nothing familiar about this. Unfamiliar. Denny died. The man she loves died."

"Yeah, but you're all dark and twisty inside," she counters.

Meredith looks from me back to Cristina, "Dark and twisty?"

"The mother with the Alzheimer's thing," she explains, "and the father that you don't talk to…"

"The tequila thing, and the inappropriate people thing…" Alex adds.

I whisper to Meredith with a huge smirk on my face, "I'm glad your friends don't know anything about my life…"

"You are dark and twisty inside Meredith," George chimes in, "and now Izzie is dark and twisty inside."

"So now all the sudden I'm the president of people with crappy lives?" Meredith asks.

I whisper, "Seems as so."

"Seriously we have to do something. Someone has to go in there," George says as Meredith finally shoves me for my earlier comments.

It's silent for a moment before George finally caves and goes into the bathroom. From the opening of the door, I can see Izzie staring into space and lying on the floor still in her prom dress.

"I have to get ready for work," Alex sighs and walks off towards his room.

The rest of us go downstairs. We follow Meredith into the kitchen where she goes straight for the bread in the cabinet. I grab a stool at the counter and Cristina sits on the top. Meredith lays out the bread, cheese and turkey sandwich meat onto the counter. She grabs the mayonnaise and the mustard before grabbing a knife out of the drawer. Before you know it, we're all making sandwiches…

Cristina finally questions, "Why are we making sandwiches again?"

"It's what you do when someone dies," Meredith answers while smearing mustard on a slice of bread, "You cook."

"Yeah. I know what to do when someone dies," she sighs, "I am a jew. I know food and death. It's Shiva."

"Is it Shiva even if she's Catholic?" Meredith questions. I shake my head 'no'. She'd have Mass and have a wake. Cristina shrugs her shoulders but I don't think it's my place to comment.

Cristina puts down the piece of sandwich meat she was holding, "Well Shiva's what I know how to do. So yeah. It's Shiva. And if we're sitting Shiva for Denny, then we should order in cause making sandwiches is not the same as cooking."

"Mer, she's right… Stop making sandwiches. I'll order the food because neither one of us can cook," I admit getting up to go upstairs to Meredith's room.

My phone is in my purse somewhere in her room. We've been staying the night here rather than my house the past couple of days. We've been too worried about Izzie to leave… Finding my phone, I scroll through my contacts to this restaurant I dined in my first night in Seattle. No other restaurant has compared so I know it'll be perfect for the occasion.

I finish ordering the food and I head back downstairs to the kitchen with my purse in hand. I'm going to have to pick it up in a few. When I come into the kitchen, I noticed they ate all but two of the sandwiches we made and cleaned up the things we didn't use.

My pager goes off. I look at it and frown, "Damn it. I have to go." I reach into my purse pulling out my wallet, "Here's my card and I'll text you the address to the restaurant. The food should be ready in like two hours. Call me if you need anything."

"Here," Meredith says kissing me and handing me the last two sandwiches before I head out of the door.

Running into hospital, I head straight up to NICU where my page was from. I reach the Nurse's station on the floor and I don't even have to question her before she points to my destination. I walk into a patient room to find Dr. Karev with a newborn.

"Karev?" I ask while putting on gloves.

"Premature newborn with Petechia."

"What's his platelet count?"

"17,000."

"17,000?" I let out a little gasp, "Did you transfuse platelets?"

"Yes, but it didn't help."

"Where's the mother?"

"I don't know."

No, Karev. Not with the stupidity thing again… I thought we were past that. I look at him with a shake of my head, "Dr. Karev, I'm not asking you where the mother is for my health. I expect you to use your brain. Where is the mother?"

"I don't know… The baby was found in a trash can at a high school," he explains.

I'm shocked. I look at him confused, "They left him in a trash can?"

"He's got some inner abdominal bleeding on the CT," he says holding up the films, "You wanna run some more tests? Dr. Montgomery?"

"I need a stat ultrasound and for you to infuse 2 grams of IVIG if there is no cranial bleeding," I respond after a pause. I'm still took on the dumb ass that left their kid in a trashcan. Why couldn't they just take him to a fire station? I shake my head, "And find out where the mother is, I need to test for maternal platelet antibodies."

"Can't you just do surgery to fix the abdominal bleeding?"

"If I wanted to kill him, I could do that…" I say with a sigh, "Damn it. Who does this?"

"Dr. Montgomery?" a voice calls out. We turn around to see Nurse Olivia walking into the room, "There's some people here… about the baby."

I make sure the baby is stable and Alex goes off to run tests while I make my way outside to the waiting room. Olivia points me in the direction of four teenage girls and their parents, who are bickering. I walk over and it's like they don't even notice I'm sure through all the yelling.

"Shannon gets straight A's!"

"So what my daughter gets a B in math and suddenly she's birthing babies in toilet stalls?" the one father here says in retort.

I clear my throat, "I'm Dr. Montgomery. I've been treating the newborn. He has an emergent blood condition. And I need to know whose baby it is I'm dealing with."

"We'd all like to know that. Sarah, talk."

"I don't know anything about any baby, Mom," she replies.

Another one of the girls chim in, "None of us do."

"Well one of you must know something, otherwise you wouldn't be here," I say trying to hold back an eyeroll. I hate teenaged girls.

The last mother to speak up looks at me and says, "Look, Our girls… the principal said they were the last people in the bathroom before the baby was found. So we just thought, before the police show up…"

"One of you knows and you better confess. I don't want my Lisa messed up in this," says the dad.

The woman I'm assuming is Shannon's mother speaks up this time, "The police will be here soon. Can't you just do some sort of DNA test so the rest of us can get out of here?"

"DNA results take days and frankly I'm not concerned with getting the rest of you 'out of here'," I say trying not to get angry, "If this baby isn't treated, he's going to die. Now I can do vaginal exams on each of the girls…"

"Karen, my daughter, is 14 years old! She's not sexually active! And I won't have you violating her body!" the mom yells at me.

The dad rolls his eyes at her, "You won't have it cause you know it's your kid." He looks to me, "Listen, you have my consent to do whatever it takes to prove my Lisa's innocence."

"You are a sick bastard, you know that?" she says in reply.

I can't help but roll my eyes as well. I look from the parents to the girls, "A child's life is in jeopardy here. And it's not your consent that I need."

"We didn't do anything wrong."

"Yeah, just cause we were in there doesn't mean it's our baby."

"Do we look like the kind of girls who get pregnant and throw their kids in the trash?" the girl I've come to know as Sarah asks looking up to me.

I hadn't even realized that Alex had come back from running tests. He walks up to the girls, "You want to see him?"

"Who?" one of the girls asks.

He shakes his head, "The baby. Your baby."

"It's not our baby."

* * *

"I've given you permission to do this, so what's the hang up?"

"The 'hang up' sir, is if you're daughter doesn't want to do it, I can't force her," I explain again.

Sarah's mother looks at me confused, "They're 14. They're minors. We still have a say."

"No you don't," the chief explains, "If someone doesn't want to submit to a vaginal exam they don't have to. It's the law."

"Alright, that's it. I'm taking Lisa home."

"You do that sir, and I will have you arrested before you hit the parking lot," the chief finishes.

We're in the conference room now. The girls had gone with Dr. Karev to see the baby and we've been in here talking the parents down. They're all pretty freaked about the situation but my question is how did they not know their kid was pregnant.

"The law isn't the only thing in play here," I say looking over my shoulder when the door opens. It's just Karev. I look back to the parents, "If I do the vaginal exam and the girl's a virgin, there could be bleeding undue trauma, not to mention emotional stress."

"Well if I had to take a guess as to who's kid won't have to worry about that…" Shannon's mother starts but doesn't finished.

One of the moms get offended turning around to her, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It'd just be nice if Karen had a curfew."

"Oh, at least she's not a shoplifter."

"Oh Shannon stole one lipstick when she was 9. Get over it."

"I know for a fact that my Lisa is a virgin."

"And how do you know that?" Sarah's mother asks.

He looks at her like she's crazy and yells, "Because she's only 14 years old!"

"They're all 14!"

I can't take this anymore. I leave out of the room followed by Richard and Alex making our way over to the NICU. We're soon back by the baby's side. He's so innocent in all of this.

I just shake my head looking down at him, "Safe haven laws- all those girls would have had to do was to drop that baby off at a fire station, or a hospital. Now… it's a mess."

"What are our options here?" Richard asks looking over to me.

I shrug as I run through my brain of possible options, "Blood typing. We take a sample from each of the girls. The baby's blood type is double O. If the girls are A or B it means the baby's not theirs."

"Do it," he says sending Alex off to run the labs.

The Chief leaves soon after but I stay here playing with the baby. He shouldn't have to be alone. It's not fair to him. He didn't do anything but come into the world and he couldn't do they by himself. I get that you're scared but come on, you could've taken him to a hospital, a fire station, anything… not leave the baby alone to die.

I hear the NICU doors open and soon after Alex's voice, "How do you not know your kid's pregnant?"

"You love your kids," I say in response, "You want to see the best in them."

"Well then how do you have a baby and throw it in a trash can?"

"Something happens," I pause, "You panic. You freeze, and you hide it and pretend like it didn't happen I get that."

"You get that?"

"I do. I just don't get what comes afterward. I don't get how you go back to class and pretend everything's fine. Everything is not fine," I finish.

A doctor comes into the NICU handing Alex a piece of paper. He looks at them intently, "It's the blood results. Karen and Lisa are not a match."

"And then there were two," I say with a nod letting Alex know he can go to get the remaining two girls.

Soon enough, Alex comes back into the room with Shannon and Sarah following closely behind. They all walk over to the incubator where I'm standing. I back up a little so the girls can get a better look at him. I was hoping that they would just confess after seeing him but it wasn't that easy the first go around so I'm sure it won't be the second.

I clear my throat before speaking up, "There he is. That's your son. I want you both to look at him. Because it's not true you did nothing wrong. You both are wrong. You're wrong for covering this up, you're wrong for lying about it. You're wrong for letting this little baby, this sweet, innocent little boy suffer like this. He's dying and it's your fault. It's both of your faults. And the thing is, the truth will come out. In time it will come out, it always does… it just does. And when it does, this baby will be dead."

"Shannon…"

"Don't tell my mom okay?" the young girl looks up to me.

I take her into a hug, "Thank you. Thank you for telling the truth."

After saving the baby, I sadly escorted Shannon to the authorities. I wonder what's going to happen to the baby. It's out of my hands now…

"Poor little guy," I say leaned over the incubator, "The minute he's okay we have to turn him over to a mother who's going to juvie and grandparents who were so clueless they didn't even realize their daughter was even pregnant. Imagine the kind of childhood he's going to have."

"You can get over a bad childhood," Alex says looking over to me, "You can have the worst crap in the world happen to you and you can get over it. All you have to do is survive."

I keep his words in mind as I take that silent drive back to Meredith's house. I can't help but think about my horrible childhood with my non-existent alcoholic parents and realize that I came out pretty much okay. I mean, I'm not exactly over my past but I haven't let it control me. That's a good thing right?

Luckily, Meredith lives pretty close and I'm not left alone to my thoughts for long. I pull into Meredith's driveway, park my car and let myself into her house with my key. It's quiet which is unusual for the frat house. Maybe the rest of the interns haven't come home yet.

"Meredith?" I call out making my way up the stairs. It's when I'm walking down the hall that I pass by the infamous bathroom that I see Meredith lying on the floor with Izzie.

I peek inside just in time to see Izzie grab Meredith's arm and stand up. She looks at me then back to Meredith before taking a deep breath, "I'm ready."

"Okay," Meredith whispers and I walk in completely to help her out of her prom dress.

* * *

It's been three days since we got Izzie up off the floor; that makes five days since Denny's death… and honestly, I still don't think Izzie is completely here. I say this because ever since we got her up off the floor she hasn't stopped baking. I know this because Meredith and I have been staying the night at her house to make sure Izzie wouldn't be alone or to be here in case she needed something but she hasn't stepped foot out of the kitchen.

We're heading to work this morning and on our way out, we stop by the kitchen and see Izzie surrounded by dozens of muffins. I'm talking every inch of the kitchen is covered in muffins like you can't even see the counters or the tables. If she made anymore, she'd have to start putting them on the floor.

Izzie doesn't even notice our presence because she so consumed in her baked goods. We hear her speak under her breath, "That's enough muffins. We don't need all these. No more muffins." Yet she goes to make another batch and we head off to work without saying goodbye.

I kiss Meredith passionately before we split ways coming into the hospital. My first stop is my office and her's I'm assuming is rounds. I have a routine c-section scheduled for this morning but other than that, my day seems pretty clear. Maybe Meredith and I could grab a quick lunch if she isn't too busy later.

After I finish up my surgery, I'm paged down to the ER. The nurse at the station points me in the direction of Dr. Bailey and I make my way over to her. We're talking about a patient of her and Dr. Saroyan's that they want me to scrub in on when the interns come up behind us lurking.

I watch as Meredith motions to George to go over to Miranda and I chuckle whispering over to her, "Miranda, it looks as though your children need you."

Miranda rolls her eyes as George walks up, "So… um Dr. Bailey?"

"Surgeons don't say 'um' Dr. O'Malley. You want to be a surgeon, learn to speak like one," she says basically ignoring him.

Alex walks over, "Look he wants you to talk to the chief about Izzie…"

"She's just baking… a lot of baking, and it seems a waste for all her talent and medical skills to go into muffins," he pauses, "We just thought you might be willing to help…"

"Stop… talking."

"Yes ma'am," George as they follow us to the patient room where we meet up with Dr. Saroyan.

"Well, good morning. Charlotte, Ruth."

"Good Morning Dr. Saroyan," one of the sisters respond.

Dr. Saroyan nods to her, "Morning."

"It doesn't feel like a very good morning to me I have to have brain surgery today," Charlotte speaks but I'm not really paying attention. I told Meredith I was feeling a little vulnerable last night and she cuddled me until I fell asleep. I really love this girl and I can't keep my eyes off her. "Pretty scary. Plus my sister's nervous, and when she gets nervous she sweats, and the windows in here don't open so it's pretty rank."

"Charlotte…" Ruth scolds her.

She looks up to her sister, "Was I rude, Ruthie?"

"Let's let the doctors talk," she replies.

Miranda motions for Cristina to present, "Charlotte O'Leary, 32 and 18 weeks pregnant. In for the removal of a brain tumor that's pushing on her frontal temporal lobe. Clearly it's affecting her impulse control."

"It makes me say everything I think, which apparently is annoying. This doctor looks annoyed anyway. Although it's hard to tell, cause she always has kind of a pinched uptight look on her face," she says looking at Cristina. I stifle a laugh, "Am I annoying you?"

"It's fine," Cristina answers.

Ruth shakes her head, "You can't say it's fine. She doesn't perceive sarcasm or irony. If she's annoying you, you have to tell her."

"Maybe I'm not annoying her, Ruthie," she says to her sister.

Cristina shakes her head, "No, you are."

"Dr. Yang…" Bailey scolds.

Cristina shrugs, "Well, she asked."

"Ok, Dr. Yang, pinched and annoyed, though she may be, is going to be prepping you for surgery today," I say stepping up out of the crowd, "I'm going to be in the surgery as well, to monitor the baby. Do you have any questions for me?"

"Is that blonde your girlfriend?" she asks looking at Meredith and I blush, "Cause the way you keep looking at her, you might as well mount her right here and now."

"Charlotte," Ruth scolds.

She looks from her sister back to me, "I'm sorry, was that rude?"

Leaving out the room, I walk with Miranda back over to the Nurse's station with the interns following closely behind. I'm slightly embarrassed by Charlotte's comment but it's okay. It's not like we aren't public. Everyone knows about us.

Miranda clears her throat, turning around to face the interns, "I'm proud of you all. You make me proud. You reflect on me well. Grey, if you think you can keep you clothes on long enough to follow up the labs, I'd appreciate it." I whisper a sorry to her as Miranda continues on, "O'Malley, cover in the pit."

"Here's her chart," I say handing the chart over to Alex, "You impressed me yesterday, Karev. Keep it up."

"Karev, Yang, prep your patient. O'Malley, pit, Grey, charts," she pauses then looks at them all intensely, "All four of you, do not make me regret setting you loose in this hospital. O'Malley, what I mean by that?"

"You mean to check with you before we cut any wires or steal any hearts," he says.

She looks at him like he's crazy and I hold back a laugh. It's still too fresh, O'Malley…

"Are you trying to be clever?"

"No ma'am."

"Better not be," she says walking off.

I turn back to the interns with a pleasant smile on my face as George exclaims, "Holy crap!"

"The Nazi is definitely back," Cristina says with a smile.

Alex cheeses even harder, "Better than ever."

"Addie," I hear Meredith say with a pout as she comes up to me.

I don't have time to fully respond to her adorable face when a classy, older woman walks up to Cristina. I don't think I've ever seen Cristina more nervous as she is at a lost for words, "Oh, Mrs Burke… Hi I'm Cristina. I may have said that earlier.. But…"

"Did I hear you refer to Miranda Bailey as a Nazi?"

"No. Well… I mean yes, but…"

"You do understand that the Nazi's were responsible for the worst genocide in the history of man. And a racist genocide at that. I would think that as a woman of color and a doctor, no less, that you would think twice about using that word as a punchline."

"I will think about that in the future Mrs. Burke," she replied in defeat.

I decide to step in and help her, "Mrs. Burke? Preston's mother?"

"Yes, and you are?"

"I'm Dr. Montgomery, Preston and I are good friends," I say shaking her hand.

She smiles at me, "Oh, Dr. Montgomery. I've heard a lot about you; brilliant surgeon. And a gorgeous young woman too. Your mother must be very proud. Do you mind, Dr. Montgomery, if I borrow your young intern for a cup of coffee? I'll bring her right back."

"No problem. Dr. Grey can cover for Cristina," I say without thinking.

Meredith looks at me like she was caught off guard, "I'm sorry?"

"Dr. Grey is very busy. She has charts to do for Bailey. Bailey is on the warpath," Cristina pauses realizing what she's said and tries to correct it, "Oh, not a German warpath. It's a hospital warpath."

"I'll take care of Bailey," I say to Cristina then I turn to Mrs. Burke, "Enjoy your coffee date, ladies. It was nice meeting you."

"Thank you," she responds.

Cristina looks from me to Preston's mother, "I'll um… I just have this one quick… I'll meet you in the cafeteria in a couple of minutes, is that alright?"

"Yes, I look forward to it," she says walking off.

I turn to Cristina, "Sorry. She made me nervous so…"

"It's okay… I'm already learning you can't say no to Mama Burke," she says walking off.

Meredith turns back to me with a pout, "Addie…"

"Yes, my love?" I ask looking down to her.

She gives me this look in her eyes and I know exactly what she wants… It's not like I could resist anyway… Before you know it, Meredith and I dash into the nearest empty on-call room closing and locking the door behind us.

When we come out of the on-call room, we hear a rumor about a patient coming in who literally has a tree stuck in him. They're calling him the treeboy… I don't even have to ask Meredith if she wants to go sit in on the surgery because I know her so well. We make our way up to the gallery. Just about everyone is in here including Cristina and George. I wonder how coffee went.

Bailey's voice down in the OR called me out of my thoughts, "His kidney's gone. No way to save it."

"Just focus on keeping the renal artery under control," the Chief coaches.

Miranda speaks up, "I have another bleeder."

"Ok pace yourself everybody. We have a long way to go," he says then looks to Dr. Karev, "We have enough blood standing by?"

"Yes sir."

"Is that a tree?" George asks looking down on the OR.

Cristina ignores him and keeps talking to Meredith, "His mother rivals my mother. And that is saying something."

"They're operating around it?"

"Both dark and evil," Cristina shivers then turns back to the OR gesturing for Dr. O'Malley to move, "You're blocking my view, George."

"I miss dirty stripper, Cristina. She was fun. A lot less angry," Meredith says and I can't help but laugh to myself.

It's like Cristina doesn't even hear her because she's still ranting, "Next time I see her, if she even looks at me sideways, I'm telling her what I think. She wants to call me racist?"

"What?" George asks confused.

Cristina turns back to Meredith, "I'll call her sexist. Change my career after I'm married? What is this, 1953? She comes at me, I'm going there."

"I think you should," she agrees, "I think we all should just go there. You know, tell the truth. Spit it out. Go with your gut. Follow your instincts."

"I miss philandering whore Meredith. She was trashy and much less idyllic," Cristina says and this time it makes me laugh out loud.

Meredith shoves me in my side then turns back to Cristina, "I made a choice."

"Whatever. I want my patient back. You know, the one you stole after Mama cornered me?" Cristina says.

Meredith nods, "That's okay. It's my day to check on Izzie anyway."

* * *

I'm not doing anything and Meredith went home to check on Izzie so I decide to go down to our patient's room to see if Cristina needs any help prepping the patient because I know from earlier that Charlotte isn't easy to be around. It looks as though I've come in on a bad time…

"Do you have a boyfriend? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you have a boyfriend?"

"She's going to keep asking 'til you answer."

"Yes. I have a boyfriend," Cristina says while trying to do the final exam before prepping, "Can you look here?"

"If I had a boyfriend, I would definitely not be as angry as you," she says and I hold back a laugh. I've often wondered why Cristina was so angry. "Why are you so angry? Is it because you're frigid? Or he's frigid? Or…"

"Nobody's frigid," she cuts her off, "His mother called me selfish."

"Are you selfish? Cause you do seem kind of self-obsessed to me."

"Charlotte…" her sister scolds.

Cristina waves it off, "I'm a surgeon. In order to be a surgeon, a certain amount of self- obsession is necessary. My boyfriend gets that. If his mother doesn't. It's her problem."

"I used to have a boyfriend. When I got the tumer, he understood. He tried to understand. He loved me. But his mother didn't. My offending everyone offended her. And he said he didn't care what his mother thought. But in the end he did care, 'cause now it's two years later and I'm having brain surgery, and only my fat sister Ruth is with me."

"Charlotte, that was kind of rude," Cristina says this time.

Charlotte looks up at her sister, "Sorry."

The OR is prepped and ready, their wheeling Charlotte in now. The team's all there and it's just Cristina, Dr. Saroyan and I who are still scrubbing in. We finish roughly around the same time and get gowned up before walking into the OR.

"If the tumor is removed, is it going to bring her old personality back?" Cristina asks Dr. Saroyan.

Dr. Saroyan stands over a now sleeping Charlotte, "If we get the tumor out and Charlotte and her baby lives, anything else is icing on the cake… Ten-blade."

About thirty minutes into the surgery, we start running into complications. Dr. Saroyan looks deep into the patient's brain, "You see that right there? It's too close to the cavernous sinus. Suction." It's put right into her hands, "I've got a bleeder. The brain is starting to swell. Her heart can't take it. Yang get those paddles. Move!"

Chaos starts to happen as people run throughout the OR. Cristina is back at he side within a second with the paddles in hand. She looks up before shocking, "Clear!"

"No change," I say looking at the monitor, "Epi and atropine are in."

"Still in v-fib."

"Shock her again."

I walk out of the hospital with one goal in mind. I don't pass 'GO', I don't collect two hundred dollars. I just walk straight across the street to the Emerald City bar. Walking in, taking off my coat, I spot Meredith in our usual booth. I walk over to her and I watch as she motions to Joe. I try to wave enthusiastically but I've lost all my enthusiasm these last couple of days.

I'm greeting at my seat with a Gin & Tonic and I couldn't be more grateful. I thank Joe as he goes back to the bar. I turn back to Meredith and I wonder what she's doing here. I thought she'd be home with Izzie.

"Izzie wasn't home," she says reading my mind, "but how was the surgery?"

"Charlotte and her baby died," I say quietly as Meredith takes my head into hers.

I don't know how much longer after that, that Miranda comes into the bar with Alex and George but I have about six empty glasses in front of me and Meredith has about eight empty shot glasses so I'm assuming that we've been here awhile. I'm told that Miranda wants to speak with Izzie and the interns figured since it was Meredith's day that she'd be with her.

Hopefully Izzie is back at the house now because that's where we're headed. We all pile up in Meredith's truck with Alex driving except Miranda. She drives herself. We walk into the house to find Izzie in the kitchen making more muffins. I'm too intoxicated to really comprehend what's going on.

I just see Izzie look up at us and shoo us away, "I'm busy you guys, leave me alone."

"Izzie…" Miranda says coming out from behind us. We stand in the foyer as we watch Miranda walk over to Izzie in the kitchen, "I went soft. I had a baby and I swore it wouldn't change me. It just… it does change you. I got tired. I got busy, and I stopped teaching. I stopped teaching when you needed a teacher the most."

"You couldn't have stopped me."

"Yes, I could have. You couldn't have stopped you, but I could have. And in the past I would have. I went soft, and I'm partly to blame for what happened. So, I want you to come back. You'll talk to the Chief, we'll work it out because you're talented, and capable, and we all make mistakesㅡ and it's enough muffins," she says grabbing the spoon from Izzie's hand.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Hi, guys! Over 200 follows! Wow! Thank you all so much for sticking with me thus far and I promise to keep it up! I know it's been forever since I last posted but please forgive me… I got a laptop for Christmas so expect hella chapters to dish out come 2017. My New Year's resolution is to write way more so hopefully I can post an update to all three of my fics every week. With that said, check out my other two fics, _The Book of Addison_ and _In Memory of Me_. Please, please, please review and enjoy chapter eighteen!**

* * *

 **In Which Addison Becomes Super**

I feel partly to blame for Izzie's demise. She was supposed to be under my wing… my protégé but I drove her away with the quint situation. I can't help but wonder if I hadn't done that, that maybe she would've come to me or I would've noticed what was going on with her because she wouldn't have been avoiding me… I would've known and I could've kept her from getting to that point. Drunken me told Meredith this last night and she told me that it wasn't true… That she was there when Izzie first fell in love with Denny and even she couldn't stop her but I don't know… I still have my doubts.

Meredith starts to stir in the bed next to me so I roll over to face her. Her eyes flutter open and I smile sweetly, "Good morning."

"Good morning," she says rolling over to face me. She kisses me softly then grins widely realizing we're both still naked from last night.

Meredith first thing in the morning is the most adorable sight. I can't help but smile, "Hi."

"Hi," she smiles kissing me again.

I smirk, "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"Not really."

"Do you want to get some now?"

"Not really."

I take that as an okay to lean in towards Meredith, but a loud thump interrupts then we hear George yelp from the hallway. We try to continue but another louder thump comes from the hallway which causes Meredith to get up out of the bed. She throws on a large shirt and opens her door. In the hallway, we see George wrestling with some cardboard boxes.

"Damn! Stupid! Ow!" George fumbles.

Meredith leans against the door frame, "I was having a really good morning and you ruined it."

"Sorry. These boxes…" he says dropping another, "Oh there boxes! Callie said she was bringing her stuff over and… it's all here."

"It's okay George, I don't mind."

"I don't mind either. Nah, I don't mind a bit," he says moving closer to Meredith then he whispers, "Kick her out."

"What? I can't kick her out. You were the one who told her she could move in," Meredith exclaims meanwhile I'm crying from all the laughter.

George sighs, "That she could stay for a couple of days, a couple of days! It's been over a week. Now there are boxes and she's using my computer and she's here all the time. Would you kick her out? Kick her out now."

"Hey," Callie calls out as she walks past the door in a red towel, "you guys might want to wait a little while, there's no more hot water."

"Do it," George whispers to Meredith once more before walking away.

I hear Izzie's voice next, "Hey. Can I get a ride with you guys to the hospital?"

"You're going to the hospital?" Meredith asks.

Izzie walks into the view of the door, "Yeah. I'm… I'm gonna go in. Talk to the Chief. See about coming back. Anyway, just let me know when you're leaving."

Izzie walks back into her room and Callie exclaims, "That's great, Izzie's coming back. That's great, right?"

"Mhhm," Meredith tries.

George mutters, "That's my towel."

"Oh, sorry," Callie says handing George the towel leaving her standing naked in the hallway. George takes the towel and walks off.

Callie rolls her eyes, "God, he's really moody in the mornings."

"Yeah," Meredith tries again but I can tell she's highly uncomfortable, "He's… yeah."

"Yeah," Callie says walking off and Meredith comes back in the room closing the door.

Her eyes are wide and I let out the laughter I was holding in. Once I compose myself, I ask about Izzie, "Did I hear right? Izzie is going into work today?"

"Yeah," Meredith says taking off her t-shirt and climbing back into bed, "but that doesn't mean that we have to go in today."

"Uh, no, that doesn't sound quite right," I chuckle as she climbs on top of me and kisses me softly, "but maybe we can pick up where we left off."

* * *

Callie and George rode in together and Meredith, Izzie and I left only a few minutes after. We all ended up pulling into the hospital parking lot at the same time. So we all get out and start heading in together. Meredith, in complaint that we didn't get enough time alone together this morning, made lunch reservations. Izzie looks like the world is about to end and Callie grins like a teenager in love.

She wraps her hand around George's arm, "So I was thinking, since your shift ends after mine and I don't want to have to wait around, maybe I should get a copy of the house key."

"No," he replies quickly then tries to fix it, "I like leaving together. You don't need a key."

Callie is head over heels in love with George and it's sad to see him pushing her away… Sometimes I worry that he still has a crush on Meredith… but he has to know that it's never going to happen right? Meredith is my girlfriend.

We arrive at the hospital entrance and Izzie suddenly stops walking. Meredith turns to her concerned, "Izzie?"

"I'll see you guys in there," she says staring up at the building.

I try to some words of encouragement, "Everything's gonna be fine. Bailey is on your side. And the Chief is… He is gonna put on his angry face, but he's on your side too."

"Everybody wants you back in that building," George confirms.

Izzie nods, "I know. I know. You guys go ahead, I'll be fine. I'm just gonna take a minute, practice my speech."

"Okay," Meredith says and the rest of us walk into the hospital.

Meredith kisses me once again before we head off our separate ways. She to the locker room, I'm assuming, and me to my office. Only seconds after I put my things down, I find myself walking up to Dr. Bailey. My chest feels heavy and I just need to confess.

Miranda looks at me concerned yet angry at the same time, "Can I help you, Satan?"

"Don't call me that," I pout feeling insecure, "I really am Satan. I feel like I played a huge part in Izzie's demise… I mean, she was supposed to be under my wing and I drove her away with the quint situation…" Hence the horrible nickname, that's how I got my reputation around here… I sigh, "I can't help but wonder if I hadn't done that, that maybe she would've come to me or I would've noticed because she wouldn't have been so distant… I would've known and I could've kept her from getting to that point."

"No," Bailey shakes her head, "it's nobody's fault but mine. Stevens was my child; my intern… speaking of…"

She trails off as the rest of her interns walk up to us. Miranda looks them over once before dishing out her orders, "Morning people. Grey, we're clearing the decks. I need you writing discharge forms. Yang, you're with Doctor Shepherd. Karev, as usual, you're with Doctor Montgomery in OBGYN. O'Malley, Doctor Torres has requested you today in Ortho."

The interns disperse and I call Alex over to us, "Karev, we ready?"

"Isn't this getting old for you?"

"Nope," I shake my head, "Makes my whole day actually."

Miranda and I walk away together with Alex walking closely behind. We're about to make our way up to the NICU when my cell phone rings. It's Mark. I answer it quickly.

"Hello."

There's silence.

I repeat again, "Hello?"

"Addison…"

"What? Are you OK?" I say in rushed manner stepping off to the side of the hall.

Mark sighs, "I'm fine. Do you have a few minutes to talk?"

"No, uh, no I can't. I've got to…" I pause to think.

He cries out, "But please, Red."

" Five minutes," I say putting Mark on hold then turn to Alex, "Go find something to do in the pit."

"Personal problem…?"

"Go," I yell then Alex walks off, jumping with joy.

I walk to the nearest empty room before sighing and putting the phone backup to my ear, "What do you want Mark?"

"I want to move to Seattle."

"Mark, no."

"This isn't about you, Red. I have nothing left here."

"What about your practice?"

"I'm selling it."

"No, you're not Mark."

"Come on, Red. Derek hates me and you left… there's nothing left for me here anymore," he sighs.

I sigh too, "Mark, don't sell the practice. Stay in New York. There's nothing here in Seattle for you either."

"You're there…"

"I'm with Meredith."

"I know… but I miss working in the hospital… and Richard offered me a job."

"Mark… seriously, no."

"Addison, I am a grown man and I can move to Seattle if I want to."

"No you can't, Mark. I'm hanging up," I say pressing the end button. I have to collect myself before stepping back out into the hallway.

* * *

I'm in the X-Ray Room checking a patient's scans when Dr. Karev bursts into the room.

He stops at my side, "I got this kid in the pit. She's psycho and her foster parents are beating the crap out of her."

"Did she tell you that, or did you figure it out yourself?" I ask not moving my eyes from the scans.

I can't see it but I can tell he's shaking his head, "She's covered in bruises, she's got a ten centimeter lac' on her arm with three staples in it like from a staple gun in your garage."

"Her parents did that?"

"Well she said she did it herself. She's got this whole bit about being a superhero and how she can take the pain."

"Well you call social services?" I finally look over to him.

He nods, "They're on their way down."

"Ok, well have them speak to the parents while you run a cold pressure test on the girl," the thought just popped into my head.

"A what?"

"Ice water," I say picking up the other set of scans, "Test her response to pain. At the very least it'll keep her distracted while the parents are questioned."

Alex leaves the room and soon I follow. Next thing you know, we're walking into the pit carrying a big bucket of ice cold water. I follow Alex over to Megan and I greet her with a smile.

"Hey Superkid," Alex greets her walking into the room.

Megan looks over Alex and I then out the door, "Where are my parents?"

"They're talking to some grown-ups," Alex answered.

Megan rolls her eyes, "I'm not a moron. They're talking to a social worker."

"Megan, these bruises, these cuts all over you, this isn't normal," I start.

She shakes her head, "I get in fights a lot, okay? Cause I'm stronger than some of the other kids, so I end up defending the ones who are wimpy or small or whatever."

"You know you're scrawny, right? I mean you're not one of the big kids," Alex disagrees.

Megan shrugs, "Yeah, but I can take them in a fight."

"Alright," Alex says motioning to the bucket, "Put your hands in here."

"Why?"

"Because, we're gonna test your super powers," Alex says quickly.

She gets apprehensive, "You don't believe me? Punch me in the stomach, right here. Come on, punch me in the stomach."

"Let's just stick to the water. Put your hand in here, and I'll… I'll race you. You can race me," he pauses and Megan just stares at him.

"What? Come one. What are you afraid of… afraid of a little ice? You afraid I'm gonna beat you? Come on, on the count of three. One. Two. Three," they both plunge their hands into the cold water and he looks up at her, "Pull your hand out when it starts to hurt please."

"What are you deaf? It won't start to hurt. Just think about it, OK? Superheroes are all kids with dead parents. Like me. And they all figured out when they were around my age that they could do things nobody else could. Like me," she explains.

I take this time to run over to the coffee cart and get a little pick me up. I normally get hot cocoa but I can already tell today is going to be a long one. By the time I return, Alex and Megan still have their hands in the bucket. Megan is still talking about superheroes and Alex is in some serious but it really does not seem to phase the little girl.

"And they think it's weird that the can do all this stuff, but don't tell anybody because people would freak out like you did," she finally pauses to get a good look at Alex, "What's wrong with you?"

"Son of a…" Alex exclaims pulling his hand out of the bucket, "Ow! Ah! Take your hand out of there before it falls off!"

He pulls Megan's hand out of the bucket and she rolls her eyes, "You need to relax."

"You didn't feel anything? Nothing?"

"No. Nobody ever believes me. Like yesterday in school this kid said I was full of it. I had to let him punch me in the stomach twenty five times before he believed me. And once with a baseball bat," she finishes.

This catches my attention. I look up my seated position, "What? Karev…"

I motion towards the hallway and we both step out, "We need to run a CT on this kid's abdomen. This superhero stuff's way out of hand."

Alex runs off and at the same time, I'm paged my Meredith. I almost forgot about our lunch date… I don't even stop by my office before heading out to the lobby. It's not too cold out but it's not warm enough to be sleeveless. Thank goodness I never changed into my scrubs this morning, I'm still wearing my embroidered cluny lace Gucci dress. Yes, I wear $4,000 dresses to work… there's no way I could step out the house in anything less. Anywho, it's long sleeved and perfect for our lunch date as soon as I get out of this labcoat.

When I get outside of the hospital, I see Izzie still standing outside the hospital entrance. Meredith walks over to her before she notices me. She waves me over and I walk up to the with a smile.

"Hey Izzie," I say and although I know she hasn't moved, still I ask, "You done with the Chief?"

"Not yet," she replies.

Meredith smiles softly, "Are you OK?"

"I'm fine," she says finally looking away from the building to us, "What are you guys doing?"

"Uh, we were going to grab some lunch," I shrug.

Meredith looks at her watch, "Crap, we're late for our reservations. Gotta go. You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," she just nods as Meredith and I walk out to the car.

* * *

"So, Mark called me earlier," I say playing over my food with a fork.

Meredith looks up from chewing, "And what did he want?"

"He wants to move here… I told him no," I say looking up to meet her eyes hesitantly.

She smiles softly at me, "I don't care."

"What?"

"I trust you. I'm confident in our relationship… plus, you said he was your best friend… You don't want to lose a best friend."

"That's what he said…" I pause putting down my fork and looking at Meredith, "Are you really okay with him coming here?"

"Yeah," she nods.

I nod too, "Okay… I guess I could call him back… Honestly, I don't think me telling him no worked anyway… he says Richard offered him a job."

"You know how Richard is… He was the best of the best," she says then grins, "Lucky me, that's how I ended up with you."

"You really do know the way to a girl's heart," I grin widely.

She shakes her head, "Nope, only yours."

After our lunch date, Meredith and I head back to the hospital. Parting ways, I go to find Dr. Bailey. I'd like to pick her brain about Megan's case. I spot Miranda at a nearby Nurses' Station but Richard beats me to her.

"Stevens was supposed to be in my office at nine thirty," he says and I automatically visualize Izzie still standing outside the hospital, "Didn't show. Did you two change your minds?"

"No, she said she was coming in. I'm sure she'll track you down," she answer and as Richard walks away she turns to me.

I muster up a smile, "Bailey, I need a consult."

"Dr. Montgomery," Alex interrupts, "Megan is ready for CT."

"I'll be right with you," Miranda answers and I turn to Alex.

I wonder where he came from but there's no time to ask questions. I just follow him up to CT. Alex is wheeling in Megan into the room and I'm waiting on the technician to give us the go ahead. I can't help but overhear the little girl's concerns.

"How much is this gonna cost my parents?"

"That's not something you need to be worrying about," Alex answers as he lifts Megan onto the scanner.

Megan shakes her head, "But this is so stupid. I'm fine."

A nurse walks in and she yells to her, "Hey! Punch me in the stomach, right here."

"Stop telling people to punch you in the stomach," Alex demands and I can't help but to chuckle a little, "You need to lie down and not move. Which of your super friends can do that?"

The technician pulls me out of my thoughts letting me know that everything is ready for us to proceed. I start up the machine from behind the computer monitors on the other side of the room.

Dr. Bailey walks in and I look over my shoulder with a smile, "Hey Miranda. Thanks for coming. Just waiting for a picture."

"You know, we haven't hung out since you were sucking down Martini's at Joe's," Dr. Bailey smirks.

I turn to her confused then suddenly I remember. I remember this was before Denny died, before Izzie cut his LVAD wire, before Preston got shot, before Miranda had her baby, before the bomb that almost killed Meredith… Derek was here… he told me that he loved me still. Miranda had just lost a longtime patient of hers and we both were out of sorts… Funny thing is, I only remember walking into Joe's and ordering a Martini.

"Uh, yeah, that was just…"

"Hmm."

"We talked about…" I trail off not really knowing what to say.

Miranda chuckles, "A lot of things."

"I remember…"

"None of them."

"Is that for the best?" I ask embarrassed.

She just nods, "I think so."

Alex walks over to our side of the room and we get back on topic. Miranda skims through the chart before she speaks up again, "So, she came in for sutures, but she's a walking accident and has got an off the charts pain threshold? I'm thinking…"

"Chronic insensitivity to pain? Yeah. I've seen it in babies. It's often diagnosed young. But if she's been bounced around in the foster care system…" I trail off as an image appears on the computer monitors.

"Dr. Montgomery, what the hell is that?" Alex points to it. It looks like blood in her abdomen which means she could be bleeding internally. I have Alex run a few more tests just so we can know for sure. I step out the room to wrap my mind around things… I can't help but wonder what I said to Miranda that night.

Looking out of the tall glass walls, my eyes land on Izzie still standing outside. I can't just let her stand there and I do nothing about it. I know Miranda says that this wasn't my fault… but, I don't know… I still at least have to try.

I make my way down the stairs, through the lobby and out of the hospital doors. Izzie is standing in the same place as she was when we saw her at lunch. I don't think she's moved from this spot since we left her this morning.

I walk over to her and I smile softly, "You've been standing out here for a while."

"For a while I stood over there," Izzie says pointing a couple of spaces to her left.

I try not to smirk, "Maybe you should sit down."

"I don't wanna sit down."

"Maybe you should sit down anyway."

"Dr. Montgomery…"

"Izzie, seriously…"

"I hate the bride thing," she starts, "I hate the pictures in the magazines of the girl with the veil and the flowers that she's sniffing… like it never occurred to her to stick her nose in there until there was a camera pointed at her… I hate the idea of bridesmaids, and the colors, and the 'does this bustle make my ass look bigger or smaller?' I hate the whole thing. And I never wanted to be that girl. That girl is stupid… and shallow… Why the hell are that girl's thoughts running through my head?"

"Izzie…" I trial off putting a hand on her shoulder. I can't even begin to imagine a loss like that.

"I'm going to do it, Addison. I'm going to walk through those doors. I just need to make sure that when I'm standing in front of the chief of surgery I am not thinking about my wedding dress. And that's gonna take another minute."

As I'm about to say more, I get paged away. It's Megan… and if I'm right then I need to go immediately. I nod to Izzie and I give her a quick hug before I take off back into the hospital.

* * *

"Megan's bleeding internally."

"What?" Mr. Clover looks over to me confused.

Miranda answers this time, "It appears there's some severe trauma to her abdomen."

"You're trying to ask us if we hit her. We've said ten times in ten different ways…"

"Social services cleared you and I'm sorry that we suggested you were mistreating her but she's hurt pretty badly so we're gonna need to operate," I say cutting him off.

Mrs. Clover bursts into tears, "Oh my God…"

"Megan may have a chromosomal condition that causes her to not feel any pain when she's injured. It would explain why she gets hurt so often," I explain.

Dr. Bailey adds, "We need to do some genetic testing before we can be sure, but let's assume she'll need to be monitored very closely from now on."

"We got OR Three," Alex says walking into the room.

Mrs. Clover looks from Alex back to me, "So surgery is the only option?"

"I think it is," I nod, "I know you've been put through the wringer already today, but I need to ask you to trust me on this one."

"Where is she? Where's Megan?" Alex says. We all look over to the wheelchair where Megan was sitting and it's empty.

Dr. Bailey runs into the hallway, "O'Malley! We've lost supergirl and she's bleeding into her abdomen. Start looking in corners!"

"Hey Grey! I lost a kid. Help me look for her before she bleeds out in one of our bathrooms," Alex shouts to Meredith as we all make our way into the halls. Some type of way, I ended up being stuck with George…

"Megan!" I call out.

Meanwhile George just rants, "It's not easy. If you think you're a superhero, you're not gonna let someone come at you with a knife. There's no way to tell what it can do to your powers. I mean, you take away Green Lantern's ring, Hal Jordan is still a hero but it creates a crisis of confidence when…"

"Come on Megan!" I yell over the sound of his voice.

That doesn't stop him, "…you've worked hard to hone your strengths. Look at, uh, Batman. Robin just marches into the Batcave and he says, you know, "Here I am. I'm gonna live here too. Give me some tights and I'm taking your towel." I mean Batman, he fought for his powers, you know? He honed his strength…"

"O'Malley, please stop this," I basically beg.

Thankfully an angry Callie walks over screaming, "O'Malley!"

"Good luck with that…" I say looking in a couple of rooms in our vicinity.

I can still hear Callie screaming at him, "I arranged for you to see an incredibly cool surgery and you talk my patient out of it?"

"No, I didn't."

"You asked me what I thought. You didn't like what I said so you went behind my back!" she pauses, "Jasper's gone. He cancelled the surgery!"

"I expressed an opinion. I suggested that, you know, not everything has to go at warp speed. It is all warp speed with you! It is all…You know, your ankle hurts, let's cut it off!"

"You intimidated my patient. You got a problem, you bring it to me."

"I'm not ready for us to move in together!"

"And if you weren't a toddler, if you could use your words, then maybe you could have said that the first four times I asked you. And then I would have said 'Oh that's funny, me neither. I'm looking for a place. I'll be out in a week.'" she finishes dryly.

George looks at her confused, "Really? Because remember you…"

"George, save it. I'll be out in an hour," she says walking away. He's really done it this time.

I don't want to stick around for what comes next. I've had enough George for one day so I continue on my search for Megan alone… That is until I literally run into Meredith.

"Oh, hey, sorry," I say dusting off my dress out of habit.

Meredith gives me a quick kiss, "Hey, I'm off. Just helping you guys find the kid. Did you want me to wait for you?"

"No, you can go ahead. I'll ride home with Karev."

"What?" I say looking over to Meredith after she didn't respond.

I watch as her mouth twists up in this wide grin then she whispers, "You said home…"

"No, I didn't," I say shrugging it off.

She pulls on my arm, "Yes, you did! You really did!"

"And so what if I said it?"

"This is what," she says moving in to kiss me.

I spot something moving underneath a gurney when our lips come apart. I go to look under it and there she is. There's Megan. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding as I motioned Meredith to go get a wheelchair.

"We've got half the hospital looking for you. Your powers of invisibility are well intact. Come on, get up," I say lifting Megan to her feet.

She crosses her arms, "Nobody's cutting me open."

"Hey! It's surgery, we do it all the time. In fact, it's all we do."

"You can't keep telling my foster parents I'm defective. They can't afford surgery, it's too expensive," she says with the saddest look on her face.

Now I know why she ran… she probably thinks they'll send her away, "They can handle it."

"They'll send me back," she says as Meredith walks over to us with a wheelchair and I lift Megan into her seat.

Meredith shakes her head, "That's stupid. They've got their own personal superhero. Nobody sends back a superhero."

"I thought you guys said I didn't have superpowers."

"Yeah, well you don't, but take away Green Lantern's ring, the guy's still a hero. Right?" I say silently thanking George for his little rant.

* * *

Megan's surgery was a success. She is lying in her room now recovering from surgery with her parents standing over her. I don't think they've left her bedside since we took her up. She's a good kid… Maybe not a superhero but a really good kid. I mean, I get it… Everybody wants a life without pain. What does it get you though? Megan needs to be on a poster somewhere to remind people pain's there for a reason.

I can't help but think of this while staring down at Izzie through the glass windows. I turn around back to Megan's room and I see Alex watching her and her family through the window. He turns around towards me and I almost thought for a second there that I saw him smile.

"Megan's stable. I ordered a Repute H and H in two hours," he says handing me her chart.

I nod turning back towards the hospital entrance. Alex stands by my side and I see that he notices Izzie too. I sigh, "She's been out there all day…"

By the time Alex and I grab our things and meet up in the lobby, Izzie is still standing in front of the doors. We walk outside then Alex walks over to her and puts a coat around her shoulders… She tries to refuse but he doesn't let her.

"Iz…"

"I'll do it," she cuts him off.

He shakes his head, "Izzie…"

"I can do it, Alex. I know I can."

"Does it hurt?" he says softly after a short pause.

Izzie nods, "Yeah."

"Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere."

"Maybe it hurts for a reason. Come on, let's go," Alex leads Izzie back towards the car.

We ride back to the house together in silence. Once we get inside, Alex goes up to his room and I head straight towards the kitchen. I bought Meredith a half a gallon of strawberry ice cream yesterday and we never got to eat it. I figured today would be as good of a day as any… By the time I get up the stairs, Izzie is already at Meredith's doorway.

"I didn't go in today."

"Maybe tomorrow," Meredith says before Izzie disappears into Mer's room.

Before I could make it up to the door, George beats me there. I hear Meredith's voice call out, "Hey George."

"Callie moved out, which is a relief," he says unconvincingly, "Oh, I'm so relieved."

"I brought ice cream," I say entering the room pass George.

I go on to sit behind Meredith to spoon her while also passing her a spoon and the tub of ice cream. Izzie motions for George to come sit with us and he gets himself comfortable on the other side of Izzie. I didn't think four grown people could fit in this one bed but obviously, it can be done. Meredith takes a couple of spoonfuls of ice cream before feeding me some and passing it to Izzie.

Izzie takes a spoonful into her mouth, "It's strawberry."

"My favorite," Meredith responds and then kisses me.

George takes a bite, "It's good."

"You left spit on the spoon," Izzie says when he hands the tub and spoon back to her.

He shakes his head, "No I didn't."

"You did a little," Izzie admits then George grabs the spoon and shoves it back into his mouth. He makes the most childish face trying to taunt us and it just makes us all laugh.

That's one way to end the night.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**In Which the Rain Falls Down on Addison**

I pull off my raincoat walking into the lobby of the hospital. It's a rainy day in Seattle and Meredith has suddenly come down with some sort of stomach virus. Not wanting to be late for her shift, I dropped her off this morning and ran to the store to get her some Pepto Bismol. I round the corner and into the locker room moments later. All the interns are running around getting ready for their day which makes it easy to spot Meredith who's sluggish. She looks pretty sickly and swallows down a big gulp of Pepto the moment I gave it to her.

"You sure you're going to be okay to work today?" she merely nods in response.

George turns around to us, "So Izzie left the house this morning. That's a good sign."

"Yeah," Alex nods.

George looks at Meredith concerned, "Are you okay?"

"I'm just… not feeling like myself."

"O'Malley has that effect on Women," Alex interrupts and I hold back a laugh, "Ask Dr. Torres."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You threw her out on her ass."

"I did not. Who told you that?"

"Torres. Don't worry. I get it. She's hot… but she's not for you."

"Why is that?"

"Cause she's hot."

"Karev, leave him alone," I finally intervene although it was quite funny.

Callie walks by the locker room and George runs out after her, "Callie!"

"Let's go people," Miranda says walking into the locker room seconds after, "I've been in surgery since two a.m. I'm not in the mood."

All of Bailey's interns file out and I follow closely behind to keep an eye on Meredith. I really don't think she should be working today… Cristina comes running in after everyone's lined up, "No cutting… No cutting!"

"Yang, you're late," Alex smirks.

George comes running up to the group and Cristina defends herself, "Hey, I got here before George."

"I'm here!" George corrects, "I was here!"

"Nice of you to join us, Yang," Bailey rolls her eyes at her as she starts sending interns off to certain attendings.

Cristina looks at Alex's smug face, "Oh, what are you smiling about? Aren't you supposed to be on the Gynie Brigade?"

"Yeah, whatever," he shrugs.

Cristina looks at Meredith concerned, "Woman troubles?"

"Karev, let's go," I call him out of the crowd.

Meredith forces a smile at me and I smile softly back at her before walking away. I really hope this is just some sort of bug and she'll be feeling better come the middle of the day. For now, I need to focus on my work.

I send my intern off ahead of me to get our patient situated before I made an appearance. I take the little time I have to stop by my favorite coffee cart. Usually I get hot chocolate but today feels like a coffee morning. Meredith woke me up this morning at three sick to her stomach. Although she kept going in and out of sleep, I couldn't go back to sleep even if I wanted to. Knowing that my girl was sick was enough to keep me up worrying all night.

"How we doing guys?" I say walking into my patient's room.

Alex shakes his head then speaks, "She's at eight centimeters but the baby's still at minus two station."

"So what do we do?" the husband starts to panic, "Pattern breathing? Squatting?"

"Dude… Squatting?"

"Dr. Karev," I pause, "how do we normally proceed in a situation like this?"

"We monitor the baby's progress… If the descent stops entirely during active labour, then we perform a c-section."

"Not on me you don't," the wife interrupts, "I'm sorry Dr. Karev, but Jeff and I have a natural birth plan. And Dr. Montgomery promised us…"

"I promised we would do what we can… but if your labour intensifies and the baby doesn't descend…"

"Well, then we wait until he does. Right? I'm not having a c-section," she says looking from me to Jeff.

Alex comments, "A c-section is actually the safest way…"

"To what?" she looks at him, "Avoid a lawsuit?"

"We don't have to decide right now," I intervene. There will be no lawsuits… I already had one patient try to sue me since I came to Seattle and I'm really not in the mood for another.

Rebecca shakes her head, "I'm not going to miss out on an experience my body was made for just because it's more convenient for you."

Trying to avoid getting frustrated out of my mind, I head off to find my girlfriend. I know she's working but I just wanted to know if she was feeling any better. When I spot Meredith, she's with Dr. Bailey and the rest of the interns in a patient room. Meredith looks up and notices me approaching. She smiles faintly but I can still see the pain on her face. I stop at the door and Miranda walks up to me.

"Dr. Bailey can I get…" I trail off as I see Mark Sloan walk up to the nearby nurses' station, "Oh…"

Meredith looks at me confused then follows my eyes to the elephant in the room, "Oh…"

George walks over into view, "Is that…"

"McSteamy," Cristina grins then Meredith throws up on the floor.

I run to her with Miranda on my tail, "Mer…"

"No, Mr. Sullivan don't light that!" is all I hear before I see the explosion. The top half of his body is engulfed in flames.

Helping Meredith into the seat, I yell, "Somebody get a fire extinguisher!"

"Call a code red!" Bailey yells.

We put out the fire just in time for Mark to run in and take over, "Make sure he has an airway. Sir, can you hear me?"

"No, he's out," Miranda answers, "Hit his head. Small hematoma in the occipital region."

"Get him to the burn unit until he's stabilized and get a CT," he orders, "GO!"

"Right away, doctor," Dr. Bailey nods then looks at her interns, "Come on."

I get Cristina to help me walk Meredith out of the room. We get her settled in an empty bed before I make the call to admit her. She obviously isn't feeling any better… And on top of Meredith being sick and my stupid stubborn patient, I have to deal with Mark Sloan daring to show his face around here. Although Meredith said she was okay with him moving here, I did some more thinking on my own and decided that I was sticking by my initial word. I did not give Mark the okay to move him. I don't want him here… It's too distracting… He's too… distracting… God, do I still have feelings for Mark?

I think I still have feelings for Mark… but I can't think about that right now.

I press the back of my hand to Meredith's head, "You're burning up."

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," I disagree as Cristina hands her a glass of water, "You look beautiful but you don't look fine."

"Now I'm going to throw up," Cristina says rolling her eyes.

Mark walks by her room and I turn back to her with a sigh, "Go. You have babies to save… and surgeons to confront."

"You going to be alright?" I say hesitant to leave her side.

She nods unconvincingly and I turn to Cristina, "Will you look after her, please?"

"Mmm hmm," she answers as I walk out the door, "You think I'd miss this?"

Out in the hallway, I spot Mark and the Chief over near the nurses' station. As I walk closer to them, I can hear that they are talking about Miranda's patient, Mr. Sullivan. Poor idiot lit his cigarette up in the hospital bed while being attached to oxygen… I guess he didn't expect the big _boom_ that came after…

The Chief shakes his head, "What kind of idiot lights a cigarette in a hospital."

"Apparently people do idiotic things all the time," I say walking up to the pair. It's silent for a moment while we all exchange glares. Richard does the smart thing by excusing himself and I turn to Mark, "I thought I told you to stay in New York."

"I thought it was time for a change."

"Why?" I ask and I can hear the giggles coming from Meredith's room. I turn around to see Cristina and Meredith watching and pointing. I roll my eyes turning back to him only getting more frustrated, "Why are you here?"

"Sublet the apartment. Sold the practice. Had nowhere else to go," he says walking up closer to me. His body basically on top of mine. He lowers his voice to a whisper, "Why do you think I'm here?"

"This…" I stutter backing away, "this is why I left you."

"I thought you left me to fix things with Derek."

"And then I left New York because of him," I say rolling my eyes and making my way back to Meredith's room.

He calls after me, "Addison… you can't seriously be mad at me for moving here."

I shut the door behind me as Meredith vomits again. Cristina yells, "Holy crap. Are you pregnant?"

"Oh, this is just perfect," I sigh walking up to her beside, "Meredith…"

Miranda opens the door to the room but before she could walk in she's stopped at the door. It's Mrs. Sullivan, the wife of cigarette guy, "Oh, doctor? I finished filling out the paperwork. When do you think I can take Shawnie home?"

"Uhhh…" Miranda trails off looking rather nauseous herself. Has no one explained to her what has happened or is she in denial? Miranda walks off leaving us alone in the room again.

I can't deal with Cristina poking around on Meredith's stomach right now so I turn away walking towards the window… There's too much going on today… I can't breathe.

And Cristina is so not helpful right now, "So who's the father?"

"I'm not pregnant."

"I didn't think I was pregnant when I was pregnant either… but the fever, abdominal pain, non-stop vomiting?"

"I'm not pregnant. I can't be pregnant, can I? I'm with Addison… Ow," Meredith squirms when Cristina pokes her too hard, "Was I this mean to you when you were pregnant?"

"I thought you said you weren't pregnant," Cristina counters.

Thankfully, Miranda walks in, "She's not. We'll have to run more tests."

"In that case can I have some morphine?" Meredith asks as I'm paged away.

I can finally breathe again… I rush out of the room barely waving goodbye to Meredith as I rush up to OB. Rebecca is nine centimeters dilated but the baby isn't anywhere near the right position and she's still refusing to have a c-section.

I walk out of the room still on edge and make my way over to my intern, "I want you checking the foetal monitor every thirty minutes."

"What's the point? The baby's nowhere near where he needs to be and you know you're going to have to cut her open. So why not get it over with?"

"That's not what the patient wants and it's our job as doctors to balance the desires of the patient against the risk of complication, so if the patient wants a natural birth…"

"So if the patient wants a natural birth, it's not surgical," he cuts me off and I try my hardest not to explode, "So why not just cut me loose and let me in on a surgery I might actually learn something."

"Like Sloan's burn case?"

"I'm going into plastics anyway."

"Do you think that Mark Sloan has anything to teach you? He's just like you. He's only looking out for himself."

"So what? The patient's looking out for herself. You're looking out for yourself…"

"No, I'm not actually."

"Well maybe you should be."

"Go. Go find Sloan. Do whatever you want just get out of my face Karev," I say finally fed up, "Go!"

He runs off and I don't feel badly about it either. I can't deal with stupid interns… I already thought he was incompetent in the beginning and I only took him onto my service to give him a fighting chance because he was lagging behind. No one wanted to work with him… he even got transferred from a different resident to Miranda because they couldn't stand him… Although, it makes me feel better to see Alex already making coffee runs on my way down to Meredith's room.

I can't help but smirk walking into the room, "That's what he gets… I tried to give him an education but instead he wants to be barista instead. His loss."

"Hello, beautiful," Meredith smiles up at me before puckering up her lips. I kiss her softly before going over to her chart. She turns to Cristina, "You're a good friend."

"You're so high right now," she rolls her eyes.

Meredith gasps, "Actually, you're my best friend in the whole entire world."

"Now I just feel sorry for you."

"Why? Cause I could die today?"

"This is why I hate being around stoned people," Cristina rolls her eyes and I can't help but laugh.

Meredith sighs, "If I did die today, I'd only be remembered as the slutty intern who ended up dating the hot doctor."

"That would be me," I say with my eyes still trained on the chart. By the looks of it, it seems as though Meredith may have appendicitis. We just have to wait on the blood test results.

"Probably, but none of that matters cause you'll be dead," Cristina shrugs.

Miranda walks in with George on her tail, "Dr. Grey, you've got a fever, high white count. And tenderness over McBurney's point which suggests…"

"Appendicitis," George, Cristina and I say all at once.

Then you hear Meredith a little behind us, "Appendicitis…"

"Dr. O'Malley, prep Dr. Grey for surgery. You're scrubbing in," Dr. Bailey orders.

George turns around to her hesitantly, "I am? For Meredith's appendectomy?"

"Uhh… Am I the only one who remembers last time George scrubbed in on an appendectomy? He almost killed the guy," Meredith interrupts, "Sorry George."

"I don't have to scrub in, Dr. Bailey. I could just…" he starts but Miranda gives him the evil eye, "uh… unless you want me to… not going to happen again."

Dr. Bailey turns back to Meredith, "That good enough for you, Dr. Grey?"

"You're pretty," she responds with the most adorable grin. They all head out and Meredith turns to me, "Can I have ice chips?"

"Yeah, I'll be right back," I say running off to the nearest ice machine.

It's about three doors down. I'm walking back towards Meredith's when one of the night shift nurses wave to me. I wave back before I hear Meredith calling, "Addison? Dr. Montgomery?"

"You bellowed, Dr. Grey," I say walking into her room.

She grins, "Hi."

"You're certainly aren't you? Well let's see. Your complexion is flushed. Abdominal wall is tender…" I say while touching both her face and stomach after I kiss her then I smile, "Lucky you, I got ice chips! Aren't you happy to have a girlfriend who works in the hospital?"

"You are just one of many people I happen to be dating at the moment."

"Really?" I smirk, "How many of us are there?"

"Well… there's you… and… and…"

"Right…" I cut her off, "You're a bad liar when your sober so…"

"Oh, shush."

"Forgive me for pointing out the obvious," I say while playfully rolling my eyes. She giggles and I lean in for another kiss.

George walks in right after, "Okay let's get you prepped and ready for surgery…"

My pager goes off and I sadly run off to my patient's room. I walk in as the nurse updates me on her status, "Another contraction, Dr. Montgomery."

"You're fully dilated, but the baby is only at minus two station," I tell Rebecca after examining her again.

Rebecca shakes her head, "We just need more time."

"We don't have it Rebecca. His heart rate is slowing with each contraction. If he starts having late decals…"

"Is he having late decals?"

"Not yet but…"

"Then stop trying to scare me into having a surgery I don't want. I have a birth plan. Look I… I'm not going to be one of those weak-ass women who give all that up the minute things start to get scary."

"Rebecca, a birth plan is just that… it's a plan," I try to convince her.

Her husband tries to speak up, "I think she's just trying to be cautious…"

"Get out! Get out get out!" Rebecca yells.

Frustrated, I walk out into the hallway. Miranda Bailey just happened to be outside in the hall. She looks at me crazily, "Since when do you get out?"

"Apparently I'm not myself today."

"Never would have figured Mark Sloan to be your type…"

"He's not… he's not!" I say a little too quickly to be convincing, "What is he doing here? He's not supposed to be here. I can't have him here. He's supposed to be in New York. I can't… I can't function with him here. I'm a professional here, people respect me here… but when he's here I'm just… I'm…"

"A woman who gets the hots for man candy and cheats on her husband?" Miranda looks up at me.

I pause for a moment, "That is rude… and unkind and… completely true. What am I going to do?"

"For starters, you can keep your knees closed in his presence."

"Miranda…" I scold.

She smirks, "You asked. And also, you can remember that no person… not Derek, not Mark, not Meredith, defines who you are."

After talking with Miranda, I walk away feeling a little more confident about today. I figured with the crazy patient, I'd probably have time to see Meredith off to surgery… That is if they haven't taken her up already.

Walking up to her room, I see Mark passing by and Meredith calling out to him, "McSteamy! McSteamy! WOO HOO!"

"Is that what they're calling me?" he asks stepping into her room.

I hear Meredith giggle, "Yeah, but I don't think you're supposed to know that."

"How's my favorite dirty mistress?"

"Haven't you heard? Now I'm an adulterous whore!"

"Leave my girlfriend alone, Mark," I say finally reaching the door. He walks out but not without a huge smirk on his face.

Alex runs in seconds later with some scans, "You planning on killing a woman today?"

"What?" I turn around to him.

He hands me the scans, "The C-section you should have performed on Rebecca this morning? At this point it may be too late… for her and the baby. Nice work Doc."

"Get an OR and an anaesthesiologist. We're doing a crash C-section right now," I say running out of the room and up to OB.

Monitors are going off everywhere when I enter Rebecca's room, "He's in distress. We have to get you into the delivery room and get him out right now."

"No…" she trails off but it's too late. We're already wheeling her out of the room.

"This is no longer a conversation. I am your doctor and I am responsible for your life, and your baby's life. And I am not about to lose either one of you. Are we clear?" She nods then I look to Alex, "You just going to stand there, Karev, or are you going to do this?"

"He's so beautiful. So beautiful. Thank you," Rebecca smiles up at me as I hand her her baby boy. The c-section went by easily as always and now we're back in her room.

My job here is done. I put up her chart and I smile, "You're welcome."

I walk out of the room and down the hall with Karev following closely behind. Unfortunately, Mark walks out into the hallway yelling, "Where's my coffee, Karev?"

"I got pulled into an emergency c-section."

"Too bad. I was going to let you scrub in on a real surgery. Maybe next time. If OB can spare you. See you," he says walking away.

I roll my eyes as Alex sighs. He doesn't know that it's a trick and I almost… emphasis on almost, feel badly for him. I make my way downstairs losing Karev somewhere along the way. Walking into Meredith's room, she and Cristina are laughing. I smile happy to see her in a good mood, "How you feeling?"

"Mortified."

"I was just explaining the Meredith on Morphine experience," Cristina explains.

I shake my head laughing, "You don't remember?"

"Was it memorable?"

"I'll let Cristina tell you. I'll come back."

"Actually I've just been sent on a mission to get the patient some ice chips. Be right back," she says heading out the room.

"How badly did I embarrass myself?" she asks and after I don't respond she looks up at me, "What?"

It's just been a long day," I sigh sitting down with her on the bed.

I think I may have drifted off to sleep because when I look up at her door again, Mark is standing in the doorframe and Meredith is fast asleep.

"Addison, can we talk?" he asks and I roll my eyes getting up from the bed making my way out of her room. I close the door softly behind me and cross my arms defensively as he begins to speak, "Red…"

"Look, I don't want you here Mark. I think I've made that abundantly clear so if you insist on staying, just know that we're co-workers and nothing more," I say spotting Alex in my peripheral. I turn around to him, "Karev! As of right now, you are officially off my service. And for what it's worth… I think you're gonna miss me."

And at that, I turn around making my way back into Meredith's room and I close the door behind me.


	20. Chapter Twenty

**In Which Addison's World Comes Crashing Down**

My phone rings and reluctantly, I peek open my eyes squinting at the clock. It's three a.m. It has to be the hospital. I reach for my phone off the end table and I check the caller ID. It's Bizzy. I sit up fast answering the phone, "Bizzy… It's three hours earlier here."

"Hello, Addison," she answers.

I sigh wiping my eyes, "Bizzy. What's going on?"

"I need your help."

Bizzy explains to me that she flew out to Seattle with Susan and that Susan is sick. She had her admitted at the hospital and figured I would be there… that's why she didn't call sooner. Bizzy wants me to fix her… I don't know if I can fix her. God, I hate when Bizzy does this to me. I can't…

I get up carefully out the been trying not to wake Meredith as I make my way to the bathroom. I can't even focus on cleaning my body when I'm in the shower because I'm too panicked that my mother is here. I do my make-up… I have to look perfect in front of my mother… she would expect no less, even in the middle of the night.

I'm running around so much that I don't even notice that I woke up Meredith, "It's four a.m."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," I say while pulling a blouse over my head.

Meredith sits up, "Where are you going?"

"Bizzy is… she's here, in Seattle… She's at the hospital," I say pulling my pencil skirt out of the drawer Meredith let me use for whenever I stay the night here… which is quite often… "Susan is sick."

"Your mom's girlfriend?" she asks and I nod pulling the skirt up my legs, "You have five surgeries today. You need your sleep… This can't wait until a little later in the morning?"

"They canceled my surgeries, okay?" I say slipping into my shoes, "I'm gonna test on Susan and Bizzy wants me to be there."

"Baby, you're exhausted…"

"It's Bizzy."

Meredith sighs, "She says 'jump,' you say 'how high?'"

"She's my mother, and her, I don't even know what to call her, lesbian lover, mistress lady friend, she's got stage IV ovarian cancer, and Bizzy Forbes Montgomery never asks anyone for anything, and she asked me to do this," I say finally turning around to her, "She asked me to save Susan's life, so, yes, when she says 'jump,' I say 'how high?'"

"Fine," she says getting out the bed, "But I'm coming with you."

Bizzy didn't even say hello to me when I got to the hospital… She just rushed me along so I'd get to Susan's tests and lab work faster. Although I'm used to not being acknowledge by Bizzy, it does still hurt sometimes… I think it what hurts even more is that I've never seen her so caring… I've never seen that woman love someone… not me… not Archer… but here she is… sitting at this woman's bedside… holding her hand.

Meredith walks over to me and I can't take my eyes off what I'm seeing, "She's holding Susan's hand. Bizzy never held the Captain's hand."

"Yeah," Meredith basically whispers, "from what you told me, I wouldn't think so."

"She never held my hand," I say thinking about how many times I could've used it. Meredith reaches for my hand giving it a tight squeeze as I turn to her sighing, "Do I have to go in there?"

"Well, you can hide, but I'm sure she can smell a WASP from a mile away… I didn't tell you that she stopped me in the hall earlier? She knew I was Ellis Grey's daughter… and she's only met me once… I was six… She'll find you," she smirks.

I turn back to staring into their room, "They look so happy, and I have to go in there and deliver bad news. I mean, really bad news… get-your-affairs-in-order kind of bad news."

"Crap," she says reaching for her pager when it goes off, "I gotta get to the E.R. You gotta go in there."

"It sucks."

"Yes, but standing in the hall is not gonna make it any easier. You need a hug?"

"Yes, please."

She hugs then kisses me quickly before running off down the hall. I walk into Susan's room after clearing my throat, "Mm-hmm."

"You should never play poker, Addison," Susan says picking up on my vibe right away.

She could always tell what was going on in my mind, "I'm sorry, Susan."

"What do you mean, you're sorry?" Bizzy snaps.

I look sadly at both of them, "If we had caught this earlier, then we might have other options, but the cancer's spread, and, um there's nothing I can do."

"So I'm gonna die?" Susan asks.

I bite my lip nervously, "We can make you comfortable, but, uh, yes."

"No," Bizzy shouts.

I try to plead with her, "I know that this is hardㄧ"

"What it is, is unacceptable."

"Bizzy, the cancer is too far advanced. At best, I could give Susan a couple of extra months, but she'd be miserableㄧ"

I'm cut off by a hard slap to the face and more yelling from Bizzy, "You will save her life! Do you hear me? You will save her life."

Panicked and trying not to cry, I take off out of her room and upstairs to my office. I can't believe she just slapped me… How does she do this? She just waltz right in here and has me feeling like that nerdy, unconfident, little girl that I was growing up. I can't let this affect me… I have to figure out a way to save Susan and Bizzy the hell out of my life as soon as possible. I have a friend who specializes in this sort of thing and he works at a practice down the street. I'm sure he could be here within minutes if I called.

"Dr. Rodriguez, thank you for coming," I say reaching for his hand.

He shakes it, "No problem. What do you have for me?"

"Tell me what you see," I say while handing him the scans.

He holds it up to get a better look, "There are lesions on both ovaries… evidence of lymphatic involvement… and there is an irregularity on the liver edge."

"Is there anything that we can do that would make a meaningful difference?"

"Well at first glance, I would say no," he hands me back the scans looking at me, "I, uh, is sheㄧ"

"Oh, it's my mother's, uh, friend, very close friend… It's her lover," I pause, "There has to be something that we can do. My mother's not a person who takes no for an answer."

"I can do some research," he shrugs, "consult with my colleagues."

"Thank you."

"Yeah," he nods.

I shake his hand again, "Thanks."

He walks out of my office and I decide it's best to just stay in here. I don't want to risk the chance of running into Bizzy. I get up to close the door the moment Meredith walks into the room. I smile closing the door behind us and she kisses me softly on the lips.

"Hey," I smile again.

She smiles, "Hey, I, uh, was just coming to check on you."

"Why?" I ask walking back towards my desk.

She shrugs, "There's just talk going around that your mother slapped you?"

"It's true…" I admit looking away, "She got upset when I told her that there was nothing I could do then she slapped me… I ran away on the verge of tears… I even called up an old colleague to see if he could help… I just, I don't understand how she could just make me feel like a child again in literally one instant…"

"Addie, come here," she says taking me into her arms.

I snuggle up into her warmth, "Thank you for being here."

"It's lunch time. Have you eaten?"

"Haven't had the chance to," I admit.

She nods pulling away, "I'll go get some take-out and we can eat in your office?"

"Yeah, sounds good," I nod while she walks out of the room.

While Meredith was away, Dr. Rodriguez called. He said he discussed with some of his colleagues and he may be able to help Susan but I should scope her again because he couldn't see enough in the scans. Meredith walks in the door only seconds after I hang up the phone with him.

"Rodriguez thinks I should scope Susan," I say as soon as she walks through the door.

She sits the food down on the coffee table in front of the couch, "Wait, I thought you both agreed that there was nothing to do."

"Well, looking at the scans, he wasn't sure of the liver involvement," I explain getting up from my desk to join her, "So I'd like to get in there and see if it's possible that surgery will help."

"It's a bad idea…" she answers too quickly, "You know what the answer's gonna be… This is exactly why doctors should never operate on family."

"I have to," I sit down beside her, "This is Bizzy."

Cristina knocks on the door with her lunch in hand. Meredith looks to me and I shrug inviting her in. We eat and chat a little then next thing you know, Bizzy is at the door. She signals that she'd like to speak with me. I get up to go to her and I overhear Meredith and Cristina talking as I walk away.

"Addison's mother?" Cristina asks.

Meredith sighs, "Yeah, yeah. I don't know who's gonna die first Susan from the cancer or Addison from trying to save her."

I ignore the comment and I make my way outside my office to Bizzy. Bizzy starts to yell but I interrupt her before she could start, "Listen, Bizzy, I'm not promising anything but I am going to take a deeper look into Susan's case. I have a friend who's willing to help if he can… you just, you have to be patient with me."

"Fine, Addison, just… don't screw this up," she says walking away.

I walk back into my office slowly closing the door behind me. Cristina looks up to me, "I don't think I've ever seen you scared."

"I'm not scared," I say in defense and both of them look at me crazy, "Fine, I'm a little scared."

"It's an impossible situation, Addie," Meredith says when I sit down beside her, "Everybody can recognize that."

"Everyone except Bizzy, of course," I say finally grabbing my food.

Cristina shrugs, "Well, she's a smart woman."

"She's an irrational woman." I admit.

Cristina shakes her head, "Then don't do it. Stand up to her. You're an adult."

"It's not like your relationship can get any worse," Meredith adds.

I shrug, "You're right."

"So you gonna talk to her?" Meredith asks.

I scuff, "God, no."

After lunch, I perform the scope and I'm afraid I just have more bad news… The cancer has spread and if I wasn't sure that there was nothing I could do then, I'm for sure there's nothing I can do now. Cristina asked to be my intern and since this is a private case, and she knows the most about it so far, I told her sure. She's smart, level-headed and I can trust her to get things done quietly.

"There's a 5-centimeter mass on the left. You'll need a biopsy sample for cell type and grading," I say handing off Susan's chart to Cristina then I make my way down to Bizzy's room. I pause outside not wanting to go in.

Mark walks up to me with a sad grin. I ask, "What are you doing here?"

"Moral support," he shrugs.

I question, "What makes you think I need it?"

"Do you?" he asks before spotting Meredith in the hallway. He nods in her direction.

I turn around to her and wave as Mark walks away. She comes and joins me outside Bizzy's room. We barely exchange a kiss before Bizzy steps outside.

"So how's it look?" she asks immediately.

I clear my throat, "There's enlargement of the para-aortic nodes. They appear to be infiltrated by the tumor."

"Will you be able to remove them without leaving the tumor behind?"

"They're immediately adjacent to the arteries, so I don't know," I shrug.

Bizzy looks at me worried. I've never seen her so caring… She asks, "Is, is that the liver edge? That's not good."

"The cancer has spread beyond what we initially saw on the C.T. scans. It's attached itself to the major vessels," I explain, "It's in her liver."

"So what do we do?" she asks.

I look away then back to her, "Honestly? Nothing."

"That's not an answer, Addison," Bizzy grows infuriated as she crosses her arms. Here comes the Bizzy I know…

I plead with her, "I'm sorry. I am. I could try to cobble together a series of of treatments, but it would make Susan miserable The truth is, even if she suffered through all of it, she'd have less than a 1 out of 5 chance of living another few years… Some people do better, but some people do much worse."

"Do you understand what she's saying?" Meredith asks.

Bizzy shakes her head, "No."

"No, what?"

"No, I don't accept your numbers and I won't accept your conclusions."

"They're not my numbers, Bizzy," I explain to her.

She yells, "I don't want 25%. I don't want 50%. I want a cure, plain and simple. I don't care what it costs. Do you understand that?"

"I'm sorry," I explain again, "We can't offer you that."

"I expected more from—"

"What exactly did you expect from me, Bizzy?" I cut her off. I'm so tired of being dogged out by my own mother.

She snaps, "For my daughter to be something more than a passive spectator to the death of someone I love."

I shake my head walking away but Meredith doesn't. Instead she yells, "Bizzy, what you're doing to Addison is wrong. It's unfair, and I'm not gonna—"

"I ask very little of my children," she cuts her off, "but what I'm asking of Addison it's not lost on me."

"It doesn't look like there's anything left to be done. I'm sorry. I really am," she pleads, "but you you can't keep pushing Addison. For whatever is left of your relationship with her, Bizzy, please don't do this."

"Susan means everything to me…" is the last thing I hear Bizzy say before I'm out of earshot.

By the time I make it up the staircase and out on the OB floor, Meredith has already caught up to me, "You okay?"

"For a passive spectator," I say simply starting my descend down the hallway.

Meredith sighs, "Oh, lovebug…"

"I can't win here. If I don't do something, Bizzy will hate me," I sigh, "And if I do and get anything less than some miracle result, then she's still gonna hate me."

"I don't think so. I think she just wants you to try. She believes in you," she says.

I shrug, "Yeah, well, she has a funny way of showing it."

"No, no, she… she came here because she knew the only thing that could help Susan would be a miracle. And she believes that if anyone's gonna give her a miracle, you can," she says and it startles me.

I pause turning to look at her before opening the door to my office, "Why are you suddenly on her side?"

"Because she was crying," Meredith answers as I let the both of us in.

I almost laugh, "What?"

"Yeah."

"Bizzy does not cry," I say half believing her as I make my way to my desk.

Meredith follows and sits down on my lap. She says sweetly, "Is there a part of you that doesn't want to try because you hate your mother—for not being a mother?"

"What?" I respond, her question throwing me off guard, "What no, that's not, why would you even say something like that?

"Because you are Addison Forbes Montgomery world-class surgeon… and I have never, ever seen you back away from a fight," she says as her pager goes off. She kisses me then runs off out of my office.

When she leaves, I couldn't help but ponder on her words… _Is there a part of you that doesn't want to try because you hate your mother—for not being a mother?_ What if it's true? What if I'm not doing my all because I hate Bizzy? I hate Bizzy. I wish she would've actually been a mother… but just because she doesn't love me the way that she loves Susan doesn't mean that I shouldn't give Susan my all… Crap… I have to find a way fix her. I have to.

After about an hour or two of research, I think I might've stumbled upon something. I close my laptop, grabbing it as I rush out of my office down to Susan's room. Bizzy isn't in here, she ran out to get Susan some tea, which is good… I don't want to see her right now.

"Our biggest problem is that the cancer has metastasized to areas of your body that are either too dangerous for me to cut or too difficult for me to reach. But, um I did some research, and I found a new protocol…" I explain opening up my laptop and showing it to her, "I was trained on this machine. It's called the Da Vinci."

"You're gonna let a machine operate on me?" she questions.

I shake my head, "No, no, no. I would operate on you, but I would be doing it using the machine. It enables me to cut in ways that I would never be able to do freehand."

"Have you ever done this before?"

"It's generally not used on cases like yours yet, but I know its capabilities, and I think it's the best way to help you."

"Hmm. If it weren't for your mother, I don't think I ever would've come here… but I love her. She's my best friend. I want to do it for her," she smiles softly at me. Bizzy walks in a second later, "Hey, Bizzy."

"So you have a plan now," she says simply.

I nod, rolling my eyes at her before re-explaining the procedure… When I'm finish, I go back upstairs to my office. I call up Dr. Rodriguez to see if he would scrub in with me. I could use an extra set of hands… He answers the phone and I get straight to the point.

"I'm going to use the Da Vinci surgical system on Susan tomorrow," I say the second after he greets me.

He sighs, "I applaud your ambition, but your judgment isㅡ"

"It's possible," I cut him off, "Anything is possible."

"The question is, are you gonna be selling Susan and your mother false hope?"

"Well, if I were doing it on my own, probably, but that's where you come in. I need you to infuse heated chemo directly into her abdomen after I cut. It'll destroy any disease left behind," I explain.

He sighs, "Hmm."

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure."

"Thanks," I say letting out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, "good night."

"Good night."

Tomorrow came by way too fast but I am more than prepared… I stayed at the hospital practicing on the Da Vinci System until about four a.m. I still got my full seven hours of sleep before coming in to perform Susan's surgery this morning. The procedure wasn't until two. Cristina scrubbed in with us and the surgery went great. Now, Cristina and I are heading down to Susan's room to update Bizzy.

"We got it all of it," I say coming off a little too excited.

Cristina nods, "And we were able to insert the port in her abdomen to deliver the local chemo."

"I mean, we still have to monitor her, but it looks very promising," I say with a smile.

Bizzy nods, "I should be with Susan."

Bizzy walks off and I sigh… I thought I might get a little more out of her since I saved the only person it looks like she loves… It's whatever. I hand Cristina Susan's chart and she tells me that Meredith wants us to meet her at Joe's. I tell her I'll meet her in the lobby in ten minutes then I make my way up to my office to get out of these scrubs. I take a quick shower, get dressed, grabbing my purse and heading out of the door.

Cristina is already waiting by the door when I get down to the lobby and we head across the street to Joe's. Meredith is already sitting at our table with drinks for both us already waiting at our seats.

We slide into the booth and she smiles at me, "Hey. How'd it go?"

"She kicked ass," Cristina all but shouts.

Meredith nods, "That's great."

"But Bizzy didn't say thank you," she explains

Meredith frowns, "Oh, come on."

"It's nothing," I say sipping my martini.

Meredith just shakes her head, "I'm sorry. That sucks."

"Shame on me for expecting more," I sigh stirring my drink around.

Cristina shakes her head putting her drink down, "No, shame on you for turning what should be a celebration into this."

"You know what? You're right. Bizzy's just Bizzy," I say sipping my drink again.

Cristina sighs, "Look, I have an amazing mother. Alright? I have a kick-ass mom. I have the best mom in the world."

"Ahh," I say downing my drink.

Meredith rolls her eyes, "Yay, you."

"But I have a dead father, and commitment issues, and I'm kind of a whore."

"Is there a point to all this?" Meredith asks.

Cristina looks at me, "Yes. You have a cold, withholding mother, yet, you're the most competent, together person I know. I wanna be you when I grow up. So, you know, maybe you got dealt the better hand in the long run. So just shut up and stop whining."

"She's a little bit wise," I say to Meredith while still staring at Cristina.

Meredith rolls her eyes again, "It's annoying but she's right… If you want something from Bizzy, you're gonna have to ask for it. It's the only way you're ever gonna get it. Okay?"

"Another Apple Martini, please," I say waving over to Joe.

After a couple more martinis, I get the urge to go back to the hospital and give Bizzy a piece of my mind. It could just be the liquor talking but still, I think this needs to happen. She needs to know how I feel and that she can't go on treating me this way. It's not fair. She's my mother.

"Addison," Bizzy says bringing me out of my thoughts.

I stand up a little taller, "Bizzy, I have something that I need to say to you."

"Before you do, I've been meaning to tell you," she starts and I think she might actually say thank you for once, "I've divorced your father, and I'm marrying Susan."

I'm speechless… I'm so thrown off that I didn't get the chance to say anything. She tells me that she needs me to plan the wedding for the day after tomorrow then she just turns around and walks away. The next morning, hangover and all, Meredith and I are out looking at flowers for the wedding. I don't even know how I ended up doing this. Bizzy is… she's just…

"Oh, what about Peonies? Peonies could be good," Meredith says while smelling the flowers.

I shrug, "I have no idea."

"It's your mother's wedding, and you don't know what kind of flowers she wants?"

"Bizzy made it abundantly clear that this wedding is for Susan."

"Okay…" she says walking along beside me, "then what would Susan want?"

"Again, I have no idea," I sigh.

Meredith turns around to me, "Ugh, you're being petulant."

"Well, I am entitled, Bear!" I almost shout, "I am throwing a wedding for my mother and her… lesbian mistress/lover… My mother. Who, by the way, never thanked me for saving her lesbian mistress/lover's life."

"I told you," she frowns, "if you want something from that woman, you have to ask her for it."

"If it was anyone else… anyone else…" I think aloud, "What's wrong with me? Why am I being like this?"

"Well, she's your mommy."

"My mommy?" I say taken aback then I just laugh, "Mommies are warm. My nanny was warm, but she… she's my Bizzy."

"Which is exactly why you are being like this…" she explains, "Look, you always thought that she was cold and hard, and she's about to do something warm and wonderful. She's about to pledge her love… which means you might actually be wrong about her, which means she might actually be your mommy."

"Alright," I sigh giving up and walking away, "Susanㅡshe likes understated elegance."

"Okay then let's find an understated, elegant flower," Meredith nods.

Bizzy called asking to have lunch with me… I'm rushing over to the restaurant and Meredith is out looking at the rest of the venues… We've been to three flower shops, two different hotels and four restaurants to see if anyone can cater a last minute wedding tomorrow… I need this whole day to make this miracle wedding even work… but of course, I can't say no to Bizzy.

I have my car valeted and I find Bizzy sitting at a table outdoors. She already has a martini for me at my seat, thankfully, because I'm going to need it to get through lunch with her. I sigh stirring my drink around, "You do realize that I didn't even plan my own wedding."

"Because I did. You're returning the favor," she says simply sipping her martini.

I shake my head, "I get that you want to give Susan this wedding, but it's… Okay, you know what? I don't get it. Based on your sham of a marriage to the Captain, I mean, you clearly don't take vows that seriously, and we all know you're a cheater. Thank you, by the way, for passing that down."

"I think we both know that infidelity is not genetic and if we agree, it's learned behavior, you certainly didn't learn it from me, dear, because you had no idea what I was up to until long after you'd made your own mistakes. It really is time for you to grow up and accept responsibility," she pauses only to drink, "For the past 20 years, I've had my proverbial cake; homes, husband, children, jewels, ladies auxiliaryㅡ and that whole time, the love of my life waited patiently in the closet because that was my way. I almost lost Susan, but she's healthy now, so this time we do it her way, and she wants a wedding."

After being told off, luckily, the waiter comes up right after to take our order. I didn't really say much after that. I just sipped on my martinis and let her go on about how she thinks Susan would like the wedding. By the time, I got back home, the sun started to set and I got mostly everything done for tomorrow. I smile walking into Meredith's house. I wave to George and Izzie in the kitchen before making my way upstairs to the bedroom.

I walk in going over my checklist, "Okay so, hotel's booked. Flowers are done… Music…"

"Do you have the final count for the caterer?"

"Oh, well, Bizzy has no friends here, and I don't think Susan has friends," Meredith chuckles, "Uh, the Captain is clearly not attending. Oh, and my brother e-mailed this morning saying that he didn't come to Bizzy's first wedding, so he's not coming to her second. So I guess… that just leaves us…"

"Addie…" Meredith says softly, "what would you want yours to be like?"

"My what?" I ask as I start to undress.

She smiles, "Your second wedding… what would you want it to be like?"

"I, uh, I don't know," I smile nervously but before I could say more, Meredith's pager goes off. She ushes off to get dressed and to the hospital before I could say more.

Does Meredith want to get married? I don't know if I want to get married just yet… I mean, if I do end up marrying again, I'd like that person to be Meredith but, I just, I don't think I'm ready. But what happens if I were to say no? I don't want to ruin anything that we have together… I'm left alone thinking about this until I drift off to sleep.

The next morning I'm at the hospital and I head up to Susan's room to check on them… to see if they're ready for their big day but once I get to her room, they're gone. It's empty. I walk out of the room and I see Dr. Rodriguez at the Nurses' station.

"Susan? Where'd she go?" I ask.

He looks at me like I should know, "I discharged her an hour ago. She said she and your mother were checking into the Four Seasons."

"Well, no one called me," I say checking my phone before I turn around making way back to the elevators.

Dr. Rodriguez calls after me, "I'll see you at the wedding?"

I wave him off as the elevator dings open. Meredith's walking out of it, as I'm about to walk in. She smiles to me, "Hey. Are you ready to go?"

"Hey, yeah, um, listen," I say as we step off to the side, "um, last night, you asked me about my second wedding…"

"Yeah," she starts to blush, "that, uh, I didn't mean anything by that. That wㅡ you were planning a wedding, and I was justㅡ it was justㅡ I was just asking a question. I just wanted toㅡ"

"Well, I thought about it," I say cutting her off.

She smiles nervously, "Okay…"

"Should we? Should we get married? Let's get married," I say then I freak out before she can even answer, "No, don't answer now. I just, you're my best friend and it feels as though I've known you all my life… I love what we have together so just think about it. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Now time to get ready," I smile softly.

We make our way out of the hospital and to the Four Seasons to get ready for the wedding. I booked three rooms; one for Bizzy, one for Susan and one for Meredith and I to stay in while we help get everything prepared. I figured after the wedding, we could come up to the room and have a little fun before returning to real life. After we finish getting dressed, Meredith goes down to see if they need help with the finishing touches and I make my way over to Bizzy's room. Once I get inside, I see Bizzy in front of the vanity trying to decide on a necklace.

"The Bulgari," I say interrupting. She picks up the necklace and I help her put it on, "Definitely the Bulgari."

"You've wanted it since you were four," Bizzy says as she admires herself in the mirror.

I can't help but laugh, "I'll probably have to pry it out of your cold, dead hands."

"Can you please make sure Susan is dressed?" she asks handing me her room key, "Were doing photographs before the guests arrive."

"Yeah, sure," I nod taking the key and making my way across the hall to Susan's. Walking in I call out, "Susan."

"I'm in here," she calls out from the bedroom.

I walk in to see that she isn't dressed, "Hey, uh—"

"Oh," she says cutting me off, "you look beautiful."

"Thanks," I blush, "uh, Bizzy is ready to do the pictures, so she's—"

"And she wants to know when I'll be dressed?"

"Yes," I nod.

She smiles, "Give me ten minutes."

"Okay, uh, do you need anything?"

"No, I'm good. I'm good."

"Okay," I smile one last time before turning to walk away.

Susan calls after me, "Addison?"

"Yeah?" I say spinning on my heels.

This time she blushes, "I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am, we both are, for everything."

"Thank you," I say smiling genuinely, "It's nice for at least one of you to acknowledge."

"Bizzy doesn't…" she tries, "well, you know her."

"Yeah, I thought I did… but with you, she's…" I pause looking for the right words, "I don't know. I just never knew that she could, uh—"

"Love? She loved you the second that you were born, but intimacy has to be worked on both sides," she says and as she goes to stand, she starts to topple over, "Oh. Oh. Oh."

"Whoa," I say catching her and helping her sit back down, "are you okay?"

"Oh," she says nervously, "Uh, yeah. No, I'm fine. I'm fine."

"Susan, what's going on?" I say sitting down on the bed. I hope she knows I'm not taking no for an answer.

She sighs, "I'm not better, Addie. I'm bloating and I'm weak again. And I feel like… I did before I was diagnosed. I know the cancer's come back."

"No," I shake my head, "Dr. Rodriguez wouldn't have discharged you if that was the case."

"He wanted me to stay and do tests, but I didn't give him a choice. Don't be mad. Please. I need today. Bizzy and I both do."

"No, that's not a good idea. Alright?" I say starting to panic. Bizzy is going to hate me, "If the cancer's back then we need to fight it. We can post—we can delay your wedding. We'll get you back—"

"Addison, listen to me. I signed a D.N.R. No delays, no more doctors, no more exams, no extraordinary measures… and you can't tell Bizzy," she says looking me in the eye.

I shake my head trying hard to hold back tears, "Susan, I—"

"No," she cuts me off, "Your mother and I… just give us today."

I don't know what to do at this point. I want to scream, I want to yell but Susan made me promise. I can't—I don't know if I can do this. Silently, I watch the **facade** play out in front of me. I smile in all the photos and made sure to hold myself correctly. Minutes before the wedding starts, I spot Dr. Rodriguez and decide he's the one I'm going to yell at.

Walking up to him, I don't even give him a chance to speak before I yell, "You knew about Susan. She's sick, and you discharged her anyway."

"She wanted to be here with your mother."

"Yeah? Well, she should be back at the hospital where we could help her and hopefully give them more than this."

"That's not what Susan asked for," he responds and it takes my all for me not to strangle him.

I sigh, "Doct—"

"Addison…" Bizzy calls out and I turn around to her, "it's time, dear."

Dr. Rodriguez got lucky… I follow Bizzy over to the courtyard where the ceremony is going to be held. It looks amazing. I only have time to sneak in a kiss to Meredith before making my way down the aisle. I don't know if I'm the maid of honor or the best man but honestly, it doesn't matter. Watching Susan walk down the aisle and the two of them exchange vows just about made everything I've been through with Bizzy these past couple of day worthwhile.

After the ceremony, I watch as Bizzy make her rounds to her guests, which is basically the hospital staff, then she comes up to me and I smile, "Well, you did it."

"Actually, you did it. The wedding was lovely, Addison," Bizzy says as she clinks glass with me then walks away.

I'm stunned. I think my mother may have actually acknowledged one of my accomplishments. That was the closest thing I've ever gotten to a thank you and… it feels good. Standing here now, calm and collected, I realized that I've been a little on edge these past couple of days… I feel like I might've jumped the gun on the whole marriage situation with Meredith. I love her, I do, but I'm not ready for another marriage… not just yet.

"MerBear, Meredith, look…" I say walking up to her, "I was scared. I am… scared."

"Of what?"

"Of us. Of us not working, of me not giving it a chance, everything," I explain, "I don't want to ruin it, not with you."

"So instead, you asked me to marry you?"

"I… yeah," I say laughing nervously.

She smiles softly, "You know, you could take it back."

"No," I say quickly, "I, uh, I don't want—"

"Addison, you can take it back."

"Okay, fine, I want to take it back," I admit and we both laugh into our kiss.

After a few dances, Meredith and I laugh making our way off the dance floor and back towards the bar. It's an open bar so why not use it? I paid for it. I'll drink all I want. We refill our glasses then make our way over to the table where Cristina and the other interns who came to the wedding are sitting. We join and they start going on and on about surgeries, of course… I remember being a surgical junkie my intern year… Little do they know that surgery isn't all the world has to offer.

Sitting here sipping on my martini and watching my mother, and her new wife, dance together… I realize that you only live once and maybe, maybe I should just do it… get married to Meredith. If it's suppose to be, it'll last… I shouldn't just give up on it before even giving it a chance. I'm about to tell Meredith what's on my mind when Susan collapses.

Shit.


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**In Which Addison Hits the Self-Destruct Button  
**

"She's crashing. I need a C.B.C., chem panel and a blood culture times three... and hang two liters of saline, wide-open," I say while they wheel Susan into an empty room.

Bizzy runs in right behind us, "What's happening?"

"Set up a central line and start a dopamine drip," I yell to Cristina.

Bizzy yells, "Addison tell me what is happening."

"Can't get a blood pressure," I announce trying to get the line in, "She's in shock. Probably septic. Okay, line's in. Titrate the dopamine to a pressure of ninety."

"Addison?"

"It's gonna take a minute for the medicine to take effect," is the only thing I can say to Bizzy right now. I watch as Susan's pressure goes back up, "Go ahead and hang the first dose of antibiotics."

"Is sh… is she… is Susan gonna be alright?" Bizzy asks nervously.

Turning around to her for the first time, she looks genuinely scared, "She's gonna be alright. Bizzy, you should go back to the hotel; get some rest."

"No, not while Susan's here," she shakes her head.

I sigh, "The chemotherapy has suppressed her immune system and she had trouble fighting off the infection, but now… She's fine. She just needs sleep, and you do, too. Go."

"Call me if she wakes," she complies walking out of the room.

Meredith walks in after, "She loves her very much."

"Yeah, she does," I nod then sigh, "I was just coming to see you… but now that you're here, I rather wait around here until Susan wakes up."

And that's what we do… Keeping ourselves entertained with Jeopardy playing in the background, we sit in Susan's room until she stirs awake. I look over her vitals and everything is looking good.

I walk up to her with a smile, "Hey. You're looking better."

"Now I just need to get outta here; all of the tubes and the drugs—and no offense, the doctors. I'm just so tired of it all…" she sighs, "and poor Bizzy."

"Oh, she'll be fine. She's nothing if not resilient," I try not to roll my eyes, "In her way, she's amazing."

"It was a nice wedding, wasn't it?" she asks.

I nod, "Mm-hmm."

"Oh, my," she clutches her chest as monitors start going off.

Cristina runs into the room right after and I yell, "I need a blood gas and a bolus of heparin. Go."

"Hurts to breathe," Susan barely gets out.

I speak quickly, "Susan, you may have thrown a clot in your lung. You said before that you didn't—"

"No," she cuts me off, "No heroics. Please. Bizzy."

"I'll get her," Meredith runs out.

I yell to Cristina, "Hang a T.P.A. and increase the oxygen to a hundred percent."

It's not even ten minutes before Bizzy comes running in the room, she looks from Susan to me, "You said I could go. You said she'd be all right."

"Susan has a large blood clot in her lung," I start to explain, "and we're treating it as aggressively as we can, but she—"

"Well, do whatever you have to. I want more, much more," Bizzy cuts me off.

Cristina looks to me, "No pulse. Dr. Montgomery, should I call the code team?"

"No."

"Why aren't you doing anything?" Bizzy asks me.

I sigh, "Susan signed a D.N.R. She didn't want me to tell you."

"I don't care," Bizzy shakes her head, "Save her."

"I'm sorry," I plead, "I can't."

"You can," she corrects.

I shake my head, "Susan was clear."

"Addison! Do something!" she yells as Susan starts to flatline and I motion for Cristina to turn off the monitor, "Oh! Come on. Come on."

"Bizzy."

"Help her!"

"Bizzy."

"You can't just stand there and watch her die!"

"Bizzy. Bizzy. You can't Bizzy," I say basically pulling her off of Susan.

Bizzy slaps me again before running off down the hallway. I'm standing there holding my face when Meredith walks in the room, "Addie, I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry for Bizzy," I say as tears fill up in my eyes.

Meredith shakes her head, "I'm sorry for you."

"What did she want me to do?" I ask finally looking at her, "Susan had a D.N.R."

"Listen to me. You did the right thing. You did what Susan wanted," she says as I wipe my tears away.

I sigh, "Bizzy's never gonna forgive me."

"Oh, she will. She just—she just needs time. You'll see," she tries to comfort me, "She lost the one person that she loves."

"And I—I lost my mother," I say running out the room after her. Luckily she didn't get far and I stop her right before she leaves out the hospital lobby, "If there's anything I can do, if you want to come stay with me—"

"You've done enough," she cuts me off.

I plead, "If I could've helped Susan—"

"You could have."

"That's not what she wanted. The D.N.R.—"

"Enough," she shrugs me off, "It's done."

"You know that I would do anything for you, I'm trying, you know? I'm—"

"Is this making you feel better, Addison?" she looks at me with so much hatred.

I'm taken aback, "Do you really not understand or do you just need to blame someone for what happened?"

"What difference does it make, dear?" she says walking away and I just sigh.

I go up to my office to grab my stuff and probably just head home. I'm gathering my things when Cristina shows up in my doorway, "How's Bizzy holding up?"

"No way to tell."

"And you?"

"I am—" I say choking back tears, "I am not holding up."

"You did the right thing, Addison."

"Then why doesn't it feel that way?" I say finally looking up to her.

She shrugs, "Well, I haven't known your mother very long but she seems like a hard woman to please."

"Impossible," I roll my eyes.

She walks in the room a little more, "Then why do you keep trying?"

"Because she's my mother… and I guess somewhere deep down, there's that instinct to please," I pause, "the idea that—"

"You'll get something back," she finishes for me.

I look at her sadly, "I can't let that go. Is that crazy?"

"No, that's love," she shrugs.

After a short pause, I sigh, "Tell Mer I'm going to Bizzy's."

I pull up to the hotel Bizzy is staying in a few minutes later and I make my up to her room. When I come through the door, I find Bizzy still in her clothes from earlier so I can tell she hasn't been here long before me. She's packing her things and I can tell she's still in shock, that the situation hasn't funny hit her yet.

"Here, Bizzy, let me take that," I offer, "Here. I know you're angry and in pain but you're not alone."

"Oh, for heaven sakes, Addison. Stop talking. I am alone. I'm completely and utterly alone. My life began when I met Susan. Do you understand that? She meant everything to me," she says not even looking at me, "And now what? Where do I go? What do I do? Date? If I could bear the thought of it, I wouldn't know how. I'mㅡI don't know what I am."

"Look, this is new and scary, but it's not forever," I try to reason with her.

She looks at me dazed, "Then what is? What do you see for the rest of my life without Susan?"

"I don't know, but I am here to help you figure that out. Let me help you, because in spite of everything, even though you can't say it… you've never said it… I love you and I am here," I finish.

She looks up to me and it's almost as if she smiles, "Thank you."

"Alright," I nod smiling softly to myself, "I'm gonna spend the night and I'm gonna help you get packed."

"Oh, no, dear. I'll be fine," she waves me off.

I shake my head, "No, I want to stay."

"IㅡI'll take care of this tomorrow. I'm exhausted and I'm sure you are too."

"No, I'll be okay."

"Go home. Go home to Meredith," she smiles softly, "She's a nice girl. Stick with her. You can come by tomorrow and help."

"Are you sure?" I question.

She nods, "We'll order breakfast but I beg of you, bring some decent coffee."

"Alright," I smile again.

She nods, "Okay."

"So, I'll see you, uh, tomorrow," I say going to leave.

I get home to Meredith and I tell her about my breakthrough with Bizzy. For the first time, in a long time, I feel like everything's going to be alright. Meredith convinces me to go back to the hotel and stay the night with her so I pack myself an overnight bag then I head out back that way but not before grabbing some nice coffee from the store.

Walking into her hotel room, I call out, "Bizzy? I decided I am sleeping over. And I brought the good coffee."

When she doesn't answer immediately, I let myself in, closing the door behind me and make my way into her room. My heart literally stops when I find Bizzy in the bed with a note and a necklace.

"No," I say panicking and I turn around walking back to the door, "This… this isn't happening… No."

I walk back into the room and I grab the note off the bed. The tears are already pouring from my eyes before I read:

 _Dear Addison,_

"Bizzy, what have you done?" I cry.

 _The necklace is for you. The money is for housekeeping. Apologize to them for the inconvenience and when people ask, tell them I died in my sleep. The truth is too embarrassing._

"No, Mommy… No," I just cry.

Meredith says that I'm cold, withdrawn and it almost seems like I've turned into a robot. She says this but for some reason she's still always there… she still wants to be here and honestly, I don't think I can function with her being around. I'm supposed to be boarding my jet out to Connecticut right now but Meredith keeps badgering me about her coming along. I keep telling her 'no' but she doesn't seem to be listening…

"I can come with you," she says for about the hundredth time in these past two days.

I shake my head looking at my phone, "There's no need."

"No, I should come with you. I'll call off at the hospital."

"No, there's no need," I say checking my calendar, "I'm fine. I can handle it."

"This is too stressful for you, Addison."

"Bizzy had an aneurysm. She died in her sleep. I'm a doctor. Patients die all the time," I say still not looking at her, "I can handle it."

"This isn't some patient. This is your mother's funeral," Meredith lays her head softly on my arm.

I take off my sunglasses turning to the plane staff, "Those bags aren't going to load themselves!" I turn back to Meredith and put my sunglasses back on, "I'll be back in a week."

I walk in the door of my family home and it's surprisingly quiet… I make my way into the house while the staff takes my things up to my old room. I haven't been back home really since medical school… and really, nothing has changed. Everything is in its same place, it's all the same staff and I walk into the living room to my father in his same spot, his favorite chair, already drunk… it was expected, so it doesn't really phase me. What does though, is the fact that I don't see my brother around anywhere. The Captain explains that he was here earlier until a girl showed up at the door… he didn't have to explain anymore after that.

Lucky me, it's almost midnight and I won't have to deal with guests until the morning. I excuse myself upstairs to my room and get ready for bed. I'm going to need a good night's sleep if I'm going to get through tomorrow with my family.

Archer must've come home some time in the middle of the night because he's here when I wake, already entertaining some of Bizzy's friends. I take my time getting ready before I head downstairs and plaster on one of my infamous fake smiles. I don't even make my way all the way into the room before the Captain is ordering me to mix him a drink. While making him a drink, I decide to go ahead and pour myself one as well. I don't see how else I'm going to get through today.

Evening is approaching and the Captain is starting on yet another story about a family vacation we took… those stupid family vacations where we all pretended to like each other… I don't know how much longer I can keep up this façade. Thankfully the doorbell rings and I excuse myself from the room. It's probably one of Bizzy's guests. I rather play hostess than deal with the Captain right now. Opening the door, Meredith, Richard, Mark, Cristina, Miranda and Izzie are all there. I'm shocked, angry and… maybe a tad appreciative that they showed up.

I just smile, "Hello. Thank you for coming."

"Look, we, uh, we didn't mean to ambush you or anything…" Meredith starts.

Miranda steps in, "We just wanted to be here for you."

"Of course. How lovely," I say inviting them in, "Won't you come in for a drink?"

"Oh, yeah, totally creepy," Cristina half whispers to Meredith as they walk past me coming in the door.

Closing the door behind them, I escort them through the house to living room where the other guests and the Captain are drinking. I explain, "A few of Bizzy's friends stopped by to pay their respects."

"Which means gossip and drink our booze… Hi, good to see you all. Thank you for coming," the Captain says right before he starts to fall but I steady him.

Richard shakes his head, "Of course."

"Well, what do we have here? Archer says walking in as I step out into the hall.

I walk back to the door and step out into the cold, crisp air to breath. I just stepped out for air but then the funeral director pulls into the driveway. I remember him being on my calendar for today but I guess time escaped me because I didn't realize it was already six o'clock. We exchange greetings then I let him know that we'll be ready for our meeting in a few minutes. I show him to the front room but by the time I walk back into the living room, just about everyone has a glass in their hand and Archer is talking to them about a trip he took to Gansu, China.

Maybe Cristina sees the look on my face but she speaks up, "Well, we should probably get back to our hotel."

"Oh, no. We have plenty rooms here," Archer tells them.

Mark shakes his head, "No, no, Archer that's not necessary."

"No, I'm grieving. It's decided. You're all staying," Archer says again.

I cut in finally, "I don't mean to be rude… but we have to sit down for a meeting with the funeral director."

"Go ahead," Richard urges, "We, we can, we can take care of ourselves."

"You'll have to pour your own drinks," the Captain says walking away, "The house has been closed since Bizzy left."

"Pour our own drinks? Shame," Cristina mocks as I go to follow them.

Meredith comes up behind me and stops me by kissing me on the cheek, "Hey, I know you didn't want me to come, but I'm happy to see you."

"Thank you," I force a smile then I walk off to join them.

The funeral director starts speaking the moment I sit down in the room, "In lieu of flowers, Mrs. Montgomery stated that donations be made in her name to the city ballet or the garden club."

"I'm bored," Archer groans, "Is there a reason I have to be here for this?"

"Yes, the reason being that our mother is dead and you're apart of this family," I say rolling my eyes.

The Captain just drinks more, "I've spoken to a lot of her friends but I may have missed some. I'm not sure where Bizzy's address book is."

"Not to worry," the funeral director explains, "Mrs. Montgomery met with me every year to update the contact information of the people she wanted to invite."

"God forbid the wrong sort show up," Archer says sarcastically.

The funeral director continues, "Well, to be clear, she wanted a public memorial service with a reception to be followed at the house. The interment is just for family and close friends the following morning."

"Well," Archer says standing up, "it sounds like Bizzy thought of everything."

"One last thing," Archer stops and turns around to listen, "Mrs. Montgomery requested that there would be one eulogy."

"I'd be happy to do it," the Captain offers.

The funeral director turns to me, "Actually sir, she asked that Addison do it."

"What?" I say shocked… Fucking Bizzy.

We escort the funeral director out of the house and by the time we walk back into the living room, all of the guests except for our special Seattle guests have left. Of course the Captain always has something to say, "Are you people still here?"

"Oh, they're staying, Captain," Archer explains.

Izzie corrects, "Actually, sir―"

"My mother died," Archer interrupts, "You're staying."

"Well in that case, someone refill my drink," the Captain holds up his cup and thankfully, Archer steps up to do it.

Since I have no more duties now, I step up to leave, "If you all will excuse me, it's been a long day. I'm gonna go lay down."

"I have a question first," the Captain sits down, "You're all doctors in this room, right? Every single one of you… So, how does an army of doctors let my wife die without even a good old-fashioned fight? I mean, how many hundreds of thousands of dollars did your parents waste on medical school so you could let a relatively young and healthy woman just die on your watch?"

"It was a heart attack, Captain," I say as Archer brings him back his drink, "It happened fast and we weren't there. I told you that."

"I thought she said it was an aneurysm," Cristina whispers to Meredith.

I look over to her dazed, "What?"

"Uh," she clears her throat, "you said she died of an aneurysm."

"Right," I nod, "That's right."

"Well just now you said heart attack."

"It's an aneurysm. I'm just tired," I explain.

Archer rolls his eyes, "Geesh, she's grieving. You're going to split hairs?"

"If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go lay down," I start to walk away.

Mark calls out, "Addison, if you need someone to talk to―"

"Thank you. I just need to rest," I turn and make my way up the stairs.

I don't know how long I've been sitting here on the bed staring at Susan's urn but I'm assuming it had been a while because Meredith walks in looking exhausted, "Oh, I, uh, I thought you'd be sleeping."

"Susan's in there."

"What?" she asks going into her suitcase.

I point to the urn, "In the urn… I had her cremated at her request and they delivered the urn today. It's pretty don't you think?"

"Uh, okay," she clears her throat.

I shrug, "Cremation is such a strange thing."

"Addison―"

"I don't think I wanna be cremated, except for the poetry of it, the biblical allusion…" I cut her off never taking my eyes off the urn, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. That's nice."

"Look, baby, why don't we lie down?" she offers sitting down beside me, "Alright? Let me hold you while you sleep?"

"I don't want to be cremated. Maybe I'll donate my body to science… We had this cadaver back in medical school… We called him Mr. Mulligan. I have no idea why… actually, Derek named it after his favorite math teacher… Mr. Mulligan… When we were done, we gave him a memorial service. We thanked him for his sacrifice and his contribution to our education... We lit candles… I think that's what i'll do. Donate my body to science," I say standing up.

Meredith stops me, "Where are you going?"

"I don't think I can sleep with Susan in the room," I say grabbing her urn and walking out.

I put Susan in the hall closet for now but I don't go back immediately… I can't deal with Meredith staring at me with those big blue eyes. I need some space… I need a drink. I make my way downstairs to kitchen. I was hoping to be alone but Richard is in here.

I turn around to walk away, "Oh, excuse me."

"Sorry, I was just… sometimes I need a little something to help me sleep," he says mixing honey into his tea.

I grab two bottles of wine out of the cellar and a glass out of the cabinet, "So do I."

"You shouldn't drink alone," he says holding up his tea, "To Bizzy."

"Right. To Bizzy," I down my glass and pour myself up another. Maybe this wine isn't strong enough… "How are you with words?"

"Sorry?"

"I have to write a eulogy by tomorrow and I could use a little help," I down the other one too… Not feeling a thing I pour another and down that one too, "So, are you a good writer?"

"No, not really. Plus, I didn't really know Bizzy," he shrugs.

That makes me laugh, "No one did."

"Well, maybe don't write it," he says and I can't bring myself to stop laughing, "Maybe just, uh, get up there and speak from the heart."

"Sorry, she did this to me, you know? This is her final insult,"I say pouring another glass, "Her final cruelty, to pick me… to stand up in front of everyone and lie."

"You really think you have to lie?"

I sip on my drink this time, "Believe me. No one walks to hear the truth."

"You mean that your mother killed herself?" he says and I'm stunned, "I'm the chief. I saw the death certificate. For what it's worth, I'm really sorry." I get up from the table grabbing my glass and the bottles, "I can't imagine how it must feel. So if you wanna talk, I'm your guy… and even if you don't, my lips are sealed. Either way, tomorrow in that chapel, you stand up… say whatever the hell you want. Funerals aren't for the dead. They're for the living. They're to help us survive when it feels like the grief might just kill us. Tomorrow's for you, Addison. you hear me? Say whatever the hell you want."

I don't think I ever fell asleep. I laid around all night while Meredith held me close to her and snored in my ear. It's not like I'm not used to it… I just stayed up all night thinking about burying Bizzy… what I'm going to say and what to do with Susan… It was enough to keep me up all night so luckily, I was able to get up before Meredith and get ready. She's just now coming out of the shower and is getting dressed in the bathroom.

I'm tired and I don't want to be so I make my way into the Captain and Bizzy's bathroom. Opening their medicine cabinet, I see a boatload of pills. I scroll my fingers pass them before I find a bottle of oxy prescribed to the Captain. I open it up taking one out and popping it quickly into my mouth. I don't see Archer anywhere so I'm assuming he is asleep. I make my way down the hall to his room.

"Archer, you're not allowed to oversleep and miss Bizzy's funeral," when I open door and he's in bed with Izzie Stevens, "Some clothes would be nice, preferably something black."

Sitting here in the pews, I don't even hear anything the minister is saying. Thank God for the oxy because if I wasn't numb before, I definitely am now and it'll make it way easier to say what I have to say. I wonder if this is what death feels like… to be completely numb, to feel a whole lot of nothing… to be empty inside. This has to be what it feels like.

"Addison," Meredith whispers and I turn around to her, "uh…"

She points up to the minister and I realize that it's time to deliver eulogy. I get up making my way to the stand, "My mother told us that we should never cry in public. The Forbes's didn't do that. If we needed to shed tears it should be in the privacy of one's own home. Even better, in the privacy of our own room. I'm going to do my best to honor that today… In her sixty-two years, Bizzy taught me and my brother a lot of things… For as long as I can remember, she always told us never to settle for second best. It wasn't enough to be good at something, we had to be standouts at whatever we did. Bizzy didn't believe that every camper should get a feather. My mother threw herself into everything. She did more volunteer work than anyone I know. She was also a leading member of Greenwich Society. She was president of the Junior League for almost twenty years. She also ran the Chamber of Commerce book sale every year. But even though her volunteer duties kept her extremely busy, she always had time for her family. She was also very good at sports. She held the state high school record for the Fifty-yard Backstroke. That record was only recently broken this year. My mother was a woman who believed in accomplishment above all else. I think she remained true to that belief until the day she died. May she rest in peace."

For the rest of the day, I play hostess at the house until all guests finally leave. Night has fallen now and I find myself back in my room staring at Susan's ashes. Why didn't they just send them to her family? Did she even have any family? Susan was there all my life. I've never seen her anywhere but by Bizzy's side now that I think about it.

Meredith walks in closing the door behind her and I manage a small smile, "I don't know what to do with Susan. It seems wrong that she wasn't at the memorial. I just keep moving her from room to room."

"That was a nice eulogy."

"Thank you."

"Now tell me the real one," she says and it shocks me.

I get up from the bed, "I need a drink."

"I want to hear the real one."

"Meredith, I really don't have the energy for this," I start to walk away but she blocks the door.

She shakes her head, "I want to hear the real one."

"No, Mer―"

"Be real with me," she says holding onto me.

I try to pull her off, "Mer―"

"Give me the real one," she says and I can't look at her, "I need to hear your real voice because this Stepford WASP thing, it's not―"

"Mer, please back up," I plead.

She shakes her head again, "No, I'm not backing up."

"You're scaring me."

"No, Addison, you're scaring me. I want to hear the real eulogy," she struggles to hold me down, "I want to hear the truth. I want to hear from the woman that I love―"

"Back off Meredith!"

"Addie, you're hiding so much pain under that frozen grin that I can barely breathe looking at you!"

"My mother died," I cry as all my walls come crashing down.

Meredith holds onto me, "I know. I know. I know. I know, it's okay."

I think I cried myself to sleep in Meredith's arms because I woke up to the two of us fully clothed on top of the sheets in the middle of the night. I lucked out of telling her the truth… I don't think I can… It's too much. Fortunately, Meredith's a heavy sleeper so it was easy to get her undressed and tucked into bed without waking her. I throw on my coat and boots then I make my way quietly out of the room.

I think I'll go up to the roof and get some fresh air. We have a little sitting area up there near a fire pit for cold nights like these. Climbing the stairs, I come out on the room and I see Archer laid out on the couch nursing a bottle of Scotch.

I walk up behind him, "What are you doing up here?"

"Oh, I'm honoring Bizzy," he says drunkenly trying to clear some space, "Not that she ever got sloppy drunk… Say what you want about her, the woman could hold her liquor."

"Come on back in the house," I say trying to take the bottle from him, "I'll make you some coffee."

"Oh no no no no no no no no no," he grabs bottle back and pours another glass, "Ahh… You and me, how'd we end up such messes, huh? Look at us. You screwed your husband's best friend and now you're screwing an intern, and I'm―well, I'm screwing anything with a pulse."

"I… am in love with Meredith," I correct sitting down next to him.

He looks to me with a smirk, "huh."

"And you… well, you're drinking here all alone, grieving, because we're real people with real feelings… despite Bizzy's best example."

"Well," he holds up his glass, "here's to that."

"She killed herself, Archer," I pause, "It wasn't an aneurysm or a heart attack. She took some… took a bottle of pills."

"Well, isn't that just par for the course?" he says pouring another glass and downing it.

I roll eyes but I take his glass and pour myself a drink, "I've spent so much of my life judging people. You know that? I've been _so_ judgmental. It was actually one of the few traits I did get from Bizzy. I mean, when I was younger, I would've thought it was weak. Suicide―it's so weak. I mean, what was she thinking? How could she do that to us―to the Captain, to her children? But… when I found her… all I thought was, well… that's that… People who do that, they're not… thinking. She wasn't thinking, lying there broken. She was… broken from grief… She was out to sea and she drowned. It doesn't make her selfish. It doesn't even mean that she didn't love us in her own way… Maybe that's what I would've said. If I could've told the truth, that's what I would've said."

Archer doesn't say anything… We just sit here for the rest of the night drinking each other's drink… not saying anything but feeling everything. Day breaks before we know it and we both make our way back downstairs into the house. I have a god awful headache and I find myself back in the Captain and Bizzy's medical cabinet. I'm no addict and I don't plan on becoming one… I just need something to help me get through this day… I just need something to help me bury my mother.

At the funeral home, Meredith holds my hand the entire time. The only time I was able to get away from her was during my final goodbye to Bizzy. I placed Susan in Bizzy's casket… I figured there was no place else she'd rather be… I kissed her goodbye with my hand and wiped the couple of tears that escaped my eyes before I turn to walk away.

They moved Bizzy down to her plot right after and soon, started the interment. Three of Bizzy's close friends, Archer, the Captain, Mark, Meredith and I were the only ones allowed to be here today. They start to lower her body into the ground and Archer starts to cry. Although it scared me, I hold his hand… I feel like I should feel something but I just feel dead inside. I feel like I'm the one in that casket.

I know… I know it's Bizzy… but it feels like me.


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

**In Which Addison Disappears**

 _The sun is shining brightly through the glass walls of Lillie's house. For a summer in New York, you expect days like this. Good days… It was supposed to be a good day… however Lillie called asking me to make a house visit because she wasn't feeling well enough to come in. Lillie was my first patient; I still remember running around the hospital my first day of intern year and Lillie making fun of me saying that she'd request a new doctor if I poked her in the wrong place one more time. We grew to become fast friends and now that I have my own practice, I still treat her. I'm giving her a quick examination while she eyes my new purse._

 _"New bag?" she asks._

 _I glance over at it and I nod, "Mmhm. Chloe, on sale."_

 _"Chloe's never on sale, you lucky bitch. I love Chloe…" she sighs, "and Bottega Veneta… and―"_

 _"Hermes."_

 _"Oh, Hermes. I'll miss Hermes," she says and as I press on a tender spot she squirms, "Ohh."_

 _"Is that tender?"_

 _"Everything's tender," she exhales, "It's gone to my liver, hasn't it?"_

 _"I don't know, but we knew that that was a possibility. I'd like to readmit you to the hospital, run some tests."_

 _"I can't. I can't go to the hospital."_

 _"Lillie, I know tha―that this is scary, but―"_

 _"I'm not scared. I have stage IV Ovarian cancer. I've had two courses of chemo, three biopsies, one hysterectomy… I'm way beyond scared," she pauses then looks down to the floor, "It's Milo. I can't leave him."_

 _"Your cat?" I chuckle a little as Milo hops up on her, "Lil-Lillie, I know that you're attached, but―"_

 _"He's my world. I spent my life working to make my design studio a go. And it did, and it was great, but I thought there'd be time for everything else, and there wasn't. But I had Milo. And now… I can't leave him alone," she explains as he rubs up against me purring._

 _I smile thinking of what to do, "Well, um… okay. I can find you a cat walker or a sitter or, you know, a… whatever. I―you―you need to get back to the hospital."_

 _"I need to make sure that Milo's okay. I need to find somebody to look after him…" she sighs looking over to me with pleading eyes, "Somebody I can trust."_

 _Milo purrs up against me and I end up keeping him while she's in the hospital. I take him to work with me at practice and I realize I have no idea how to take care of a cat. We've had horses… with trainers and riders… Oh, I had a pet hermit crab once… but the air filter was too noisy so I shut it off and he died… I was about to find someone else to keep him but I'm paged by one of Lillie's nurses. I run by Kathleen's office asking her to keep Milo for me and I make my way across the street to the hospital._

 _Walking into the room, I hear a voice say, "I want you to press this button whenever you have discomfort, okay?"_

 _"Lillie," I call out walking through the door._

 _She smiles looking over to me, "Dr. Montgomery, this is Dr. Reynolds."_

 _"I'm Brian," he offers out his hand, "her new oncologist."_

 _"Addison. I did the initial resection,"I explain to him then I turn to Lillie, "Morphine, huh? The pain's worse? Well, hopefully after the chemo, it should start to subside."_

 _"I'm actually not recommending that," he interjects._

 _I look at him crazily, "But if we can give her a few more months, then…"_

 _"I know you're a surgeon and you like to fix things, and Lillie told me how good you are, but I think it might be time to let go."_

 _"I think that's not your call."_

 _"No, it's mine," Lillie intervenes, "I'm sorry, Addison. You did your best. I'm grateful but he's right. I've decided… I think I was holding on to my life but once you agreed to take Milo, there's no reason to anymore. It's time."_

 _"What―Whats this?" I ask as the saleswoman holds up a costume to me._

 _She dances with it, "It's a Christmas angel. You can take your kitty caroling."_

 _"We're outta here," I turn to walk away._

 _I decided since it looks like I'll be keeping Milo a little longer than I expected, I might as well go by the pet store. I asked Derek's sister, Kathleen to come with me and find him something nice like an outfit or carrier. I know how much Lillie likes designer things so I figured seeing Milo in something nice might lift her spirits a little… Maybe even get her to change her mind about hospice… but there's too many crazies in here._

 _Kathleen stops me and turns around to the woman, "Um, th―this isn't her cat. This is, uh, for a temporary cat she's taking care of. So no caroling but thank you."_

 _"You really know how to talk to the crazies?" I whisper to her as the lady walks away._

 _She just laughs, "It's my job."_

 _"Okay, this place is insane, alright? We are in retail purgatory… all because I'm trying to do a good deed for my patient."_

 _"Let's go over here," she says walking me to an empty aisle, "This looks safe."_

 _"Oh, cute bag," I pick up a huge purse._

 _Kat shakes her head at me, "That's a cat carrier."_

 _"Really?"_

 _"What? You think Milo would like it?"_

 _"I think Lillie would like it," I say looking it over again._

 _I'm back at the hospital now with Milo in hand and we're going to visit his mommy. I know he's probably been wondering where she was all day and why he was with me so I'm sure this visit will be good for the both of them. I come out of the elevator and round the corner when a voice calls out to me._

 _"Uh, we don't allow animals in here," he says and I turn around to see that it's Lillie's oncologist, "I'm kidding. I'm impressed."_

 _"With this?" I ask holding up the new cat carrier, "It is pretty fabulous, isn't it?"_

 _"No, that you'd bring a cat for a visit. It's very nice of you," he grins, "Maybe you're a cat person after all."_

 _"I know you think you're paying me a compliment, but I don't think so," I smile softy._

 _He clears his throat, "No? Oh, actually I was hoping it would flatter you enough that you'd have coffee with me."_

 _"You're asking me out on a date as we walk to our terminally ill patient's room?"_

 _"I'm an oncologist. I'm always walking to a terminally ill patient's room. I ask where I can, when I can or I'd never get to ask."_

 _"Sorry, but I'm married," I turn to walk into her room but then I stop turning back around, "Ah, you know what? Can you just hold this for a minute?"_

 _"Sure," he says taking the cat carrier, "Hey, Milo."_

 _"Hello, Milo," I smile taking him out of the carrier, "There we go. How's his hair?"_

 _"Perfect."_

 _"Okay, bud," I smile and turn to walk into the room._

 _When I walk inside, Lillie's lifeless body is laying on the bed… Some nurses are covering up her body and I can't say a word. I look at Milo and luckily he doesn't see this. He's staring out into the hall. Dr. Reynolds turns to me and says he's sorry… but all I can think about is how sorry I am. Lillie died alone… she was alone. She didn't have anyone there with her._

I wake up abruptly from my sleep missing Milo… I kept him until he passed away from old age. He was a great companion. You know how people say cats are mean and don't care about anyone but themselves? It's not true… or at least Milo was different. He seemed to always be there when I needed him. It's like he actually understood me and what was going on in the world… It was the grayest day in New York when Milo left this world… I will forever miss him…

I look over at the clock and I see that it's only two-something in the morning and I should probably try to get back to sleep… I roll over cuddling into Meredith's back.

 _"Der," I sigh, "I'm so tired. I will never allow you to trick me into hiking ever again."_

 _"Oh, Addie, you know you're having fun," he grins at me._

 _It makes me melt just a little, "Fine, I'll admit it is kind of beautiful out here."_

 _"Help me!" we hear faint screams and start running towards it, "Help me! Over here."_

 _"What happened?" I question as we come up on him._

 _The man tries to explain, "My wife―"_

 _"Alright, pulse and respiratory rate are rapid," Derek says while he exams him._

 _I hold my phone up in the air, "I have no signal this deep in the canyon."_

 _"Use mine," he says and I grab it out of his pocket while he works. His phone doesn't have signal either, "Alright, tender on the right side."_

 _"He's losing a lot of blood."_

 _"My wife―" he tries again._

 _Derek nods, "We're gonna call her just as soon as we can, sir."_

 _"Our car crashed. I tried to get help," he says and I realize that she's here too, "She's over there. Help my wife."_

 _"Thank God you came," the wife tries to smile from inside the car._

 _I smile opening the door and I see that she's pregnant, "My name's Addison."_

 _"I'm Kara."_

 _"I'm a doctor. Where does it hurt?"_

 _"Everywhere… and we're stuck. Can you― Could you get us out?" she asks calmly, "Where's Jake? Did they get him to the hospital?"_

 _"Jake's with my husband, Derek. He's a doctor," I say trying to think of the safest way to move her, "Let's try to get you out of this car, okay?"_

 _"I can't. My arm is stuck."_

 _"Can you feel your fingers?"_

 _"I could yes―yesterday. Now they're tingly. I'm worried about the baby."_

 _"You've been here since yesterday?"_

 _"It was getting dark when we crashed and Jake left before sunset. When he didn't come back, I was afraid… Thank God he made it out."_

 _"We found him about a few minutes ago."_

 _"He was out there all night?" she pauses trying to look around, "But I thought you were here to get me out. It's just you and your husband? You can't get me out."_

 _"Listen to me. Jake is alive. Derek is helping him but I need to check the baby," I pause, "Now when's your due date?"_

 _"Today. I'm due today," she starts to panic._

 _I get her calm then I go to make my way back to Derek. He comes to meet me about halfway up the hill and I shake my head, "She's dehydrated. I'm afraid of vascular collapse."_

 _"The baby's okay?"_

 _"She says she can feel movement, but I can't angle in to hear the fetal heartbeat. There could be a placental abruption. I don't know," I shrug, "How's he doing?"_

 _"Broken rib, he's got a deep gash to his thigh, bleeding internally… he's bad. I gotta get help fast."_

 _"You think you can get outta here before dark?"_

 _"If I run," he shrugs, "maybe."_

 _"It took us three hours to get in."_

 _"It's our best bet," he looks at me._

 _I nod, "Alright, I'll just go back and forth between 'em, try to keep them both stable until you come back with help."_

 _"Alright, I'll put a pressure dressing on him so he doesn't bleed out, then I'll go."_

 _"Go fast, Derek."_

 _Derek runs off towards Jake and I go to sit in car with the wife. I start to exam her belly, "Does that hurt?"_

 _"This is my fault―the crash. A bee flew in the car, and I grabbed Jake's arm. I didn't mean to. It was an accident," she says and I continue my exam, "That hurts."_

 _"That's your rib. It's probably broken."_

 _"That ought to make delivery really fun," she jokes._

 _I smirk, "My vote is for a C-section in a hospital."_

 _"I second that vote," she shakes her head, "Jake wanted a home birth. I told him that's fine as long as the baby comes outta him."_

 _"Addison!" Derek calls out._

 _I excuse myself and run to him as he drags Jake down the hill, "What happened?"_

 _"Collapsed lung."_

 _"Easy," I say helping Derek lay him down near the car, "There we go, there we go."_

 _"I had to improvise a chest tube. He's stable, but we have to keep opening the tube every half an hour or he'll arrest. I brought him here so you could watch both of 'em."_

 _"What's happening?" Kara calls out from car._

 _Jake pleads, "Tell her I'm okay, please."_

 _"He's okay, Kara," I call out to her as I turn back to my husband, "Derek, it's gonna be dark soon."_

 _"I know. We had a hard enough time finding the trail during the daylight. The car came from somewhere. I'm gonna try to find the road," he says and I kiss him deeply._

 _He's about to run off when he pauses and turns around to me, "I'll be fine."_

 _"Alright," he nods._

 _I make my way over to Kara and as I sit down in the driver's seat. She asks, "What's happening?"_

 _"Nothing. It's just, Jake's having―" I'm cut off by the car knocking out of gear and it taking off down the hill. We both start screaming._

 _"Hit the brakes!" I hear Derek's voice call out._

 _I step on the brakes but the car doesn't stop until it crashes into a tree. I think I may have blacked out for a moment because when I'm come to, Derek is screaming with so much panic in his voice, "ADDISON! Addison!"_

 _"I'm okay," I say after a moment, "Kara?"_

 _"I'm still here," she answers and a weight is lifted off my shoulders._

 _Derek finally catches up to us, "Are you okay? Is she okay?" I nod and he reaches through the window, "You're bleeding."_

 _"What?" I say still dazed, "I hit my head, alright. It's nothing. I'm okay."_

 _"Let me take a look at it," he says as I reach for the handle._

 _When the door doesn't budge I sigh, "I can't open the door."_

 _"What?"_

 _"I can't open the door."_

 _"Here," he tries to open it from the outside._

 _I push on the door, "Help me."_

 _"There's a rock blocking the door. Can you get out the window? If you can't get out, I can't leave. Jake, his tubing, it'll clog" he says then tries to whisper, "and he will die."_

 _"We're gonna have to… probably gonna have to stay here through―wait out the night," I explain to Kara then I turn back to Derek, "You have to go. Its our only chance."_

 _"I'm gonna go get Jake. That way I can help you and him," Derek says running off._

 _Kara looks to me, "Will he make it through the night?"_

 _"Yes," I nod, "If the tube holds, yeah."_

 _"Good. That's good," she screams out in pain, "It hurts. Something hurts. I think I'm bleeding."_

 _It's not blood. Your water broke. You're in labor," I reach down to check her cervix and I feel toes, "Something's wrong."_

 _"That's funny. Everything's wrong."_

 _"The force of the impact shifted the baby. He's in a breech position."_

 _"What does that mean?" she starts to panic again, "Is he okay?"_

 _"It means that his legs are pointing down. I can't deliver him in this position without turning him," I try to maneuver around in the car for a better position, "Don't move. Hold still. I'm gonna try to flip the baby. It's gonna hurt."_

 _After about a minute, Kara screams, "Stop. Did it work?"_

 _"I'm sorry," I say shaking my head._

 _Derek walks up to the car, "How are you doing?"_

 _"The baby―It's a footling breech. I can't move him, and he's coming."_

 _"How long?"_

 _"Soon," I sigh, "And even if I do manage to turn him, I don't know if I can deliver in this position."_

 _"We can't wait till sunrise."_

 _"I know…" I whisper, "I'm afraid we're gonna lose all three of them."_

 _"I won't let that happen. I promise," he takes my chin and kisses my forehead, "I'm going to sew the tube into his skin so it won't get pulled out of place. Give him more time for me to get back with help."_

 _"Okay," I nod._

 _A few minutes later, Derek comes back to the door, "I sewed the tube in. He's exhausted but stable. How's the labor?"_

 _"It's progressing quickly. Okay, don't fall or get hurt or do anything that might cause you to die in this canyon," I pause looking at him directly in his eyes, "You have to come back."_

 _"Okay."_

 _"Alright," I say as he kisses me again before running off, "Be careful."_

 _"I feel something! Oh my God. I feel something," Kara screams and I reach down to check, "What is it?"_

 _"It's nothing."_

 _"Tell me. Just tell me. It's bad enough without you not saying things."_

 _"The baby's foot it's come out through the cervix."_

 _"His foot?"_

 _"I can't deliver him like this. He'll die. He's not fully engaged, so I need to push him back up through the birth canal and try to invert him from the inside."_

 _"What? Are you kidding me?!"_

 _"It's bad, but you can do this. Just take a deep breath. I'm gonna be right here with you, all right? And we're both just―we're both just gonna breathe. Take a deep breath. Okay, ready?" she nods and I begin to try to turn the baby again._

 _After a minute or so, she screams again, "No, I can't! I can't! Stop! Stop! Stop it!"_

 _"Kara, don't give up on me," I plead, "I need you to try."_

 _"You can do it, baby!" Jake calls out, "You can do it!"_

 _"No, I can't!"_

 _"Oh, yes, you can! You're the most stubborn woman I know! It's not too hard for you! We can do this!"_

 _"No, I don't want to!" she cries._

 _Jake yells back, "Please. Kara, listen to me! You know how most times―you're the one who's always in charge of us, right?! You decide where we eat, what color the baby's room's gonna be, where we're gonna go on vacation! And it works 'cause I trust you and I know you want what's best for us! Now it's my turn! I'm the one who's in charge! I'm in charge of us, and I say you can do this! So you have to do this! It's my turn, okay?! I know what's best! You have to trust me! Kara you have to do this!"_

 _"Just do it," she says to me._

 _I nod, "Alright? Let's try again. Okay? You ready? Okay, here we go," I start and she cries, "Come on. A little bit more… Almost… Yes!"_

 _"What just what happened?!" Jake calls out, "Did she do it?! We did it! I love you, Kara!"_

 _"Oh, I love you, too!"_

 _"Lift your butt then push," I instruct._

 _She shakes her head, "No! I can't move."_

 _"The baby can't come out, Kara, until you push," I explain, "Now lift."_

 _"You can do it! You can do it, baby!" Jake cheers her on._

 _Kara shakes her head, "I can't!"_

 _"Kara, look at me. Look at me. We are both trapped in this car. We are both scared and terrified alright? But you have a guy outside this car who is waiting for you. You have a guy who loves you. Now if you don't do what I tell you to do, you will die. You will die on him… and if you die, you will break him. Jake will be broken. Someone loves you. So we're not gonna sit here and debate this. When I tell you to push, you are damn well going to push! Right?" I ask and she nods, "So push! Push!"_

 _"Okay," she starts to push._

 _When I clear the baby's shoulders, I smile and I pull him out the rest of the way, "Good. Alright. Good. Baby's out. The baby's out."_

 _"How is he? Is he okay? Is he okay? Oh no. He can't be―you have to help him. You have to help him. Help him. You have to help him," she starts to panic but as soon as I clear the baby's airways, it starts to cry, "He's okay?"_

 _"Well, first of all, someone missed something on the ultrasound, because he is a she. And, yes… she's okay," I hold her out to Kara._

 _She cries happy tears this time, "She's so beautiful."_

 _"And everything's perfect. Ten fingers, ten toes," I smile._

 _Kara calls out, "Jake, we had a girl! Jake, it's a girl!"_

 _"Jake, your daughter is gorgeous!" I call out but get nervous when he doesn't respond, "Can you hear me?"_

 _"Do you see him? Is he moving?" Kara asks._

 _I look out the window to see a helicopter and Derek jumping out of it running towards us. I smile, "Derek! We had the baby!"_

 _"But Jake―how's Jake? Tell me he's alive," Kara starts to get frantic, "Tell me!"_

 _"He's still alive! EMT's almost there. We're gonna have to pull him up in the helicopter," he explains as I hand him the baby._

 _I nod just happy to be getting out of here, "Take her up and have them put her on oxygen."_

 _"Okay, I'll be right back," he smiles running off with the baby. A few minutes later, he comes back to the car, "So they're gonna have you guys outta here in a couple of minutes."_

 _"How is he?"_

 _"He lost a lot of blood, but I think he's gonna be okay."_

 _"And the baby?"_

 _"Paramedics have her on O2. She's nice and pink."_

 _"You guys did good," a paramedic walks over to Derek, "Door's coming off now. We need you to stand clear."_

 _"Thank you," Kara starts, "Just, thank you."_

 _"You don't have to," I try to stop her._

 _She shakes her head, "I do… and I swear, when we get outta here, I am naming that baby Addison."_

 _"That's good," a paramedic walks the guy with the saw through cutting open the door, "That's good."_

 _"I'm bringing 'em in," one says and I notice something wrong with Kara._

 _They go to cut again and I start to scream, "Hold up! Hold up! Derek! She's crashing. She's losing blood! The pressure from the door must have tamponaded the wound. She's crashing! She's crashing!"_

 _They hurry Kara out of the car and onto a stretcher. I crawl out of the car after her and they rush getting her into the helicopter but it might be too late. She's lost so much blood… and it's all over my clothes. Derek climbs in after us while I do just about everything I can to stop the bleeding and keep her heart beating. They get her hooked up to the machines and there's no heartbeat._

 _"Charge the paddles. You heard me. Charge the paddles," I'm screaming at the top of my lungs._

 _Derek looks at me sadly, "Addison, it's been 20 minutes. She's gone… She's gone… Addison… Addison! She's gone."_

I wake up in a cold sweat. It's been eleven days since Bizzy's body was inserted into the ground. I've been back in Seattle for eight and back at Meredith's house for about three. She's been keeping a close eye on me but very passive aggressively… like when I first got back she kept inviting me over to her place. I kept declining but by day five, she got me to go out on a date with her and drove us back to her house. She's gotten me to stay the night for the next two days after…

I haven't been able to sleep much. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to get back asleep… so I just find myself thinking about all the horrible things in my life from Derek all the way to my family. Like right now, it's four in the morning and I've been lying here for about an hour. I might as well start getting ready for the day. I crawl out of the bed and into the bathroom. I turn on the hot water and let it run while I grab a book off the shelf.

I undress, turn off the water and slide into the tub. I only get a few pages into my book before I start thinking about Bizzy again… _For my daughter to be something more than a passive spectator to the death of someone I love… Oh, for heaven sakes, Addison. Stop talking. I am alone. I'm completely and utterly alone. My life began when I met Susan. Do you understand that? She meant everything to me…_ Then I think about the Captain… _Addison, oh good thing you're here, I need a drink…_ and Archer… _You screwed your husband's best friend and now you're screwing an intern…_ Then I think about myself… _Even though you can't say it… you've never said it… I love you and I am here._

 _She wasn't thinking, lying there broken. She was… broken from grief… She was out to sea and she drowned. It doesn't make her selfish. It doesn't even mean that she didn't love us in her own way…_ I'm so tired of thinking. I put down my book and next thing you know, I'm sinking under the water in the tub…

"Addison," Meredith calls pulling me out of the water, "Addison, what are you doing?"

"I was just…" I wipe my wet hair behind my ears, "taking a bath."

"Addison…" she looks at me knowingly and I shrug her off.

I get out the tub, dry off and I start getting ready for the day. By the time I finish getting made up, Meredith's already showered, dressed and pestering me about the bath following me out of the room to the laundry. Izzie is standing in the hall brushing her teeth when we walk out.

I try to get Meredith to shut up about it, "I was taking a bath."

"That's not a bath. I know what a bath looks like."

"Drop it."

"Look, your mother―"

"Drop it."

"Your mother is―"

"Gone! I'm fine. Everything is back to normal. Just… you're late for work," I say and Meredith starts to protest but luckily, her pager goes off, "I'll see you there."

"Fine," she kisses me and smiles to Izzie before she leaves, "Morning."

"I did not try to drown myself in the bathtub," I say to Izzie.

She just shrugs, "Hey, I ate everything out of the fridge last night; everything… including a tub of butter. There's no judgment here."

"You ever feel like you were just disappearing?"

"All the time," she sighs.

I sigh while saying mostly to myself, "Why can't I just be that happily ever after person? Why can't I believe in that?"

"I don't know what I believe in anymore," she says making her way to the bathroom and I shake my head as I make my way down the hall to the laundry room. Today has to be a better day… it just has to.

Running a little behind, I come in through the ambulance bay. There was so much traffic out and I ended up being paged to the ER by the time I pulled into the parking lot. I spot Miranda and her interns over by the Nurses' station Luckily, I get there before Richard walks up.

"Richard, what's going on?" Miranda asks.

He commands the room, "We just received word of a mass causality incident nearby. All available level one trauma centers have been asked to respond. I need to send a team into the field immediately. This is an emergent situation and I need all hands on deck."

"Seriously?" George asks.

Dr. Bailey shakes her head at him, "What happened?"

"I don't have details just orders," he says then looks to me, "Addie, I need you to go with them just in case."

"Okay," I nod.

I have a few minutes before we head out so I run up to my office to put away my things and grab my triage kit. When I get back down to the ER, Dr. Bailey's interns are just finishing preparing their triage kits and I make my way over to them.

Miranda walks up to us, "We're catching a ride with Seattle 34. Space is tight so hold your kits on your lap."

"Where we going?" Meredith asks as we follow Bailey out to the ambulance bay.

We approach Seattle 34, "We'll know when we get there."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm hauling supplies, I only have room for five," the paramedic stops us.

Miranda turns around as I climb into the ambulance, "Yang."

"Yes?"

"Stay with the Chief, take care of the incoming wounded. The rest of you come on," she says as they all climb in behind me.

The ambulance leaves and Cristina is left standing there. As we speed through Seattle, Dr. Bailey goes over a few key things with the rest of the group, "Move your ID's to the outside of your jacket. When we get there remember triage. Karev?"

"Green tags non emergent, yellow tags delayed care, red tags needs immediate treatment," he calls off.

Miranda nods, "Good. Assess carefully, tag, then get all critical patients into the ambulances as fast as possible. Don't get in the way of search and rescue and stay calm."

"Any word yet on what happened?"

"All we know is there are multiple traumas," she shrugs as the ambulance comes to a stop and George helps us out of the bus onto the dock.

Taking in this scene of utter destruction in front of me, I turn around to look at the interns and each of their faces is in complete shock. There was a ferry boat on fire, injured people and personnel everywhere… Just complete chaos.

"Holy mother of…" Alex stops himself.

George speaks up next, "Dr. Bailey, where do you need us?"

"Where should we start first?" Meredith questions.

George turns around to Miranda when she doesn't answer, "Dr. Bailey?"

"Okay, um, I don't have time to hold your hands. You know the protocol. Go do it," she shoos them away.

Alex turns to her, "Do what?"

"Go help people," she says and the interns each run off their own separate directions.

I start making rounds to see where I'm needed. I walk up to a paramedic, "You need some help?"

"Nothing more I can do here," he shakes his head.

I question, "How did this happen?"

"It was a fog bank; container ship clipped the ferry," he explains.

I stop for a moment as I see the makeshift morgue full of dead bodies. Feeling a little overwhelmed, I look around and I see Alex working on a patient. I walk over to him shaking my head, "This doesn't make sense. Ferry boats don't get in accidents. The moment you take one for granted along comes a container ship and bam." Alex just looks at me and I explain, "I have a thing for ferryboats…"

"Okay, take a deep breath for me," he returns to working on his patient, "Okay, you're gonna be okay. You're injuries are minor. An EMT is gonna come and take you to the hospital, okay?"

I hear someone crying and I look up to see a little girl standing over near a dead woman. I make my way over to her, kneeling down in front of her I ask, "Is this your mommy?" The little girl shakes her head 'no' so I ask, "Who are you with?" She doesn't answer and I nod, "Okay, I want you to stay right here, okay?" As I get up to leave, the little girl grabs my arm, "Stay right here." I look down at the girl's wet pants, "Did you wet your pants? That's okay. It happens sometimes."

"Coming through!" a paramedic yells as they run through bumping us with a stretcher. I hold the little girl close to me.

I spot Meredith and I lead the little girl over to her. Meredith's talking to a paramedic, "What do you got? Okay, someone hand me some bandages. Okay, stop here."

"Meredith."

"Addison, hey, you got a free hand?" she looks from me back to the paramedic, "Here, hold this bandage for me." She wraps her patient's leg up then looks back to me finally, "You alright?"

"Yeah, it's just…" I pause looking from the little girl back to Meredith, "a lot."

"Are you okay? Do you want to go back to the hospital? Is this too much for you right now?"

"What?" I shake my head, "No, I don't… no, I don't want that."

"Good. So, if that's not it, what is it?" she asks.

I shrug, "It isn't anything. Are you good cause I gotta get this kid to triage?"

"Yeah, okay. Let's go," she nods to the paramedic then looks at me, "Is she alright?"

"Yeah, she's good. She's just lost," I squeeze the little girl's hand.

Meredith nods, kisses me then walks away, "Hang in there. We're gonna get you to the hospital."

"Okay, we need to find a grown-up… well another grown-up to help you find your mom," she says as she sees a man crawling out of the water near the docks. He probably needs some help. I stop a passing officer, "Hey, I need you to take this little girl to the triage tents."

"I gotta get back to my unit."

"No, I need you to take this little girl to the triage tents for me, please," he nods and I bend down to her, "You're gonna be okay. You're gonna be fine. I promise."

I thank the officer then make my way over to the man on the dock as they start to walk away. I run over to the dock, "What happened?"

"Some metal, something hit my leg. I was thrown off," he strains holding onto his leg, "God, it hurts. It hurts."

"Okay."

"I started swimming. I need to go. I've got a meeting," he says as I start putting a bandage on his leg and he starts screaming.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sir but try to stay still," I start when the little girl walks up and taps me on the shoulder, "Don't look. Turn around. I need you to be brave for me. Just stand right there, don't move… and don't look."

"Okay. Damn it," I look up and I call out, "Can I get some help over here?" When no one answers, I look at the little girl, "Sweetie, listen to me. I need you to turn around. I know I told you to face away from me but we need to work together to save this man…" When she doesn't turn around, I try again, "I don't talk either when I get scared. I don't… talk when bad things happen. You don't have to say anything but I need your help." She finally turns around and I give her a reassuring smile, "Okay. Don't look down. Don't look at the blood. Look at me. Look at me." "Can you be my assistant?" I softly lift her head and she nods. I nod too, "Okay, good. I can't move my hands from where they are right now so I need you to go over to my kit and pull out the things that look like, um, like tweezers. You know what your mommy uses to pull a splinter out with?"

I just finish sewing up the businessman's leg and I get up to move up his body a bit, "Okay. It's okay. Uh, I have to deflate the blood pressure cuff and see if this makes…" When it works, I nod and smile to the little girl, "Okay. We saved him. You helped. We just have to bandage him up and find someone to take him to the hospital and then we're gonna find your mom okay."

The man starts shivering so I take off her coat and cover him with it. I start to bandage his wound when he starts to reach for his leg, "Oh, I can't stand the pain. I gotta get out of here."

"Sir, don't move. Don't move," I start as the man tries to stand up and when he does, he pushes me over the dock edge.

I hit the water with a harsh impact... It felt like cement... so hard that it left welts in my skin. The water is so cold and I can feel my body starting to freeze over the stinging feeling. I look up and I can see the sun glaring through the water. I start swimming towards it... As I emerge from the water, I let out a long needed breath. I look up to see the bottom of the dock but it's too far to reach… and it's so cold… I'm so cold…

This morning, in the tub... I thought about dying. No, I didn't try to drown myself... I didn't lie to Izzie... I just, I couldn't see the point anymore. I wanted to wake up and just be okay with the way things are but I can't... I can't find the reason to wake up every morning. Meredith should be it. She should be enough... I wanted her to be enough but something... I don't know... it's holding me down... making it hard to see past sadness and guilt... I wish my love for Meredith was enough.

"Meredith," I say quietly to myself. She kissed me goodbye this morning... It was short but sweet like she expected to be doing this for so much longer... If I knew that would be our last moment together... If I knew that was going to be our last kiss...

 _There's more I have to say. So much more. But I've disappeared._ I stop fighting to stay above water. I stop swimming. My body sinks into the water and surprisingly, I'm calm. The water isn't cold anymore… It's peaceful―

Meredith just saw another patient off into an ambulance and decided to walk through the trauma scene to see if anyone needs any help. She comes up to a paramedic with a guy over near the dock edge but it looks like they got his wound tied off. She asks anyway, "You guys good? You okay?" He shrugs so she questions, "Yeah, what do you got?"

"Severely severed leg but he's got his artery tied off so…" he shrugs again, "something."

"Who tied off the artery?" she looks at the coat on the businessman and sees Addison's name badge, "Dr. Montgomery? This is her jacket."

"We found him like this. She must have moved on."

"Yeah, okay," Meredith says looking up and sees the little girl Addison was with earlier standing in the middle of the scene alone.

Meredith was about to walk over there when another paramedic walks up to her, "Doc?"

"Yeah. What is it?"

He shows her his patient and she looks over him, "Just stabilize the fracture and get him to the hospital as soon as possible."

Meredith makes his way over to the little girl, "Hi. You okay? Did a doctor bring you here? Huh, Addison? Addison okay?"

The little girl shakes her head.

"Well, do you know where she is?"

The little girl nods.

"Can you take me to her?"

The little girl looks very petrified and is scrambling her head around trying to look for where she was or maybe a familiar landmark. Meredith is holding her hand along beside her, "What? It's okay. Just think. Where is she? Which way did she go? It's okay. Take your time. Take all the time you need, you're doing great."

"What is it?" she asks when the little girl tugs on her hand.

She points to a red cross sign and they walk towards it. They stop on the dock and the little girl stares out into the water. Meredith smiles, "Good. Okay, use your words. Where exactly is Addison?"

The little girl points into the water and Meredith looks down into it terrified.

* * *

 **Hi, I hope you guys liked this. Please keep reviewing down below. The more I hear back from you guys, the faster I want to finish writing so I can post. Let me know what you like, don't like and like to see in the future. I promise you fluff is coming soon... it may get worse before it gets better though. I love all of you. Thanks for reading :)**


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

**In Which Addison has to Choose**

The girl could just be confused… she could but somehow Meredith knew she wasn't. Meredith panicked as she walked closer to the edge of the dock. The sound of sirens and the hiss of water steaming off the wreckage of the burning boat didn't help as she stared into the sea hoping to see something… anything… a glimpse, a shadow… The little girl watched with huge eyes as Meredith leaned in closer, squinting into the water. The way the light angled across the surface made it impossible to see anything.

She glanced quickly over her shoulder at the little girl who stood there with fear etched all over her face. She looked up at her, lips trembling with unspoken words. Meredith shook her head ridding herself of her lab coat, "Stay here."

"Stay here," Meredith repeated again as she turned around back towards the water. She took a deep breath and dived into the water after Addison.

Meredith hit the water and it felt as though it shattered at her touch. _Cold,_ was all Meredith could think as her body started to surface. Coming up above the water, she took in a huge breath of air before diving back underneath.

Violently she searched the rocky bottom of the deck. She heard the rasps and squeaks of the ferryboat that happened to only be a few yards away from where she swam. _Where are you?_ She thought desperately as she searched, _Where are you? Where… There._

Her heart nearly stopped. Floating only inches from the bottom of the sea, face down, was a lifeless body. That unmistakable red hair floated around her like an uncanny scarf… Meredith dove deeper into the water swimming like a lunatic down to her. She grab her up into her arms and turned her around to her… Her skin was blue, her face was static… She wasn't breathing. It was as if she were….

 _No._ Meredith couldn't even think it. She wrapped her arms around Addison and with all the strength that she had left, she kicked off the bottom of the ocean towards the surface. Fighting like crazy to swim to the top with only one arm. Meredith's body felt like it was about to give up on her… it only made her fight harder. She couldn't give up on the love of her life.

Breaking the surface, Meredith's entire body shuddered at the sudden coldness. She took in a deep breath before looking over at Addison in horror. The redheaded floated on her back… it wasn't the water that made her skin look blue. She was blue… and her skin was frighteningly cold… her lips were purple. She wasn't breathing.

"Hey kid!" a Coast Guard calls out while walking up to the little girl standing on the dock staring out into the water, "Kid! You okay? You need to come with me… Kid?"

When the little girl doesn't respond, he picks her up and starts to carry her away. As he's walking away, he hears coughing and turns around to see Meredith walk onto the dock with a very blue and very lifeless Addison in her arms. He immediately hands the little girl down off to another Coast Guard and runs over to Meredith trying to help in any way that he can. They get Addison into an ambulance and they get her hooked up to the machines. They take off down the street towards Seattle Grace Hospital. Meredith, somewhat still in shock, is performing CPR on Addison.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5," Meredith counts aloud.

Paramedic shouts, "ETA's two minutes."

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5," Meredith continues CPR, unfortunately with no response.

The ambulance pulls into the ambulance bay at the hospital and the doors swing open to Dr. Bailey, "What do we got?"

"Jane Doe; hypothermic; drowning," the paramedic calls off.

Meredith shakes her head still doing CPR, "She's not Jane Doe, it's Addison Montgomery. It's Addison."

"Addison?" Bailey questions as they pull the gurney down. Meredith still won't let up on her, "Meredith, Meredith, how long she been down?"

"I don't know," Meredith just shrugs her off, "She's alive, she's alive."

"Meredith!" Bailey yells.

Meredith continues CPR, "She's alive."

"Ok, look. I need you to help me get her inside," Bailey shouts to a paramedic then turns to the other doctors behind her, "Clear a trauma bay, stat! Move it!"

They take off down the hall and into an empty trauma room. A distraught Meredith never left her side, she breathes heavily, "They put a 20 gauge IV in but I think it blew."

"I'll start a central line but you have to get out of the way," Bailey instructs Meredith but it's like she didn't even hear her.

Meredith continues talking, "We put 3 milligrams of epi down the ET tube…"

"Meredith!"

She continues talking, "...this was three minutes ago we should push―"

"Grey, get out!" Richard demands as he walks into the trauma room.

It's as if Meredith isn't even there anymore, she just continues speaking, "I think we should push just one atropine… I think I saw some reactivity in the pupils before the atropine and I think… she might have actually had some cardiac…"

"Grey, get out!" he tries again.

Meredith walks towards the cabinets, "We need to put an external pacer on just to be sure."

"We need to save her life. You can't do this, we need to do this. Now go! Go," he commands.

Meredith walks out into the hallway and slides down against the wall to the floor. She sits there holding her head in her hands as Dr. Burke walks into the hall and peeks in Addison's room. Dr. Burke, being his awkward self, didn't exactly know what to say to her.

He scratches his head, "The chief is working on her."

"He threw me out," is all she could manage to say.

He bends down in front of her, "What do you need?"

"I need you to go in there," she says simply.

Preston walks into the room as Richard is shouting out orders, "Give me a new warm blanket her temps still only at 80 degrees."

"What can I do?" Preston asks after assessing the situation.

Richard looks over to him, "She needs an ABG."

The monitors start going off and Richard panics, "Whoa, was that V-fib?" He grabs the paddles, "Charge to 300. Lets go, lets go, lets go. Clear."

He shocks her heart as Callie walks into the room. He watches the monitors, "Back to asystole. Keep compressions going."

"Oh, my god," Callie gasps.

Dr. Burke calls out, "She's hypothermic."

"Uh," Callie thinks, "have you tried a warm peritoneal lavage? Or even, a continuous bladder lavage with warm fluids? Could do a thoracotomy…"

"Get back to the ABG. Come on, lets go people," Richard calls out.

Miranda looks down at her friend concerned at how blue her skin is. She calls out, "How's her temp?"

"Only up to 81 now".

"Come on, Addison. Don't do this," Callie says under her breath before glancing out the door into the hallway at Meredith.

She's still sitting there against the wall with her head in her hands. Mark walks into the hallway spotting her as his heart sinks. He'd heard the rumors throughout the halls but he really didn't expect it to be true… or at least he hoped it wasn't. However, seeing Meredith right now… he knows the worst has truly happened. He walks up to her and looks down at her. They don't need words. All Meredith had to do was look up at him and nod… he knew. Mark sits down next to her and puts his hand on her arm. Meredith's head goes immediately back into her heads as Mark stares off into the room.

They paged Izzie to come in because neither of the guys knew what to do. Alex and George have been standing on the other side of a door looking down the hall at Meredith for the past twenty minutes. They watched as she got kicked out the room, they watched as she give up in utter defeat… They even watched as Mark walked right past them to go comfort Meredith. Thankfully, Cristina and Izzie walks up to them.

Cristina cutting right to the chase asks, "It's Addison?"

"Yeah," Alex nods.

Cristina shakes her head, "Are you sure? Did you see her? Because it could be…"

"It's Addison," Alex says putting his hand on her arm.

Cristina looks down to the ground, "Oh. Oh. Oh."

"She will come through this," Izzie starts.

George shakes his head, "You don't know that."

"She will come through this."

"People die," George shrugs her off.

Izzie refuses to give up, "I know people die. People die in front of us everyday but I believe Addison will survive this. I believe… I believe… I… I believe in the good. I believe that it's been a Hell of year and in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary we will all be ok. I believe a lot of things. I believe that… I believe that Denny is always with me. And I believe that if I eat a tub of butter and no one sees me the calories don't count. And I believe that surgeons who prefer staples over stitches are just lazy. And I believe that believing we survive, is what makes us survive."

"Fuck… Meredith," Cristina says walking through the doors.

The others watch as she joins Meredith only the floor. Izzie turns away from them, "She's gonna be okay."

"Push another epi," Richard calls out then turns to Miranda, "How many is that?"

"This is our fourth one, sir," she answers simply.

Preston shakes his head, "We've been here 20 minutes."

"Still in asystole."

"We're losing her," Richard says as Addison flatlines.

* * *

I wake up coughing and sputtering up water. I don't know where I am… These bright lights are very reminiscent of a hospital room. I'm in a hospital room laying on a gurney… Someone found me. I sit up in my bed and sitting next to my bed in my chair is my best friend, Savannah.

Savannah smiles, "Hi."

"Hey…?" I reply staring at Savannah in disbelief. Savannah died five years ago to breast cancer… She couldn't be here… Unless… "Am I…? Dead?"

"Damn right you are," a voice says from my other side.

I turn around to him to see that it's Denny, "Holy…"

* * *

"Chief, I know the hypothermia is protective to her vital organs but how much longer do you think we can go on like this?"

"I've seen people last as long as four hours."

"Yeah," Miranda nods, "but…"

"No, this is not…" Richard tries shaking his head, "this is Addison Montgomery. This is my…"

"We're all on the same side here, Chief," Burke interrupts.

Richard nods his head then looks at the monitors, "Her body temp is at 86 degrees. She's not dead until she's warm and dead. We need to warm her up to 98.6 and start her heart."

"Yes, sir."

"Let's do a gastric lavage with warm fluids," Richard orders.

Callie's pager goes off and as she's about to exit, Miranda calls after her, "Callie."

"I have to go it's, uh, my Jane Doe," she says looking at her pager.

Miranda nods, "Just… they're waiting for you so… whatever you choose to say will…"

* * *

"Addison," Denny calls out to me but I can't move… I can't speak. I look over to him, "She's freaking out."

"She's not freaking out," Savannah argues.

Denny shakes his head at her, "People tend to freak out."

"Trust me, she's fine. Okay, mister, I've been dead longer… I know everything."

"You know what? That's why I don't like to be here with you." He sighs, "Because you don't assess the situation, you just dive right in."

"Alright, you wanna do this now or you wanna do this later?" she puts her hands on her hips.

I just sit here watching it all unfold. Denny bucks, "Oh, I wanna do this now."

"You wanna do this now? I will kick your ass anytime. I'm the one with the good heart."

"You're gonna kick my…"

"This is a brain thing," I say cutting them off, "This is the ketamine neurotransmitter, right?"

"No."

"Cause you think if this were my brain doing this, the first person I'd want to see, no offense…" I say as Milo jumps on the bed, "Milo! Bud! Good kitty! Hi! Hi, handsome!"

"Addison," Savannah bends down looking me in my eyes, "this is not your brain on drugs. This is death. You are dead. You're really freaking dead, dirt nap dead, no more, you died."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Way to harsh! Remember we're gonna take it easy. That was not easy," Denny says to her then turns to me, "Addison, you drowned in the Elliot Bay. You remember that?"

"Yeah, that sucked," I say still petting Milo, "Who's a good boy? Who's the best cat?"

"Oh," Denny gives up walking back over to Savannah, "this is gonna take awhile."

"We don't have a while. She's running out of time."

"Who's the best cat?" I continue loving on my kitty. I've missed him.

* * *

Callie takes a deep breath before walking out into the hall where Meredith immediately jumps up from the floor screaming, "Tell me!"

"Her temps still only 86," Callie pauses, "There's still no heartbeat. Were hoping once she warms up…"

"I wanna go in there," Meredith starts for the door.

Callie blocks her, "No."

"I need to go in there."

"Meredith, you can't. Not for Addison, not for anybody. You're in no shape," Callie tries to explain to her as she holds her back.

Finally, Alex, Izzie and George come down the hall to join them. George rests his hand on Callie's shoulder and she just shakes her head, "It's not good."

"Is she still cyanotic?" Alex asks concerned, "What was her initial temp? What is taking so long?"

"Dr. Karev!" Callie yells shutting him up, "It's not good. They're doing everything they can. You should maybe… prepare yourselves. I have to go, my Jane Doe is awake."

"I'm coming with you," George says following Callie down the hall as Meredith turns around walking off in the other direction.

Izzie and Alex, not knowing what to do, slide down the wall sitting on the floor beside Cristina and Mark. Cristina shakes her head, "Prepare ourselves? That's what we tell the families before we call time of death."

"She's gonna be okay," Izzie says for about the hundredth time today.

Alex sighs, "Sometimes you're wrong."

"Uh-huh," Cristina stands up shaking her head, "No!"

"Cristina," Izzie calls after her.

She stares into Addison's room for a second to see her lifeless body lying still on the gurney, "I'm not doing this."

"Cristina," Izzie calls after her as she walks away in the same direction as Meredith. Izzie leans back against wall and says mostly to herself, "She's gonna survive this. She's gonna survive this. She's gonna survive this. She's gonna survive this. She's gonna survive this."

* * *

"Addison! Addison!" a voice calls out and I sit up in my hospital bed to see Lillie sitting at the end of the bed, "I don't know if you remember me. I was your first patient. I died from…"

"Stage IV ovarian cancer," I finish for her as another woman walks in and stands at the end of the bed, "Kara?"

"She remembers me," she says to Lillie then looks back to me, "You remember."

 _How could I forget? You bled out in my arms…_ I think to myself.

Lillie nods, "You were a very important part of her life."

"What are all of you doing here?" I ask, "Is this…"

"It's not heaven," Kara shakes her head.

Denny tries to explain, "We're here because you called us here."

"I didn't," I shake my head turning to my best friend, "Did I?"

"Tell us about the water, Addison," Savannah says simply.

* * *

"I'm in. Start the warm fluids."

"Hold CPR."

"Anything?" Richard asks.

Preston scratches his head, "The heart is still, no movement. No fibrillation."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Restarting CPR," Miranda announces as Izzie walks into the room.

Richard yells immediately, "Stevens, get out of here!"

"I just…" her voice trails off as she fully takes in Addison's desolate body, "oh my god."

"Go back outside and wait with Meredith, Mark and Cristina," Miranda orders.

Izzie stutters, "M-meredith a-and Cristina aren't… um, they left."

"They left in the middle of their shift?" Preston asks, "Where did they go?"

* * *

"Addie, I need you to understand. This is important. You can't screw around," Savannah explains to me.

 _Obviously, I don't want to talk. Why does she keep trying? Just leave me alone… Where's Milo?_ I look around for my cat then I call out, "Milo?"

"Addison, there's no time for that," she yells, "You don't have the time and we don't have the time."

"I drowned, that's all," I say finally giving in, "I drowned."

"Addison, please. Listen to us, you have to listen to us. You have to… oh, no!" Kara shouts as she starts to bleed out.

Panicked, I get Kara onto a gurney. " _Charge the paddles. You heard me. Charge the paddles," I'm screaming at the top of my lungs._ Memories from the first time this happened comes rushing back into my mind. _Derek looks at me sadly, "Addison, it's been 20 minutes. She's gone… She's gone… Addison… Addison! She's gone."_ Trying to pack the wound, I look down at my hands that are covered in blood. I call out, "I can't find the source of this bleeding. I need gloves and surgical towels."

"It happens with Kara, honey, you just gotta ride it," Lillie explains after appearing at my side.

I shake my head, "I can save her. I can start her on an IV."

"There's no point."

"Go to the OR and get me sterilized surgical instruments. Go! Go!" Lillie walks away and fades into the wall. Suddenly Kara is gone and I'm left standing in an empty room with Savannah.

She sighs looking at me, "Addison, are you ready to talk about this now or you wanna waste some more time?"

* * *

"It's been over an hour. Is it...?" Miranda pauses, "We need to prepare for the possibility that she…"

"Look, she is young, she is healthy. Her temps going up and it's gonna keep going up and her heart will start again. It's the only possibility I'm prepared for," Richard says not listening to anything else Miranda has to say.

She glances out into the hall where Mark, Izzie and Alex are waiting. Miranda steps out into the hall, "Mark, I'm putting you in charge of my interns. Put 'em to work, anywhere but here."

"No, we can't," Alex shakes his head.

Izzie nods, "Yeah, we want to stay here."

"You're concerned, I understand. But there's been a disaster and there's work to be done. Go," Miranda instructs as she walks back into the room, "now!"

"Alright, they need bodies down in the ER. Let's go down there," Mark and Alex start to walk off but Izzie doesn't move. He turns around to her, "Hey, Bailey's right. We can't help Addison, all we can do is sit around and go crazy."

"I can't… I can't… I need to be here."

"Izzie! We're all freaked. We just need to stay out of the way, got it? Let's go."

* * *

"So, all of you just disappear at will?" I ask Savannah as we stand at a nurses' station.

Kara appears out of nowhere and Savannah rolls her ears turning to me, "What happened?"

"I drowned, that's it."

"Really? Then why are we here?" Kara interrupts.

I shrug, "Again…"

"I can't do this, if you're gonna keep saying your drowned," she says as her car accident wound starts hurting again, "Do you have any idea how much that hurts?"

"You know, when I came to you at the scene, you were so brave, so strong…"

"I was in shock! And you know, in retrospect, what happened to me, really sucked. I was young and beautiful and in love. I was going to be a mother, I had a beautiful baby girl and then I was dying," she pauses looking at me angrily, "And here you are all happy and perky to be dead."

"You think I want to be here?" I snap defending myself, "I swam, I fought hard, the water was cold."

"Alright, but that thing in the tub, what was that?" Denny asks as he and Lillie appears at my side.

I shake my head, "It wasn't anything it was… wait, you see me in the tub?"

"I do not see women in the bathtub. I wish I saw women in the…" he pauses, "we know things."

"You had to think about it," Savannah starts, "No daughter of Bizzy Forbes could…"

"This is so not a Bizzy thing," I cut her off right there. _Maybe it is?_

Lillie nods, "Ahh, it's a Derek and Mark thing."

"I would never…"

"You would. I know crappy things have happened to you but how can you be a surgeon and have so little respect for life. How…" Kara pauses as she starts to bleed out again, "oh come on."

* * *

"Meredith!" Cristina calls out as she follows Meredith out of the hospital, "Meredith!"

"It's my fault," Meredith admits when she finally turns around to her best friend.

Cristina shakes her head, "Don't."

"See, I knew what was going on and I wasn't there for her," Meredith wipes the tears away from her face.

Cristina motions her over near the benches, "You are human."

"She was pulling away from me and I just… it's just…"

"You think…" Cristina pauses, "you think that she went in the water on purpose?"

"She knows how to swim… she's a good swimmer," she admits as she willingly lets the tears fall.

Cristina shakes her head, "Meredith, you don't know that she… no, you do not get to break down, you don't get to fall apart. Not when there's still a chance and there still is a chance, Meredith."

"Okay."

"Okay."

* * *

"I need to get in there and find the source of this bleeding," I call out from the floor as I'm trying to stop the bleeding.

Savannah just sits there watching me, "Uh, see Addie, it's just gonna happen again."

"Where is something to wipe up this blood?" I ask as Kara disappears.

Denny appears with a smile on his face, "Fool me once…"

"Yeah, show up now and be a smart ass," Savannah rolls her eyes, "We have a job to do. Where were you?"

"It's a waste of time, she's either gonna get it or she's not."

"Get what?" I ask finally.

Denny turns around to me, "The way I see it, it doesn't matter how you got here. You're either in this thing or you're not, there's no in between. And this socialite here can get pissed off because for all her tough talk, she's no different than Kara. She's stuck."

"And you're not?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "No."

"Oh, please," Savannah says rolling her eyes.

Denny sighs, "I had a good life. I helped when I could… I just wish I could've married Izzie."

* * *

"What about another epi?" Richard asks.

Miranda shakes her head, "We've been pushing epi for an hour and a half now."

"Check another lead."

"Asystole in three leads, sir."

"What about her temp?"

"Down to 86 degrees."

"86? It's 86 now? It was 89."

"Afterdrop phenomenon," Miranda shrugs then thinks, "What about a cardiopulmonary bypass? We can do it here."

"Page Burke and the surgical team," Richard yells to a resident, "Get them here now!"

* * *

I run into the nearest OR and start going through drawers. Savannah's watching overhead from the gallery and speaks into the intercom, "What are you looking for?"

"Something strong," I explain, "The next time Kara decides to bleed out I'm gonna dope her to high heaven and then I'm gonna…"

"Why are we still talking about her?"

"If I could find the source…"

"She can't be saved."

"This isn't fair. I could save her. If you'd just give me a chance I could save her," I turn around to yell at her and now she's standing right beside me.

She grabs my shoulders and looks me directly in the eyes, "What happened in that water?"

"I swam. I fought."

"No you didn't!" she yells at me, "And you can't stay here, Addison."

"I don't want to!"

"Yeah, you do. It's easier," she starts, "But you can't because Meredith's mom is sick… because Izzie lost Denny… and Mark… when he was little his mom died in a car accident and his father became so emotionally distant that he might as well been orphaned. And Miranda…"

"Stop!" I yell as the tears start to fall from my eyes.

Savannah yells, "They are barely breathing! This will break them… None of them deserves that. And this… this is the big one. See pay attention! Do you know what kind of miracle it is that Meredith is who she is? Do you know how rare it is that someone like even exists? Even though she tries to hide it, she's still an optimist. She still believes in true love and magic and soulmates. She's waiting for you and if you don't come back from this, you will change who she is."

"Oh, God," I say burying my face into my hands as I cry. I look up to Savannah and she's gone. I'm alone.

* * *

Meredith walks back into the hospital with Cristina and they start to make their way back to Addison's room until Meredith stops suddenly. Cristina gives her a look and she shakes her head, "I'm gonna… stay here. You go. Please… I-I can't."

"Okay," Cristina nods walking away as Meredith goes to have a seat in the waiting area.

"Who you here for?"

"What?"

"I'm waiting on my wife; car hit her. Can you believe that? On the ferry… She was run over on the ferry," the guy sitting next to her explains, "They haven't said much. Hard as hell to get any of these people to talk to ya."

"Yeah, I'm, uh, my girlfriend was there too. And I don't know… I don't know what's gonna happen."

"It's out of our hands, it's up to the doctors now."

"Yeah."

"What's her name?"

"Addison."

"I'll put her in my prayers."

"Thanks."

* * *

"I was swimming, I was fighting. And then I thought, just for a second, I thought, 'what's the point?' And then I let go, I stopped fighting," I explain while sitting on the floor in the hallway with Savannah and Denny then I whisper, "Don't tell anybody."

"Okay," Savannah nods but then Denny stops her and smiles.

I look at him funnily, "What?"

"Izzie," he says after a moment.

Shocked, I ask, "You can see her?"

"No," he explains, "Sometimes we'll be in the same place at exactly the same time and… I can almost hear her voice. It's like I'm touching her. I like to believe she knows I'm there. That's all you get, that's it. Moments with the people you love and they'll move on and you'll want them to move on. But still, Addison, that's all you get. Moments."

"Is this really happening?"

"I don't know. This is your afterlife, not mine," Savannah says and when I look up to her, she's gone… And Denny's gone too.

* * *

"Bailey, what's her temp?"

"We're up to 96."

"It's good," Richard nods, "Good, alright."

"Now we just have to get her heart beating," Miranda says.

Preston takes charge, "Okay, draw an ABG, push one of epi, a gram of mac and an amp of calcium."

* * *

I walk into the ER where Denny, Lillie and Savannah are and I flop down on the bed next to them, "I don't wanna be here. I wanna go back."

"We were told there wasn't a lot of time," Savannah explains.

There's a tightening in my chest as I look up to her, "I'm out of time?"

"Well, were not sure love," Lillie explains.

I start to cry, "Oh god! I can't… I want… I had intimacy issues."

"Yeah."

"Do you know how stupid that seems now?" I ask looking up to them.

Denny nods, "Yeah, I do."

"It's not enough," I get out between cries, "It's not enough, just a whiff of Meredith… I need to go back. Please, I can't… I can't."

* * *

"How many epi's is that?" Richard asks for about the billionth time in the past two hours.

Miranda answers, "Six."

"What's the eternal pacer?"

"It's not catching," Preston explains.

Richard shakes his head, "What's the external body temp?"

"98."

"So she's warm…" Richard trails off.

Preston nods, "Yes."

"And dead," Richard says simply.

Miranda shouts when the monitor beeps, "V-fib, that looks like v-fib."

"Shock her at 300," Richard orders.

"Charge"

"Clear."

"You can not give up, you understand me? Do you know how much time and effort and energy and resources and… drugs… you cannot give up," Miranda whispers to Addison then announces, "Turning the pacer up to max."

"If there was any ounce of activity the pacer would have picked it up."

"She's been on bypass for almost an hour," Miranda sighs.

Just when they were about to give her, Cristina bursts into the room. Miranda looks at her crazily, "Cristina?"

"Try again," she says simply and when no one moves, she yells, "Try again!"

"Okay," Miranda nods, "one more round of ACLS drugs."

"One more," Richard nods.

* * *

"Oh, I can't… I can't breathe."

"This will pass," Savannah rubs circles on my back.

I shake my head, "It won't. It feels like…"

"Addison…" she stops me and I look up. Down at the end of the hallway are bright lights. I turn back to Savannah and she looks at me then yells, "Addison, run!"

* * *

The monitor beeps, "Sinus brady."

"Okay."

"We got a heartbeat!" Miranda shouts.

Preston listens with his stethoscope, "We got it."

* * *

"She's breathing on her own?"

"She is."

"She's been down a long time. Do we know the brain function yet?"

"We don't know."

"Um, Saroyan? Does…"

"I haven't paged her yet. I wanted… I'm giving them more time. Come on."

I hear a door close… and I can feel something touching my feet. I try to open my eyes but they hurt too much… I try to speak but my mouth feels so dry. My body feels heavy and everything is heavy… Am I dead? Is this what death really is? Just a big black thing of nothingness.

"Did you just say something? Did you just speak?" a voice says. I know that voice… It's Meredith. I feel her hand graze softly along my face as she speaks up again, "Okay, Addie, I don't understand you. Try… try again… try again for me, okay? What… I… I can't? Please, please don't be… Your brain works, okay? So all you need to do is form a word, please."

"Ouch," I manage to say as I slowly open my eyes.

Meredith is smiling down at me as she wipes the tears from her face, "Oh, god. Oh, hi! Oh my god, Addison! Thank you for not dying."

"Biz―"

"Shh, don't try to talk now… I know. I know about Bizzy. I know what happened but I just, I wanted you to be the one to tell me and I'm sorry for giving up… I'm sorry for giving you space… I'm sorry for not trying hard enough to get you to open up to me. I won't ever let you slip away from me again… Do you hear me? I'm tired of this almost dying crap… you with the drowning and me with the bomb… I can't," she says as she starts to cry, "I can't live not knowing you'll be there everyday with me… Addison, I know you took it back but… I'll marry you. I want to marry you."

* * *

 **Posted. :) Sooooooo... what did you think? Do you like it? Do you love it? No? You hate it? :( However you feel, let me know down below. And while you're still here, check out my new story _Gone._ I love hearing from you guys and I really do hope you enjoyed this chapter.**


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

**In Which Addison Can't Get Off Til The Ride Stops**

"Hey, you're Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery," I hear Izzie say as I sit up from Meredith's bed to see her in the doorway, "That's a lot of names… a lot of rich sounding names. You're rich right?"

I just stare at her and she shakes her head, "That's rude. That's a rude question. It's just that I'm rich now too."

"You're not rich till you deposit the check," George says walking up to her in my doorway.

Izzie ignores him turning to me, "Do you ever feel guilty being rich?"

"I'm sorry?" I ask taken aback but not loud enough to wake Meredith.

Izzie acts like she really doesn't hear me, "Being rich? Cause I have money now, and I don't really feel like I did anything to deserve it… And I can't talk to my friends about it cause they're all so poor."

"Standing right here Izzie," George says.

I roll my eyes, "Deposit the check, Stephens. Just start there and the guilt will work itself out…" I hint at my naked body hidden under the sheets, "Can I?"

"Sorry," Izzie and George both say walking away.

I roll out of the bed waking up Meredith in the process. I can't believe she actually wants to marry me and that I actually didn't answer… I've been sort of avoiding her questions since I got out of the hospital. She's stopped pestering me but she hasn't stopped hovering. I think she's finally accepted that I don't want to talk right now because this morning's shower is silent but comfortable. We're in and out, dressed and downstairs in about thirty minutes. George and Izzie are in the kitchen. She's baking again and the eight million dollar check is sitting on the counter.

Izzie looks up to Meredith and I when we walk into the kitchen, "Good morning!"

"I thought we were done with the whole muffin thing," I say sitting down at the island while Meredith grabs coffee.

Izzie shakes her head, "This isn't muffins, it's breakfast. You need a good, solid breakfast. It's your first day back."

"Are you okay?" Meredith looks at her crazily as she sits two mugs down on the island.

Izzie starts fixing plates, "Of course I'm okay… I'm a millionaire. Fruit? What do you guys think about B&B's? I'm thinking about opening B&B in Vermont where the foliage is, you know?"

"Uh," George suggests, "maybe you should go back to bed."

"Can't. I'm going to the hospital," Izzie says setting down a plate full of food in front of me.

Meredith asks as she makes herself a plate, "Are you going to talk to the chief?"

"Nope. I'm going to clean out my locker… I could buy a hotel. How much do you think a hotel costs?" she says pouring a glass of orange juice and spilling it all over her 8.7 million dollar check.

"That's eight million…" George says picking it up and cleaning it off, "eight million dollars does not like to have juice spilled on it."

"You have to take that to the bank today," Meredith declares as she sits back down beside me, "It's making me nervous in the house."

"I will. Just as soon as I clean out my locker. I'm fine. Really I'm fine. Denny loved me. He wanted me to have this money; he wants me to be happy. So I'm happy," she says while plastering on a huge smile, "Juice?"

After breakfast, Alex finally comes out of his room and we all pile into two cars making our way to the hospital. We pull into the hospital at the same time Cristina pulls in on her motorcycle. I don't know what's wrong with me but tears start to spring up in my eyes. This has been happening ever since we put Bizzy into the ground. Something is obviously wrong with me… Still, I shake them away as I climb out the car after them.

Cristina walks up to us as we make our way into the hospital and gives me a funny look. I shake her away then she eyes Izzie funnily before turning to Meredith, "What's she doing here?"

"She's losing it," Meredith exclaims, "She almost battered and deep fried an eight million dollar check this morning!"

"That kind of money, I'd buy my own hospital and stock it full of sick people. Valvuloplasties and ruptured aneurysms," Cristina pauses then sighs contently, "Hmm."

"You are a psycho, you know that, right?" George asks.

Cristina looks offended, "Okay, I'm not the one with an eight million dollar check I won't cash."

"Stop talking about me. I'm fine. I'm cleaning out my locker and I'm going home," Izzie finally speaks up as they head into the locker room.

I start to walk away but then Miranda walks up to me. She smiles, "Hey. Good to see you back on your feet."

"Thanks," is all I get out before the held tears start to fall, "Oh, I'm sorry."

"Do you want—"

I shake my head cutting her off then I laugh wiping away my tears, "Ignore this. Ever since Bizzy died this has just been happening so I'm fine. Ignore this."

"You can tell everybody you're fine until you're blue in the face," she says crossing her arms, "Your mother died and you almost joined her. You should be at home."

"Remember when I asked for your opinion? Yeah, me neither," I snap and Miranda looks a little stunned. I sniffle wiping away my tears again, "The bitchiness. It comes with the tears. I can't control it."

"I like it," Miranda smiles opening the door to the locker room then yells, "M&M in ten minutes, people."

"We get to go to the M&M?" Alex asks with George walking up behind him.

He questions her too, "Even if we haven't finished our rounds?"

"Even if," Miranda nods, "I want all of you at the M&M today."

"Yes!" Alex exclaims coming out the room with the rest of Bailey's interns walking out behind him. I'm assuming Izzie is still inside cleaning out her locker… what a waste of talent.

Miranda shakes her head, "People die in this hospital. Once a month we gather to discuss how our actions as physicians contributed to the deaths. This is a serious exercise."

"Dr. Bailey," a man walks up interrupting her.

Cristina starts to delegate, "George, Alex, you get good seats. Mer and I will get snacks."

"Yeah," Alex nods.

Miranda continues on behind us, "Mr. and Mrs. Niles."

"We kind of got turned around on our way to admitting," the husband confesses.

Miranda nods, "Oh, not a problem." She turns around to me, "Dr. Montgomery, uh, Mrs. Niles is scheduled for a mastectomy later this evening."

"Hi, I'm Dr. Montgomery," I introduce myself, "and I'll be performing your surgery."

"Is this the little man?" she asks the husband who's holding him, "He's adorable."

"He's not so adorable at four in the morning and won't take a bottle. Can we just get to the room?" the wife speaks up for the first time before walking off.

"It's been a rough week," the husband explains, "She had to stop nursing. Gus here just won't eat."

"Why don't I take you up?" Miranda offers before grabbing the baby, "You can try a little sugar water on the bottle just until he gets used to it."

"Does that woman have breast cancer?" Meredith asks me when Miranda walks off with the family, "What is she, thirty years old?"

"New baby. She probably thought the lump was a milk gland," Alex says and the funny thing is he's right. The interns all just stare at him in disbelief and he shrugs, "You learn things on the vagina squad."

"Focus people. M&M. Insults flying, residents covering their asses. Our bosses getting kicked in the teeth instead of us. Seats. Snacks," Cristina reminds them all as they part their separate ways.

I roll my eyes walking away. They all think this is some sort of game. They get to sit around, gossip and eat snacks meanwhile the real doctors are getting their heads chewed off. Before heading over to the large conference room, I decide to stop by the coffee cart. On my walk there, tears start to well up in my eyes again. I try to duck off into an empty exam room before anyone sees me however, I didn't duck off soon enough. Callie walks into the exam room behind me.

She smiles softly, "Hey, Addison. You okay?"

"Transient tears with a tough case of bitchiness," I wave her off, "Not a lot of people can handle it."

"I'm tough," she shrugs, "You have to go to this stupid M&M thing?"

"Yeah."

"Wanna suffer through it together?"

"Sure, I was about to go to the coffee stand," I offer, "Want anything?"

"Whatever you get is fine. I'll grab the seats," she nods making her way out of the exam room.

I make my way over to the coffee cart and I order two cups of Juju, a couple of pastries and two bags of bagel chips. On my way back to the Morbidity and Mortality seminar, I spot Meredith in the hall with two bags full of snacks. She notices me and walks up to me right before I can enter the room.

She smiles softly, "Hey, Alex is saving us a bunch of seats if you want to sit with us."

"I would but I promised Callie I'd sit with her."

"Oh, okay," she pouts.

I force a smile, "I'll come find you after."

"Fine," she says spinning on her heels.

Walking into the room behind her, we notice that Callie is sitting directly in front of the interns in the next row. Meredith turns around to me and grins before we both make our way to our seats. I hand Callie her Juju before offering up the small bag of pastries.

The Chief walks out onto the middle of the platform in front of us. He doesn't have to even say anything to silence the room, "Okay people. Let's begin. Patient #34986 died last month from complications following a heart transplant. Dr. Burke will present."

"You guys," Alex says in a hushed tone, "isn't patient #34986…"

"Denny…" Meredith whispers trailing off.

This is what I was trying to warn them about. Cristina sighs, "Eight million. Eight million could get us on a plane to somewhere far, far away."

"Cause of death was an embolus that dislodged from the suture line and caused a CVA with brain stem herniation," Preston easily addresses the doctors in the room.

People raise their hands with questions and he picks a younger female doctor in the crowd, "So the company line is he died from a CVA?"

"There is no company line. That's how he died," Preston keeps it short then moves on to the next person.

A male doctor stands up, "Let's get back to this patients need for emergent transplant. You're saying the patient's left ventricle had been weakened by the LVAD malfunction?"

"His left ventricle was weakened by the fact that he had congestive heart failure," he answers.

A voice shouts out from the crowd, "Please Dr. Burke. We all know the LVAD was cut by an intern."

"The events remain unclear," he says. He's handling it well.

George melts in his seat behind us, "I'm going to my happy place…"

"It's unclear to you 'cause you were in the ER with a gunshot wound," the voice we all now know belongs to Dr. Savoy stands up, "Why aren't we hearing from Dr. Bailey? She was the senior physician on the case."

"I'm the attending on record."

"Yes, I was the resident in charge," Miranda says standing up and waking up to the stand. Preston nods and walks away as she steps up to the mic, "Dr. Burke has summarized the medical facts of this case. Are there any questions for me?"

Just about everyone's hand shoots up in the air and Miranda reluctantly chooses Dr. Savoy, "You recently had a baby, Dr. Bailey?"

"I don't see what that has to do with…"

"Sleep deprivation coupled with wild swings in hormone levels are factors that could cloud anyone's judgement," he says cutting her off.

She says definitively, "I sleep just fine, Dr. Savoy."

"Really? Cause if a patient died due to my poor decision making, I'd lose a little sleep over it."

"Let me remind everyone that our purpose here is not to place blame," the Chief chimes in, "This is a forum to discuss mistakes in patient care and learn from them."

"Well so far I haven't heard Dr. Bailey admit to a mistake," Dr. Savoy states.

I hear Cristina whisper behind us, "Why don't they just put a bullet in the back of her head?"

"It would be more humane," Meredith whispers back.

Dr. Savoy starts up again, "So for a period of several hours, your interns were running amuck in the hospital unsupervised."

"I'm waiting for a question," Miranda says shortly.

Dr. Savoy clears his throat, "The question is where were you?"

"There was the shooting and the ER was chaotic," Miranda explains.

Dr. Savoy dismisses her answer, "The ER is always chaotic. Did you page them during this time?"

"Yes, I paged them several times."

"So apparently, they thought it was okay to ignore your pages. Dr. why do you think your interns have so much contempt for your authority?"

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about!" I turn around to see Alex standing up behind us.

Miranda shakes her head, "Dr. Karev, sit down."

"Izzie…" George trails off and I turn around to see Izzie standing in the doorway, her hand on her temple.

Miranda just moves on, "Next question."

After the M&M, the rest of the interns and I make our way over to Izzie. She looks disoriented. I speak softly, "You weren't supposed to be in there, Izzie."

"You shouldn't have had to see that," George tries.

Izzie shakes her head, "It's fine. I'm fine. Clearly the doctor thing wasn't working for me so go about your business. Run labs. Cure cancer. I'm fine."

"You're not going home," George shakes his head, "Either you hang out with us or we'll call your mother."

"She's just a few hours away, and I'm sure she wouldn't mind coming and staying with you," Meredith adds, "All day."

"You wouldn't," Izzie shakes her head.

George pulls out his phone, "Dialing."

"Woah! Hey, hey! Okay. I'll just… go hang out in the locker room," Izzie suggests as she walks away.

Dr. Bailey walks out the room along with the Chief and he comes up to me, "What is she doing here? She has no business in this room."

"What are you looking at me for? I didn't have anything to do with this," I start, "I didn't have anything to do with ANY of this."

"I'll stay with her today if that's okay," George steps up, "I'll update charts and I'll run labs and keep an eye on her, if that's okay. She shouldn't be alone."

"Fine," he says walking away.

The rest of the interns turn to Miranda and George starts, "Dr. Bailey…"

"We just want to say…" Meredith adds.

Cristina speaks up next, "We're sorry…"

"About the M&M," Alex finishes.

Miranda shakes her head, "No. You do not get to apologize to me for this. You do not get to feel better. Neither do I. Get to work. O'Malley keep an eye on her."

"Yes, Dr. Bailey," George nods as Miranda and I walk away.

We were on the way to our patients room when Dr. Savoy walks up to us, "Dr. Bailey, you understand it's nothing personal."

"People talking about your hormone levels starts to feel personal."

"Dr. Bailey, looks like you're the baby whisperer. Gus drank the whole bottle. Do you want to hold him?" Mr. Niles asks walking out the room.

She started to reach for him but with Dr. Savoy standing not-too-far-behind her she shakes her head, "Actually now isn't a good time. We were about to go get your wife's labs."

"Do you think you could talk to her?" Mr. Niles asks then as Dr. Savoy walks away smirking, "She's freaking out. She's not too sure about the mastectomy, she's thinking maybe a lumpectomy. I know she likes you. Maybe you could talk her into…"

"No, it's not my job to talk her into anything. Maybe if she knew more about her reconstructive options…" she trails off looking over to me.

I nod, "I'll send our plastic surgeon up."

A few minutes later, Mark and his flunky Dr. Karev come up to meet us. I introduce them to Mr. and Mrs. Niles before I give the floor to Mark. He takes over, "If you go ahead with the mastectomy, there are several reconstructive options. Saline implants are used most often… but silicone has a more natural look and feel."

"I can't deal with this right now," Mrs. Niles dismisses them.

Mr. Niles sighs, "Diana… come on. It'll take two seconds, huh?"

"You're the one who has to feel them so you decide."

"I don't care."

"Dude, trust me," Alex interrupts, "you care."

"Dr. Karev," I scold him.

Mark chuckles then turns to Mr. Niles seriously, "Dude, he's right. You care."

I can't take this. I step outside to the hallway, not expecting Mr. Niles to follow… He calls out to me, "Dr. Montgomery? What's wrong with my wife?"

"I'm sorry," I sigh, "You know she has stage 2B breast cancer…"

"I know that, but will you please tell me what's wrong with her?"

"Mr. Niles…"

"Cause she won't talk to me, I try and I try but she won't," he holds the baby up to me, "She won't even look at Gus. She won't hold him and all he wants is his mom. He's just… she's such a good mom. I know it doesn't seem like that but she is."

"I can schedule a psych consult…"

"I don't want a psych consult," he cuts me off, "I just want my wife back… Please. Now she's talking crazy… how she might not have the surgery at all."

"Mr. Niles…"

"Can you please tell her that she has to have the surgery? Somebody has to tell her," he begs and luckily Miranda walks out the room. He walks back in as we watch on from the hallway.

He tries to give her the baby, "Here, honey. Please just hold him."

"Stop it," she pushes him away.

He begs, "Will you please just talk to me?"

"I want you to leave me alone," she pushes him away again.

I turn to Miranda, "She doesn't want the surgery…"

"Add―" Miranda starts as Richard walks up to us.

He nods to me then turns to Miranda, "You took a lot of hits today at the M&M. Some of them justified, some of them not. Compassion and empathy are a big part of the job. I don't care what Savoy said, and I know I haven't always been supportive, but being a parent makes you a better doctor."

"I'll, uh, be right back," I excuse myself and I make my way to my office. I just needed a break. Being around too many people gets my tear ducts going again. I want to take my mind off everything so I figured, I'd sit in my office and work on some paperwork.

It's quiet. Just how I like things… nothing to remind me of Bizzy. Nothing to upset me. Nothing for me to do but work on this stack of papers on my desk. I can handle this. My silence, of course, is interrupted by a knock on my door.

I look up to see Izzie walking in, "Hi. I just wanted to say hi."

"Hi," I force a smile then she sits down on my couch.

I sigh taking off my glasses as she starts talking, "I'm thinking about traveling. Maybe go to Italy? I've never been there before. I hear Venice is amazing."

"Izzie…"

"I'm fine… really I am, I'm fine. Everyone thinks I'm not but… I'm fine," she nods to me.

I sigh moving the stack of papers back to the side of my desk, "You're fine. I'm fine. Everything's fine."

"So…"

"You know what?" I cut her off, "No, I'm not fine. My mother killed herself, I drowned and… Denny, he asked you to marry him and now he's dead. You're not fine. Don't come in here and… just… we're not fine."

"I'm sorry," she looks to the ground then back up to me, "We were friends. You were my boss but I think we were friends too. I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt. And I know there is nothing I can do to take it back."

"No."

"Addison, please."

"You quit. You quit being a surgeon. You have two good hands and you aren't using them. Feel guilty about that instead of your money," I say storming out of my own office.

I literally run into Meredith as I'm whipping around the corner of the staircase. She holds on to me, "Whoa, whoa. Slow down… You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I nod.

She smiles, "I was just coming up to find you. I'm riding home with George and Izzie. He gets off in like an hour."

"Good," I nod as she hands me her keys, "I'm going to be here for a while… Mrs. Niles is refusing to have surgery and you've seen the husband…"

"Good luck," she kisses me softly on the lips.

I smile, "I need it."

"Okay, well, I'll see you at home," she says heading back down the stairs.

I let myself out on this level to head back to Mrs. Niles room. I'm hoping that she's had a change of heart. When I round the corner to her room, I see Miranda inside with her and I decide not to interrupt. I just watch on from the hall.

Mrs. Niles rolls over on her other side, "I don't feel like talking."

"When I'm driving home at night, after a long day at work all I can think about is getting to my baby," Miranda continues anyway.

Mrs. Niles turns to face her, "If this is where you tell me to fight the cancer so I don't miss out on the joy of motherhood…"

"Then I get home, and the baby's crying…" Miranda says as she sits down in the chair next to her, "and the exhaustion hits… And I resent that tiny baby's presence in my house; my previously very quiet house."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"So you know what I do? First I pick a fight with my husband. You know, blame him for not settling the baby down. Then I bitch about the neighbor's loud music. Then if I'm really tired, and pissed off… I blame the baby. If you hadn't been breast feeding, you never would have thought the lump was a clogged milk duct. You would have gone to the doctor as soon as you felt it. Cancer wouldn't have gotten this far and you wouldn't be here making this decision…" she trails off then asks, "Am I close?"

"What kind of mother blames her own baby for her cancer?" Mrs. Niles starts to break down.

Miranda holds her, "A mother who is human; a mother who is overwhelmed."

"If this is going to kill me eventually, wouldn't it be better if it happened when Gus was little? Wouldn't it be easier for him if I never existed?"

"Shh… This is when I tell you to fight the cancer so you don't miss out on the joys of motherhood," Bailey finishes.

I walk away overwhelmed. I try to take the edge off by treating myself to some Juju. I make my way over to the coffee cart. There's a short line but I can deal with that. I wait and finally, I reach the cart so I can order and turns out, they're out of hot cocoa. I can't get my Juju and now I'm crying again. What's wrong with me? I turn to walk away when I see Izzie walk up to the Chief in the hallway. I see on the other end of the hall that Alex notices them too. We both stop where we are to listen in.

She starts, "I have eight million dollars."

"So I've heard," the Chief crosses his arms.

Izzie pauses for a second, "I can do anything I want."

"Just about."

"And all I really want to do is a running whip stitch."

"My first year as an intern, I had a stable cardiac patient who blew out his lung while I was transporting him to CT. I called in a code, but by the time everyone got there, he was dead. If I'd have put in a chest tube right away… I made a mistake. But I stayed. I worked. I learned. I never made that mistake again. If I'd have quit, all I would have had is that life that I lost. Instead I get to save lives. Every day, I get to save lives," the Chief finishes and I turn to walk away with tears still rushing from my eyes.

Alex catches my eye again then he walks up towards me. I try to turn away but it's too late. He offers me his towel, "Here."

"Thank you," I say wiping my eyes then I blow my nose into it.

I try to hand it back but he shakes his head, "Oh, keep it."

"Really? Oh," I chuckling when I remember I blew my nose in it, "Okay. You know, I'm―I'm okay, you know. I mean, it's not like we're close or anything."

"Well, sometimes that makes it harder than when the relationship was good and there were no unresolved issues," he shrugs, "Nothing left unsaid."

"But it's not like anything is setting this off. I'm crying because the coffee cart was out of cocoa. I mean, it's―it's like my tears ducts are acting on their own," I say wiping my tears away again, "I just want this to be over."

"Grief has its own timeline," he says as he starts walking away.

I call after him, "Wait, wait, wait. What does that mean?"

"You can't get off til the ride stops," he calls over his shoulder before turning the corner and disappearing down the hall.

I make my way back upstairs to my patient's room to see if Bailey maybe talked some sense into her… Her surgery is supposed to be in thirty minutes. I spot Miranda outside the room playing with the baby and I walk over to her with a smile on my face as he giggles. I reach out to him and tickle his tummy then he goes into another fit of giggles. It warms my heart a little. I guess one of the perks of having a baby is the little smiles on their faces. That could make everything okay.

I say to Miranda but mostly to myself, "You know, I could totally see myself with one of these little guys."

"You want kids?"

"A house full―"

"Babysitting Dr. Bailey?" we're interrupted by Dr. Savoy.

Miranda just smiles at him, "That's right, I'm babysitting. I'm being all unprofessional and emotionally involved while my patient and her husband are having a moment together. You might want you leave right now. I feel a rush of hormones coming on. There's no telling what I might do."

Dr. Savoy says nothing and just walks away.

I can't help but laugh, "You really spooked him."

"How's it going in there?" Alex asks as he walks up to us.

Miranda looks towards the couple. They seem to be doing a lot better. She smiles to the little boy in her arms, "I think they're leaning toward a mastectomy."

"About Izzie…" he starts and we both look to him, "I didn't do anything."

"I know Karev," Miranda shakes her head, "you didn't do anything, you weren't even here."

"No listen," he explains, "I knew… Izzie told me what she was going to do but I didn't say anything cause I didn't want to get involved. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything to stop her. You weren't the only one."

"Alex. Thank you," she says simply.

Mr. Niles calls out from the room, "Doctors?"

Miranda goes ahead in and before I follow, I turn to Alex, "Um, do you need a ride home? I'm done for the day right after this surgery."

"Yeah," he nods, "I'll come find you after."

Surgery was a success. Dr. Bailey is closing―she's going to be here all night and she figured at least one of us should get home in good time―so I head to the scrub room. I'm glad Mrs. Niles decided to fight… to live so she could see her child grow up. I thought I was finally going to get that… with Bizzy. She made it seem as though she was finally giving our relationship a chance then she went and killed herself. She killed herself… she left me… she left me and now, I can't stop crying.

Callie walks into the scrub room as I start drying off my face again, "I know you told everyone not to mention the tears but really, I mean, it freaks me out."

"Well," I admit, "now I'm actually crying because my mother killed herself."

"Well," she says joining me at the sink, "that does not freak me out."

"There were so many times… that I'd wish she'd just disappear…" I say wiping my tears with my shoulder, "and now I'd give anything for one more conversation, just one more chance to talk to her."

"What would you say to her?" she asks.

After careful thought, I finally say, "There's nothing trashy about twirling a baton."

"What?"

"When I was 10," I explain, "The uniforms were cute and the batons were sparkly and what the hell did it matter anyway? But Bizzy said no… Actually she said, 'over my dead body.'"

"So… should I get you a baton?" she asks and we both break out into laughter as I finish scrubbing out.

I dry off my hands and before I leave, I turn to her and smile, "I think we're going to make good friends."

Walking into the house behind Alex later that night, I find George, Izzie and Meredith in the kitchen. Alex, of course, walks right past them but I pop my head in anyway.

"Hey," I smile softly walking in.

"Hey," Meredith kisses me quickly before turning back to Izzie, "Are you seriously not going to deposit that check?"

"Some good needs to come from this money. Until I know what that good is… no. I'm not depositing the check," she says clipping it to the fridge and walking out of the room with George. Meredith goes to grab it down but I slap her hand away.

She turns to me laughing, "What?"

"Let her have it," I nudge her then I wave her off to follow me to the room.

We're cuddled up in bed less than fifteen minutes later. All the lights are out but the room is still lit up from the street lights beaming into the window. It's quiet now… even the crickets are sleeping. I cuddle up into Meredith's warmth and we lie here in a comfortable silence for I don't know how long. I do know that she isn't sleep or there would be snoring… I have to say something. I can't sit on this much longer… I'm so tired of crying.

"My mom is dead," I admit rolling over to bury myself into Meredith's side.

I feel her head nod against me, "Yeah, she is."

"I was scared," I whisper, "I stopped swimming. I just… gave up." Meredith turns around to face me and the look on her face sends me into another fit of tears, "I'm sorry that I lied to you. I'm sorry that I tried to leave you..." I look up to see that she's crying and I reach up to wipe away her tears, "I love you, Meredith Grey… and if you really want to get married, I'd love to marry, have a house full of kids and grow old with you."

"I love you," is all she could say as she nestled herself into me, "I love you."

* * *

 **Hello beautiful people! I missed you all! (To my new readers, welcome! You are all very beautiful as well!) I hope you enjoyed the new chapter. Please review down below! Tell me what you like, don't like and would love to see in the future. I feel like, if not the next chapter then the next, will be intern exams! Then a short vacation and the planning of the Meddison wedding, of course, before our new residents come back to the work. Thinking about making a part two to the story. Let me know what you think. In the meantime, check out my new story _Gone._ It's my first Maddison fanfic. Reviews are love.**

 **Happy readings :)**

 **Kae**


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

**In Which Addison Gets Hit Hard in the Face  
**

"I'm feeling really good."

"Good."

"Good."

"First day back, it feels good," she continues on, "Big. Kind of nervous. I feel good. Do I look alright?"

"Great," Meredith and I both say in response as we exchange glances.

Who knew getting trapped in an elevator with Izzie could be so annoying? Who knew a simple ten minute car ride could feel like ten hours when you're stuck with someone who literally would not stop talking? I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Izzie has yet to stop… "I want to get on the right foot; get my ID renewed, new time card, sign some papers with legal then I'm back… really back."

"Yeah," we respond in unison once again.

The elevator dings, doors come open and Izzie smiles to herself stepping off, "This is me. Human resources… See you guys on the floor."

"Yeah," we both say as the doors close in front of us.

Meredith smirks, "I thought she would never leave."

"Oh, shush," I reprimand her, "She's excited to be back."

"Speaking of excited," she starts, "I know you're all girly and stuff…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, you're all about the big weddings and sparkly rings… and I'm, well, really the complete opposite. I wouldn't mind marrying you with just a few of our close friends…"

"Meredith," I smile, "I've already had my huge fairytale wedding. I don't need to do that again. If a small wedding is what you want then we can have a small wedding."

"You know I'd do anything for you, right?" Meredith kisses me as the door opens up on the surgical floor.

Mark Sloan is revealed standing outside the door with a smirk on his face, "My offer on the threesome still stands, you know."

"Go away, Mark," I roll my eyes.

He walks past us into the elevator, "I'm on my way somewhere important right now anyway. I will have to catch up with you lovely ladies later."

"Please take your time," I roll my eyes as the elevator doors close behind us.

Meredith kisses me softly on the lips before running off down the hall, "Late for rounds."

"Lunch?" I call out after her and I see a quick nod of her head as she disappears down the hall.

I round the corner into the surgical wing and I run into Dr. Bailey on my way to my office. I smile, "Hey, Miranda."

"Legal cleared Stephens," Richard walks up interrupting us, "Explain her parameters and make she understands."

"Stephens is being assigned to me again?"

"She's your intern."

"Well, wouldn't it be better for her to start fresh with another resident?" Bailey asks surprisingly.

The Chief must be as surprised as I am because he asks, "You don't want her?"

"I want her to succeed," she explains.

Richard clears his throat, "There's still a good deal of fallout after the Duquet M&M. There's talk. I don't need to tell you that there are doctors in this hospital who have concerns about your judgement."

"Concerns about my judgment?"

"Seriously," I say having to comment at that one.

The Chief looks from me back to Bailey, "Stephens was your mistake."

"Do you, sir, do you have concerns about my judgement?"

"Do you? You're not going to put those concerns to rest by avoiding taking responsibility for Stephens. She's your intern…" he pauses as he begins to walk away, "again."

"Miranda," I start once he's out of earshot, "everyone loves a scandal."

"So you think it's just gossip?" she asks and it scares me to see her so vulnerable, "It's not actual concern about me being a doctor?"

"Of course not. You're Dr. Bailey," I pause, "The Nazi! You're one of the best damn surgeons in here… Only second to me."

"Oh, hush," she says as George walks up wheeling in a pregnant patient.

He turns to me with a man on his tail, "Transfer from Mercy West. Noelle LeBatt. 32 weeks along, pregnant with twins. One appears to be developing more slowly than the other."

"Hi," the man greets me.

I smile politely, "Hi there."

"Greg Stanton," he offers his hand then introduces the woman in the bed, "This is my lovely fiancée. The future Mrs. Stanton. Noelle."

"Greg, I promise you, you're the only person who cares if we're married or not," she playfully rolls her eyes.

He turns back to me, "They said we had to come here because her condition could be serious. Is it serious?"

"I gotta say, you don't seem emergent enough for Mercy to send you over here in a ambulance," I check the monitors to bee sure, "You're not in labor. You're not bleeding… and your vitals are fine."

"They said I had to come here because of my thing," she motions around the bottom of her stomach.

Confused, I grab her chart and as I go through it, I see the 'thing' she was referencing. George sees it too because he yells out, "Two uteruses!?" He tries to calm himself, "Ms. LeBatt was born with two uteruses… Uh, Uteri."

"Uteruses," I correct.

George nods, "Uteruses. That's very rare."

"Get her into a room, please," I command and George nods walking off with the patient. Greg following closely behind.

As I turn back around to Miranda, Izzie runs up to us smiling, "I'm here. Hi. Hello. That paperwork took forever, but I'm here now. And can I just say how grateful I am to be back?"

"You understand there are rules to your probation," Miranda starts, "Rules to follow?"

"Oh yeah," she waves it off, "legal took me through all that stuff… The mandatory counseling, the extra lab hours… The extra work with the transplant patients."

"That's the stuff you're doing with the Chief," she corrects her, "I'm talking about what you're doing for me."

"Okay," Izzie nods, "What am I doing for you?"

"Okay, let's start with what you don't get to do," she pauses as she begins to list, "You will not interact with any patients; you will not be alone with any patients. You will be seen and not heard. No procedures. The OR is off limits. No pre-op. No post-op; no anything having to do with an op. You have no authority. You have no opinions. You have no choice in this matter. Am I understood?"

"Is there anything I can do? I just want to be useful."

"I can't use you," Miranda shakes her head, "You've got to earn back the right for any of us to trust you again. Until then, you will be shadowing a different doctor every day."

"Okay, who am I with today? Dr. Montgomery?" she looks to me and I shake my head so she turns back to Miranda, "You?"

"Dr. Bailey, you paged?" Meredith runs up to us winded.

Miranda smiles mischievously at Izzie, "Dr. Grey."

"Meredith…" Izzie trails off confused.

Miranda turns to Meredith, "You are to make sure that Stevens observes only."

"You want me to―"

"Wait Meredith?" Izzie cuts her off, "Meredith is the boss of me?"

Miranda just smirks and walks away while I force down a laugh. It would be inappropriate of me. Meredith turns to Izzie with pleading eyes, "I'm sorry about this."

"Hey, you want me to get you some coffee?" Izzie says sarcastically, "Rub your feet maybe?"

"Hey now, there's no reason to be petty," I can't help but stand up for my girl.

Meredith gets defensive, "I did not ask for this assignment."

"It's fine…" Izzie shrugs, "I'm fine with it."

"You―" I'm cut off by my pager. It's George letting me know he's settled Noelle into a room. I look back up to them, "I gotta go. Now I know my two favorite interns know how to work well together. Stevens, don't be such a wuss. Grey, don't be such a… Bailey. See you guys around. Have fun… or at least try to make the most out of this. You both may learn something."

And with that, I leave them be and make my way up to the OB floor. It only takes me a minute to get from the elevator to Noelle's room. When I walk in, I feel as though I'm interrupting something because Noelle rolls her eyes, "Oh, here we go again."

"Hi," I wave after they pause their conversation, "just need to run some tests. Carry on."

"You're either ham or eggs," Greg explains, "You gotta ask yourself in every situation, are you the pig or chicken?"

"Sir, it's just a pig or chicken," George states confused.

Greg shakes his head then tries to explain further, "Look, you got to play the ham and the eggs. You see, the chicken is involved in the meal… but the pig is committed. So the question is… are you committed? Or are you involved?"

"Ham or eggs?" George says finally getting it.

Greg smiles contently, "Ham or eggs."

I shake my head and playfully roll my eyes before looking up again, "Okay, I'm done here. O'Malley, I need you to run these labs up. Rush them."

"Gotcha," he says as I hand him the lab work.

I nod and smile, "I'll be back when we get some results."

"Okay," Noelle nods and I exit the room.

On my walk up to my office, I can't help but think of ham and eggs. It's sort of making a little hungry… I wonder what time Meredith will be free for lunch.

I make my ascend down the hall and I barely make it into my office before Callie walks in after me, "I broke up with George."

"Um, does George know that?" I giggle, "He talks about you like you're still together."

"He kicked me out. I don't understand how not returning his calls, ignoring him in the hallways, not letting him into my hotel room and sleeping with someone else results in us still being together," she says and I laugh.

Then I pause, "Wait, what? You slept someone?"

Just as she was about to speak up, George walks into my office, "The results are in."

"Thanks, O'Malley," I take the lab work from him.

He turns to Callie, "I know you're not talking to me any more, but there's something I'd like to explain. All you have to do is listen. You and me, we're like ham and eggs. I was the chicken and I just want you to know that I know I was the chicken. You put yourself out there and you were committed. I just put the eggs on the plate; not the ham 'cause you were the pig. I was involved but now I'm committed."

"Did you just call me a pig?" Callie looks at him crazily and I can't help but laugh out loud.

George tries again, "It's a metaphor."

"Calling me a pig?"

"The point is you're not the pig any more. I am the pig. Now… I am the pig," he finishes and she rolls her eyes walking out of the office.

George looks at me and I shake my head, "Give it up, George."

"But…" he stops short when I head out of my office.

He follows on my tail as I look through Noelle's lab results. Turns out, her babies aren't twins at all. They were conceived at two different times. Walking into our patient's room, I see none other than Alex Karev talking with Noelle.

"He's decided that the baby is into sports of all things."

"Well, she's daddy's little girl. See when I talk to her…" Greg trails off to bend over and talk to the little ones.

Alex agrees, "Yeah, your voice, it helps calm her down. I read a couple articles on that recently."

"Dr. Karev…" I smirk, "I didn't know you secretly missed my service."

"Right," he answers sarcastically and walks out of the room.

I turn on my heels to our patient with a smile, "Greg, Noelle, I have good news for you. According to our tests, the babies are both perfectly healthy but… they are substantially different sizes for a very unique reason. The babies have two different due dates."

"According to our calculations," George finishes, "the larger baby, your son was conceived a whole six weeks before your daughter."

"Oh God," Noelle exclaims.

Greg looks to us confused, "I don't understand. That's impossible."

"Actually our tests are extremely accurate at predicting due dates," I explain.

Greg looks from Noelle back to us, "But we broke up. Yeah, see, she got pregnant. I wanted to get married, she didn't. I gave her an ultimatum, and she left me."

"Greg, I am so sorry," Noelle pleads.

Greg looks to her now, "We were barely speaking, six weeks after the conception, let alone having sex… or at least I wasn't having sex."

"It was one night, Greg, it was one night. I didn't think this could happen," Noelle panics, "It was nothing."

"I can't believe you did this. I can't believe you didn't tell me. I can't believe this," he yells storming out.

George oohs finally understanding what happened, "He's not the father of both babies."

I roll my eyes, walking out the room and run directly into Miranda. I sigh, "I just accidentally broke the news of my patient's infidelity to her husband."

"And yet no one is questioning your competence as a surgeon," she says under her breath.

I look at her confused, "Are people giving you a hard time?"

Before she could answer, Richard walks up to us, "I need a button. I'm on my last clean shirt and I'm missing a button. Adele always handled my buttons. Adele… no. I wouldn't want to bother her with anything as trivial as a button. I don't suppose either of you would want to…"

"I have many skills; surgical skills. Your button ruptures an oesophagus, I'm your woman… otherwise…" Miranda trails off as she walks away.

Richard looks at me and I shake my head, "I'm sorry, I have two uteruses I need to deal with."

"Hey," Callie smiles at me as I round the corner of the hallway, "you busy? I could use a consult."

"Yeah, I'm free," I answer but am cut off my a page right after, "I'll be right there."

Checking the pager, I see that it's Meredith and I totally forgot we had lunch plans. I don't know if I'll have time to even take a lunch break right now. I step into an empty on-call room and call her up.

"Hello?" she answers on the other end.

I sigh, "Hey."

"You sound… are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just won't be able to make lunch right now. I have a consult but I promise to make it up to you later."

"It's okay. Cristina was hounding me about eating with her anyway… Apparently she has a bunch of news to tell me…" she trails off.

I smile softly, "Go catch up with your friend and I'll call you as soon as I get some free time."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too," we finish and hang up the phone.

I make my way downstairs to Ortho to see if Callie still needs a consult. I hope I wasn't too long. Coming out of the staircase and down the hall, I spot Mark and Callie before they notice me. It seems as though I'm intruding on something the way that Mark is looking at her. He looks like a hungry bear narrowing in on a sad puppy that is my new friend, Callie.

He leans in close to her, "You look like you could use a little cheering up."

"Not from you," she answers shortly.

He does that infamous Mark Sloan smirk, "If I recall I was pretty good at cheering you up. One… two… yep, three cheerful times."

"Dirty. It was not cheerful, it was dirty. And like I said, no," she says finally looking up to him.

When Mark looks up and sees me, he looks nervous and walks away. I pretend I didn't hear anything and I just smile walking up to her, ""Sorry I took so long…"

"Oh, no," she shakes her head, "It's fine. I just finished setting her arm."

"My patient went into premature labor," I explain as I follow her down the hall towards her patient's room, "The baby is fine though. A full recovery is expected."

"Oh, that's great. My patient just had some concerns about her baby," she smiles leading me into the patient's room, "Jamie Carr. She slipped and fell in the shower this morning."

"Dr. Montgomery," I introduce myself to Jamie and her husband, "I'm the attending neonatal surgeon."

"I'm Ted," the husband introduces himself and his wife again, "This is Jamie."

"I can't see my own feet," she says as she awkwardly laughs then lifts up her wrist, "I did this."

"Nasty break," I reply looking from her arm to her chart where I can see the scans and the fact that she isn't on any pain medicine. I question Callie, "She doesn't have any meds for the pain?"

"She refused," she says and I'm surprised, "She's toughing it out."

"Oh, don't tough it out," I shake my head smiling, "Just say yes."

"But the baby… I know Dr. Torres said it was alright, but I'll suffer. Is he okay? He was kicking like crazy, but…" she trails off.

I make my way over to the fetal monitor, "It's possible that he's just sleeping."

"See…" he tries to calm her, "our son sleeps. He's sleeping, Jamie."

"Do I need a cast?"

"Definitely," I hear Callie say in the background as panic starts to rise in my chest. The baby isn't sleeping, "We'll put your arm in this fancy sling and use gravity to help align the bones."

"Will you excuse me?" I interject abruptly, "I just need to…" I excuse myself from the room before tears start to fill in my eyes. I run into the nearest empty room. Unfortunately, that place is a restroom and I run into the stall locking it behind me.

This is the first time since Bizzy and Susan deaths… that I experienced a loss and now, I can't stop crying. I thought I was over the random pools of tears at all times of a day but now I realize I was just holding it all in waiting for that one thing to push me over the edge. This is it.

I hear the doors to the restroom open and Callie's voice a few seconds later, "You okay?"

"I'm okay," I answer wiping away my tears and regaining my voice, "I'm fine. I'm good."

"Don't make me climb over the stall. I'll do it but I'll be pissed 'cause I don't know you that well," she responds and I open the door to the stall. I try to laugh to hide my pain but I can't. She looks me in the eyes shaking her head, "You're not okay."

"I don't know why," I shrug, "There's no reason that this should affect me this much. I'm used to this I am but…"

"Used to what?"

"That woman, yesterday, she's just as healthy as can be and today, her baby's dead," I say as in finally sinks in for the both of us. Fresh tears fill up in my eyes as Callie slides down the stall and sits with me.

We sit there in a comfortable silence for awhile until I can finally get myself under control. All I think about is Bizzy and how she'd be rolling over in her grave right now if she knew I was crying in a bathroom stall. 'Forbes Montgomery's do not cry in public. Tears are reserved for home; preferably in the privacy of your own bedroom.' That's what she would say. That thought gave me the push I needed to finally get up off the floor.

I stop at the mirror to fix my face before I let Callie lead me back to Jamie's room. We stop outside the door and stare at them from outside the window. I sigh, "They are a happy couple. Look at them. They love each other. They should have everything. Happy people should have… happy things happen to them. I have to tell them…"

"Wait," Callie stops me right before I push open the door, "The moment you tell them they won't be happy any more. Give them a few more minutes. Let them be happy a few more minutes."

We decide to let Callie do her thing first. She gets Jamie set up in a cast and I can tell by the look on her face, let alone her words, how much pain she's in, "Oh, please tell me it's going to stop hurting soon."

"You're almost done."

"When our son's 15 and he's yelling you've never done anything for him, you can guilt him with the wrist," Ted jokes and it pushes me over the edge. I can't sit on this much longer.

Luckily, Callie finishes right after and gives me the nod of approval. I clear my throat, "Ted, Jamie, I need to talk to you… about the baby."

"Dr. Montgomery…" the husband trails off.

Tears already spring up in Jamie's eyes, "You have to say it. I won't believe it unless you say it. You have to SAY it."

"I'm so sorry. It seems as though the baby died during the fall…" I trail off as both parents burst into tears.

When Ted finally comes to, he looks up to me, "What happens now?"

"We will have to induce Jamie's labor and deliver him," I explain, "but we don't have to do it right away… If you guys need some more time…"

"No, just… just do it," Jamie caves.

I go ahead and insert the gel to get her labor started and I step out of the room before the tears could reach me again. Callie walks out behind me and takes me into a much needed hug. I sigh, "Sorry, it's just… this is the first patient I lost since―"

"It's okay," she cuts me off, "You don't have to explain. I know this is going to be tough but I'll be there every step of the way if you need."

"Thanks, Callie," I take a deep breath as my pager goes off. It's a 911 page about Noelle, "I'll be right back."

"No problem."

"Thanks… again," she smiles and I turn back around heading towards Noelle's room. I walk in on high alert, "What's going on?"

"She's hyperventilating," George says as Noelle paces across the room, "And the baby's had some bradycardia."

"Noelle," I instruct calmly as I look at the monitors, "I need you to get back into bed."

"Is Greg out there? Did he leave?" she asks, "Like really leave?"

"Noelle, take deep breaths," George tries.

Noelle just panics, "I always give him such a hard time about everything. I mean, he likes weddings, I hate them. He loves kids, they scare me to death."

"Have you had any cramping, any contractions," I ask, "anything at all?"

"I can't do this without him. We'll get past this right. I mean, we'll get past this," she says, my words flying right over her head until she clenches her stomach, "Ah!"

"All right, Noelle," I run over to her side and walk her back to the bed, "I need you to get into bed."

"What's happening?" she asks as I roll her over to her side.

She's gone into premature labor on one of the babies. I'll need to get her out now. I look to Noelle, "Stay on your left side. I need slow deep breaths."

I motion George towards the door and speak quietly not to alert Noelle anymore than she already is, "Get an OR booked. I'll call in a prep team and met you up there. We have to get this baby out now."

"Okay," he nods running towards the phone and I walk out the room signaling a prep team.

Soon after, Greg, Noelle's fiance, walks up to me concerned, "Dr. Montgomery? Can you tell me what's going on in there?"

"You left…" I sigh trying not to show my frustration, "she thinks you left!"

"Look, this is all hard to digest. My little girl…" he pauses, "she isn't even my little girl anymore."

"Noelle is in there freaking out because she thinks you left."

"Just tell me if she is okay…" he pleads, "please."

"She's gone into premature labor," I cave, "I… am about to do an emergency c-section to stop labor on the other."

"So you're delivering one of the babies right now? Today?"

"In just a few minutes."

"The boy or the girl?" he asks.

I sigh then remembering something he said, I look him in the eyes and say shortly, "Ham or eggs?"

* * *

"Okay, I've completed the incision. I'm going to ask you to move the top uterus to the side so I can reach the one underneath," I instruct.

George nods shakingly, "Okay."

"I don't want to alarm you or make you nervous in any way, 'cause you seem like a decent person, O'Malley," I pause looking at him nervously, "but I've got about 120 seconds to get baby 1 out of uterus 1 while you're holding uterus 2. And if you so much as hiccup you could rupture uterus 2 and kill this woman's child. Just try and be careful okay?"

"Okay."

"Wow," the nurse smiles as I hand her their baby boy, "Look at that."

"Amazing, huh?" I smile then I get started again, "Ready to perforate uterus 2."

"Wait, Dr. Montgomery, my baby's moving," George panics, "It's really moving, I can't hold it."

"I need you to hold her still if I'm going to do the c-section."

"I know. I'm trying. What should I do? It's really moving."

"I need you to keep her still George."

"You're sending her into distress," the nurse calls out as the monitors go off, "You have to get that baby to stop moving."

"How do I do that?"

"Talk O'Malley," a familiar voice says from behind me. When he moves towards the table, I get a better image of who it is.

"Alex…" George hisses.

I reprimand while still trying to work, "Dr. Karev move away from the table."

"Talk to it," he ignores me, "to the baby to calm it down."

"Karev."

"Talk about what?" George panics.

Alex continues talking, "October 30, 1974, it's the fight known as Rumble in the Jungle. World heavyweight champ George Foreman is pitted against Muhammad Ali. It's his first fight in 3 1/2 years out of the ring."

"It's working," George comments and I decide to let Karev at it.

He continues, "Foreman is his favorite to win. He's younger, stronger."

"Scalpel."

"But he's not prepared for what Ali later called the rope-a-dope. It all starts in the second round. He comes out swinging. Ali's backed up against the ropes."

* * *

The surgery was a success… no thanks to Dr. O'Malley but I guess I can't be that hard on him… He just wasn't ready. I am impressed by Dr. Karev though. Well, I guess I shouldn't be because he was my intern. I feel like a played a really big role in how he turned out and I was right, he would miss my service. I'm sure he's grown tired of fetching Mark's coffees and dry-cleaning. However, that's what he wanted. Therefore that's what he received.

I checked in with Callie to see how Jamie's labor is progressing and finding out that she's only 6 centimeters dilated, I make my way to Noelle's room. She's just coming out of anesthesia.

"What happened? Did everything go okay? Are my babies okay?" she wakes up alarmed.

I smile sweetly, "The surgery went very well. You have a healthy baby boy. And the labor stopped on our little girl. She's going to be just fine."

"And Greg? Has Greg come back yet?"

"No, Noelle. I'm sorry. Greg isn't here," I explain as she passes back out. I turn to George, "I want an update every half hour."

"What happened?" Noelle ask waking up again, "My babies?"

"Are just fine, Noelle," I finish, "You're just coming out of anesthesia."

"Is Greg back yet?"

"I'm sorry, Noelle, he's not here," I say as she slips away again. I turn back to George, "And be sure to alert me to any fetal distress."

"What happened?"

"Your babies are fine Noelle, everything is okay."

"Is Greg back yet?"

"I'm right here," Greg says walking into the room.

Noelle smiles wife and it makes my heart melt a little, "Hi."

"Hi. I saw our son. He's amazing. But how's our little girl?" He smiles sitting down next to her.

Feeling accomplished, I'm finally able to leave Noelle confident that she'll have a full recovery; in her romantic life and medical. Walking out of the room, I'm paged by Callie letting me know Jamie's fully dilated. I really don't want to do this but I'm so grateful to Callie. She has been my rock today. I can't believe I completely lost it in the stall today. I'm pretty embarrassed by myself. Luckily, my outburst hasn't made it around the hospital yet.

I make my way down to Jamie's room and Callie's already inside. It seems as though she's gotten started already. I grab some clean gloves and I take over for her. I nod my head, "Good, push Jamie." She sighs giving up. I try to cheer her on, "I need you to push one more time. Jamie. Ted. One more time, push." I clear the head and I do the rest myself, "We got it." I hand Jamie the dead baby and Callie gives me a supportive pat on the shoulder.

We excuse ourselves to give them some alone time and find ourselves sitting on the ground outside their room, pressed up against the wall. I can't help but bring up what I heard earlier, "So, you're sleeping with Sloan?"

"Was."

"Me too; was," I correct myself. "Which is just a hailstorm of self loathing and misery."

"Yeah."

"You want to get a drink or something?"

"Yeah."

"I am officially off the clock. I'll go get changed and meet you at Joe's?"

"It's a plan."

* * *

 **Hi, I'm sorry I've been so AWOL. I had a nasty fall and injured my right wrist and one of my fingers on my left hand so you could tell how difficult it has been to write let alone type it all up. Thank you all for your patience. I think I'm going to end this story after the next chapter, which will be intern exams, then start up a part two. Next chapter will also focus a lot on the Callison friendship and their drunken escapades. I promise you will see a lot more of Mark and mushy Meddison in the chapters to come. Until then, don't forget to check out my other stories and stay awesome!**

 **Happy readings,**

 **Kae :)**


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